[The title "A Muppet Family Christmas" appears as the Muppets ride in a pickup truck through the falling snow. Fozzie Bear drives next to Kermit the Frog, Gonzo and a chicken, Camilla, in the front seat. The Muppets begin singing "We Need a Little Christmas".]
MUPPETS: ♫ Haul out the holly ♫
♫ We're headed home so we can ♫
[Fozzie honks the truck's horn.]
♫ Start to celebrate ♫
♫ Fill up the stockings ♫
♫ We may be rushing things, but ♫
♫ We can hardly wait now ♫
♫ For we need a little Christmas ♫
♫ Right this very minute ♫
♫ Candles in the window ♫
♫ Carols at the spinet ♫
♫ Yes, we need a little Christmas ♫
♫ Right this very minute ♫
♫ It hasn't snowed a single flurry ♫
♫ Fozzie, we're all in a hurry ♫
FOZZIE: Guys, this is the best idea we've had in years: Christmas at my mother's farm!
KERMIT: Sounds great, Fozzie, but don't you think we should have called your mother to let her know we were coming?
FOZZIE: Oh, how little you understand bears, Kermit. My mother loves surprises!
GONZO: Good thing, she's in for a beauty.
[Animal leans in through the back window.]
ANIMAL: Surprise! Surprise!
FOZZIE: You see, I know what she is doing this very second...
[Scene transitions to Grizzly Farm.]
FOZZIE: There she is, in the old farmhouse on the snowy hill. Nice and cozy, by a roaring fire.
[Inside the farmhouse, the fireplace and rocking chair are empty.]
FOZZIE: (sigh) The Christmas decorations will be up, and Ma will be in her rocking chair, knitting, and feeling just a little sad that she's all alone for the holidays.
[The rocking chair inside the undecorated house rocks with no one in it. An elderly female bear, Ma Bear, walks in dressed in beachwear and sunglasses and holding a suitcase.]
MA BEAR: Well, the plane leaves for California in three hours! Ho-ho! Christmas in Malibu! (sigh) I'm going to lie on the beach and catch some rays! Wocka wocka!
[Scene cuts to the Muppets' truck.]
FOZZIE: Oh, this is going to be such a surprise!
MUPPETS: ♫ Haul out the holly! ♫
♫ Turn on the brightest string of ♫
[Fozzie honks the horn.]
♫ Lights we've ever seen! ♫
♫ Slice up the fruit cake! ♫
♫ It's time we hung some tinsel ♫
♫ On that evergreen bough! ♫
♫ For we need a little music! ♫
♫ Need a little laughter! ♫
♫ Need a little singing ♫
♫ Ringing through the rafter! ♫
♫ And we need a little snappy, ♫
♫ Happy ever after! ♫
♫ We neeed aaa liiittllle ♫
♫ Chriiistmaaas ♫
♫ Nooow! ♫ (cheering and laughing)
[Scene changes to Ma Bear in the farmhouse checking her bag.]
MA BEAR: (sigh) Well, I think I have everything. Yes, the airline ticket, my suntan lotion, a--
[The doorbell rings.]
MA BEAR: Come in!
[The door opens and in the doorway stands an elderly man, Doc, and his grey dog, Sprocket, from "Fraggle Rock".]
DOC: Hello! Uh, is this Grizzly Farm?
MA BEAR: Oh, you must be the renter. Come in, come in!
DOC: Yes, yes, I'm Doc. Are... Are you my landlady?
SPROCKET: (moans)
DOC: No, Sprocket, I didn't know I was renting from a bear.
SPROCKET: (moans)
[Doc and Sprocket step forward and start to slip.]
DOC & SPROCKET: (slipping)
MA BEAR: Oh, mind your step! Be careful, there's an icy patch there. (sigh) I'm just so glad there's someone going to be staying in the house while I'm gone.
DOC: Yes, w-well Sprocket and I... He's my dog, Sprocket...
SPROCKET: (pants, barks)
DOC: ...We're certainly delighted to be renting the place. We've been wanting to spend a nice, quiet Christmas in the country.
MA BEAR: You've come to the right place! Uh, put your things in the bedroom at the top of the stairs.
DOC: Thank you.
SPROCKET: Ooh! (pants)
[As Doc and Sprocket pass through, the doorbell rings again.]
MA BEAR: Now who could that be?
[Fozzie opens the door.]
FOZZIE: Ta-dah! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MA BEAR: (gasp) Son!
FOZZIE: Mom!
FOZZIE & MA BEAR: AaaAAAAaahh!
[Fozzie and Ma Bear embrace.]
FOZZIE: Oh, it's so good to see you!
MA BEAR: (stammers) Well, what the-- uh, a surprise!
FOZZIE: No, no, the real surprise is... I brought all my friends with me!
MA BEAR: What?
MUPPET: Come on, everybody!
[All the other Muppets begin storming into the house, with many of them slipping on the icy patch as they enter.]
KERMIT: Merry Christmas! (slips) Whoa!
MA BEAR: Be careful of the icy patch!
FOZZIE: Hey, hey! Aren't you glad to see us all?
MA BEAR: Well, I should say.
[Doc and Sprocket stand on the stairs as Muppets go up past them.]
DOC: (concerned) Excuse me, Mrs. Bear. Remember me? I rented this place to have a nice, quiet Christmas.
ANIMAL: Peace on Earth! Gimme present!
[Sprocket barks at Animal, scaring him away.]
DOC: Be careful, Sprocket! These could be from some foreign planet!
MA BEAR: Actually, they're from television. I recognized Fozzie's weirdo friends.
DR. TEETH: Yeah, we're proud of it, too!
SAM: Why am I here?
[Doc and Sprocket huddle kneeling on the stairs.]
DOC: Tell me, Sprocket, are these anything like these Fraggles you keep telling me about?
[Sprocket makes a comme ci, comme ça gesture with his hand. Fozzie pulls Kermit over to Ma Bear.]
FOZZIE: Come on, come on, come on! Mom, I want you to meet someone. This is my boss, my friend, my inspiration...
KERMIT: Aw...
FOZZIE: ...The one who gave me my big break into show business: Kermit.
MA BEAR: Oh, yeah. The lizard.
KERMIT: Well, frog, actually. Listen, Mrs. Bear, I know there are an awful lot of us here, so I just--
MA BEAR: Oh, don't you worry about it. There's plenty of room for everybody.
DOC: (annoyed) Excuse me! You promised me a nice, quiet Christmas!
MA BEAR: You think you're disappointed?! I just took three months of surfing lessons for zip!
[The telephone starts ringing.]
ANIMAL: Telephone! Telephone!
KERMIT: Uh, th-that's just Animal.
[Animal answers the phone.]
ANIMAL: (panting) Hello, hello, hello! Gimme present!
MISS PIGGY: (over the phone) Joyeux Noël, Kermie!
ANIMAL: Oh. Pig.
[Animal throws the receiver to the floor and walks off. Kermit picks it up.]
KERMIT: Uh-- Hello? Uh, Piggy?
[Scene changes to Miss Piggy dressed in a glamorous outfit and posing in a photo studio.]
MISS PIGGY: Kermie! My dear cher! It's you!
[Miss Piggy smiles for a photo.]
KERMIT: Uh, yes, Piggy, it's me. Hey, listen, where are you? You were supposed to come to the farmhouse with us.
MISS PIGGY: I know, Kermie, but I forgot about a teensy-weensy photo session I just scheduled. (laughs and poses for another photo)
PHOTOGRAPHER: Now give me more over the shoulder, honey. Hold it. (takes the photo as Piggy poses)
KERMIT: Well, hurry up.
MISS PIGGY: Do not worry so, my little green hunk.
poses for yet another photo)
PHOTOGRAPHER: Oh, yeah, couldn't be nicer.
MISS PIGGY: Thank you. My chauffeur, Jerome, is ready to whisk me away into your arms at the farmhouse. (poses for another photo)
PHOTOGRAPHER: Oh, beautiful, beautiful.
MISS PIGGY: I must go. I'm rather busy. See you!
KERMIT: (groan) Okay, bye.
MISS PIGGY: Kissy-kissy! Bye-bye!
poses for a photo with a leg kicked up in the air)
PHOTOGRAPHER: Now do that pouty thing!
MISS PIGGY: Oh yes! (comes up to the camera and starts making her angry face and noise)
PHOTOGRAPHER: Do that pouty thing! Oh, yes. Fabulous! (takes the picture)
[Back at the farmhouse, Ma Bear is now dressed in her normal clothes and directing guests to the second floor.]
MA BEAR: You'll find more bedrooms up the stairs.
DOC: But those are our bedrooms! We rented this place!
[The doorbell rings.]
DOC: Not more!
MA BEAR: Fozzie, get that door!
FOZZIE: Okay, Mom!
MA BEAR: Up the stairs, up the stairs.
FOZZIE: Swedish Chef!
SWEDISH CHEF: Glædelig jul! (slips on the icy patch and drops his cooking stuff) Whoa!
FOZZIE: Oh, watch out for that icy patch there.
SWEDISH CHEF: (picks up his stuff) Yah! Gigis furara de huy de dugga gubbla gubbla gubbla toorkey!
FOZZIE: Oh, you mean, you're here to cook the Christmas turkey for us!
SWEDISH CHEF: Yah, yah!
FOZZIE: Let's go to the kitchen!
[The Swedish Chef and Fozzie start singing "Good King Wenceslas" as they head to the kitchen. Gonzo looks around, wearing his signature sweater vest.]
GONZO: Now, where did my little chickie-poo Camilla get to? (the doorbell rings) Oh, I'll get it. (answers the door) Yes?
[Gonzo sees a plumage of turkey feathers in the doorway. A turkey spins around, wearing a hat and sunglasses and carrying a suitcase and tennis racket.]
TURKEY: Hi, there!
GONZO: (stammers) Y-You're a turkey!
TURKEY: Of course.
GONZO: Come on outside. We gotta talk.
[Gonzo ushers the turkey out. In the kitchen, the Swedish Chef sets things up and shows Fozzie the chickens and rats in the room.]
SWEDISH CHEF: ...and denda chicken in de kootchen?
FOZZIE: Y-Yeah, sure, there are rats and chickens here. We always have rats and chickens.
[Gonzo brings the turkey to the front porch.]
GONZO: Listen, you're in the wrong place at the wrong time! Now, take a walk, fly south for the winter, anything!
TURKEY: I was invited for Christmas by some guy who spoke Swedish!
GONZO: Oh brother.
TURKEY: Had a white chef's hat on. Sounds like a nice vacation!
GONZO: Hm-hmm, hm-hmm. Listen. That guy is a chef. Don't you realize it could be very dangerous for turkeys around here?
TURKEY: Not to worry, I'm a survivor.
[The turkey bops Gonzo's nose with his tennis racket.]
TURKEY: Now, where's my room?
GONZO: If you're not careful, it'll be in the oven.
TURKEY: So long, bucko.
[The turkey struts back inside.]
GONZO: (snidely) See you at dinner!
[In the kitchen, Kermit and Robin approaches Fozzie and the Swedish Chef.]
KERMIT: Uh, what seems to be the trouble, Fozzie?
FOZZIE: Well, well, uh, see, Kermit, the chef is a little bit angry because of all the rats and chickens in his kitchen.
KERMIT: Uh, well, how about we send them to his bedroom instead?
SWEDISH CHEF: Oh, yah! Chickie und the ratty in the bunkski bunksko!
FOZZIE: All right, let's go! Come on, head 'em out! Yeah, good thinking, Kermit!
KERMIT: Up to the bedroom! Up to the bedroom!
FOZZIE: Here we go, guys!
[The Chef, Fozzie, the rats and the chickens all leave.]
KERMIT: Another crisis solved.
ROBIN: There sure are a lot of us here.
KERMIT: Well, the whole family's starting to come together.
ROBIN: We always come together at Christmas.
KERMIT: Yeah. Life would just pass in a blur if it weren't for times like this. Hmm?
ROBIN: (singing softly) ♫ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way... ♫
KERMIT & ROBIN: ♫ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh-- ♫
[An electric guitar sounds as the Electric Mayhem band begins to play in the living room, startling the frogs. They go see what's going on and see the band playing as the rats dance to the song.]
ELECTRIC MAYHEM: ♫ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock! ♫
♫ Jingle bell swing and jingle bell ring! ♫
DR. TEETH: ♫ Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun! ♫
ELECTRIC MAYHEM: ♫ Now the jingle hop has begun! ♫
FLOYD: ♫ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock! ♫
DR. TEETH: Yeah!
FLOYD: ♫ Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time! ♫
DR. TEETH: Oh!
FLOYD: ♫ Dancin' and prancin' in jingle bell square! ♫
ANIMAL: Square!
FLOYD: ♫ In the frosty air! ♫
JANICE: ♫ What a bright time, it's the right time ♫
♫ To rock the night away! ♫
ANIMAL: Away!
[Kermit and Robin begin dancing to the song.]
JANICE: ♫ Jingle bell time is a swell time... ♫
♫ To go gliding in a one-horse sleigh! ♫
ELECTRIC MAYHEM: ♫ Giddy-up, jingle horse, pick up your feet, ♫
♫ Jingle around the clock! ♫
♫ Mix and mingle in a jingling beat... ♫
♫ That's the jingle bell rock! ♫
DR. TEETH: Go, Zoot!
[The band plays an instrumental break, with solos from Zoot on his saxophone and Lips on his trumpet.]
JANICE: ♫ Sooooo... ♫
ELECTRIC MAYHEM: ♫ Giddy-up, jingle horse, pick up your feet, ♫
♫ Jingle around the clock! ♫
[Doc is surprised to see Sprocket snapping his fingers and enjoying the music.]
ELECTRIC MAYHEM: ♫ Mix and mingle in a jingling beat... ♫
JANICE: ♫ That's the jingle bell... ♫
FLOYD: ♫ That's the jingle bell... ♫
DR. TEETH: ♫ That's the jingle bell... ♫
ELECTRIC MAYHEM: ♫ That's the jingle bell rooooooock! ♫
ANIMAL: That the jingle bell rock!
[Animal concludes the song with a drum solo.]
[The scene changes to outside Ma Bear's farmhouse. Fozzie is building a snowman, and Billy the Bear is chopping down a Christmas tree.]
BILLY THE BEAR: Timberrrrr!
[Some raccoons catch the tree as it falls and start bringing it to the front porch.]
FOZZIE: Oh, that's going to be a terrific Christmas tree. Just bring it inside, guys. Thanks.
[Rowlf the Dog runs up, holding a few Christmas presents.]
ROWLF: Yo, Fozzie, I finally made it!
FOZZIE: Hey, Rowlf! Welcome! Hey, you're late.
ROWLF: Yeah, I've been chasing a truck all the way, and boy, am I exhausted. (laughs)
FOZZIE: Oh, I get it! Truck, exhaust. That's funny!
ROWLF: Yeah, that's a dog joke.
FOZZIE: Go inside and tell Mom that!
ROWLF: Gotcha.
FOZZIE: She loves canine humor.
[The raccoons and Billy carry the tree inside the house.]
MA BEAR: Okay, boys, put it over there in the corner. Come on, Doc, let's get this holly up here.
[Rowlf runs up to the doorway.]
ROWLF: Oh, Mrs. Bear! I've been chasing the truck, and boy-- Whoa!
[Rowlf slips.]
MA BEAR: Oh, my! I guess Fozzie didn't tell you about the icy patch.
ROWLF: (gathering his presents and standing back up) Uh, yeah, I guess he didn't. Anyhow, my name's Rowlf the Dog. I've come for the holidays.
DOC: More? More people?
MA BEAR: (sighs) I'll go out and see if there's a spare pillow in the kennel.
[As she leaves, Sprocket approaches Rowlf and they begin to bark at each other...]
SPROCKET: (barks)
ROWLF: Woof, woof!
SPROCKET: (barks)
ROWLF: Yeah, bark, bark!
DOC: (chuckles) Don't you just hate it when you can't speak the language?
ROWLF: (eyes a piano) Ah-ha! Just what I was looking for! Look at this little beauty,
[Rowlf begins playing "Sleigh Ride" on the piano...]
ROWLF: Whoa-ho! Boy, is this piano out of tune! I love out-of-tune pianos. (scatting) ♫ Bump-a-doo-ba-doo! ♫
[Outside, Fozzie is working on his snowman, decked in a scarf and a porkpie hat like his...]
FOZZIE: (singing) ♫ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring, ting, tingling, too... ♫
♫ Out here it's lovely weather for a bear and a snowman like you! ♫
SNOWMAN: (comes to life) ♫ Out here the snow is falling and friends are calling, "Yoo-hoo!" ♫
FOZZIE: AaaAAAAaahh!
FOZZIE & SNOWMAN: ♫ Come on, it's lovely weather for a bear and a snowman like yoooou! ♫
FOZZIE: Hey, that's pretty good harmony for a snowman.
SNOWMAN: Actually, I'm a snew-man.
FOZZIE: What's a snew-man?
SNOWMAN: Nothin's as'new, man! What's as'new with you?
FOZZIE: Aaaaahhh!
[The rest of the forest animals all laugh at the joke.]
SNOWMAN: ♫ There's a Christmas party at the home of Fozzie Bear! ♫
FOZZIE: ♫ It'll be a perfect party with my friends all there! ♫
FOZZIE & SNOWMAN: ♫ We'll be singing the songs we love to sing without a single stop! ♫
♫ At the fireplace while we watch the chestnuts pop! ♫
PENGUINS: Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!
SNOWMAN: But seriously, Fozzie! What do you think of the weather we're having?
FOZZIE: It's so cold...
SNOWMAN: How cold is it?
FOZZIE: It's so cold that when I opened my refrigerator this morning, there was a polar bear inside trying to keep warm!
[The forest animals laugh at Fozzie's joke, and Doc and Sprocket can't help but chuckle from the porch.]
SNOWMAN: But it's always cold at Christmas!
FOZZIE: Ah, Christmas. Time for Santa Claus and his eight prancing rein-bear.
SNOWMAN: That's reindeer.
FOZZIE: No!
[Fozzie tosses snow into the air.]
FOZZIE: That's snow, darling! Aaaaaahh!
[Everyone has a good laugh at Fozzie's joke, and the forest animals join Fozzie and the Snowman in the song.]
FOZZIE & SNOWMAN: ♫ Out here the snow is falling and friends are calling, "Yoo-hoo!" ♫
PENGUINS: Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!
FOZZIE & SNOWMAN: ♫ Come on, it's lovely weather for a Christmas together with yooooooou! ♫
[Fozzie, the Snowman, and the animals all cheer and laugh. The penguins start bouncing around, whooping and cheering.]
PENGUIN: Man, you guys are the funniest comedy team in the business!
FOZZIE: Really? (turns to the snowman) Stay right where you are! Kermit!
[Fozzie runs to the house.]
FOZZIE: Kermit! Ker-- (yelps)
[Fozzie slips on the icy patch in the doorway and picks himself up off the floor.]
FOZZIE: (groans) Kermit, where are you?
KERMIT: In the kitchen, Fozzie.
FOZZIE: I got some wonderful news!
[In the kitchen, Kermit watches the rats make their way up to the bedrooms.]
FOZZIE: Kermit, let me tell you about this new act I found! Listen to this.
KERMIT: I'm listening.
FOZZIE: I was outside building a snowman--
[The telephone rings again.]
KERMIT: Just a second. (goes to answer the phone)
FOZZIE: Kermit, wait-wait-wait. See--
KERMIT: (picks up the phone) Hello. Emily Bear's residence. This is Kermit the Fro-- Oh hi, Piggy!
[We see Miss Piggy at a department store, decked in her winter clothes and speaking into the phone on the check-out stand.]
MISS PIGGY: Joex Noel, Kermie! I just wanted to tell you I have an itsy bit of Christmas shopping to do before I come out to the farmhouse.
KERMIT: But, Piggy, tonight's Christmas Eve.
MISS PIGGY: Not never you fear, dear. I shall be there soon. Ta-ta!
[Miss Piggy hangs up as a cashier places green fuzzy slippers onto the stand.]
MISS PIGGY: Oh! Green fuzzy flipper slippers! Oh, divine! Have them gift-wrapped. (laughs)
[Back at the farmhouse...]
FOZZIE: K-Kermit? Kermit, now can I tell you about my new act?
KERMIT: I'm all ears.
[Kermit hears Sprocket barking from the foyer and goes to check.]
KERMIT: Now what can that be?
FOZZIE: (to the camera) What does he mean, he's all ears? Frogs don't even have ears.
[In the foyer, Sprocket hides behind a chair as Doc protects him from the Swedish Chef and his cooking utensils.]
DOC: This is my dog Sprocket! He is not a Christmas turkey!
SWEDISH CHEF: Dis mak a gubbla gubbla fet fer nise!
DOC: I don't care if the turkey said the dog is a turkey! The dog is not the turkey! The turkey's the turkey, you turkey! (picks up the chair and walks off) Come on, Sprocket! (Sprocket follows)
SWEDISH CHEF: Dis mak a gobbla gobbla goofy-woorfy!
[As the Chef walks back into the kitchen, the Turkey comes up from behind with an agape smile and laughs.]
TURKEY: This is starting to be fun. (laughs again and spots Camilla the chicken) Whoa, speaking of fun... Hey, mama, how you doin'?
[Scooter now stands next to an old movie projector, and a screen is set up in front of it.]
SCOOTER: Hey Kermit, look what I have! It's home movies! I found this old film in the closet! It's the very first Christmas the Muppets ever spent together!
[The other Muppets take their seats in front of the movie screen.]
KERMIT: Great! I haven't seen that film in years. Turn off the lights and roll the film!
[As the lights are turned off, the screen lights up with a universal countdown leader, and then the home movie begins with Baby Piggy as a piano begins playing...]
BABY PIGGY: (holding her Kermit doll and singing) ♫ You'd better watch out! You'd better not cry! ♫
FLOYD: It's Miss Ham Hocks! When she was just a little sausage roll!
BABY KERMIT: ♫ You'd better not pout! I'm telling you why! ♫
MUPPET BABIES: ♫ Santa Claus is coming to town! ♫
BABY FOZZIE: AaaAAAaaah! ♫ He's making a list and checking it twice! ♫
MA BEAR: You were still in diapers in those days.
FOZZIE: MA!!
BABY SCOOTER: ♫ He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice! ♫
MUPPET BABIES: ♫ Santa Claus is coming to town! ♫
BABY ROWLF: ♫ He sees you when you're sleeping! He knows when you're awake! ♫
BUNSEN: Oh, look! There's Rowlf when he was a wee puppy!
ROWLF: Not so wee! I was paper trained!
BABY GONZO: ♫ He knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake! Oh... ♫
GONZO: What a handsome little devil I was! (wiggles his eyelids)
MUPPET BABIES: ♫ You'd better watch out! You'd better not cry! ♫
♫ You'd better not pout! I'm telling you why! ♫
BABY PIGGY: Why?
MUPPET BABIES: ♫ Santa Claus is coming to town! ♫
[Baby Animal rips up through wrapping paper in the video.]
JANICE: Oh, Animal!
[Footsteps are heard, and the present-day Animal rips through the projector screen.]
MUPPETS: Oh, Animal! (they whistle and applaud)
SCOOTER: (shuts off the projector) Yep, some things never change.
DOC: Oh, that was fun! Even weirdos are cute when they're babies.
[Gonzo zooms up to Doc.]
GONZO: I knew you'd learn to love us!
DOC: I didn't say that.
[Gonzo chuckles awkwardly, but then hears Camilla clucking in the foyer...]
GONZO: What's that?
[In the foyer, the Christmas Turkey is teasingly nibbling on Camilla's waddle.]
TURKEY: I tell you, Chicken Little, you're my kind of poultry!
GONZO: Camilla, what's going on here?
TURKEY: You got some drumsticks there, my fine-feathered mama.
GONZO: B-But Camilla's my girlfriend!
TURKEY: You gotta be kiddin'. You're not even a bird!
GONZO: Well, nobody's perfect.
TURKEY: (cuddling Camilla) Come on, Henny Penny, let's me and you got out to the farmyard for a little friendly scratching and squawking.
GONZO: All right, cut! That does it! (prepares to do battle) Let me at him. I'm gonna rip off his waddle!
TURKEY: (gets in a fighting position) You and what other nerds?
GONZO: Put up your wings, turkey toes!
TURKEY: Why, you're pulling my leg, hose nose!
GONZO: I'll be pulling your...your wishbone, cranberry breath!
[Gonzo and the Turkey threateningly eye each other, the formers' nose touching the latter's beak.]
TURKEY: Oh, yeah?
GONZO: Yeah.
TURKEY: Oh, yeah?!
GONZO: Yeah--
KERMIT: Hark! What do I hear?
GONZO: You hear me about to make some turkey hash!
KERMIT: No, listen! Methinks me hears carolers!
[Outside, a huge group of Muppets from "Sesame Street" approach the farmhouse, including Bert, Ernie, Cookie Monster, Sherlock Hemlock, Count von Count, the Two-Headed Monster, Prairie Dawn, Herry Monster, Grover, Biff, Sully, some Honkers, Guy Smiley, Fred the Wonder Horse, and various Anything Muppets and monsters...]
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Here we come a-caroling among the leaves so green! ♫
♫ Here we come a-wandering so fair to be seen! ♫
♫ Love and joy come to you! And to you glad tidings too! ♫
♫ And God bless you and send you a happy new year! ♫
♫ And God send you a happy new year! ♫
KERMIT: (coming out of the farmhouse with the others) It's the "Sesame Street" gang!
[The other Muppets inside applaud and cheer.]
BIG BIRD: Merry Christmas from Sesame Street!
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: Merry Christmas!
BIG BIRD: ♫ Deck the halls with boughs of holly! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la! ♫
COOKIE MONSTER: ♫ 'Tis the season to be jolly! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la! ♫
GROVER: ♫ Don we now our gay apparel! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la! ♫
KATHLEEN THE COW: ♫ Troll the ancient yuletide carol! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la! ♫
BERT: ♫ Okay, Ernie, you're next. ♫
ERNIE: ♫ See the blazing yule before us! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la! ♫
BERT: ♫ Strike the harp and join the chorus! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la! ♫
OSCAR: I will not sing this song! (shakes off some snow)
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la, la-la-la la-la-la! ♫
COUNT: ♫ While I count the yuletide treasure! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la! ♫
BIG BIRD: Your turn, Herry Monster.
HERRY MONSTER: ♫ Fast away the old year passes! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la! ♫
GUY SMILEY: ♫ Hail the new ye' lads and lasses! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la! ♫
ERNIE & BERT: ♫ Sing ye joyous all together! ♫
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: ♫ Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la! ♫
♫ Deck the halls with boughs of holly! ♫
♫ 'Tis the season to be jolly! ♫
♫ Fa-la-la-la-la! Fa-la-la-la-la! ♫
♫ Fa-la-la-la-la-la-laaaaaa... Laaaaaa... ♫
♫ Laaaaaaaaa! ♫ (chatting and laughing)
BIG BIRD: That was fun! I love carols!
KERMIT: It's nice to have everyone here. You can feel the peace of the holiday season.
[The Sesame Street Muppets then barge into the farmhouse, some of them also slipping on the icy patch.]
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: Watch out!
MA BEAR: Well, Doc, you know what this means?
DOC: Sprocket and I will have to give up our hammock in the attic, right?
MA BEAR: Either that or build bunk beds in the broom closet. (walks away)
DOC: Sprocket, go get me a hammer, will you?
ERNIE: Oh! Hi there! We're Ernie and Bert!
BERT: Yeah.
DOC: Well, hi there yourself. I'm Doc.
BERT: Did you know that "Doc" starts with the letter "D"?
DOC: Why, yes.
ERNIE: Yes! "Yes" starts with the letter "Y"!
DOC: True.
ERNIE: And "true" starts with the letter "T"!
DOC: (laughs) What is this?
BERT: Where we come from, this is small talk.
DOC: Whatever you say. Well, it's nice to meet you, but I've gotta go and build some bunk beds. (walks off)
ERNIE & BERT: Bunk beds!
ERNIE: "B" words. (laughs) Keeheeheeheeheeheehee!
BERT: (laughs) Aaaaa-a-a-a-a-a-ah!
[In the kitchen, the Swedish Chef attempts to cook the Christmas Turkey...]
TURKEY: Hey-hey-hey! No-no-no, you got me wrong. I'm a dairy cow. Moo!
SWEDISH CHEF: No no no, toobis bordie!
TURKEY: Hey, all right, okay, Iiiii'm a-- I'm a birdie, I'm a birdie! I'm a seagull, all right?
SWEDISH CHEF: No no no, gobbla gobbla! (slaps the Turkey with celery stalks)
TURKEY: Okay, all right, I admit it, I admit it! The jig is up! (sigh) Here I am, the Christmas turkey.
SWEDISH CHEF: (slapping the Turkey with a celery stalk) Ee toski schnoot!
TURKEY: Ow! Hey! Watch it there, will ya?
[The Swedish Chef begins measuring the Turkey with a ruler.]
TURKEY: Oh, yeah, I recognize it now. This is-- This is the traditional fitting, right? To see if the roasting pan is big enough for the nice fat bird?
SWEDISH CHEF: (measures the roasting pan) Yah, yah, yah! Gubbla gubbla torkey fitski witski!
TURKEY: Of course, before we go any further... (gestures the Chef to the door) There is one thing I think you should see.
SWEDISH CHEF: You mis nis dis gubbla gubbla snis?
TURKEY: If you think I'm a nice fat bird... LOOK AT THIS!
[The Swedish Chef catches a glimpse of Big Bird talking with the other Muppets in the living room as thunder booms.]
SWEDISH CHEF: (cries out) Oooh, bjork! (throws his roasting pan into the kitchen) Ders ne gubbla gubba humongo! (rubs his palms together)
TURKEY: Ain't it the truth. (chuckles)
[Oscar now has a television on, with a news report starting up...]
OSCAR: Hey, everyone, quiet down! There's a bulletin on TV!
NEWSMAN: And now for this news flash. The worst blizzard in 50 years is approaching us at a great rate. The weather service reports that barometers are falling sharply.
[Barometers fall onto the newsman.]
NEWSMAN: Oh no!
SCOOTER: (laughs and looks out the window as the sky darkens) He's right! Look at the snow!
COUNT: One snowflake! Two snowflakes! Three snowflakes...
KERMIT: But... Miss Piggy's out there in that storm.
COUNT: Four snowflakes! Five! Six...
[Kermit apprehensively looks out the window as the wind and snow start to pick up and night falls...]
[In the living room, Emily Bear stands with Fozzie as he holds a checklist...]
MA BEAR: All right, the huge canary sleeps in the attic with the cookie eater.
FOZZIE: Check.
MA BEAR: The blue monster said he'd sleep in the bathtub.
FOZZIE: Check.
MA BEAR: And Ernie and Bert will bunk out with the lizard here.
KERMIT: Uh, uh, frog. Uh, Kermit the Frog.
FOZZIE: Uh, well, what about Oscar?
OSCAR: No, I'll be nicely miserable in my trash can here.
[Rizzo climbs up onto Oscar's trash can.]
RIZZO: (grunts) Hey, maybe I could bunk out here with you.
OSCAR: Huh, I've never had a rat in my trash can before. That might be nice.
RIZZO: (chuckles)
JANICE: (holding a plate of Christmas cookies) Hey, everybody! Look what I've got! Christmas cookies!
COOKIE MONSTER: Cookie! (devouring sounds) OMMMM-nom-nom-nom-nom..
[Cookie Monster eats all the cookies off of Janice's plate.]
COOKIE MONSTER: Oh, thank you.
JANICE: Who was that strange blue creature?
ANIMAL: That my kind of fella! Ah-ha-ha-ha!
[Ernie wearing pajamas and a nightcap stands in front of a makeshift curtain as several Muppets gather around and Rowlf sits at the piano.]
ERNIE: Hey, everybody, it's time to rehearse for our Sesame Street pageant. It's called "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." Come on out, Bert.
BERT: (from behind the curtain) I won't.
ERNIE: Come on, Bert.
BERT: Ernie, please don't make me.
ERNIE: Oh, Bert, listen, everybody's waiting.
[Bert steps out from behind the curtain, crossdressed in women's night clothes, and frowns. The other Muppets all laugh.]
ERNIE: (laughs) Keeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!
BERT: Ernie, why must you always humiliate me?
ERNIE: Come on. Somebody has to play Mama, and you lost the toss.
BERT: All right, well, just get it over with.
ERNIE: "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" by Clement Moore. Hit it, Rowlf.
[Rowlf begins playing the piano accompaniment.]
ERNIE: "'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse."
Cue the mouse!
[Grover steps from behind the curtain, decked in mouse ears and holding a mixing bowl with wooden spoon.]
GROVER: I'm here! I'm here! The cute little mouse is here!
BERT: What's the bowl for?
GROVER: Oh! Uh, so that you can see that I am not stirring. Note how the hand never touches the spoon.
[The Muppet audience applauds.]
GROVER: Thank you, thank you. Mwah! Thank you, public. I was great. (steps back behind the curtain)
MA BEAR: Oh, aren't they adorable?
OSCAR: Hey, don't encourage them.
ERNIE: Now let's see, where was I? Uh... "...not even a mouse. Mama in her kerchief--" That's you, Bert.
BERT: I know, I know.
ERNIE: "And I in my cap had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter," open the curtain!
[The curtain is pulled open to reveal Elmo, Herry, and various Anything Monsters decked in antlers and carrying a sleigh cutout. The audience applauds.]
BERT: Wha, m-m-monsters as reindeer?! This is crazy. And, w-wh-where's Santa Claus?
ERNIE: Oh, don't worry, Bert. We're getting to him. "With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick."
[The Two-Headed Monster comes out, with each head wearing a Santa hat and beard. The audience laughs.]
TWO-HEADED MONSTER: Hewwo!
SAM: Is nothing sacred? (groans and puts his wing to his forehead)
BERT: Now wait a minute! Now, who let the two-headed monster be Santa Claus?
ERNIE: But Bert, he said he'd never been in a play before. I mean, they said it. Ah, both of him said it.
BERT: Ahh, just go to the big finish, will you please?
ERNIE: OK "But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight..."
TWO-HEADED MONSTER: Mewwy Cwismas to aww, and to aww a goo nigh!
SESAME STREET MUPPETS: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
ERNIE: Close the curtain!
BERT: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
[The curtains close as the Muppet audience applauds. But then Doc comes into the house, with the wind and snow picking up even more...]
DOC: Sorry to break up your fun in here, but have you folks seen the weather? There's a real storm out there!
[Ma Bear, Lips, Sam the Eagle, Simon Soundman, Beauregard, and Kermit the Frog all head to the window to see the storm.]
MA BEAR: Oh, Lordy. I haven't seen a sky like that since the blizzard of '41! I tell you, Mr. Lizard, it's a good thing all your friends are safe and warm inside the farmhouse.
KERMIT: Yeah, but... All my friends are not safe and warm.
[The telephone rings, and Kermit goes to answer it.]
DOC: Sorry to hear that. It's cold enough out there to freeze your Winnebago!
[Kermit picks up the phone.]
KERMIT: Hello?
[The scene cuts to inside a telephone booth. Miss Piggy is calling on a payphone while holding a wrapped present. The wind and snow howls outside, and car horns can be heard honking in the background, along with the sound of a car accident...]
MISS PIGGY: Hello, Kermie? I've finished my shopping. Unfortunately, Jerome got the limo stuck in the snowbank... (chuckles) So I'll just have to catch a taxi to the farmhouse.
KERMIT: Listen, Piggy, there's a terrible storm outside, and I really think it's too dangerous to travel. So why don't you wait for the storm to end before you join us?
MISS PIGGY: Nonsense. And miss Christmas eve with vous? It's just a little bit of snow. See you soon! Bye-bye!
[Miss Piggy hangs up the phone and leaves the booth, but it isn't easy with the heavy snow and wind...]
MISS PIGGY: (grunts) Yo, taxi!
[The wind blows Piggy's hat away. As she struggles to walk against the wind, the phone booth behind her is pushed back, to which is crashes off-screen. Then the wind sends a screaming Piggy flying backwards, and we hear her crash into a car off-screen.]
[Back at the farmhouse...]
KERMIT: I'm sure Miss Piggy will be all right. (gulp)
FOZZIE: Kermit, you look worried. I know exactly what you need.
[Fozzie punches Kermit's arm.]
FOZZIE: Comedy.
KERMIT: What?
FOZZIE: Yeah, come on. Now's the time for you to meet my new partner.
KERMIT: Who's your new partner?
FOZZIE: A snowman.
KERMIT: The heck you say.
FOZZIE: Yeah. Come outside. We'll do our act for you.
[Fozzie starts directing Kermit to the front door.]
KERMIT: Outside? Fozzie, it's too cold to go outside.
FOZZIE: It's not cold.
KERMIT: It is cold!
FOZZIE: It's not cold!
[The snowman comes into the house and shuts the front door.]
SNOWMAN: (shivering) Can I come in and warm up?
FOZZIE: Okay, so it's cold.
KERMIT: (stammers) I'm Kermit the Frog. You must be Fozzie's new partner.
SNOWMAN: I'll say! We're terrific!
FOZZIE: Yeah, yeah, come on. You are coming in a snowman, but you are going out a star.
[Fozzie leads the snowman into the living room...]
FOZZIE: Hey, hey, everybody, would you like to see our new act?
[But to his surprise, Statler and Waldorf are sitting on the couch!]
STATLER: We'd love to see your act!
WALDORF: In fact, we'd hate to miss your act!
STATLER: In fact, we'd love to hate your act!
STATLER & WALDORF: (laughing) Ohhh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
[The other Muppets laugh with them.]
FOZZIE: Statler? Waldorf? W-Where'd you guys come from?
MA BEAR: They're friends of mine, Fozzie. They come visit me every Christmas.
FOZZIE: (stammers) My own mother is friends with you guys?
STATLER: These two comics are made for each other.
WALDORF: Hm.
STATLER: The snowman is ice cold, and the bear's not so hot!
STATLER & WALDORF: (laughing) Dohhh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
FOZZIE: Oh, please...
WALDORF: After all, there's no business like snow business!
STATLER & WALDORF: (laughing) Dooooohhhh-ho-ho-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
FOZZIE: Come on, ignore them. Do the straight line. Here we go. (starts dancing)
SNOWMAN: Okay. Hey, Fozzie!
FOZZIE: Yes, Mr. Snowman?
SNOWMAN: Did you hear about the church that burned down?
STATLER & WALDORF: Holy smoke! (laugh) Dohhh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
[The other Muppets except Fozzie and the Snowman laugh alongside them.]
FOZZIE: (whispering) That was our best joke!
SNOWMAN: That does it, Fozzie. Forget the act. I'm starting to melt. It's too hot in here.
STATLER: Well, you know what they say.
WALDORF: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the farmhouse!
STATLER & WALDORF: (laughing)
[As they and the other Muppets laugh, Fozzie starts leading the Snowman to the back of the house...]
FOZZIE: (sigh) Come on, you'll be okay on the back porch.
[At the window, Dock, Sprocket, Kermit, and the Count are watching the blizzard from the window.]
DOC: Boy, that storm is really getting worse.
SPROCKET: (moans)
KERMIT: Yeah, I hope Miss Piggy is okay.
DOC: There is one worried frog.
COUNT: Aha! That's one! One worried frog!
ROBIN: (walks in) Ah, he's not the only one.
COUNT: That's two! Two worried frogs! Ah, ah, ah, ah!
[Thunder and lightning cracks outside as the Count walks off. Sprocket makes a confused moan.]
DOC: Search me. More small talk, I think. Hey, I'd better go out and get some firewood.
[Sprocket moans in agreement and follows Doc as Kermit and Robin watch out the window. In the kitchen, the Swedish Chef is banging his wooden spoons on some pots and pans. Big Bird enters, holding something...]
BIG BIRD: Hi, there!
[The Swedish Chef throws his spoons back, startled by Big Bird's entrance.]
BIG BIRD: Did you wish to talk to me about something, Mr. Cook, sir?
SWEDISH CHEF: (rubbing his palms) Ooooooh yah, yah, yah! (chuckles deviously while getting a meat tenderizer) Onges hurrrr dur...
BIG BIRD: Gee, nice kitchen.
[As Big Bird turns to look around, his tail feathers accidentally knock the Swedish Chef down and he crashes to the floor.]
SWEDISH CHEF: Oof! (gets back up)
BIG BIRD: Hey, are you gonna have cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes?
[As he speaks, the Swedish Chef rubs butter on one side of Big Bird.]
SWEDISH CHEF: Yah, and spurnge bir.
BIG BIRD: Oh, boy!
SWEDISH CHEF: Yange spurnge gubbla gubbla. (begins sprinkling salt onto Big Bird)
BIG BIRD: I just wanna... I just wanna to hear about the whole meal, here.
SWEDISH CHEF: Oh yah, en spur...
BIG BIRD: But first, I want to give this little present to you. (hands a small sack to the Chef)
SWEDISH CHEF: Je be whur?
BIG BIRD: It-it's chocolate-covered birdseed. I made it myself.
SWEDISH CHEF: En gish bir de bir de hor?
BIG BIRD: I wanted to give it to you because, well... I know that you're from Sweden, and it must be hard for you because...you're away from your family and loved ones during the holidays.
[The Swedish Chef nods.]
BIG BIRD: At Christmas, there are places and people and things that become...very, very special.
[The Swedish Chef lets out a soft whimper.]
BIG BIRD: (singing) ♫ Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, ♫
♫ Jack Frost nipping at your nose... ♫
SWEDISH CHEF: ♫ Ringos wurt ango smurgo go mir, ♫
♫ En splin gon yebur eskimos... ♫
BIG BIRD: ♫ Everybody knows, a turkey and some mistletoe... ♫
SWEDISH CHEF: ♫ Ye gon glin gor smer de eer... ♫
BIG BIRD: ♫ Though it's been said many times, many ways... ♫
♫ Merry Christmas... ♫
SWEDISH CHEF: ♫ Glaley eerleer... ♫
BIG BIRD & SWEDISH CHEF: ♫ Merry Christmas... ♫
♫ To you... ♫
[The Swedish Chef starts crying and dabbing his eyes and blowing his nose with a handkerchief.]
BIG BIRD: Now then, Mr. Cook, tell me... Exactly what are you going to fix for Christmas dinner?
SWEDISH CHEF: Uhhh... Eh, ooh! Oh, uh, screeber wheat crana boochos!
BIG BIRD: Shredded wheat and cranberry sauce? My absolute favorite!
SWEDISH CHEF: (preparing the meal) Yah.
[In the living room, Beauregard and Kermit look out the front window at the blizzard.]
BEAUREGARD: Oooh, going to be lots of snow for me to shovel tomorrow.
KERMIT: Oh... It's getting worse and worse out there.
BEAUREGARD: Aren't you glad you're in here all warm and toasty?
KERMIT: I just wish Miss Piggy were.
BEAUREGARD: Hm.
[In the city, the storm rages as Miss Piggy stands behind a taxi.]
MISS PIGGY: Okay! When I yell, "Three," gun it! One! Two! Three! (heaves)
[As Miss Piggy pushes against the car, its wheels squeal and splatter mud over her. Back in the farmhouse, Doc enters the kitchen with some firewood and approaches Kermit.]
DOC: You're...really worried about your friend, aren't you, Kermit?
KERMIT: Hmm? Oh, well, uh, yeah. Yeah, a little. Hm.
DOC: I'll tell you what. I'll go out looking for her.
KERMIT: Really? But... But you've never even met Miss Piggy.
DOC: Well, we... We never met any of you until a little while ago. And now we're friends.
KERMIT: Oh.
DOC: See, Sprockey and I were gonna spend Christmas alone, but this is better! Now, what's your friend look like?
KERMIT: Uh, well, uh, uh, to begin with, um... She's a pig.
DOC: Well, up to a short while ago, I would have thought that strange. I'll give it a try.
KERMIT: Gee, thanks, Doc!
[Doc opens the kitchen door and sees the snowman in the storm.]
SNOWMAN: You'll be sorry! It's cold enough to freeze your Winnebago!
[Doc exits.]
KERMIT: What a sweet guy.
ROBIN: (offscreen) Uncle Kermit!
KERMIT: Robin? Where are you?
ROBIN: In the cellar.
[Kermit approaches the cellar stairs.]
KERMIT: What are you doing down there?
ROBIN: I made a discovery.
[Kermit walks down into the dark cellar.]
KERMIT: Oh, yeah? Uh, what are-- What are you talking about?
ROBIN: Remember telling me about Fraggle holes?
KERMIT: Uh, yeah? So?
ROBIN: And how if I ever found one, that we could go into Fraggle Rock and maybe meet some Fraggles?
KERMIT: Uh, so?
[Robin walks over to a large hole in the wall, inside which is a dimly lit cavern.]
ROBIN: Is that one?
KERMIT: Ooh! Look at that. Well, it certainly looks like one. You never know where you're going to find these things.
ROBIN: Can we go in, Uncle Kermit?
KERMIT: Well, maybe...maybe just a little ways.
ROBIN: (eager sigh)
KERMIT: See if we can meet anyone.
[Kermit and Robin walk through the stalactite-covered cavern.]
KERMIT: Watch your step, Robin.
ROBIN: Gee, it's kind of scary.
KERMIT: These are beautiful caves. Ooh.
ROBIN: Hey, Uncle Kermit, wait up.
KERMIT: Huh? 'Kay.
ROBIN: (sighs) Do you think this is really Fraggle Rock?
KERMIT: Well, I dunno, but if I were a Fraggle, I think this is the kind of place I'd hang out.
[As Kermit and Robin walk, two Fraggles, Boober and Wembley, peer out from rocks further back.]
KERMIT: Wait a second.
[The Fraggles duck away.]
KERMIT: I thought I heard something.
[Kermit looks around.]
KERMIT: Guess not. Well, anyhow...
[Kermit slowly turns a corner and comes face to face with Red Fraggle.]
KERMIT & RED: (yelp)
[Kermit turns around to see Gobo Fraggle standing opposite.]
KERMIT & ROBIN: Whoa!
KERMIT: (stammers) Well, uh... Uh, hi there!
GOBO: Hi, yourself.
KERMIT: You're Fraggles.
WEMBLEY: I'll say.
RED: But you're not.
WEMBLEY: I'll say.
KERMIT: Uh, no, I-I'm Kermit. This is Robin. Uh, we're frogs.
GOBO: Uh, what's a frog?
MOKEY: (laughs) They're frogs.
WEMBLEY: I'll say.
BOOBER: Don't touch 'em! Frogs are probably noted germ carriers.
KERMIT: Uh, well, actually, we just came down here to wish you all a Merry Christmas!
BOOBER: Thank you!
MOKEY: Really? Oh, that's nice. (giggle)
WEMBLEY: Um... What's Christmas?
RED: Yeah.
ROBIN: Oh, don't you have Christmas?
WEMBLEY: Mm-mm.
RED: No.
ROBIN: Well, that's when you gather together with the people you love...and you wish each other peace on earth.
WEMBLEY: Oh!
RED: Oh, we have a time like that.
MOKEY: Yes, we do. A-As a matter of fact, we're celebrating it right now. You see, we give each other little presents.
[Mokey holds up a small stone.]
MOKEY: I'm giving Boober this nice yellow pebble.
RED: And I gave Mokey that pebble last year!
WEMBLEY: And I gave it to Red the year before that!
BOOBER: And I gave it to you, Wembley, the year before that.
WEMBLEY & BOOBER: (laugh)
GOBO: That pebble's been a gift thirty-seven times.
KERMIT: Thirty-seven times?
GOBO: Yeah!
[Upbeat music starts playing.]
GOBO & WEMBLEY: ♫ La la la la la! La la la la la! La la la la la! La la!
WEMBLEY: ♫ Ah-ah! ♫
GOBO & WEMBLEY: ♫ Pass it on! ♫
♫ When it's nice and bright and it brings delight, let your heart choose right! Gotta... ♫
WEMBLEY: ♫ Ah-ah! ♫
GOBO & WEMBLEY: ♫ Pass it on! When it feels real good, like a feeling should, when it's understood, gotta... ♫
WEMBLEY: ♫ Ah-ah! ♫
GOBO & WEMBLEY: ♫ Pass it on! ♫
RED: ♫ When you're giving love away, love will come again to stay! What you give is what you gain when you... ♫
WEMBLEY: ♫ Ah-ah! ♫
RED: ♫ Pass it on! ♫
MOKEY: ♫ When I give a gift to you, I know you're gonna give it too! That's why giving's what we do as we... ♫
WEMBLEY: ♫ Ah-ah! ♫
MOKEY: ♫ Pass it on! ♫
FRAGGLES: ♫ Pass it on! (Pass it on!) Pass it on! (Pass it on!) ♫
♫ Wish upon all the good things that you do! ♫
♫ Pass it on! (Pass it on!) Pass it on! (Pass it on!) ♫
♫ When it's gone, (When it's gone,) it will bring good luck to you! ♫
KERMIT, ROBIN & FRAGGLES: ♫ When you're giving love away, love will come again to stay! What you give is what you gain when you... ♫
WEMBLEY: ♫ Ah-ah! ♫
KERMIT, ROBIN & FRAGGLES: ♫ Pass it on! When I give a gift to you, I know you're gonna give it too! That's why giving's what we do as we... ♫
WEMBLEY: ♫ Ah-ah! ♫
KERMIT, ROBIN & FRAGGLES: ♫ Pass it on! ♫
WEMBLEY: ♫ Ah-ah! ♫
KERMIT, ROBIN & FRAGGLES: ♫ Pass it on! ♫ (cheering)
GOBO: And that's the way Fraggle presents work!
ROBIN: (chuckles) I love it!
MOKEY: Oh, Boober, I almost forgot. I want you to have this pebble. So...
[Mokey places the pebble into Boober's hand.]
MOKEY: Here.
BOOBER: Oh... Thank you, Mokey.
[Boober kisses Mokey on the cheek.]
KERMIT: Hey, hey, listen, Fraggles, this has all been great, but we gotta be going.
RED: Oh, what a shame.
WEMBLEY: I'll say.
BOOBER: No-no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Robin, before you go... I'd like you to have this pebble.
[Boober hands Robin the pebble.]
FRAGGLES: (gasp)
ROBIN: Wow!
KERMIT: Gee! Well, Merry Christmas, Fraggles!
FRAGGLES: Merry Christmas, frogs!
WEMBLEY: Bye!
[Kermit and Robin exit the Fraggle hole back in the cellar.]
ROBIN: Gosh, that was fun.
KERMIT: Yeah. Well, it's nice to be with friends at Christmas.
SCOOTER: Kermit! We hear shouting outside! It could be Miss Piggy!
KERMIT: Oh! Well, let's go!
[Upstairs, the Muppets look out the farmhouse window.]
OSCAR: Anyone see her out there?
MA BEAR: Well, at least the storm has eased up a bit.
KERMIT: Uh, uh, Chef, why don't you make some hot soup? And Mrs. Bear, would you put some extra blankets on a bed?
GONZO: Wait a minute, there she is!
KERMIT: What?
[A sled dog team pulls Miss Piggy and Doc through the snow. Doc is dressed in a red King's Guard coat and a brown ushanka-hat.]
FLOYD: Yeah, and she don't look bad! For a pig. (laughs)
[The sled pulls up to the farmhouse.]
MISS PIGGY: Merry Christmas, Kermie. Am I late?
DOC: I-I-I don't know how to explain this, Kermit, but I was searching through the snow and suddenly...there was Miss Piggy with this costume for me.
KERMIT: You don't have to explain, Doc. If there's one thing Piggy knows, it's how to make an entrance.
MISS PIGGY: ♫ Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays... 'Cause no matter how far away you roam... ♫
FOREST ANIMALS: ♫ Far away you roam... ♫
MISS PIGGY: ♫ When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze... For the holidays, you can't beat home sweet home! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ If you want to be happy in a million ways... ♫
KERMIT: ♫ For the holidays,
KERMIT & MISS PIGGY: ♫ You can't beat... ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Home sweet home... ♫
[As Kermit leads Miss Piggy into the farmhouse, they both slip on the icy patch.]
MISS PIGGY: (yelps)
MUPPETS: Careful of the icy patch! (laughing)
[Scene cuts to inside the farmhouse living room, where all the Muppets have gathered. Fozzie and Elmo plug in the Christmas lights, illuminating the tree.]
MUPPETS: (chattering) Ohh... Wow, check it!
MA BEAR: Now, Fozzie!
FOZZIE: Huh? Oh, okay, Mom! (walks up to Ma) Hey, everybody, come here! Hey, everybody! Everybody, quiet! My mother has an announcement!
MA BEAR: Thank you, Fozzie. I'd like to welcome you all here. Eh-- You are all here, aren't you?
MUPPETS: I think so, yeah.
MA BEAR: Oh, good, because I'm afraid we're running out of room. Two of you will have to sleep hung on hangers on a hook on the wall.
[Gonzo and Animal are shown dressed for bed and hanging high on coat hangers.]
GONZO: What a fabulous idea!
ANIMAL: Love hanger! Love hanger! (laughs)
FLOYD: It's the only way Animal ever sleeps, man.
MUPPETS: (laughing)
FOZZIE: See, Mom, I told you it'd be easy!
MA BEAR: They're weirdos, Fozzie.
FOZZIE: Yeah?
MA BEAR: But... They're nice weirdos.
FOZZIE: Yeah.
KERMIT: Well, everybody, it's Christmas Eve, and the tree is trimmed. So it's time for our annual carol sing. Take it, Rowlf.
[Rowlf begins to play "Happy Holiday" on the piano.]
ROWLF: ♫ Happy Holidays! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Happy Holidays! ♫
ROWLF: ♫ Happy Holidays! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Happy Holidays! ♫
PIGGY: ♫ May the calendar keep bringing happy holidays to you! ♫
BIG BIRD: ♫ Happy Holidays! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Happy Holidays! ♫
ERNIE & BERT: ♫ Happy Holidays! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Happy Holidays! ♫
FOZZIE & MA BEAR: ♫ May the merry bells keep ringing! May your every wish come true!
SCOOTER: ♫ Ding, dong, merrily on high, in Heaven the bells are ringing! Ding, dong, verily the sky is riven with angels singing! ♫
CHICKENS: ♫ Gloria! ♫
[Scene cuts to the Fraggles listening down in the cavern.]
MUPPETS: (distantly) ♫ Hosanna in excelsis! ♫
RED: What's that?
WEMBLEY: It's pretty.
GOBO: Let's go see, eh?
FRAGGLES: Yeah!
[Above, the Muppets continue singing.]
COUNT: ♫ I saw three ships come sailing in! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ On Christmas day, on Christmas day! ♫
COUNT: ♫ I saw three ships come sailing in! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ On Christmas day in the morning! And what was in those ships all three? ♫
COUNT: ♫ On Christmas day, on Christmas day! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ And what was in those ships all three on Christmas day in the morning? ♫
GONZO: ♫ Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen... When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even... ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost was cruel... When a poor man came in sight gathering winter fuel... ♫
JANICE: ♫ The holly and the ivy, when they are both full grown... ♫
FLOYD: ♫ Of all the trees that are in the wood... ♫
JANICE & FLOYD: ♫ The holly bears the crown! ♫
[The Fraggles emerge onto a Christmas display and see Gobo's Uncle Matt singing next to Doc and Sprocket.]
MUPPETS: ♫ Oh, the rising of the sun and the running of the deer! The playing of the merry organ, sweet singing in the choir! ♫
FOZZIE: ♫ I'll be home for Christmas... You can count on me... ♫
MA BEAR: ♫ You'll have snow and mistletoe and presents on the tree... ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! May the calendar keep bringing Happy Holidays to you! ♫
KERMIT: ♫ Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of yore... Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more... ♫ Piggy?
MISS PIGGY: ♫ Have yourself a merry little Christmas... Let your heart be light... ♫
KERMIT & MISS PIGGY: ♫ From now on our troubles will be out of sight... ♫
KERMIT: ♫ Through the years, we all will be together... ♫
MISS PIGGY: ♫ If the fates allow... ♫
KERMIT: ♫ Hang a shining star upon the highest bough... ♫
KERMIT & MISS PIGGY: ♫ And have yourself a merry little Christmas now... ♫
[Outside in the falling snow, the forest animals hold up lanterns and sing with the snowman.]
FOREST ANIMALS: ♫ Caroling, caroling now we go! Christmas bells are ringing! Caroling, caroling through the snow! Christmas bells are ringing! ♫
SNOWMAN: ♫ Joyous voices sweet and clear, sing the sad of heart to cheer! ♫
SNOWMAN & FOREST ANIMALS: ♫ Ding, dong, ding, dong! Christmas bells are ringing! Ding, dong, ding, dong! Christmas bells are ringing! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Caroling, caroling near and far! Following, following yonder star! ♫
BUNSEN: ♫ Mark ye well the song we sing! Gladsome tidings now we bring! ♫
BEAKER: ♫ Mee mee mee mee! ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Christmas bells are ringing! ♫
STATLER: ♫ I heard the bells on Christmas Day... Their old, familiar carols played... ♫
WALDORF: ♫ And wild and sweet the words repeat... ♫
STATLER & WALDORF: ♫ Of peace on Earth, good will to men... ♫
ROBIN: ♫ It's in every one of us... To be wise... ♫
KERMIT & ROBIN: ♫ Find your heart... Open up both your eyes... ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ We can all know everything without ever knowing why... It's in every one of us, by and by... ♫
ROBIN: ♫ It's in every one of us... ♫
KERMIT & ROBIN: ♫ By and by... ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Old friends, new friends, home with the family... We'll be together at Christmas... Snowflakes, sleigh bells, bringing back memories... We'll be together at Christmas... ♫
ROWLF: ♫ Some things change with passing years... ♫
KERMIT & MISS PIGGY: ♫ Let this feeling stay... ♫
MUPPETS: ♫ Old friends, new friends, hoping we'll always be... Here with each other, together on Christmas Day! ♫
[Scene transitions to after the singing ends, as the Muppets chatter to each other. Ma Bear and Fozzie look at the fireplace with a red and white striped stocking hanging from it.]
MA BEAR: There. Fozzie's stocking is hung by the mantel so Santa can bring him a present.
FOZZIE: Ah, Ma, this is embarrassing. I mean, I'm not a cub anymore, I'm a grown bear.
MA BEAR: Oh... Well, I'll take it down.
[Ma Bear moves toward the fireplace, but Fozzie quickly grabs her shoulder.]
FOZZIE: No, I didn't say that!
MISS PIGGY: Ah...
KERMIT: You know, Miss Piggy, I think it's time I gave you your present.
MISS PIGGY: (jumps up) Oh, really?! Oh, oh, tell me, what is it, what is it?
KERMIT: Well, your present is...
[Miss Piggy jumps up and down in anticipation.]
KERMIT: A mink.
MISS PIGGY: (shrieks) A mink!
KERMIT: A mink.
MISS PIGGY: I've always wanted it! Where is it?
[A female mink with curly blond hair approaches.]
MAURINE: Hi! I'm Maurine, the mink.
MISS PIGGY: What?!
KERMIT: She said, "Hi, I'm Maurine, the mink."
MISS PIGGY: I heard her, I heard her! Well, this is the mink? My mink?
KERMIT: Of course.
[Miss Piggy starts to look infuriated at Kermit until she hears Maurine speak.]
MAURINE: Oh, Miss Piggy, I've seen everything you've done. I'm your biggest fan. I worship the ground you walk on.
[Miss Piggy looks from Maurine to Kermit.]
MISS PIGGY: (laughs) What a wonderful present!
[Miss Piggy hugs the mink and gives a kiss.]
MAURINE: (giggles)
ROBIN: Speaking of presents, Grover... I'd like you to have this Fraggle pebble.
GROVER: (gasp) This-This Fraggle pebble here is for me? Oh, I just love Christmas.
[The front door opens and in steps Doc, dressed as Santa Claus and carrying presents.]
DOC: Ho, ho, ho!
MUPPETS: (cheering) Merry Christmas!
DOC: Merry Christmas, everyone!
MUPPETS: Merry Christmas, everyone! (singing) ♫ We wish you a merry Christmas! We wish you a merry Christmas! We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year! ♫
[In the kitchen, Sprocket stands next to Jim Henson.]
JIM HENSON: Well, they certainly seem to be having a good time out there, Sprocket.
SPROCKET: (barks)
JIM HENSON: Yeah, I like it when they have a good time. But I'll tell you what. Somebody's gotta do something about these dishes, Sprocket. Come on. I'll wash and you dry. Okay?
MUPPETS: ♫ Good tidings to you wherever you are! We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year! ♫
MISS PIGGY: Kermie. Look up, dear.
KERMIT: Uh-oh. Mistletoe.
[Miss Piggy kisses Kermit on the cheek.]
MISS PIGGY: Merry Christmas, Kermie.
KERMIT: Ah...
[Kermit likewise kisses Miss Piggy.]
KERMIT: Merry Christmas, Piggy.
[Both look out to the audience as the song ends.]
KERMIT & MISS PIGGY: Merry Christmas, everyone!
MUPPETS: Merry Christmas!
KERMIT: Merry Christmas, all...
[The title "A Muppet Family Christmas" appears as the credits roll and the scene transitions to outside the farmhouse.]