Transcript[]
Narrator: Once upon a time, there was a princess (Child actress appears) and a peasant. (Orange tabby appears)
She lived atop of hill in a glittering castle. (Max opens the curtains and straightens his master's picture.) There, she had a servant who kept her castle in order, chose her daily robes for the day, prepared her royal breakfast, and served it to her in her dreamhouse. She had fame. She had fortune. She had (clears throat) product indorsements. But she was not what she seemed. (Darla and the animals smile)
(Cuts to Kokomo, Indiana.)
On the other hand, in a humble village far away, the peasant had none of her luxuries, but he had a dream. So, with a fond farewell from his closest friends and gifts of good luck, best wishes and useless junk, although it’s the thought that counts, his world was about to clash with hers in a place called: Hollywood!
Chorus: (song: Our Time Has Come/Hollywood) ♪ Our time has come ♪ Walk in the sun ♪ Oh I’ve packed my hopes, we’re ready to roll ♪ We’re on our way, ♪ With a little faith we can, ♪ Step from the shadows and tell everyone, ♪ Turn the spotlight on, ♪ Now our time has come, ♪ Our time has come, ♪ We’re straight through the sun, ♪ Oh with our heart and soul, ♪ Watch us go, ♪ We’re on our way, ♪ With a little love we know, ♪ Nothing can stop us, ♪ So tell everyone, ♪
(song: Danny’s Arrival Song)
Danny: ♪ Since I was a little kitten, I had a dream, ♪ My name in lights: Danny the Song and Dance Cat! ♪ I got on a bus and came to the town, where dreams can come true. ♪ It’s gonna happen for me. ♪ It could happen for you. ♪
Pudge: Who me?
Danny: ♪ You can do anything if you try, ♪ The most impossible dreams can come true, ♪ If you believe it! ♪ This is my kind of town, ♪ It’s clear as the nose on your face! ♪ Wow. This is the time, ♪ This is the place. ♪ This is the time… ♪
Pudge: So long!
Sawyer: Taxi!
Danny: ♪ This must be the place! Hollywood! ♪ Where the streets are paid with gold. ♪ Where the kitties never grow old, ♪ In Hollywood! ♪ Hollywood! Where the stars don’t shine at night, ♪ They walk around in the broad daylight, In Hollywood! ♪ Dig that face, ♪ You ain’t seen nothin’ like it anyplace. ♪ It’s right up on the movie screen, ♪ If you know what I mean , ♪ Look at me, I’m gonna be the cat to see, ♪ I’m going down in history, Just watch me! ♪ Hollywood! ♪ Where the streets are paid with gold! ♪ Where dreams can never grow old, ♪ Right here in Hollywood! ♪
Danny: Hiya m’am how ya doing?
Frances: Poor.
Danny: My name’s Danny mind if I sit down? Oh excuse me.
Tillie: Cranston! Oh don’t mind him Danny. He was just leaving! (knocks Cranston aside) Hi, I’m Tillie this is Cranston. Cranston, Danny, Danny, Cranston, Frances, Danny, Danny, Frances, T.W., Danny, Danny, T.W! (Danny becomes dizzy.) So, new in town?
Danny: I just arrived. I hear Farley Wink gives good parts for animals.
Frances: If you call hanging from a hook a good part.
Tillie: Well at least it’s part huh?
T.W.: There’s no use trying, Miss Tillie. My fortune cookie last night said, "Give it up, you loser."
Frances: I need a drink.
Danny: Let’s see go to Hollywood, check.
Tillie: Whatcha got there?
Danny: Well, I was hoping if I work really hard by Friday, I’ll land my first big part. Well, that’s how it worked for you guys, right?
Frances and Cranston: Oh, sure! Right!
Cranston: Why not Thursday?
Tillie: Now Danny I hear they’re casting a big Noah’s Ark movie. Lots of work for animals. Oh your tie looks crooked, let me fix you up. Good Luck. (snort laughs)
Danny: Thanks a lot!
Farley: Look, you big ape! I need those two monkeys for another picture! Hello, what is it? You caught me at a bad time; I’m casting the ark picture! Get off the line! Yes, hello! Wink here. (Mumbles in agree as he talks through telephone.)
Danny: Mr. Wink?
Farley: Yes?!
Danny: If you have any openings for a talented cat, I’m your man.
Farley: Uh-huh.
Danny: I mean, your cat.
Farley: All right! Send over two chickens and two lions, but don’t send them over in the same car this time! Sheesh! Ok, let’s see now (starts yammering)… Burros, Camels, Caribou, Cats. Say you! Can you play a cat?
Danny: I am a cat!
Farley: How would you like to be in the next Darla Dimple picture?
Danny: (gasps) The Darla Dimple? America’s Sweetheart, Lover of Children and Animals?
Farley: One and the same, kid. One and the same. Just sign here, here, and here, and here… (yammers)
(Sawyer opens the door, looking wet and annoyed from the fountain.)
Tillie: Sawyer? What happened to you? (giggles)
T.W.: Walk under a ladder? Sm-smash a mirror?
Cranston: Have you looked in one lately? (She is not amused.)
Sawyer: No, a cat crossed my path.
Tillie: Really? Orange Tabby?
Sawyer: Yeah.
Tillie: Straw hat?
Sawyer: Yes.
Tillie: Green vest?
Sawyer: How’d you know?
Tillie: Ooh… hippo intuition. (Snort laughs)
Farley: ….. here and here and initial this.
Danny: Wow! This is a dream come true!
Farley: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But don’t forget: 10% of that dream is mine! Welcome to Hollywood!
Sawyer: Farley Wink’s Animal Actors Agency, may I help you? You need a lamb for the Moses picture?
Lamb: Yeah!
Sawyer: Oh a sacrificial lamb?
Lamb: No, no…
Sawyer: Sorry fresh out. Everyday I ask myself, "Why do I put up with this?"
Frances: For the glamour.
Sawyer: What, this pigsty? No offense, Herb.
Herb: None taken.
Sawyer: Unless you're referring to the glamour of filing. The romance of typing. Tillie, what are you doing?
Tillie: Oh, I’m just fixing you up. You'll wanna look pretty in case you meet someone nice.
Sawyer: Yeah, right. As if he’s gonna come waltzing right through that- (Slammed in her face.)
Farley: You’re gonna be fine, kid. You’re the cat’s meow. You can meow, can’t ya? (Snickers) WHERE’S SAWYER?! Ah, Sawyer, sweetie baby!
Sawyer: Whatever it is, the answer is no.
Farley: I'm in a bit of a jam.
Sawyer: (Collects her papers she dropped.) Too bad.
Farley: Can’t find a female cat for the Ark picture.
Sawyer: (Removes cigar from Farley's mouth) Tough tabby.
Farley: So guess who’s gonna fill in?
Sawyer: Hmm… you?
Farley: Nah, I only fill in for those dashing Clark Gable types.
Sawyer: Frankly, Clark, I don’t give a….
Farley: Sawyer!
Sawyer: I'm a secretary, not an actress.
Farley: Come on, I’ll give you Sundays off.
Sawyer: I never work Sundays.
Farley: I’ll pay you double time.
Sawyer: Triple time.
Farley: Triple time?!
Sawyer: Is there an echo in here?
Farley: You’re pushing me!
Sawyer: No chow, no meow.
Farley: Ok, ok, triple time! Here’s your partner he’s new in town be nice!
Sawyer: Ah, forget it!
Farley: Ah. ah, ah, a deal’s a deal. Now, get over to Mammoth Pictures! (snickers)
Danny: Wow you’re… you’re soaking wet! Is it raining outside? It was sunny when I came in. Oh let me get the door for you. Where I come from, you see clouds first, then the rain comes after it. Ha ha ha!
Sawyer: YEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!! (Glares at Danny)
Danny: Heh heh. sorry. Miss?
(Cut to: Mammoth Pictures, with rolling clouds. The gates open to the studio in all its glory, as actors, actresses, stagehands carrying props, and secretaries shuffle around on the studio lot. Danny takes a fascinated gaze at Mammoth Tower as he catches up with Sawyer.)
Turkey: Oh I’m tellin’ ya. One more plucking scene and… Pow! Right in the gizzard!
Bull: So aggravatin’ and humiliatin’. I’m outta this picture business.
Toto: There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like… home.
Danny: Guess we’re gonna be the only two cats on the ark. Pretty great huh?
Sawyer: So much for preserving the species. Hey, Kong, how’s the picture coming?!
King Kong: Oooh! Don’t get me started! Ngggh!
Danny: You know the King? Wow.
Tour Guide: And there is the billboard for Darla Dimple’s next movie Li’l Ark Angel to premiere real soon!
(Danny and Sawyer arrive at Stage 13, where the stagehands are busy preparing to film the movie.)
Stagehand 1: All right, everybody! We’re ready for Darla’s big ark!
Pudge: Hey Mister! I can help you…. push that cart for you!
Tough Guy: Hey, get lost, kid.
Pudge: I’m little, but I’m strong! (bending a straw)
Tough Guy: (dropping Pudge) Hey, get out. These sweets are for Miss Dimple. (walks away)
Pudge: Ok, you don’t have to get mad. (bumps into Danny) Oh no I’m busted.
Danny: Hey.
Pudge: Hey your that cat from this morning aren’tcha?
Danny: Yeah what are you doing here?
Pudge: Oh, that ice thing is just my side job. Name’s Peabo Pudgemeyer. But you can call me Pudge. Ooh, time to start. Don’t forget your costume.
(All the animals pass through the wardrobe room and come out, dressed in their sailor outfits.)
Script Guy: Script! Script! Script!
Danny: Meow? Is that all? Where’s the rest?
Sawyer: You’re looking at it.
Danny: But, I thought this was a musical. We’re supposed to sing and dance, aren’t we?
Frances: Oh, for the love of Moby Dick. (Danny glares at Frances.)
Sawyer: Listen, Tiger, this town has rules and around here, cats say "meow".
Danny: Oh, that’s so old hat! I’m sure nobody would mind if I jazz it up a bit.
Sawyer: Ok, learn it the hard way.
Danny: (clears throat, in a British tone) Meow. (switches to a southern tone) Meow! Dagnabbit, meow! (switches to Edward G. Robinson) Meow, see? Yeah, that’s it: Meow, meow. (Sawyer looks at him with embarrassment, as a bell rings.)
Flanigan: Quiet on the set, please. (sniffs) Quiet! Miss Dimple is ready to begin. Lights! (The lights turn on.) Camera! (Another stagehand runs the camera.) (sophisticatedly) Accctionnn. Cue the elephant.
(Woolie pokes his head through the Mammoth Pictures canvas.)
Stagehand 2: Tusk!
Stagehand 3: Tusk!
Stagehand 4: Hair.
Stagehand 2: (whispered tone) The hair, the hair! Fix the hair!
Stagehand 4: Oops, sorry.
Woolie: (trumpets twice)
(song: Little Boat on the Sea):
Darla: ♪ Now the people were oh so bad, ♪ That the lord made the rain come down. ♪ And he washed away their bad cities, ♪ and he washed away their bad towns… ♪ That all of the people drowned! ♪
Chorus: ♪ Woah….. ♪ Woah…. ♪
Darla: ♪ But for the animals it was different ♪ ’though some of them drowned too, ♪ The others were just poor animals, ♪ and they didn’t know what to do, ♪ soooo….. I built a little boat. ♪ As cute as it could be, ♪ Put all the animals two by two, ♪ in my little boat on the sea. ♪
Chorus: ♪ Little Boat on the Sea! ♪
Darla: ♪ The big cows went… ♪
Female cow: ♪ Moo. ♪
Male cow: ♪ Moo! ♪
Darla: ♪ The piggies went… ♪
Male pig: ♪ Oink. ♪
Female pig: ♪ Oink-hee. ♪
Darla: ♪ And all the little birdies went tweet-tweet-tweet in my little boat on the sea! ♪ The doggies went… ♪
Rick: ♪ Woof-woof. ♪
Lola: ♪ Bow-wow. ♪
Darla: ♪ The kitty-cat went… ♪
Sawyer: ♪ Meow. ♪
Danny: ♪ Meee-ow! ♪
Darla: ♪ The lion went… ♪
Male lion: ♪ Roar? ♪
Danny: ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow! ♪
Darla: ♪ In my little boat on the sea… ♪
Danny: ♪ Talking ‘bout the boat on the sea. Meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow on the sea… ♪
(The animal cast, Darla, the stagehands, and Flanigan look at him, surprised.)
Danny: (confused) Meow?
Darla: (furious) CUT! CUT, CUT, CUT!!!
Flanigan: Cut? Oh, uh, yes, cut.
Darla: Let me down (screams through an overhead microphone) THIS INSTANT!
Flanigan: Lower Miss Dimple! Lower her! Hurry hurry! Lower Miss Dimple!
Darla: Aaaaaah! (smack, whining)
Flanigan: Darla, Darla honey come on ooh!
Cranston: (chuckles)
Darla: (groan) Flanigan, the title of this movie is Little Ark Angel… (Flanigan chatters his teeth, as Darla yanks him down with his ascot.) Isn’t it?!
Flanigan: Yes, oh, yes!
Darla: And who here’s an angel? (breaks Flanigan’s glasses) CAN YOU TELL ME WHO HERE IS AN ANGEL?!
Flanigan: Why, you are, Darla. Sweetheart, celebrity, darling ACK! (gets choked on by Darla) Angel…
Darla: That’s right! I AM an angel!! I… AM… AN… ADORABLE LITTLE (booming) ANGEL!!!!!
Secretary 1: Bonbons will make it better, Miss Dimple.
Secretary 2: Hot fudge sundae, Miss Dimple?
Secretary 3: Your choo-choo?
Secretary 4: Your Darla doll?
Secretary 5: Your ducky?
Darla: I… HATE… ANIMALS!!! Especially that one! (points at Danny) Aaaah! Get me down from here! Flanigan!
Flanigan: Oh, dear! What a calamity!
Darla: Aaaaaaah! (shouts) MAX!!!!!!!
(Giant footsteps are heard outside.)
T.W.: Oh, no! We’re doomed! (hiding in an alligator’s mouth)
Tilly: Ooh.. Hide me! (grabs the wings of a stork)
(Danny looks around to see where the noise is coming from, until Max makes his entrance through the soundstage wall, scaring everyone. He even steps on a rubber duck and is able to catch Darla with his right hand.)
Max: (prying off Miss Dimple with his left hand) Yes, Miss Dimpool?
Darla: (breathes heavily and points at Danny madly)
(Max growls and cracks his knuckles.)
Cranston: Nice knowing you, pal.
(Danny is helpless as he sees the giant shape of the butler coming towards him. Danny falls backwards as Max picks him up. Poor Danny chokes along the way.)
Max: (speaks in a deep tone of voice) How does the kitty-cat gooooo?
Danny: Meow?
Max: Very gooooood! (drops Danny back to the floor, causing a crater in front of Sawyer) Will that be all, Miss Dimpool?
Darla: For the moment. Thank you, Max. (pats his head as Max leaves the soundstage through the hole he has made)
Secretary 2: Your curls are fine.
Secretary 3: Your nails are precious. Good-Bye Miss Dimple!
(Darla is hoisted away, as the two secretaries look at each other with worry, groaning.)
Flanigan: Ok, people from the top! And I hope there will be no more interruptions! Humph!
(Fade out)
Cranston: Come on, Frances, cue me!
Frances: So the kitty-cat went….
Cranston: Meow meow meowy meow!
Tilly: Oh now just stop that! Besides it was more like… Meow meow meowy meow meow bada dump! Danny wait. (hits Cranston) Oh… maybe one of us should talk to him.
Sawyer: Oh I’ll do it. It’s about time someone talked to him. Since he’s tip-tapped into town he’s been nothing but trouble.
Danny: Well, I guess this is gonna set me back a whole day. Nah, maybe only half a day.
Sawyer: Look, Danny, I'm sorry your feelings got hurt, but the fact is, since you...
Danny: I don't get it. What happened in there, anyway?
Sawyer: (annoyed) Oh...
Danny: Did I hit a sour note?
Sawyer: Wait...
Danny: Because if I did, I could go back in there. I could fix it.
Sawyer: Danny! Danny, they don’t care. Don't you get it? What is it with you? Why are you so determined to make a fool of yourself?
Danny: What do you mean? All I wanna do is the thing I love. Doesn't everyone?
Sawyer: It's not that simple.
Danny: It is in Kokomo.
Sawyer: Then maybe that’s where you should of stayed.
Pudge: Hey Danny…. you want some?
Danny: No thanks Pudge.
Pudge: Oh I was gonna slug that big dumb Max for you but I don’t wanna hurt the guy. So what’s that Dimple kid’s problem? I thought you were great!
Danny: Glad you liked it.
Pudge: Oh you know all that a bob doo doo dee ya aaaah!
Danny: No it’s more like… well… I’ll show you.
(piano music plays while Pudge and Danny dance)
Danny: Wait a minute. Where-where’s that music coming from?
Danny & Pudge: It’s him it’s Woolie the Mammoth! Aaaaah!
Woolie: A-ha! That’s it! B-Flat. Why, you have a natural rear for music, little fellow. Little fellow. (chortles) And, if my old eyes aren’t failing me, I’d say… you’re the fellow who caused that commotion today!
Danny: Yeah, I think I really upset Miss Dimple. (chuckles nervously)
Woolie: (threatening) Yes… you did. Jolly-good show! (laughs) Ah, tea time! Would you chaps like a cup?
Danny: Sure.
Pudge: Ok!
Woolie: Splendid! It’s a special peanut brew from India, the upper regions. (His footsteps cause his trailer to lean to the side sending Danny and Pudge rolling to one side of the trailer, with Woolie’s piano crashing into them.) Did you know that a peanut is not a nut at all? And, it’s not a pea for that matter either. (The piano moves away as Danny mutters and sees birds flying around his head. He grabs onto Woolie’s gramophone for dear life.) It’s rather odd that they call it a nut, because it isn’t a nut, you see, It’s-it’s… It’s a member of the legume family. Sugar?
Pudge: Yeah.
Woolie: (cont.) Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How about pea legume? Nope, nope, nope, nope. That wouldn’t make sense either. But, whatever it is it makes a splendid tea. My great grandmother made this recipe, with certain additions from yours truly. Oh, I forgot the cream! Would you like some cream?
Danny: No, no, no!
Pudge: Don’t go to any trouble!
Woolie: All right, all right. Suit yourselves. Suit yourselves.
Danny: That music was great, Woolie. Did you write it for some movie?
Woolie: No, it’s not for any movie. I used to hope that one day, I’d write music for the motion pictures. But, all they want me for was to put on those beastly tusks and go (trumpets loudly) at the beginning of every film.
Danny: What a waste of your talent.
Woolie: Oh, it’s the same for everyone. Look behind you. So many broken dreams.
Danny: Is that Sawyer?
Woolie: Oh… poor Sawyer. I thought she’d be the one who would make it. Such a dancer with the voice of an angel.
Danny: Who would have guessed?
Woolie: That’s what this town does to you, my boy. It wears you down.
Danny: But, I thought Hollywood was looking for new talent-
Woolie: Ah, ah, ah. Talented people, not animals. (sighs) The spotlight will never be on fellows like you and me, and it’s foolish to think otherwise, Danny. Danny?
Danny: Yeah, foolish. Unless… (plays tune on piano) We could remind them!
Woolie: Of what?
Danny: Why they came here in the first place.
Director: Okay, listen up! I only need you water buffalo for the Tarzan jungle stampede. The rest of ay’s, go home!
T.W.: Well today’s shot. Might as well go home clean.
Cranston: Oh look who’s back! I wish he had himself stuffed.
Frances: I know a divine taxidermist darling. Did my first husband.
Danny: (song: Animal Jam) Hey everyone gather around! Don’t let this old town get you down. Look at you there with the long long face.
Horse: Hey! He must be talking to you!
Danny: You take this and you take that! Come over here T.W. and put on this hat! If we all work together we can make our dreams come true! Let’s show the world what we can do. Pudge?
Pudge: Yeah! (plays drums)
Danny: (singing): I got rhythm in my feet. I got rhythm in my heart and soul. Sometimes rhythm makes me loss control! Ha cha chattity cha! I….. want everyone to have all the fun I got rhythm So do you!
Darla: Perfect! How could you possibly improve a face like this? What is that hideous racket?
Cranston: Look at them! I’m ashamed to be an animal.
Frances: Oh shut up you old nanny and show Franny what you got.
Cranston: Come on, Sawyer. Grab a partner and do-si-do.
Danny: Hey, Sawyer, why don’t you sing? I hear your a natural.
Sawyer: Who told you that?
Woolie: (trumpets)
Sawyer: Come on, Danny, this is a waste of time! You’ll never dance in the movies.
Danny: Movies? Did I say movies? No, we’re just having fun, come on.
Sawyer: Yeah, sure, forget it.
Danny: Not bad, a little rusty, but hey, who’s perfect?
Sawyer: Rusty? I’ll give you rusty!
Darla: Look at those fools. Laughable isn’t it Max? Max? Max! Grrrr….
Sawyer: Like I said dancing’s a waste of time.
Danny: What if I gave you an audition with L.B. Mammoth?
Sawyer: L.B. Mammoth? Head of Mammoth Studios.
Darla: What?
Danny: I’m sure he’d appreciate real talent.
Cranston: After nothing but Darla he’s gonna be starving for it.
Darla: Grrrrr!
Sawyer: Your dreaming Danny.
Danny: Well maybe I am. But so were you. Just a few minutes ago. (snap)
Pudge: You really think you get us an audition with the boss Danny?
Danny: Hey it’s worth a try.
Darla: An audition? Max! (snap) Invite that cat. To teeeeeeaaa…. Thanks for coming over Donald.
Danny: Danny.
Darla: Oh, Danny. Animal cracker?
Danny: Uhh…
Darla: No more for me. I just wanted to apologize for what Max did the other day. He’s so bad sometimes.
Max: Ow…
Danny: No it’s ok you don’t have to.
Darla: No no no it was terrible, awful, cruel! Inapprotilaly violent. And I want to make it all up to you.
Danny: That’s ok you don’t….
Darla: Oh I insist! Is there anything you need?
Danny: No it’s….
Darla: Isn’t there something I could do for you?
Danny: No..
Darla: Isn’t there a certain someone who owns a certain studio that I could introduce you to?
Danny: Well can you do something for me and the other animals to work with L.B. Mammoth?
Darla: Why, Dennis! I’d be delighted. (gasp!) Idea.
Max: Ping.
Darla: Maybe you could do a number in my movie?
Danny: You mean it?
Darla: It’s just what the picture needs.
Danny: I couldn’t impose.
Darla: I’ll give you full use of my sound studio, my ark and anything else you may need.
Danny: Oh thank you Miss…
Darla: Ah, ah, ah call me Darla!
Danny: Thank you Darla!
Darla: Don’t mention it. (giggles)
Danny: Sawyer can do a romantic balled and Woolie can do his piano solo.
Darla: Did you hear that Max? Woolie, the elephant, could even play his solo!
Max: Grah…..
Danny: Don’t you think that would be a good idea?
Darla: Well I think…. do you really want my advice?
Danny: Oh yes oh yes please!
Darla: Well…..
Max: (plays piano)
Darla: (song: Big and Loud part 1) I’ve seen them come and I’ve seen them go, There’s one thing that I know, You gotta give the people what they want, Or you’ll wind up back in Kokomo Nebraska!
Danny: Uhh…. Indiana, Miss Dimple.
Darla: Whatever. (singing) They like it big, They like it loud, Maybe a little bit jazzy sometimes, Mr. Pussycat listen to me, You don’t have to be good, But you had better be……
Max: Get hot, Miss Dimple.
Darla: (singing) BIG AND LOUD!! Big and loud, (trumpet plays) Gonna make your momma proud! Make it big….. and….. loud! Leaves you kinda speechless don’t it?
Danny: Thank you Darla!
Darla: Oh no, no, no it was my pleasure. You just get all your little friends at Friday at 3 and I’ll take care of L.B. and let’s leave this between us shall we? I don’t like to advertise my charitable work.
Danny: Oh right. Thanks Miss Dimple! Thanks a lot!
Darla: Your welcome Dino.
Danny: Good-Bye!
Darla: Ta-ta see you in the movies.
Operator: Publicity Department?
Darla: Is L.B.’s big meeting still Friday at 3?
Operator: Yes it is, Miss Dimple.
Darla: Oh thank-you sooooo much. Ha! (laughs evilly, song: Big and Loud part 2) I didn’t get where I am today! By letting myself get pushed around! No man or beast or kitty-cat or doggie! Is going to drag me down!
Max: (laughing evilly)
Darla: Shut up, Max. (singing) The lightning will be blasting! The thunder it will roar! They’ll never know what hit ‘em! Wait’ll they see what I have in store… BIG AND LOUD! It’s gonna be big and loud! When they fall they’ll be blindfold! And they’re gonna fall big….
Chorus: Big…..
Darla:…. and they’re gonna fall Loud!
Chorus: Loud!
Darla: They’re gonna fall big! And…….. (evil laugh)
Max: (evil laugh)
Darla: Shut up Max. Loooooouuuuuud!!
Pudge: Thunder and lightning. Check. Special effects all ready Danny!
Danny: This is the big moment everyone! Just do it like you did in the alley. Only make it big and loud this time. Don’t be nervous.
T.W.: Nervous? Why would I be ner-nervous?
Male rabbit: Give me that!
Sawyer: Well, well, well, the big ark, use of Darla’s Ark costumes. I don’t know something smells fishy.
Frances: I beg your pardon!
Sawyer: Sorry it’s just that I smell a rat!
Male rat: Excuse me?
Sawyer: Oh never mind.
Danny: So, glad you came.
Sawyer: You did this? How?
Danny: Well let’s just say a little angel’s looking out for us. Your life isn’t back there in that office. It’s here with me.
Pudge: It’s 3:00 Danny!
Danny: Come on. Dance with me.
Tilly: So….
Sawyer: I can’t do this!
Tilly: And….
Sawyer: I’m not doing this!
Tilly: So…
Sawyer: I can’t believe I’m doing this.
T.W.: Fortune says "Rough waters ahead". (shivers)
Danny: Ok everyone. When L.B. shows up we’ll come out singing and dancing!
Flanigan: Thank you all for coming here. Now here to speak now is Mr. L.B. Mammoth! Boom chachalaca boom chachalaca boom!
Reporter: Gee Whiz, Mr. Mammoth! What’s the secret to your success?
L.B. Mammoth: Simple. It’s Dimple. (blows smoke cloud into form of Darla’s face)
Flanigan: Dainty Delightful Darla Dimple!
L.B. Mammoth: Ah, the recipe for a Darla Dimple movie. Begin with one part: Adorable character in jeopardy!
(Back inside the soundstage, Darla has tied Pudge to a light bulb.)
Darla: (mocking Pudge) Sorry, penguin; but in each life, a little rain must fall. Max! Man the valve!
Max: Yes, Miss Dimple. (opens the water valve)
L.B. Mammoth: Add in two parts: Perky determination!
Darla: More water, Max! More water!
(Max opens the water valve even more, causing the shower heads to burst open.)
L.B. Mammoth: Sprinkle in an air of innocence.
Darla: Wind, Max! We must have wind!
(Max rips off the fan guard, grips one of the blades, and pushes it down, creating wind.)
L.B. Mammoth: Stir in some….
Darla: More water!
(Max rips off the water valve, sending gallons of water gushing out into the flood.)
L.B. Mammoth: Add a pinch of…
Darla: Thunder!
(Max grips a steam pipe, which starts bulging at the bottom. Two gauges and a bulb burn out, harming Pudge. The steam pipe eventually bursts, letting off steam.)
L.B. Mammoth: Add an itsy-bitsy dash of…
Darla: Lightning!! (evil laugh)
(Max slams the two lightning generators to create lightning.)
L.B. Mammoth: Mix it all together and what do you get?
(Back inside the soundstage, the flood is in full effect, as Pudge, still tried to the light bulb, drowns in the flood and Danny sees the impending chaos with terror. Mr. Mammoth presses the ‘Open’ button and sees a giant chamber of water inside the stage with Flanigan. Their gazes turn from curiosity to terror. Flanigan leaps into his boss’ arms.)
Flanigan: (panicking) Mommy!
(The two friends scream their heads off, followed by the reporters, who scream and run for their lives. Then, the massive flood spills into the open lot, engulfing Mr. Mammoth and Flanigan. Back on the ark, Danny is at the steering wheel as he tries to steer the ark, while Woolie clings onto the crow’s nest for dear life. The animal actors scream in terror as the ark does a corkscrew.)
Danny: (panicking) Throw the anchor! Somebody, throw the anchor!
(Tillie tosses the anchor that catches Flannigan and Mr. Mammoth.)
Tillie: Oh, it’s L.B.! We’re on! Pack up your troubles in the old kit bag and smile, smile, smile! (bashing T.W. and Frances together.)
Sawyer: (imitating Danny) "Your life isn’t back there in that office." He says! "Dance with me." He says. (nags at him.) You know what your problem is?! You’re pushy, self centered, pig-headed- No offense, Herb.
Herb: None taken.
(The flood approaches a Samson and Delilah movie set.)
Director: We’re pushing, we’re pushing… We’re running, we’re running!
(Danny and Sawyer are covered in Egyptian garb.)
Sawyer: And, your driving stinks!
Danny: Oh then, maybe you could do better.
Sawyer: Oh no, no you take it.
Cranston: Well this can’t get any worse. I was wrong. It’s worse.
Tilly: (gasp) Oh this is an awkward moment. We haven’t formally met. I’m Tilly. Mr. Mammoth Cranston, Cranston Mr. Mammoth, Flanigan… Aaaaaah!
Sawyer: Oh, this has gone far enough! Just give me it!
Danny: Oh no no you didn’t want it before!
Woolie: Excuse me I don’t mean to sound rude but…..
Danny & Sawyer: Will you just stay out of this?!
Woolie: Ooh, so sorry.
Female Secretary: Good day, Mr. Mammoth.
L.B. Mammoth: You animals will never…
Flanigan: Nibble kibble in this town again!
Tilly: I think they liked it.
Danny: But it wasn’t-! It wasn’t their fault.
Darla: Nice working with you, Danny. (evil laugh) Singing and dancing animals!
Sawyer: She was your little angel?
Danny: She said she wanted to help us.
Tilly: And you believed her?
Danny: No wait…
Danny: But I... Woolie, I would... I'd...
Woolie: The spotlight will never be on fellows like you and me. Go home, son. Go home.
Cranston: Goodbye, show biz. Hello, farm work.
Tillie: Well, there's always Broadway. Yeah, Broadway! I hear hippos are very very big on Broadway.
Frances: Their big everywhere darling.
T.W.: You know… this is all Danny’s fault.
Cranston: You got it brother. That toe-tapping tom!
Frances: I never trusted him. Too happy.
Tillie: Well, I have to admit, we were better off before.
Cranston: Well, let's face it. That cat ruined our already miserable lives.
Tillie: Well, he's just a... He's a crackerjack is what he is.
Cranston: She's right. You're doggone right.
T.W.: Nothing but trouble, that guy.
Frances: Horrid little being.
Cranston: Bad luck! Old happy feet better not show his face around here again.
Sawyer: (song: Tell Me Lies) ♪ I’d never believe that there was a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end, I’m much too smart! For fairy tales like that. Yet here I am again, I thought this time, this time, we’re gonna make it, why I thought so I really don’t know, maybe something in his eyes just told me so, something in his eyes, tell me lies, and I’ll come running, I must have lost my mind! I could close my eyes, and tell you just exactly what’s coming, life’s gonna turn just a little unkind, seems like everyone’s sailing, way out on the sea, and I’m stuck here on shore, sun’s always shining, but it’s never on me, why should I try anymore? Tell me lies, tell me lies, I’ll just keep right on coming, this time I’ve got to believe in his dream, this time I’ve got to believe in his dream… ♪
Tilly: (leans back on diner)
Sawyer: Tilly!
Tilly: You know you can still catch him at the bus stop.
Sawyer: Danny, wait!
Bus driver: So I guess it’s just you and me tonight, buddy. Hey, did you hear about that disaster down at Mammoth Pictures? Oh, boy! What were those animals thinking? I mean, what a bunch of noodle-heads. No offense you know. I'm not calling you a noodle-head. It's just that they don't belong in pictures, do you know what I mean. They belong back on the farm. Look at them out there. Poor fools. They ain't got no future. What am I telling you for? You're heading home. You're not trying to be something you ain't. You're leaving this mess all behind. You know your place. I mean, I know my place, you know. It's here driving this bus. You know, you don't see me....
Danny: Stop the bus!
Bus driver: Geez! What do you wanna stop for? We just barely got started!
Danny: Exactly. See you in the movies!
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen all the stars are here for the premiere of Little Ark Angel. With Cary Grant, Joan Crawford, W.C. Fields, Clark Gable, and L.B. Mammoth!
L.B. Mammoth: Carry on!
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, how about a big hand for Darla Dimple! America’s Sweetheart Lover of Children and Animals. Darla Dimple’s handprints are enshrined. Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re going to gather inside the theatre in just a moment to see Little Ark Angel starring Darla Dimple!
Frances: Oh excuse me.
Cranston: Move!
Tilly: Excuse me…
Woolie: Could I just squeeze past? Ooh, so sorry.
Danny: They’re in! The minute the movie ends, we start.
Darla: (in movie) Yea, as you walk. Fear not for I’m your little ark angel. And I shall look after every teensy-weensy one of you.
Crowd: Awww…
Cranston: Shoot me.
Darla: (in movie) You shall all be alright after my majestic voice sings you a lullaby to soothe your fears.
Danny: It’s almost time! I’ll go hit the lights.
Pudge: Check!
Darla: (in movie) I shall help all poor helpless animals my furryed and feathered friends. It’s been said it’s going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights! Uh-oh here comes a big fat raincloud!
Pudge: Danny... Look behind you, Danny. Danny...!
Max: Here, kitty kitty kitty! Nice kitty! Kitty! (evil laugh) Huh?
Danny: How does the kitty cat go?
Max: M-m-meow?
Danny: VERY GOOD! (He pulls the rope, and the sharp angles of the roof of the theater pop the balloon, sending Max to the skies.)
Pudge: Danny! The movie’s over everybody’s leaving! Wow, your a mess.
Darla: Do you really love me?
Danny: Wait! Please everyone t-t-take your seats! (coughs) Today we’ve come to honor Miss Darla Dimple. And since Darla Dimple cares she’s planned a special treat for you. A new reality show with an all animal cast!
Darla: (gasp) H-h-have I?
Danny: Oh, don’t be too modest. Your the one who wanted us to preform for L.B. Mammoth! But not enough for America’s Sweetheart Lover of Children and Animals!
Darla: (growls) M-M-Max?
Danny: Don’t share the credit and I wouldn’t dream of preforming without my fr… (notices they aren’t there) I-I
Darla: Silly cat. Run along now. Skit-skat Mr. Kitty-Cat. Isn’t he cute? Run along and play Mr. Kitty!
Danny: Sawyer?
Sawyer: We’re all behind you Danny. 100% Don’t let them go Tilly!
Tilly: I got ‘em!
Frances: Release me, you mad hippo!
Danny: Just listen.
Cranston: I’ll chew your ears off!
Danny: Cranston!
T.W.: The end is near! The fat lady sung!
Danny: Ok if your willing to accept what they think of you then you can go! I almost did. Don’t you have that feeling? When you two dance? When you sing. When you play. They haven’t left you down. Have they?
T.W.: "They can smash your cookie, but you’ll always have your fortune".
Danny: Come on. Let’s show them what we can do.
Tilly: Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!
Darla: Well…. (yawns) It’s kind of getting more or less rather late!
Danny: You couldn’t be more right! Hit it Pudge!
Pudge: (plays saxophone)
Danny: (song: Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now) ♪ Excuse me ladies and gentlemen if you could be so kind, ♪
Darla: Humph!
Danny: ♪ Someone really special here is about to speak her mind ♪
Sawyer: ♪ I gotta song to sing, You don’t like my song I’m gonna sing it anyway, I gotta dream in my heart, Yeah! Nothing’s Gonna Stop us now! ♪
Danny & Sawyer: ♪ Take 4 and 20 blackbirds and bake 'em in a pie, Before you put 'em in the oven, you know they’re gonna fly! ♪
Danny: ♪ They say curiosity killed the cat, I’m livin' proof that that’s a lie….. ♪
Danny & Sawyer: ♪ Now I’m gonna tell you why! Yeah! Nothing’s gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us now! Nothing’s gonna stop us now! ♪
Sawyer: ♪ And If I wanna dance I’ll dance… ♪
Danny: ♪ She’ll dance! ♪
Sawyer: ♪ Just as long as the law will allow, Dance and sing all night long, Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now! Yeah nothing’s gonna stop us now, Nothing’s gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us Yeah! ♪
T.W.: ♪ Look for me where there’s the smell of danger, The smell of danger is my middle name, I’ve been very quiet but I’ve got alot to say, believe me… ♪
Frances & Cranston: ♪ You ain’t going with us then stay out of our way! ♪
Tilly: ♪ Oh! Been knocked down, cut down, locked down, shut down, held down, fell down every time! Push back, push back, dig out a contract! When you got yours you musta got mine! Nothing's gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us now! ♪
Sawyer: ♪ I gotta feeling inside! Oooooooh! And it’s love! Without a doubt! ♪
Danny: ♪ Oh, I got someone I’m crazy about!! ♪
Danny & Sawyer: ♪ Nothings gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us now! ♪
All: ♪ Nothing’s gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us now! Nothing’s gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us, Nothing’s gonna stop us now…. ♪
Sawyer: ♪ Yeahhh………… Yeah yeah yeah yeah! ♪
Darla: I’m the star! You stupid, stupid cat! I SHOULD HAVE DROWNED YOU ALL WHEN I FLOODED THE STAGE! (Echoes) Max!!
Max: Oui, Miss Dimpool?
Pudge: Put ‘er there! (electrocutes T.W.)
Sawyer: Let’s see.. go to premiere. Check. Land a big part. Check. Get the girl? Check.
Flanigan: Sweethearts, celebrities, darlings!
L.B. Mammoth: Get a picture, boys. These kids will be making history!
THE END!