Ghostbusters/Transcript

I'm gonna turn over the next card. I want you to concentrate. I want you to tell me what you think it is. Square. Good guess. But wrong. Clear your head. All right. Tell me what you think it is. Is it a star? It is a star. Very good. That's great. Okay. All right. Think hard. What is it? Circle. Close. But definitely wrong. Okay. - All right. Ready? - Yeah. All right. What is it? Come on. Figure eight. Incredible. That's 5 for 5. You can't see these, can you? - You're not cheating me, are you? - No, I swear they're just coming to me. Okay. - Nervous? - Yes. I don't like this. You only have 75 more to go, okay? What's this one? It's a couple of wavy lines. - Sorry. This isn't your lucky day. - I know. Wait... I'm getting a little tired of this! You volunteered, didn't you? We're paying, aren't we? Yeah, but I didn't know you were gonna give me electric shocks! What are you trying to prove here, anyway? I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability. The effect? I'll tell you what the effect is. It's pissing me off! Well, then maybe my theory is correct! - You can keep the 5 bucks. I've had it. - I will, mister! You may as well get used to that. It's the kind of resentment that your ability will provoke in some people. Do you think I have it, Dr. Venkman? You're no fluke, Jennifer. This is it. This is definitely it! Did those UV lenses come in for the video camera? And that blank tape, I need it, the one you erased yesterday. - Will you excuse me for a second? - Sure. I'm right in the middle of something, Ray. I need more time with this subject. Could you come back in an hour, hour and a half? Peter, at 1:40 p. M... ...at the main branch of The New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue... ...10 people witnessed a free-floating, full-torso, vaporous apparition. It blew books off shelves from 20 feet away... ...and scared the socks off some poor librarian. I'm very excited. I'm very pleased. I want you to get right down there, check it out, and get back to me. You're coming with us on this one. Spengler went down there. He took PKE valences, went right off the top of the scale. Buried the needle. We're close on this one. I can feel it. I can feel it. We're very, very close. I have to go now, Jennifer, but I'd like to work with you some more. Perhaps you could come back this evening at...? Eight o'clock? I was just going to say, "8:00?" You are a legitimate phenomenon. As a friend, I must say... ...you've finally gone around the bend on this ghost business. You guys have been meeting every schizo in the five boroughs... ...who says he has a paranormal experience. What have you seen? You forget, I was there at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration. Oh, Ray, the sponges migrated about a foot and a half. - You're here. - Yeah, what have you got? This is big, this is very big. There's definitely something here. Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. - Remember that? - That would've worked if... I'm Roger Delacorte. Are you the men from the university? Yes. I'm Dr. Venkman. Dr. Stantz. Egon. Thank you for coming. I hope we can clear this up quickly and quietly. Let's not rush things. We don't even know what you have yet. I don't remember seeing any legs... ...but it definitely had arms, because it reached out for me. Arms? I can't wait to get a look at this. Alice, I'll ask you a couple of standard questions, okay? Have you or any member of your family... ...ever been diagnosed schizophrenic, mentally incompetent? My uncle thought he was St. Jerome. I'd call that a big yes. Are you habitually using drugs, stimulants, alcohol? - No. - No, no. Just asking. Are you, Alice, menstruating right now? - What has that got to do with it? - Back off, man. I'm a scientist. Ray, it's moving. Come on. Look! - This is hot, Ray. - Symmetrical book-stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947. You're right. No human being would stack books like this. Listen! Do you smell something? Talk about telekinetic activity. Look at this mess. Raymond, look at this. Ectoplasmic residue. - Venkman, get a sample of this. - It's the real thing. Somebody blows their nose, and you wanna keep it? I'd like to analyze it. - There's more over here. - I'm getting stronger readings here. This way. Come on. Egon, your mucus. This happen to you before? First time? It's here. A full torso apparition. And it's real. So, what do we do? Could you come over here and talk to me for a second, please? Could you just come here for a second, please? Right over here. Come here, Francine. Come here. - What do we do? - I don't know. What do you think? Stop that! We've gotta make contact. One of us should try to speak to it. Good idea. Hello. I'm Peter. Where are you from? Originally. All right. Okay. The usual stuff isn't working. Okay, I have a plan. I know exactly what to do. Now, stay close. Stay close. I know. Do exactly as I say. Get ready. Ready? Get her! - Did you see it? What was it? - We'll get back to you. Wait! "Get her." That was your whole plan. Get her. - It was scientific. - I just got overexcited. But wasn't it incredible, Pete? We actually touched the etheric plane. You know what this could mean to the school? Yeah, it's gonna be bigger than the microchip. The experience wasn't wasted. According to these readings, we have an excellent chance... ...of catching and holding a ghost. This is great. If the ionization rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities... ...we could really bust some heads. In a spiritual sense, of course. Spengs, you serious about this catching a ghost? I'm always serious. Egon, I'm gonna take back some of the things I've said about you. You've earned it. The possibilities are limitless. Hey, Dean Yeager. I trust you're moving us to better quarters on campus. No, you're being moved off campus. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately. This is preposterous. I demand an explanation. Fine. This university will no longer continue... ...any funding of any kind for your group's activities. But the kids love us. Dr. Venkman, we believe the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of dodge or hustle. Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe. Your methods are sloppy, and your conclusions are highly questionable. You are a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman. I see. And you have no place in this department or in this university. This is a major disgrace. Forget MIT or Stanford now. They wouldn't touch us with a 10-meter cattle prod. You're always so concerned about your reputation. Einstein did his best stuff when he was a patent clerk. You know how much a patent clerk earns? The university gave us money. We didn't have to produce anything. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like. I've worked in the private sector. They expect results. For whatever reasons, Ray... ...call it fate, call it luck, call it karma... ...I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we were destined to get thrown out of this dump. - For what purpose? - To go into business for ourselves. This ecto-containment system Spengler and I have in mind... ...will require a load of capital. Where will we get the money? I don't know. I don't know. You're never gonna regret this, Ray. My parents left me that house. I was born there. You won't lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages nowadays. But at 19 percent? You didn't even bargain with the guy. Ray, for your information, the interest rate alone... ...for the first five years comes to 95,000 dollars. Will you guys relax? We are on the threshold of establishing... ...the indispensable defense science of the next decade: Professional paranormal investigations and eliminations. The franchise rights alone will make us rich beyond our wildest dreams. There's office space, sleeping quarters and showers... ...and there's a full kitchen. It just seems a little pricey for a unique fixer-upper opportunity, that's all. What do you think, Egon? I think this building should be condemned. There's metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members. The wiring is substandard. It's inadequate for our power needs. And the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone. Hey, does this pole still work? Wow, this place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey, we should stay here tonight, sleep here. You know, to try it out. - I think we'll take it. - Good. Hi. - Dana, it's you. - Hi. Yes, Louis, it's me. - I thought it was the drugstore. - Are you sick? No, I'm fine. I feel great. Just ordered some more vitamins and stuff. I was just exercising. I taped 20-Minute Workout and played it at high speed... ...so it took 10 minutes. Got a great workout. Want to come in for a mineral water? I'd really like to, Louis, but I have a rehearsal. Excuse me. No sweat. I'll take a rain check on that. I have plenty of low-sodium mineral water and other nutritious foods. - But you already know that. - I know that. That reminds me, I'm having a big party for all my clients. My fourth anniversary as an accountant. Even though you do your own tax return... ...stop by, since you're my neighbor. Thank you, Louis. I'll really try to stop by. You shouldn't leave your TV on so loud when you go out. The creep down the hall phoned the manager. That's strange. I didn't realize I left it on. I climbed on the ledge and tried to disconnect the cable... ...but I couldn't get in, so I turned up my TV real loud too... ...so everyone would think both our TVs had something wrong with them. Okay, so I'll see you later, huh? I'll give you a call. I gotta have a shower. Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night? Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic? Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter or ghost? If the answer is yes, pick up your phone and call the professionals. Ghostbusters. Our courteous staff is on call ...to serve your supernatural-elimination needs. We're ready to believe you. Zuul. You don't think it's too subtle? You don't think people are gonna drive down and not see the sign? You can't park that here! Everybody can relax, I found the car. Needs some suspension work and shocks... ...and brakes, brake pads, linings, steering box, transmission, rear end. - How much? - Only 4800. Maybe new rings, also mufflers, a little wiring. - Janine, any calls? - No. - Any messages? - No. - Any customers? - No, Dr. Venkman. It's a good job, isn't it? Type something, will you? We're paying for this stuff. Don't stare at me. You've got the bug eyes. Janine? Sorry about the "bug eyes" thing. I'll be in my office. You're very handy. I can tell. - I bet you like to read a lot too. - Print is dead. Oh, that's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual, but it's a fabulous way to spend time. I also play racquetball. Do you have any hobbies? I collect spores, molds and fungus. Hello? Excuse me. Is this...? This is the Ghostbusters' office. Yes, it is. Can I help you? I don't have an appointment. I'd like to talk to someone, please. I'm Peter Venkman. May I help you? Well, I don't know. What I have to say may sound a little unusual. That's all we get, day in, day out, around this place. - Come into my office, Miss... - Barrett. Dana Barrett. And this voice said, "Zuul," and then I slammed the refrigerator door and left. That was two days ago, and I haven't been back to my apartment. Generally, you don't see that behavior in a major appliance. What do you think it was? Well, if I knew what it was, I wouldn't be here. Egon, what do you think? She's telling the truth. At least she thinks she is. Well, of course I'm telling the truth. Who would make up a story like that? Some are people who just want attention. Others are nutballs who come off the street. You know what it could be? Past life experience intruding on present time. Could be a memory stored in the collective unconscious. I wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either. I'm sorry, I don't believe in any of those things. Well, that's all right. I don't either. But there are some things we do... ...standard procedures in a case like this, which often bring us results. I could check out the structural details in the building. Maybe the building has a history of psychic turbulence. Right. Good idea. I could search "Zuul" in the usual literature. - Spates Catalog. - Tobin's Spirit Guide. I'll take Miss Barrett back to her apartment and check her out. I'll go check out Miss Barrett's apartment. Okay? Okay. - Thank you. - It's okay. Please, let me. If something's gonna happen here, I want it to happen to me first. That's the closet. They hate this. I like to torture them. That's right, boys. It's Dr. Venkman! It's a lot of space. - Just you? - Yes. Good. What is that thing you're doing? It's technical. It's one of our little toys. I see. That's the bedroom. But nothing ever happened in there. What a crime. You know, you don't act like a scientist. - They're usually pretty stiff. - You're more like a game-show host. That's the kitchen, huh? - Dana, are these the eggs? - Yes. I was over there, and these eggs jumped out of their shells... ...and started to cook on the counter. - That is weird. That's when I started to hear that awful noise coming from the refrigerator. You've come all this way. Would you like to check the refrigerator? Better check the fridge. Good call. Oh, my God. Look at all the junk food. - No. Goddamn it! This wasn't... - You actually eat this stuff? This wasn't here. There was nothing here. There was a space and a building with flames coming out of it. There were creatures writhing around, and they were growling and snarling. And there were flames, and I heard a voice say, "Zuul." It was right here. I'm sorry, I'm not getting any reading. Well, are you sure you're using that thing correctly? I think so. But I'm sure there are no animals in there. Well, that's great. Either I have a monster in my kitchen, or I'm completely crazy. I don't think you're crazy. Oh, good. That makes me feel so much better. Let me tell you something about me. I come home from work to my place, and all I have is my work. There's nothing else in my life. I meet you and say, "There's someone with the same problem I have." Yes, we both have the same problem. You. I'm gonna go for broke. - I am madly in love with you. - I don't believe this. Will you please leave? And then she threw me out of her life. She thought I was a creep. She thought I was a geek, and she probably wasn't the first. You are so odd. - No. - I've got it! - No. - I'll prove myself to you. That's not necessary. - Yeah, I'll solve your little problem. - Okay. And then you'll say, "Pete Venkman's a guy who can get things done. - I wonder what makes him tick." - I wonder. "I wonder if he'd be interested in knowing what makes me tick." I'll bet you're gonna be thinking about me after I'm gone. I bet I am. No kiss? To our first customer. To our first and only customer. I'll need to draw some petty cash. I should take her out to dinner. We don't want to lose her. This magnificent feast here represents the last of the petty cash. Hey, slow down. Chew your food. Hello, Ghostbusters. Yes, of course they're serious. You do? You have? No kidding. Well, just give me the address. Yes, of course. Oh, they'll be totally discreet. Thank you. We got one! It's a call! Come on! Hey, anybody see a ghost? - Thank you for coming so quickly. - Jesus! The guests are asking questions, and I'm running out of excuses. Has it happened before? Most of the original staff knows about the 12th floor. - The disturbances, I mean. - Yeah. But it's been quiet for years up until two weeks ago. It was never, ever this bad, though. - Did you ever report it to anyone? - No. Heavens, no. The owners don't like us to even talk about it. I hope we could take care of this quietly. - It's done. - Tonight. Yes, sir. Don't worry. We handle this kind of thing all the time. What are you supposed to be, some kind of a cosmonaut? No, we're exterminators. Somebody saw a cockroach up on 12th. - That's gotta be some cockroach. - Bite your head off, man. - Going up? - I'll take the next one. It just occurred to me we haven't had a successful test of this equipment. - I blame myself. - So do I. - Well, no sense worrying about it now. - Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back. Yep. Well, let's get ready. Switch me on. What the hell are you doing? - Sorry. - I'm sorry. We thought you were someone else. Successful test. I guess so. - I think we'd better split up. - Good idea. Yeah, we can do more damage that way. Venkman? Venkman! Disgusting blob. I'm gonna have to hold him myself. Come in, Ray. Venkman! I saw it! I saw it! It's right here, Ray. It's looking at me. He's an ugly little spud, isn't he? I think he can hear you, Ray. Don't move. It won't hurt you. Venkman! Venkman! Pete! Venkman, what happened? Are you okay? He slimed me. That's great! Actual physical contact! - Can you move? - Ray. Ray! Come in, please! I feel so funky. Spengler! I'm with Venkman. He got slimed! That's great, Ray. Save some for me. Get down here, right away! It just went into a ballroom. Okay, we'll be right there. If you and your staff could please wait out here... ...we'll take care of everything. There it is. On the ceiling. That's the one that got me. All right, boys. Ready? Throw it! I did that. I did that. - That's my fault. - It's okay. The table broke the fall. There's something very important I forgot to tell you. - What? - Don't cross the streams. - Why? - It would be bad. I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"? Lmagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule... ...in your body exploding at the speed of light. Total protonic reversal. Right, that's bad. Okay, important safety tip. Thanks, Egon. All right, Ray, take the left. Egon, take the right. Okay, Ray, just give me one high and outside. Ray! Egon! Okay, all right. Hold it, hold it, hold it! Nice shooting, Tex! I assure you, there is no problem with the room. It'll be ready as soon as your guests are here. It took something out of him, but he'll move. I need some room to put the trap down. Give me some room. You'll excuse me, please. - Gotta get this in the clear. - Wait, wait, wait! I've always wanted to do this. And... - The flowers are still standing! - Okay, on my go-signal. Spengler, I want a confinement stream from you, okay? Go! Okay, hold him up there. He's gonna move. Hold him up! Go! - It's working. - Start bringing him down. You got him. Don't cross the stream. Maybe now you'll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh? Venkman, shorten your stream. I don't want my face burned off. I'm opening the trap now. Don't look directly into the trap. I looked at the trap, Ray. Turn your streams off when I close the trap. Get ready. I'm closing it. Now! It's in there. Well, that wasn't such a chore, now, was it? Mr. Smith, quickly. I want that door open now! Donald, stand over there. We came, we saw, we kicked its ass! Did you see it? What is it? We got it. What is it? Will there be any more of them? What you had there was what we refer to as a focused... ...non-terminal repeating phantasm, or a class-five full-roaming vapor. Real nasty one too. And now... ...let's talk seriously. For the entrapment, we're gonna have to ask you for four big ones, $4000. But we are having a special this week on proton charging... ...and storage of the beast. That's only gonna come to Five thousand dollars? I had no idea it'd be so much. I won't pay it. That's all right. We can just put it back. We certainly can, Dr. Venkman. No! All right! Anything. Thanks so much. Thank you. Hope we can help you again. Coming through! One class-five free-roaming vapor. Morning, I'm Roger Grimsby. Today, the entire Eastern seaboard... ...is alive with talk of incidents of paranormal activity. Alleged ghost-sightings and supernatural occurrences... ...have been reported across the entire tri-state area. Everybody has heard ghost stories around the campfire. My grandma used to spin yarns about a spectral locomotive... ...that would rocket past the farm where she grew up. But now, as if some unforeseen authority... Stand aside, please! Hi, this is Larry King. The phone-in topic, ghosts and ghostbusting. The controversy builds, more sightings are reported. Some maintain that these... ...professional paranormal eliminators in New York are the cause of it all. I got it! I got it! Pete! Ray! Still making headlines all across the country... ...the Ghostbusters are at it again, this time at the dance club... ...The Rose. The boys in gray slugged it out with a pesky poltergeist... ...then stayed to dance with the ladies who witnessed the disturbance. This is Casey Kasem. Now on with the countdown. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. No job is too big. No fee is too big. Is it just a mist, or does it have arms and legs? As they say in TV, I'm sure there's one big question... ...on everybody's mind and I imagine you are the man to answer that. How is Elvis, and have you seen him lately? Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections... ...mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance... ...spirit photography, telekinetic movement... ...full-trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis? If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say. I gotta get some sleep. I'm dying. You don't look good. - I don't? - Well, you've looked better. You didn't used to look like this. Can you hold, please? Here's the paper on the Brooklyn. She paid with Visa. Here's tonight's worksheet. Oh, great. Two more free repeaters. This is Winston Zeddmore. He's here about the job. Beautiful. You're hired. Ray Stantz, Pete Venkman. - Congratulations. - Can you help me, please? Welcome aboard. I don't know where they get these guest conductors. It's not gonna do him much good to scream at us in German. Well, I don't think that the man is competent to conduct... ...a major symphony orchestra. - Could you wait here a minute? - Sure. Dr. Venkman. This is a surprise. - That was a wonderful rehearsal. - You heard that? Yes. You're the best one in your row. Oh, thank you. You're good. Most people can't hear me with the whole orchestra playing. I don't have to take this abuse. I got hundreds of people dying to abuse me. I know. You're a big celebrity now. Do you have some information for me on my case? Who's the stiff? The stiff happens to be one of the finest musicians in the world. Do you have information for me, please? Well, sure, but I prefer to give it to you in private. - Why don't you tell me now? - Okay. I found the name Zuul for you. The name Zuul refers to a demigod worshiped around 6000 B.C. By the... What's that word? - "Hittites." - Hittites... ...the Mesopotamians and the Sumerians. "Zuul was the minion of Gozer." What's Gozer? - Gozer was very big in Sumeria. - Well, what's he doing in my icebox? I'm working on that. If we could get together Thursday night... ...I'm thinking 9-ish, you know, we could exchange information. I can't see you Thursday. I'm busy. Miss Barrett, you think there is something wrong up here that says: "He enjoys taking his evenings off and spending it with his clients." No. I'm making a special exception in your case... ...because... ...I respect you. It's corny, but I respect you as an artist. As a dresser too. This is a magnificent coordination you have going today. - See you Thursday. - I'll bring the Roylance Guide... ...and we'll eat and read. - So who the hell is that? - He's just a friend. - A friend? - An old friend. Bye! Well, I'll see you Thursday! I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you, sir. I'm glad you're feeling much better. You're still very pale, though. A little sun. - Well, what does he do? - He's a scientist. This is where we store all the vapors and entities and slimers that we trap. Very simple, really. A loaded trap here. Open, unlock the system. Insert the trap. Release. Close, lock the system. Set your entry grid. Neutronize your field. And... ...when the light is green, the trap is clean. The ghost is incarcerated here in our custom storage facility. There's a man from the EPA here to see you. He's waiting in your office. - EPA? What's he want? - I don't know. All I do know is I've been working two weeks without a break... ...and you promised me you'd hire more help. Janine, someone with your qualifications... ...would have no trouble finding a topflight job in either... ...the food service or housekeeping industries. - Are you gonna answer that? - I've quit better jobs than this. Ghostbusters! What do you want? - Can I help you? - I'm Walter Peck. I represent the Environmental Protection Agency, the third district. Great. How's it going down there? Are you Peter Venkman? Yes, I'm... ...Dr. Venkman. Exactly what are you a doctor of, Mr. Venkman? Well, I have Ph.D.'s in parapsychology and psychology. I see. And now you catch ghosts. Yeah. You could say that. And how many ghosts have you caught, Mr. Venkman? - I'm not at liberty to say. - And where do you put... ...these ghosts once you catch them? Into a storage facility. And would this storage facility be located on these premises? - Yes. - And may I see this storage facility? - No. - And why not, Mr. Venkman? Because you did not use the magic word. What is the magic word, Mr. Venkman? "Please." May I please see the storage facility, Mr. Venkman? Why do you want to see it? Well, because I'm curious. I want to know more about what you do here. There've been a lot of wild stories in the media... ...and we want to assess any possible environmental impact... ...from your operation. For instance, the presence of noxious... ...possibly hazardous waste chemicals in your basement. Now, you show me what is down there, or I come back with a court order. You go get a court order, and I'll sue your ass for wrongful prosecution! You can have it your way, Mr. Venkman. I'm worried. It's crowded in there, and my data... ...points to something big on the horizon. What do you mean, "big"? Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount... ...of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. According to this morning's sample, it would be a Twinkie... ...35 feet long, weighing approximately 600 pounds. That's a big Twinkie. We could be on the verge of a fourfold cross-rip... ...a PKE surge of incredible, even dangerous, proportions. We just had a visit from the Environmental Protection Agency. - How's the grid holding up? - Not good. Tell him about the Twinkie. What about the Twinkie? - Oh, Dana, it's you. - Hello, Louis. You gotta come in here. You're missing a classic party. Yes, well, I would, Louis, but I have a date coming over. You made a date... ...tonight? - Well, I'm sorry, Louis. I forgot. Oh, that's okay. You can bring him along. All right. Maybe we'll stop by, okay? That's great. I'll tell everybody. We're gonna play Twister, we're gonna do some breakdancing... Hey... Hey, let me in! It's Louis! Somebody, let me in! Hello? Hi, Mom. I've been busy. Well... No, everything is fine. Yeah. No, just that one time. Oh, I am. I will. I won't. Mom, I have to go. I have a date. Yes. No, no one you know. It's... Well, he's a Ghostbuster. Those guys on TV. Yes, well, I'll have to let you know. Okay. Love to Dad. Right. Bye. Bye. Oh, shit. Do you have any Excedrin or Extra Strength Tylenol? Gee, I think all I got is acetylsalicylic acid. Generic. I can get 600 tablets of that for the same price as 300 of the name brand. Makes good financial sense. Good advice. This is real smoked salmon from Nova Scotia, Canada... ...24.95 a pound. It only cost me 14. 12 after tax, though. I'm giving this as a promotional expense. That's why I invited clients instead of friends. Having a good time, Marv? How you doing? Have some Brie. It's at room temperature. You think it's too warm for Brie? Louis, I'm going home. Don't leave yet. Listen, maybe if we start dancing... ...other people will join in. Okay. Oh, don't move. I just gotta get the door. - Ted! Annette! - Hi. I'm glad you could come. Give me your coats. Everybody, this is Ted and Annette Fleming. How are you? Ted has a small carpet-cleaning business in receivership. Annette's drawing a salary from a deferred bonus from two years ago. They got 15,000 left on the house at 8 percent. So they're okay! Does anybody want to play Parcheesi? Okay, who brought the dog? Help! There's a bear loose in my apartment! Help! Help! Help! - What? - A bear in his apartment. I'm gonna bring this up at the tenants' meeting. There's not supposed to be any pets in the building. Let me in. There's gotta be a way in here. I gotta get... Somebody, let me in! Nice doggy. Cute little pooch. Maybe I got a Milk-Bone. - What happened? - Some moron brought... ...a cougar to a party, and it went berserk. Hi, I'm going up to Dana Barrett's. Okay. Hello? That's a different look for you, isn't it? Are you the Keymaster? Not that I know of. Are you the Keymaster? Yes. I'm a friend of his. He told me to meet him here. - I didn't get your name. - I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper. - What are we doing today, Zuul? - Prepare for the coming of Gozer. Gozer, huh? The Destructor. Are we still going out? You know, you could pick up the place if you're expecting someone. Do you want this body? Is this a trick question? I guess the roses worked, huh? Take me now... ...sub-creature. We never talk anymore. Easy. I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people. It's more of a guideline than a rule. You know, I can... I want you inside me. Go ahead. No, I can't. Sounds like you got at least two people in there already. Might be a little crowded. Come on, why don't you just quit trying... ...to upset and disturb Dr. Venkman and just relax. Lie down there. Relax. Put your hands on your chest. What I'd really like to do is talk to Dana. I want to talk to Dana. Dana, it's Peter. There is no Dana. There is only Zuul. Oh, Zuulie, you nut. Come on. Come on, I want to talk to Dana. Dana. Just relax. Come on. Dana. Dana. Can I talk to Dana? There is no Dana, only Zuul. What a lovely singing voice you must have. Now, I'm gonna count to three, Zuulie. And if I don't talk to Dana... ...there's gonna be some real trouble in this apartment, I think. One. Two. Two and a half. Please come down. I am the Keymaster. The Destructor is coming. The Traveler. The Destroyer. Gatekeeper. I am Vinz. Vinz Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer. Volguus Zildrohar, Lord of the Sebouillia. Are you the Gatekeeper? He pulls the wagon, I make the deals. You want a ride? Wait for the sign. Then all prisoners will be released. You will perish in flame, you and all your kind! Gatekeeper! What an asshole. - Dropping off or picking up? - Dropping off. Just a moment. - You a Ghostbuster? - Yes. We picked up this guy. We don't know what to do. Bellevue doesn't want him. I'm afraid to lock him up. I know you guys are into this stuff, so I figured we'd check. All right. Are you the Gatekeeper? You better bring him inside. You are so kind to take care of that man. You know, you are a real humanitarian. I don't think he's human. What did you say your name was? Vinz Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer. According to this, his name's Louis Tully. Lives on Central Park West. Do you want some coffee, Mr. Tully? - Do I? - Yes, have some. Yes, have some. Vinz, you said before you were waiting for a sign. - What sign are you waiting for? - Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveler came as a large Torb. Then, during the third reconciliation of the Meketrex supplicants... ...they chose a new form for him, that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted... ...in the depths of the Sloar that day, I can tell you. - Egon. - Excuse me. There's something very strange about that man. I'm usually very psychic, and I have a terrible feeling... ...that something awful is gonna happen to you. I'm afraid you're gonna die. I'll get it. - Hello? - Egon, it's Peter. - Thanks, I've got it. - I have news from the world of Gozer. - What is it, Peter? - I'm here with Dana Barrett. It seems the Goz has been putting some moves... ...on my would-be girlfriend. - How is she? I think we can get her a guest shot on Wild Kingdom. I just whacked her up with about 300 cc's of Thorazine. She's gonna take a little nap now, but she says she's the Gatekeeper. - Does that make any sense to you? - Some. I just met the Keymaster. He's here with me now. Oh, wonderful. We have to get these two together. I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous. Okay, well, hold onto him. I'll be there in a little while. Good. Thank you, Vinz. We have to find Ray. I need him here immediately. Bad news, honey, I gotta go to work. Hey, will you stay here in bed until I get back? - Hey, Ray, do you believe in God? - Never met him. Yeah, well, I do. And I love Jesus' style, you know? This roof cap is made of a magnesium-tungsten alloy. What are you so involved with there? These are blueprints for the ironwork in Dana Barrett's apartment... ...and they're very, very strange. Hey, Ray, do you remember something in the Bible about... ...the last days, when the dead would rise from the grave? I remember Revelations 7: 12. And I looked as he opened the sixth seal. And behold, there was a great earthquake. And the sun became as black as sackcloth. And the moon became as blood. And the seas boiled. And the skies fell. - Judgment day. - Judgment day. Every ancient religion has its myth about the end of the world. Myth? Ray, has it ever occurred to you... ...maybe the reason we've been so busy... ...is because the dead have been rising from the grave? - How about a little music? - Yeah. This way. Excuse me. Excuse me. Just where do you think you're going? Step aside, or you'll be arrested for interfering with the police. No. Hold on. I've seen TV. You can't come in here... ...without a warrant or a writ. Cease and Desist All Commerce order. Seizure of Premises. Ban of Public Utilities for Non-Licensed Waste Handlers... ...and a federal Entry and Inspection order. Vinz, there's one more test I'd like to perform. Egon. I tried to stop them. He says they have a warrant. - Excuse me, this is private property. - Shut this off. Shut these all off. I'm warning you. Turning off these machines is hazardous. I'll tell you hazardous. You're facing prosecution... ...for a half-a-dozen environmental violations. You shut off these beams, or we shut them off for you. Understand, this is a high-voltage laser containment system. Turning it off would be like dropping a bomb in the city. Don't patronize me. I'm not stupid, like the people you bilk. At ease, officer. I'm Peter Venkman. There's been a misunderstanding... ...and I want to cooperate in any way I can. Forget it. You had your chance to cooperate... ...but you thought it'd be more fun to insult me. Now it is my turn, wise-ass. He wants to shut down the protection grid. You shut that thing down, we won't be held responsible... - You'll be responsible. Shut it off. - No, we won't be held responsible. Don't shut it off. I'm warning you. I've never seen anything like this. I don't know... Yeah, I'm not interested in your opinion. Just shut it off. My friend, don't be a jerk. - Step aside. - Lf he does that again, you shoot him. You do your job. Don't tell me how to do mine. - Thank you, officer. - Shut it off! Oh, shit. Clear the building! This is it. This is the sign. Yeah, it's a sign, all right. We're going out of business. Hey, aim up there. - What happened? - Storage facility blew. - He shut off the protection grid. - Oh, great. - That's bad, isn't it? - Yeah. - Where's the Keymaster? - Shit. - Who's the Keymaster? - Oh, come on. Hold it. I want this man arrested. These men are in criminal violation of the Environmental Protection Act. - This explosion is a direct result of it. - Your mother! Come on, hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Columbia Building, 57th Street. I'm in a hurry, so let's not dawdle. Hey, guard! Look, I want to make a phone call. I just work with these guys. I wasn't even there. The structure of this roof cap is like the telemetry tracker... ...that NASA uses to identify dead pulsars in deep space. Cold-riveted girders with cores of pure selenium. Everybody getting this so far? So what? I guess they just don't make them like they used to. No. Nobody ever made them like this. The architect was either a certified genius or an authentic wacko. Ray, for a moment... ...pretend that I don't know anything about metallurgy... ...engineering or physics and just tell me what the hell is going on. You never studied. The whole building is a huge superconductive antenna... ...that was designed and built for the purpose... ...of pulling in and concentrating spiritual turbulence. Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse of spook central. She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers. She barks. She drools. She claws. It's not the girl, Peter, it's the building. Something terrible is about to enter our world. This building is the door. The architect's name was lvo Shandor. I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. He was also a doctor. He performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. And then, in 1920, he started a secret society. - Let me guess. Gozer worshipers. - Right. No studying. After World War I, Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. He wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof... ...bizarre rituals intended to bring about the end of the world. And now it looks like it may actually happen. We have to get out of here and find a judge or something. Hey, wait a minute. Hey, hey, hey. Hold it. Are we going to go before a judge to say... ...that a Babylonian god is gonna drop in on Central Park West... ...and start tearing up the city? - Sumerian, not Babylonian. - Yeah, big difference. - No offense... ...but I gotta get my own lawyer. Okay, Ghostbusters. The mayor wants to see you guys. The whole island's going crazy. Let's go. I gotta split. The mayor wants to rap with me about some things. - I am the Keymaster. - I am the Gatekeeper. - Back. Back. Stay back. - Stay back. Stay back. I've got a city blowing up, and you aren't giving me answers. We're blocking the bridges, the roads... The Ghostbusters are here. The Ghostbusters. Okay, the Ghostbusters. Hey, and where's this Peck? Peck. I am Walter Peck, sir, and I am prepared to make a full report. These men are consummate snowball artists. They use sense and nerve gases to induce hallucinations. People think they're seeing ghosts, and they call these bozos... ...who show up to deal with the problem... ...with a fake electronic light show. Everything was fine with our system until the power grid... ...was shut off by dickless here. - They caused an explosion. - Is this true? - Yes, it's true. This man has no dick. Hey, come on. Knock it off. Hey, break it up! - All right. - Well, that's what I heard. This is City Hall. Now, what am I gonna do here, John? What is this? All I know is that was no light show we saw this morning. I've seen every form of combustion known to man... ...but this beats the hell out of me. The walls in the 53rd Precinct were bleeding. - How do you explain that? - Good afternoon, gentlemen. Oh, Your Eminence. - How are you, Lenny? - You're looking good, Mike. We're in a real fix here. What do you think I should do? Officially, the church will not take any position... ...on the religious implications of these phenomena. Personally, Lenny... ...I think it's a sign from God. But don't quote me on that. That's a smart move, Mike. I won't call a press conference... ...and tell everyone to start praying. I'm Winston Zeddmore, Your Honor. I've only been with the company for a couple weeks. But I gotta tell you, these things are real. Since I joined these men, I have seen shit that'll turn you white. Well, you can believe Mr. Pecker. - My name is Peck. - Or you could accept the fact... ...that this city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions. - Well, what do you mean, "biblical"? - What he means is Old Testament. - Real wrath-of-God-type stuff. - Exactly. Fire and brimstone down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes. Volcanoes. - Dead rising from the grave. - Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria. Enough! I get the point. But what if you're wrong? If I'm wrong, nothing happens. We go to jail, peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it. But if I'm right... ...and we can stop this thing... Lenny, you will have saved the lives... ...of millions of registered voters. I don't believe you're seriously considering listening to these men. Get him out of here. - Bye. - I'll fix you. I'm gonna fix you. I'll get you a nice fruit basket. I'm going to miss him. All right. All right. We got work to do. Now, what do you need from me? Come on, let's run some red lights! Hello, New York. Hello, everybody! Dr. Ray Stantz, would you please? The heart of the Ghostbusters. Thank you. They love you. They love you here. - I like that shirt, friend. - Ghostbusters! All right! Gotta run. Got a date with a ghost. Okay, whatever happens, let's be professional. We might have to put a little overtime in on this one. There they are. There they are. I was in no way prepared for that. It's all right. Don't worry. We're fine. We can handle it. We can take it. They want to play rough. Ghostbusters! Ghostbusters! Ghostbusters! - Wanna play rough? - Yeah. Let's do it. Where are we? It looks like we're in the teens somewhere. Well, when we get to 20, tell me. I'm gonna throw up. - Twenty-two. Is this it? - Yep. Art deco. Very nice. - Where is it? - It's at the end of the hall. Hey, where do these stairs go? They go up. Okay, go ahead. Come on. Go ahead. Watch it. Go ahead. Dana. Okay, so she's a dog. It's a girl. - It's Gozer. - I thought Gozer was a man. - It's whatever it wants to be. - Whatever it is, it's gotta get by us. Right. Go get her, Ray! Gozer the Gozerian? Good evening. As a duly designated representative of the city... ...county and state of New York... ...I order you to cease all supernatural activity... ...and return to your place of origin... ...or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension. That ought to do it. Thanks very much, Ray. Are you a god? - No. - Then die! Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "Yes." All right. This chick is toast. - Got your stick? - Holding it. Heat them up! Smoking! - Make them hard. - Ready! Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown. Throw it! - Nimble little minx, isn't she? - We better go full stream. Aim for the flattop. Wasn't so hard. We neutronized it. You know what that means? A complete particle reversal. And we had the tools. We had the talent. It's Miller time. - Ray, this looks extraordinarily bad. - Oh, no. What? Look out! Sub-creatures. Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor... ...Volguus Zildrohar the Traveler has come. Choose and perish. What do you mean, "choose"? We don't understand. Choose. Choose the form of the Destructor. Oh, I get it. I get it. Oh, very cute. Whatever we think of. If we think of J. Edgar Hoover... ...J. Edgar Hoover will appear and destroy us, so empty your heads. Don't think of anything. We've only got one shot at this. The choice is made. The Traveler has come. Nobody choosed anything. - Did you choose anything? - No. - Did you? - My mind is blank. I didn't choose anything! I couldn't help it. It just popped in there. What? What just popped in there? - I tried to think... - Look! - No! It can't be. - What is it? - It can't be. - What did you do, Ray? Oh, shit. It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. There's something you don't see every day. I tried to think of a harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never, ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft. Nice thinking, Ray. We used to roast Stay Puft marshmallows... ...by the fire at Camp Waconda. Ray, has gone bye-bye, Egon. What have you got left? Sorry, Venkman. I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought. - Oh, no. - Mother pus bucket. Nobody steps on a church in my town. One, two, three, roast him. Funny, us going out like this. Killed by a 100-foot marshmallow man. We've been going about this wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft is a sailor. He's in New York. We get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble. I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways. We could reverse the particle flow through the gate. How? - We'll cross the streams. - Excuse me, Egon. You said crossing the streams was bad. - Cross the streams. - You're gonna endanger us. You're gonna endanger our client... ...the nice lady who paid us in advance before she became a dog. Not necessarily. There's definitely a very slim chance we'll survive. I love this plan. I'm excited to be a part of it. Let's do it. This job is definitely not worth 11,500 a year. Hurry. See you on the other side, Ray. Nice working with you, Dr. Venkman. Let's turn them on, Spengler! Now, Spengler! Get out of here! Winston. Are you all right? Venkman? Spengler! Venkman! Spengler. Oh, Spengler. Oh, are you okay? I feel like the floor of a taxicab. - Venky! - Yeah, where are you? Oh, thank God. - You okay? - I'm all right. - You all right? - I'm all right. - You all right? - Yeah. You okay? Fine. It smells like barbecued dog hair. Oh, Venkman. Oh, Venkman, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just... I just forgot. Look! Somebody turn on the lights! - Help! Somebody! - Go check on that little guy. What happened? Where am I? Oh, hi. You'll be all right. Boy, the superintendent's gonna be pissed. Are you okay? Who are you guys? We're the Ghostbusters. Who does your taxes? You know, Mr. Tully, you are a most fortunate individual. - I know. - You have been a participant in... ...the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the Tunguska blast of 1909. - Felt great. - We'd like to get a sample... ...of your brain tissue. - Okay. I love this town! Egon! What's going on? Does anybody want to interview me? I'm an eyewitness. I was up there. I want to go with them in the car.