DESPICABLE ME 2
Written by
Cinco Paul & Ken Daurio
Chapter 01[]
EXT: ARCTIC CIRCLE - DAY
Snow and ice as far as the eye can see. What looks like a windowless MILITARY BASE surrounded by barbed wire fences sits in the middle of the wasteland.
TITLE CARD: TOP SECRET RESEARCH LABORATORY. ARCTIC CIRCLE.
At the GUARD GATE, two RUSSIAN GUARDS play poker using an overturned barrel as a table.
Russian Guard 1 shows a five of diamonds... and four Aces. The other Guard folds. Russian Guard 1 LAUGHS and drags in the pile of coins.
While he SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN and does a celebratory dance, the coins fly up into the air. Russian Guard 1 stops dancing and sees that the coins are gone. He accuses the other Guard of stealing them. Russian Guard 2 swears he didn't take them.
Russian Guard 1 grabs a shovel and wields it menacingly, until it flies up into the air. They both look up to see where it's gone. Then the metal barrel they were using as a table flies up, knocking them over.
Russian Guard 2 looks up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNET SHIP LOWERING DOWN FROM ABOVE AND HOVERING OVER THE LABORATORY.
A watchtower guard shouts. A door below opens as a bunch of Guards run out and point their guns at the magnet ship. Then...WOOSH! All of their guns are pulled up towards the ship, including the guards themselves, who are strapped to their guns.
A SNOWMOBILE lifts off the ground and flies up to the magnet. Other vehicles and small buildings begin to pull away from the ground.
Then--
THE ENTIRE LAB STARTS TO GET PULLED UP OUT OF THE GROUND.
CLANK! The lab makes contact with the ship. It flies up and down, shaking the scientists and guards off. They fall to the ground. The magnet ship flies away with their lab, vehicles, and weapons.
The remaining guards and scientists are strewn across the snow with the remnants of the damaged base. We see a porta- potty door open. A Confused Guard is sitting on the can reading a newspaper, having missed the entire incident. He closes the door.
MATCH CUT TO:
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 2.
INT: AVL HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
SECURITY FOOTAGE of the research station named PX LABS being carried away by the magnet ship plays on the screens at AVL Headquarters.
We see the back of several heads watching the footage.
There's a heavy sigh.
SILAS
Three weeks and we're still no
closer to cracking this?
No response.
SILAS (CONT'D)
Right... bring him in.
LUCY (O.S.)
Yes, sir.
Chapter 2[]
EXT: SUBURBAN STREET - DAY
Gru steps toward camera, holding some sort of menacing gun, which he loads and cocks. He pulls the trigger, which shoots out an inflatable unicorn balloon.
Smiling, he ties it to the windowsill next to some others.
EXT: GRU'S BACKYARD - DAY
A banner reads: "Happy Birthday Agnes!" and a massive backyard party is in full swing. The yard is decorated with pink balloons and streamers, and a BOUNCY HOUSE shaped like a castle.
AGNES and several other LITTLE GIRLS slide down a slide. They are all dressed as princesses, but Agnes is dressed as a princess riding a unicorn.
AGNES
This is the best party EVER!!!
Edith, dressed as a ninja, emerges from beneath a table and climbs across the monkey bars as a series of jousts, blades, and boxing gloves come up from the ground underneath her. She jumps down, narrowly avoiding a bear trap.
EDITH
Haha! Yeah!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 3.
Two LITTLE GIRLS fish in a small kiddie pool. One of the
girls pulls up a toy duck and then razzes the other girl, but
then a LIVE PIRANHA jumps out and eats the toy duck.
A BOY and a GIRL sword fight. The Boy does a bunch of fancy moves. The Girl waits for him to finish and then bonks him on the head with a club. He takes a few seconds, and then runs off wailing.
Two kids in the background are on a see-saw made of bombs. Agnes runs into the middle of the yard and points offscreen.
AGNES
Oh no! A dragon is approaching!
All of the kids turn and see KYLE dressed as a dragon. He GRUMBLES and then they SCREAM and huddle around Agnes. Then Margo enters wearing a SUIT OF ARMOR and wielding a SWORD.
MARGO
Fear not, for here come the gallant
knights to save us!
She gestures to a group of minions wearing tiny suits of armor and wielding various MEDIEVAL WEAPONS. The Kids CHEER as the minions charge toward Kyle. One accidentally hits another with his sword. A fight ensues in which they use the medieval weapons on each other.
One minion pounds another with a MACE. One Minion wanders off from the fight with his helmet on backwards, wildly swinging his mace.
Across the yard, Gru is busy grilling burgers and talking on the phone. Not happy.
GRU
No, no, no! What do you mean she's
not coming?! I have a backyard
full of these little girls who are
counting on a visit from a fairy
princess!
The mace-swinging Minion walks by and accidently, repeatedly hits Gru with the mace in the shin.
GRU (CONT'D)
Ah! Hurts! Ah! Stop it!
Gru kicks the minion's helmet and chases him off with a spatula, sending him towards the party swinging his mace. Gru SIGHS and returns to the call.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 4.
GRU (CONT'D)
Listen! I don't want a refund! I
want a fairy princess... please!
Please, I am begging you.
(Resigned)
You know what? I hope that you can
sleep at night, you crusher of
little girls' dreams!!!
Gru hits the phone with his spatula and hangs up. Turns and sees Agnes standing there.
AGNES
Ooh ooh! When's the Fairy Princess
coming?
Gru stares down at Agnes' big excited eyes. He opens his mouth to tell her the truth, but can't do it.
GRU
Any minute now!
Agnes squeals with excitement and runs off.
AGNES
Yayyy!
Gru looks worried--what do I do now? He signals two minions.
GRU
Stall them.
EXT: BACKYARD - LATER
A hand-painted piece of cardboard reading "THE MAGIC SHOW" is placed on an easel. Agnes and all of the little kids sit in a semicircle on the grass. Two minions dressed as magicians are doing a magic act with Edith as their assistant. One minion blows up a balloon and puts it in Edith's mouth. Then the other whips out a CHAINSAW and fires it up, heading toward her.
Margo sees this and quickly intervenes.
MARGO
Whoa! Whoa! Okay, okay, alright.
That's enough of the magic show!
The minions don't hide their disappointment.
MINIONS
Awwww.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 5.
Margo suddenly looks around as if she just heard something.
MARGO
Wait, did you hear that? It
sounded like the twinkling sounds
of magical fairy dust.
AGNES
(gasps)
It's the fairy princess! She's
coming!
Margo gasps and points up to the sky.
MARGO
Look!
Edith spits out her magic balloon in horror and we follow it up to reveal--
Gru. Dressed in a PUFFY PINK DRESS, fairy wings, glittery eyelashes and tiara and magical wand.
Up on top of Gru's house, the minions struggle to lower him down on a rope. Edith's balloon floats by and distracts them.
They let go of the rope and Gru swings wildly, smashing into the wall of the house and crashing to the ground.
GRU
Aaaaaahh!
He stands up and tries to cover.
Agnes SIGHS HAPPILY, in awe of the fairy princess.
GRU (CONT'D)
(in falsetto)
It is I, Gru...zinkerbell! The
most magical fairy princess of all!
And I am here to wish Princess
Agnes a very happy birthday!
Gru sprinkles the girls with glitter and they continue to stare, frozen. Then a LITTLE GIRL raises her hand and speaks with a lisp.
LITTLE GIRL
How come you're so fat?
Gru grits his teeth, then forces a smile and speaks with a high-pitched, dreamy voice.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 6.
GRU
Because my house is made of candy
and sometimes I eat instead of
facing my problems.
While Gru says this, he hits the girl with his wand 6 times. The girl starts to ask another question.
LITTLE GIRL
How come you have-
Gru cuts her off with a puff of fairy dust to the face. She COUGHS.
GRU
Okay! Time for cake!
As the kids run to the table, Agnes approaches Gru.
AGNES
Thank you, Gru-zinkerbell. You're
the best fairy princess ever!
Gru smiles.
GRU
(in falsetto)
You are welcome, little girl.
She runs off, but quickly returns.
AGNES
(whispers in his ear)
I know it's really you, Gru. I'm
just pretending for the other kids.
She runs off again to join her friends. Gru watches her go. Couldn't be happier. Then he is approached by JILLIAN, a heavily-Botoxed mom.
JILLIAN
Hey there, Gru, Mr. Life of the
Party!
GRU
(forcing a smile)
Hello, Jillian.
JILLIAN
Sooooo, I'm gonna go out on a limb
here, but my friend Natalie is
recently single, and...
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 7.
In the background, a homely NATALIE leans against a buffet
table and seductively raises her eyebrows at Gru. The table
collapses to the ground beneath her.
GRU
(realizes what's going on)
No, no, no, get off of the limb
right now. No limb.
JILLIAN
Oh, come on...she's a riot. She
sings karaoke, she has a lot of
free time, looks aren't that
important to her...
In the background, Natalie inadvertently walks in front of a bottle pitch game, is struck by a ball, and falls to the ground.
GRU
No, Jill's, that is not happening.
Seriously. I'm fine.
JILLIAN
(calling after Gru)
Okay, fine. Forget Natalie. How
about my cousin Linda?
Gru walks off, passing by Edith and Margo.
GRU
No.
JILLIAN
Oh, oh! I know someone whose
husband just died!
SPLASH! Suddenly Jillian is sprayed in the face with water.
Reveal Gru holding a HOSE with a SPRAY NOZZLE.
GRU
I'm sorry. I did not see you
there.
SPLASH! He sprays her again. She falls down.
GRU (CONT'D)
Or there.
He drops the hose and walks away, CHUCKLING softly.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 8.
Chapter 3[]
EXT: GRU'S HOUSE - DUSK
Gru takes Kyle out to the front yard.
CAMERA POV
A camera with nightvision is watching them. The screen analyzes Kyle and a readout comes out as "SPECIES: UNKNOWN." Kyle sniffs Gru's flowers.
GRU
Kyle... Kyle!
Then it analyzes Gru and the readout says "TARGET ACQUIRED."
GRU (CONT'D)
Ky--Kyle! No, do not do your
business on the petunias!
Kyle lifts up his leg next to Gru's flowers.
He picks Kyle up and places him next to his neighbor's bush.
GRU (CONT'D)
There you go. Those are Fred's.
Go crazy.
Kyle does and the bush immediately withers and dies. Gru CHUCKLES.
GRU (CONT'D)
Good boy.
VOICE (O.S.)
Mr. Gru?
Gru turns and sees Lucy Wilde standing there.
GRU
Wha? I didn't... What... Yes?
LUCY
(holds up her badge)
Hi! Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL.
(realizes her badge is
upside down)
Oh. Whoops.
(clears her throat, all
business)
Sorry, you're gonna have to come
with me.
GRU
Oh, sorry, I--Freeze Ray!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 9.
Gru whips out his FREEZE RAY and fires it. A WALL OF ICE
heads for Lucy.
But before it gets to her, Lucy pulls out a retractable gun from her purse, which acts as a FLAMETHROWER. Melting the ice.
LUCY
You know you really should announce
your weapons after you fire them,
Mr. Gru. For example--
She pulls out a LIPSTICK. Fires it at Gru. The tip flies through the air and connects with his chest, latching on. ZZZZZAPPP! It tases him, which sends his body flailing in different funny poses before passing out.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Lipstick Taser! Oh, it works so
good.
EXT: STREET - LATER
Lucy tries to drag Gru to her car, but he's too heavy.
LUCY
Man. Ugh. Large...person.
She gets an idea.
Lucy gets into her car. In the background, we see Gru begin to come to, but he is struck by Lucy's car as she pulls back and is knocked out again.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Oh...sorry!
Closer now, Lucy gets out and stuffs his body into the trunk.
Just then Tom and Stuart come out of Gru's garage and see their boss being loaded in. Lucy struggles to close the trunk.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Get...in...there...you...big...man!
SLAM! Lucy finally slams the trunk then quickly gets into the vehicle.
Tom and Stuart exchange horrified looks.
TOM AND STUART
Boss!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 10.
They take off running after the car as it pulls away, running
as fast as their tiny legs will carry them. They get right
behind it and Tom LEAPS up onto the trunk. He reaches his
hand out to Stuart, who is falling behind.
TOM
Koom ey lah!
STUART
Koom ey lah! Koom ey lah!
Stuart leaps for the bumper and Tom catches him by his overall straps. Tom holds on tight as Stuart dangles from the back of the car, his overall straps stretching way out.
STUART (CONT'D)
Aaaaaaiiieeeaaaiiieeeaaaah!
As Lucy turns a corner, he slams into some garbage cans and ends up skiing behind the car in a cardboard box.
Now in the box, Stuart continues to ride behind the car, and even starts to get the hang of that, too. He waves at Tom, and Tom waves back.
STUART (CONT'D)
Woooo!
TOM
Ooooh!
All is good until they go past a clothesline and a sheet gets stuck on Stuart.
The sheet forms a parasail which lifts Stuart up into the air. He strikes a Superman flying pose. Then a flock of DUCKS fly toward him and one actually slams into his face.
STUART
Quack quack!
It SQUAWKS at him as it flies off.
Lucy spots the commotion in her side view mirror and slams on the brakes. SCREECH! Both minions fly forward--
INT: LUCY'S CAR - SAME
Lucy sees this, drives forward, and opens the convertible top, causing the Minions to land right in the passenger's seat. They strike threatening karate poses.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 11.
TOM AND STUART
Hi-YAH!!
Lucy tases them and they pass out. She floors it.
EXT: STREET - SAME
Lucy's car continues driving until it reaches a crowded PIER. And doesn't stop. It drives right off the end of the pier. A confused fisherman leaps for his life.
CONFUSED FISHERMAN
What the-- Oh!
SPLASH!
INT: OCEAN - SAME
Lucy's car now transforms into an UNDERWATER VEHICLE. As the minions come to, one of them tries playing with the radio until Lucy slaps his hand away. They speed through the sea and an octopus slams into her windshield. She turns on the wipers, which hits the octopus in the face until he's had enough and swims off in a cloud of ink.
She HONKS her HORN as she passes through a school of fish.
MINIONS
Whoa...
As the fish pass the Minions look ahead to see a shark heading for them with his mouth open. They SCREAM. Lucy quickly steers the car out of harm's way. They pass by several more sharks until they arrive at a GIANT SUBMARINE with the letters "AVL" on the side.
A HATCH opens and Lucy's car goes inside. The hatch closes behind her.
INT: AVL SUB - SAME
The water drains out from the holding dock. A buffer and hair dryer come out to dry off the car. A squeegee wipes off the windshield.
Then the platform the car is on lowers down.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 12.
INT: AVL ROOM - DAY
Lucy's car lowers into the center of the room as a large circular table assembles around it, effectively locking them in.
Lucy and the Minions get out of the car. She pushes a button on her remote and Gru, with a starfish attached to his head, is ejected from the trunk.
GRU
(groggily)
Ugh...ooh...what...where...ah...oh,
foot's asleep...ah...pins and
needles...
SILAS (O.S.)
Good afternoon, Mr. Gru.
GRU
Ehhh...
SILAS
I apologize for our methods in
getting you here.
LUCY
I don't. I'd do it again in a
heartbeat. I am not gonna lie--I
enjoyed that. Every second of it.
Gave me a bit of a buzz, actually.
SILAS
That's enough, Agent Wilde.
LUCY
Sorry, sir.
GRU
Okay, this is bogus!
Gru peels the starfish off his head and drops it onto Tom's. Stuart LAUGHS at him.
GRU (CONT'D)
I don't know who you people think
you are, but--
A WAITER comes over with tea for Silas.
SILAS
We are the Anti-Villain League.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 13.
As Silas summons a map that shows all of the AVL offices
around the world, Lucy's car drops out of the way. Stuart is
trapped on the lowering platform and he scrambles to get back
onto stable ground. Silas continues.
SILAS (CONT'D)
An ultra-secret organization
dedicated to fighting crime on a
global scale. Rob a bank? We're
not interested. Kill someone? Not
our deal. But you want to melt the
polar ice caps? Or vaporize Mt.
Fuji? Or even steal the moon?
Then we notice.
GRU
First of all, you've got no proof
that I did that. Second, after I
did do that, I put it back!
SILAS
We're well aware of that, Mr. Gru.
That's why we've brought you here.
(beat)
I am the League's director, Silas
Ramsbottom.
Upon hearing the name, Tom and Stuart start giggling.
TOM
Bottom.
TOM AND STUART
Heeheheeeeheeehee.
Silas bristles at this, and glances over at Lucy.
SILAS
Hilarious. Agent Wilde...
LUCY
Oh, me now...?
She continues the de-briefing, turning to the screens, which show an image of the Magnet Ship stealing the lab.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Um, recently an entire top secret
lab disappeared from the Arctic
Circle. Yeah, the entire lab.
Just whoosh. Voom! Gone. Where
did it go?
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 14.
GRU
I don't care.
The screen shows FOOTAGE of a TINY LITTLE BUNNY in a scientific lab. Furry and adorable.
LUCY
The lab was devoted to experiments
involving PX-41, a transmutation
serum. What is PX-41, you ask?
Mmmm, it's pretty bad... Look.
A LABCOAT TECHNICIAN approaches the bunny with a SYRINGE containing the purple liquid. Injects some in its butt.
TOM AND STUART
Aaah!
Instantly the bunny transforms into a HIDEOUS PURPLE MONSTER BUNNY. Gru and the Minions smile, impressed.
Then it goes crazy and attacks the scientist. Gru covers his eyes and the Minions pass out.
GRU
Oh!
The bunny attacks the technician, then the camera...and the film is over.
GRU (CONT'D)
Hmm, you usually don't see that in
bunnies.
SILAS
As you can see, in the wrong hands,
the PX-41 serum could be the most
devastating weapon on earth.
(struggles to get through
the opening in the table)
Fortunately it has a very distinct
chemical footprint, and using the
latest chemtracking technology, we
found traces of it in the Paradise
Mall.
On the screens we see images depicting a highly technical diagram of the shopping mall.
GRU
Ha! A mall?
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 15.
SILAS
Precisely. And we believe that one
of these shop owners is a master
criminal.
Silas scrolls through pictures of the mall's shop owners.
SILAS (CONT'D)
And that's where you come in. As
an ex-villain, you know how a
villain thinks, how a villain acts.
LUCY
The plan is to set you up
undercover at a shop in the mall,
where hopefully you'll be able to--
GRU
Okay, I see where this is going,
with all the Mission Impossible
stuff, but no. No! I am a father
now. And a legitimate businessman.
I am developing a line of delicious
jams and jellies.
Silas shoots him a look. He CHUCKLES.
SILAS
Jams and...jellies?
GRU
Oh, attitude! That's right! So
thanks, but no thanks.
(beat)
And here's a tip--instead of tasing
people and kidnapping them, maybe
you should just give them a call!
Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt!
SILAS
Ramsbottom.
GRU
(chuckles)
Oh, yeah, like that's any better!
Gru turns and heads for the door, followed by Tom and Stuart, who continue to GIGGLE about Ramsbottom's name.
Chapter 4[]
EXT: OCEAN - NIGHT
Gru exits the AVL headquarters, which he now sees is on a SUBMARINE.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 16.
Lucy leans out the door and taps him on the shoulder.
LUCY
Look, I probably shouldn't be
saying this, but your work as a
villain was kind of amazing, so if
you ever want to get back to doing
something awesome--give us a call.
She hands Gru her BUSINESS CARD. Gru takes it and stares at it.
EXT: OCEAN - LATER
Gru rows back to shore as Tom yells to him like a coxswain. Gru GRUNTS with each stroke.
TOM
("Stroke!")
Mack-oh! Mack-oh! Mack-oh!
INT: GRU'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Gru carries a sleeping Agnes upstairs.
INT: GIRLS' BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Gru enters to find Margo and Edith not in bed. Margo is texting someone.
GRU
(whispers)
Hey, I told you guys to get to bed.
MARGO
Oh, sorry.
EDITH
So when ya goin' on your date?
GRU
What?
EDITH
Remember? Miss Jillian said she
was arranging a date for you.
GRU
Yeah, well, she is a nutjob. And
I'm not going on any date.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 17.
EDITH
Why not? Are you scared?
Gru stares back at Edith. Gets a far-away look in his eyes.
EXT: PLAYGROUND - FLASHBACK - DAY
We flash back to LITTLE GRU on the school playground. He stares, lovesick, at a CUTE LITTLE BLONDE GIRL, named LISA.
LISA
(to her friends)
Hey, did you guys see the moon
landing on TV?
GIRLS
Yeah, I can't believe it. It's so
cool...
LISA
Yeah, and you know what--
Gru approaches her.
LITTLE GRU
Excuse me, Lisa?
But she doesn't notice him. He tries again.
LISA
(to her friends)
I was talking to Billy the other
day.
GIRLS
No way.
LISA
He is so cute.
Gru clears his throat.
LISA (CONT'D)
And I think he likes me.
GRU
Hey Lisa, I was wondering if you--
Gru reaches out and taps her shoulder with his pointer finger.
Then one of the other little girls points to Gru's finger on Lisa's shoulder.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 18.
GIRL
Ewww! Gru touched Lisa! Gru
touched Lisa!
The other girls turn and squeal, horrified.
GIRLS
Eeeeewww!
A little buck-toothed red-haired girl shouts out to the entire playground.
RED HAIRED GIRL
Lisa's got Grooties!
The playground erupts with SCREAMS and everyone turns and runs away.
Little Gru is left alone. Crushed.
INT: GIRLS' BEDROOM - NIGHT
Gru comes out of the flashback.
GRU
Scared? Of what? Women?! No,
that's bonkers! I just-- I have no
interest in going on a date, that's
all. Case closed. I'm not scared--
of women... or dates... let's go to
bed.
Gru gives each girl a goodnight kiss.
GRU (CONT'D)
Goodnight, Edith.
Then he goes over to Margo, who's already in bed.
GRU (CONT'D)
Goodnight, Margo.
She continues texting as he gives her a kiss.
GRU (CONT'D)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Well, hold
the horses. Who are you texting?
MARGO
No one. Just my friend Avery.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 19.
GRU
Avery... Avery? Is that a girl's
name or a boy's name?
MARGO
Does it matter?
GRU
No, no, it doesn't matter... Unless
it's a boy!
AGNES
I know what makes you a boy.
Gru turns to Agnes, concerned.
GRU
Uh...oooh...you...do?
AGNES
Your bald head.
Gru nods, relieved.
GRU
Oh, yes...
AGNES
It's really smooth. Sometimes I
stare at it and imagine a little
chick popping out. Peep peep peep.
Gru sighs and gives her a kiss.
GRU
Goodnight, Agnes. Never get older.
Gru turns out the light and leaves the room.
Chapter 5[]
INT: LAB - DAY
Gru rides the elevator tube down to his lab, passing minions in various stages of jelly making. A sign reading, JELLY TESTING AREA" has been hastily pasted over a nuclear warning sign.
A SUPERVISOR MINION checks his clipboard as the MINION next to him steals a banana from his pocket. He turns, but the Minion who stole the banana has hidden it in his mouth. We see the ends of the banana pushing out his cheeks.
SUPERVISOR MINION
Hey, oh! Me banana!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 20.
The Minion with the banana in his mouth shrugs.
A single apple is passed down a line of Minions in the least efficient way possible.
A few Minions mash fruits in large vats ala "I Love Lucy."
One wears a bunch of fruit on his head like Carmen Miranda and sings the CHIQUITA BANANA song. His supervisor comes over and tells him to get back to work.
The Minion tries to get out of the vat of fruit, but slips and falls down into a large test-tube filled with mashed fruit.
Then all of the mashed fruit is flushed down a large hole where it is injected into jelly jars passing by on a conveyor belt. The trapped Minion is injected into one of the jars.
Gru enters the lab and greets the minions.
GRU
Hey, Tim, nice haircut!
He points at Tim.
GRU (CONT'D)
Donnie, hang in there, baby! It's
almost Friday.
Gru high-fives Donnie as he approaches Dr. Nefario.
GRU (CONT'D)
So, how's today's batch, Dr.
Nefario?
DR. NEFARIO
I developed a new formula which
allowed me to get every known kind
of berry into one flavor of jelly.
Gru sticks his finger in and tastes the purple goo in the jar. Makes a disgusted face, then attempts a smile.
GRU
(faking it)
That tastes good...
(gags)
Love the flavor of that...
DR. NEFARIO
It's horrible, isn't it?
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 21.
GRU
No! No! Oh, we're making great
progress!
(to the Minions)
Here, try some of this.
He hands a jar to a minion, who tries it. He GAGS! Another minion tastes some and scrapes it off his tongue. They smash the jar and all the minions run away, disgusted.
GRU (CONT'D)
Whoa... okay, just because
everybody hates it doesn't mean
it's not good.
Dr. Nefario hangs his head.
DR. NEFARIO
Listen, Gru. There's something
I've been meaning to talk to you
about for some time now.
GRU
What? What's wrong?
DR. NEFARIO
(clears his throat)
I miss being evil. Sinister plots,
large-scale crimes...It's what I
live for! I mean, don't you think
there's more to our future than
jelly?
GRU
Well, I'm also considering a line
of jams...
DR. NEFARIO
Um...the thing is, Gru...
(deep breath)
I've had an offer of employment
elsewhere.
GRU
Dr. Nefario! Come on, you're
kidding, right?
DR. NEFARIO
It's a great opportunity for me,
bigger lab, more evil, full
dental...
Dr. Nefario presses a button and his stuff folds itself up into a traveling suitcase.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 22.
Dr. Nefario hangs his head. Gru stares back at his old
friend.
GRU
Very well. Let us give you the
proper send-off.
(calls off screen)
Minions!
INT: GRU'S LAB - LATER
Seven minions are lined up with seven fart guns. Dr. Nefario sits in his scooter.
GRU
The highest honor awarded. To Dr.
Nefario for your years of service.
The twenty-one fart gun salute!
FART! FART! FART!
Dr. Nefario COUGHS. His eyes are watering (and not only from the smell).
DR. NEFARIO
Uh, I counted twenty-two.
Dave CHUCKLES, guilty. Dr. Nefario fires up the scooter.
DR. NEFARIO (CONT'D)
Farewell, my friends.
The minions CRY. Dr. Nefario pushes another button on the scooter, transforming it into flying mode. He GUNS the engine and it begins flying away. At the slowest pace possible. Everyone just stands there awkwardly.
DR. NEFARIO (CONT'D)
This may take a while. Go about
your business.
Everyone walks off.
DR. NEFARIO (CONT'D)
I miss you already!
Gru examines Lucy's business card. Makes a decision.
EXT: GRU'S HOUSE - NIGHT
The shadow of a mysterious figure approaches Gru's front door.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 23.
EXT: GRU'S FOYER - NIGHT
A Minion wears a French Maid's outfit and SINGS as he vacuums the floor. The doorbell rings.
The Minion opens the door to see who it is.
FRENCH MAID MINION
Hello?
A shadow falls across the terrified minion as something unseen abducts him.
EXT: GRU'S FOYER - LATER
The vacuum moves back and forth across the floor by itself. Another Minion walks by wearing a different Maid outfit. He doesn't see the other Minion and closes the door.
Then he opens it again, cleans the doorknob, and closes it.
INT: FAMILY ROOM - DAY
It's morning at Gru's house. Margo and Agnes sit on the couch with a LAPTOP. Edith leans over the top of the couch, looking on.
AGNES
Are you sure we should be doing
this?
MARGO
Yes, it's for his own good.
On the screen is a DATING WEBSITE (CREATE-A-DATE.NET)--the girls are creating a profile for Gru.
MARGO (CONT'D)
Okay, we need to choose a picture.
Margo clicks through pictures of Gru. Each one is worse than the last.
AGNES
No.
CLICK.
AGNES (CONT'D)
Scary.
CLICK.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 24.
EDITH
Weird.
CLICK. The next picture is of Gru in a bathing suit. The girls react in horror.
GIRLS
Aaaaaah!!!
Margo covers Agnes's eyes.
AGNES
What is that?!
Gru enters the family room.
GRU
Good morning, girls! I have an
announcement to make.
MARGO
Hey, what celebrity do you look
like?
GRU
Ummm...Bruce Willis.
The girls stare at him blankly.
MARGO
Mmmm...no.
AGNES
Humpty Dumpty!
EDITH
Ooh, Gollum!
The girls LAUGH.
GRU
Okay, what are you doing?
AGNES
We're signing you up for online
dating!
GRU
Oh, okay...WHAT?! No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Gru grabs the laptop away from the girls.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 25.
EDITH
Aw come on, it's fun.
MARGO
And it's time for you to get out
there.
GRU
No! Stop! No one is ever getting
out there! Ever!
Gru hands a Minion the laptop, accidentally hitting him in the face.
GRU (CONT'D)
Okay, now for the announcement: I
have accepted a new job.
MARGO
Whoa--really?
GRU
Yes, I have been recruited by a top
secret agency to go undercover and
save the world!
EDITH
You're gonna be a spy?!
GRU
That's right, baby! Gru's back in
the game! With gadgets and weapons
and cool cars...the whole deal.
EDITH
Awesome!
Agnes looks up at him in awe.
AGNES
Are you really gonna save the
world?
Gru looks at Agnes.
GRU
Yes. Yes I am.
He coolly puts on a pair of sunglasses.
We pan to Dave mimicking Gru with a pair of sunglasses.
DAVE
Mocha!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 26.
And then to Kevin dressed in an Amish beard and tie.
KEVIN
Cacao!
And then Stuart dressed as a little girl with pigtails.
STUART
Papadam?
Chapter 6[]
EXT: MALL - DAY
Establishing.
INT: MALL - SAME
Gru comes down the escalator wearing the sunglasses, with the three disguised Minions behind him. Stuart gets his dress caught in the escalator. It comes off and he hides in a nearby potted plant.
Gru glances at a store called the "EAGLE HAIR CLUB." He then arrives at a charming, pink CUPCAKE STORE. The sign reads, "BAKE MY DAY" Gru frowns and takes off his sunglasses.
GRU
Hm. "Bake My Day." Blech.
INT: BAKE MY DAY - CONTINUOUS
Gru unlocks the door and enters. JINGLE! BELLS on the door ring. The inside is sugary and clean and quaint. Gru takes it all in. Then turns to the minions.
GRU
Alright, here is the cupcake recipe
I got off the internet.
The minions excitedly grab the recipe and head for the kitchen. Gru kicks Stuart, who is still staggering around in the potted plant.
GRU (CONT'D)
And don't go nuts with the
sprinkles!
Gru is left alone. He looks around. Sees a BUNNY CUPCAKE in a glass cake dish. Then a SHARK CUPCAKE in the next cake dish. And in the next dish he sees Lucy's head. She makes a funny face.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 27.
Gru SCREAMS, which causes Lucy to SCREAM and jump up, hitting
her head on one of the shelves, sending all of the CUPCAKES
flying.
Lucy immediately goes into action, using incredible and frankly weird-looking MARTIAL ARTS MOVES to dispatch the cupcakes as they fly toward her.
LUCY
Ha! Yaa! Ho! Ooof! Zaaa! Ay-ay-
ay-ay-ay!
She successfully eliminates all of the cupcakes, then turns to Gru, out of breath.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Whoo. Wasn't expecting that.
(strikes a martial arts
pose)
Or was I?
Gru has a cupcake stuck to the top of his head, frosting side down. Lucy gestures as if he's got a little food on his face.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Ooh... you got... You got... a
little...
The cupcake slowly slides down, then falls to the floor. It leaves a long smear on Gru's face.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Here, I'll-- I'll get it.
Gru stands frozen as she tries to clean him up.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Oh, that's just spreading...um...
GRU
Alright, alright. I got it. I got
it!... Stop it!
Lucy backs off.
LUCY
Oh! I'll let you get it.
Gru SIGHS and wipes the frosting off his face.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 28.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Yeah, what you just saw there was a
little something new I've been
working on. It's a combination of
Jujitsu, Krav Maga, Aztec warfare,
and krumping.
GRU
Okay, that's weird--why are you
here?
LUCY
On assignment from Silas. I'm your
new partner. Yay!
GRU
What?! No, no "yay." Ramsbottom
didn't say anything about a
partner.
LUCY
Well, seems that because of your
checkered past, everyone else
refused to work with you. But not
me. I stepped up. And I'm new, so
I kind of have to do what they tell
me anyway.
Gru is about to respond when Dave the minion comes out the kitchen door. He carries a cupcake in the shape of a Minion.
DAVE
Walla!
Immediately Lucy moves with lightning-quick reflexes. She smashes his cupcake, flips him into the air, and pins him to the counter. Dave SCREAMS.
LUCY
You know this guy?
GRU
Yes, he's one of my minions.
LUCY
Oh, I'm sorry. I should have
known.
She releases him.
LUCY (CONT'D)
You're free to go.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 29.
Dave stares at Lucy. Immediately smitten. A magical glow
appears around her as romantic music plays. We go into
Dave's fantasy.
EXT: BEACH - DAY - FANTASY
Dave and Lucy run along a beach together hand in hand.
EXT: FIELD - DAY - FANTASY
Dave and Lucy have a romantic picnic together. They toast each other with champagne. Dave drinks from the bottle.
EXT: BRIDGE - NIGHT - FANTASY
Lucy and Dave sit on the railing of a moonlit footbridge. Both fire ROCKETS into the air to create fireworks and are about to kiss when--
GRU (V.O.)
Dave...
INT: BAKE MY DAY - DAY
Back to reality, where Dave is staring up at Lucy, lovestruck.
GRU
Earth to Dave! You can leave now.
Dave goes back into the kitchen, never taking his eyes off of Lucy.
INT: MALL - DAY
CLOSE ON the Giant Cupcake on top of the cupcake shop. The CHERRY on the Giant Cupcake rotates, revealing a CAMERA hidden inside. VZZZZZT! The lens zooms.
GRU (O.S.)
Now, what do we got? Who's on the
list? Fire `em at me.
INT: BAKE MY DAY - SAME
Gru and Lucy stand next to each other under a domed lamp lowered from the ceiling.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 30.
Inside the dome of the lamp, Gru and Lucy are uncomfortably
close together looking at a video screen.
LUCY
First suspect...Hedda Blumentoft,
proprietor of Mum's the Word Floral
Shop.
The camera moves over to Mum's the Word Floral Shop and HEDDA BLUMENTOFT.
GRU
No. Not her.
LUCY
Okay, moving on...
The camera moves over to the "Stuff-A-Bear" store. CHUCK KINNEY, a small perky man, holds up an empty teddy bear skin for a little boy.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Chuck Kinney, owner of "Stuff-A-
Bear."
Kinney shoves the teddy bear's butt onto a sharp metal tube. The bear inflates until it EXPLODES into a torrent of bear skin and stuffing. The little boy CRIES.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Ooh.
GRU
I don't think so.
DING-A-LING-A-LING! The bell rings on the cupcake shop's front door, signaling a customer.
EDUARDO (O.S.)
Hello?
GRU
Oh!
Gru and Lucy quickly hide their equipment, look up and see EDUARDO PEREZ at the door. They try to act natural.
EDUARDO
Buenos días, my friends! I am
Eduardo Perez, owner of Salsa &
Salsa Restaurant, across the mall.
Now open for breakfast. And you
are?
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 31.
GRU
Gru. And this is Lucy. And we are
closed.
EDUARDO
This is just gonna take un momento.
I am throwing a big Cinco de Mayo
party, and I am going to need two
hundred of your best cupcakes
decorated with the Mexican flag.
It looks something like this.
He rips open his shirt, revealing a TATTOO of the Mexican flag on his chest.
EDUARDO (CONT'D)
What do you think?
He flexes and makes it wave. Gru hides his eyes.
GRU
Look away!
Lucy stares at it.
LUCY
You-- Whoa... Hooo...
EDUARDO
Anyway, I have to go. It's all
settled! I pick `em up next week!
Have a good day. Come by if you
get a chance, okay?
He exits. Gru GROANS, relieved. Finally!
Then Eduardo pops back in.
EDUARDO (CONT'D)
And welcome to the mall family!
Gru studies Eduardo's face and GASPS. He pictures Eduardo in a red luchador mask surrounded by flames. Eduardo turns and leaves. As soon as the door closes--
GRU
(whispers)
El Macho.
LUCY
What?
GRU
But it couldn't be...
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 32.
LUCY
Wha-- What? What couldn't be??
GRU
That guy looks exactly like a
villain named El Macho. From about
twenty years ago.
EXT: DESERT - DAY - FLASHBACK
Classic Spaghetti western sepia-toned shot of El Macho looking menacing. He looks like the large Hispanic man from the mall, only younger and wearing a Lucha Libre outfit and mask (a mask which looks similar to the one Gru imagined).
El Macho pushes the BARKEEP out of the way and grabs a large bottle from behind the bar.
GRU (V.O.)
He was ruthless. He was dangerous.
And as the name implies, very
macho.
El Macho pours himself a shot and then smashes the bottle over his own head.
He reaches down and pulls up a rattlesnake from below the bar. He squeezes its head, squirting venom into the shot glass. He drinks it down and then eats the glass.
He sticks the snake's fangs into a few dollars that he leaves on the bar, before breaking through the wall behind him, leaving an EL Macho-shaped hole.
EXT: STREET - DAY - FLASHBACK
El Macho head butts an armored truck and approaches the passenger side window.
GRU (V.O.)
He had a reputation for pulling off
heists using only his bare hands.
When the ARMED GUARDS look over he punches through the bullet- proof glass, knocking them both out of the truck. Then he lifts the truck onto his back and runs down the street with it.
GRU (V.O.)
Ah, but sadly, like all the greats,
El Macho was gone too soon.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 33.
EXT: SKY - DAY - PAST
A bird, flying in the air, is suddenly struck by an airplane.
GRU (V.O.)
He died in the most macho way
possible.
El Macho leaps out of the plane riding a SHARK, a ton of DYNAMITE strapped to him. He plummets toward the mouth of an ACTIVE VOLCANO.
GRU (V.O.)
Riding a shark with 250 pounds of
dynamite strapped to his chest into
the mouth of an active volcano.
He pulls two grenades from behind his back, yanks the pins, and holds onto them as he plunges into the volcano.
There is a MASSIVE EXPLOSION.
GRU (V.O.)
It was glorious.
INT: BAKE MY DAY - DAY
Lucy stares at Gru, confused.
LUCY
Yeah, sounds like El Macho's pretty
dead...
GRU
They never found the body. Oh no.
All that was ever retrieved was a
pile of singed chest hair.
(beat)
But... that face. It has got to be
El Macho.
Lucy gets an excited look on her face.
LUCY
Then what do you say you and I
break into his restaurant?
Tonight.
Gru nods at Lucy's invitation.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 34.
GRU
Yes, that's good, because I'm
telling you--if anybody in this
place has the PX-41 serum...
Gru looks out the window and points at Eduardo riding up on the escalator, scratching his butt.
GRU (CONT'D)
...it's him.
Chapter 7[]
INT: GIRLS' BEDROOM - NIGHT
Gru enters and pushes the girls into their beds like a tour guide anxious to finish a tour.
GRU
Alright, alright, homework done,
pajamas on, teeth brushed, time for
bed.
MARGO
What's the big hurry?
GRU
I just... I have a lot of work to
do.
EDITH
Work, what kind of work?
GRU
Very important business.
So...hugs, kisses...
(hugs and kisses them)
...good night, sleep tight, don't
let the bedbugs blah-blah-blah-blah-
blah--
Gru turns to leave, but Agnes is standing at the doorway.
AGNES
But you said you'd help me
practice my part for the monkey's
Day show!
Gru looks down at Agnes' puppy dog eyes. He SIGHS.
GRU
Fine, fine... Let me hear it.
Quickly.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 35.
INT: GRU'S FAMILY ROOM - NIGHT
On Agnes. She gives her lines.
AGNES
(robotically)
She kisses my boo-boos
She braids my hair
That monkey is beyond compare
We love you monkeys everywhere.
She smiles.
Gru frowns.
GRU
Wow! That was...something else. I
really liked the way you smiled at
the end. Let's try this one more
time, but a teensy bit less like a
zombie, okay?
AGNES
Okay.
(still monotone)
She kisses my boo-boos
She braids my hair--
GRU
Perfect! Time to go!
As he heads for the door--
AGNES
I don't think I should do this.
This stops Gru.
GRU
Well, what do you mean? Why not?
AGNES
I don't even have a mom.
Ouch. But Gru tries not to let this affect him.
GRU
Well, you don't need one to do the
show. I mean, you did the Veterans
Day Pageant and you haven't been in
combat.
Agnes looks up at Gru.
AGNES
This is different.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 36.
GRU
Okay, well, then...maybe you can
just use your imagination.
AGNES
You mean I pretend I have a mom?
GRU
Yes, right. You can do that, can't
you?
Agnes smiles.
AGNES
Yeah! I do that all the time!
Thanks, Gru!
She gives him a kiss and runs off. Gru watches her go, deep in thought.
INT: REC ROOM - NIGHT
TWO MINIONS raise their ice cream sundaes and clink them together!
MINIONS
Hey!
Pull back to reveal many minions singing and dancing.
We move through the crowd, passing by the mace-wielding minion with his helmet still backwards and a smaller server minion with a tray of ice cream sundaes in mugs.
We cut up to the rafters, where more minions are dancing and singing in formation, jumping and hopping all over the place in elaborate dance routines.
Back on the floor, three arm-in-arm minions take the chorus. One of them clearly having had one too many sundaes is being held up by the other two.
Another minion tries to carry empty mugs down a spiral staircase, but he's knocked off by a bunch of minions running up the other way.
Several minions sit around a communal bowl of ice cream, lazily sipping at it through long straws.
Gru enters and takes it all in.
Other minions raid an ice cream cart, hanging from the canopy, drinking directly from the spouts.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 37.
GRU
Alright, hey, hey-- No, no, no,
no! Hey, please!
The Minions stop singing.
GRU (CONT'D)
Kevin, Jerry, watch the girls for
me, okay?
(points)
Dave, Stuart--come this way. With
me! Come on!
Dave downs a jar of maraschino cherries and sprays whip cream into his mouth before running after them, with a toothpick umbrella in his mouth for good measure.
GRU (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Come on!
Once they are gone, the Minions go back to singing and laughing.
INT: GIRLS' BEDROOM - NIGHT
Margo, Edith and Agnes are fast asleep in their beds. Kevin and Jerry sing them a lullaby. Then smile and quietly close the door.
INT: HALLWAY - SAME
Kevin holds up a golf ball. Jerry happily jumps up and down.
KEVIN
Hey, putt-putt?
JERRY
Oh!
INT: LIVING ROOM - LATER
Jerry puts the tee and ball in his mouth as Kevin stands on a dresser, preparing to take a swing. He asks Jerry if he's ready and Jerry gives a thumbs up.
KEVIN
Una, doo--
(laughs as he lowers the
golf club to Jerry's
head)
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 38.
CRASH! CLANG! A noise comes from the backyard. The minions
exchange looks. What was that?
EXT: BACKYARD - NIGHT
Kevin and Jerry step out into the yard and look around nervously, armed only with the golf club and tee.
KEVIN
Boca!
JERRY
(scared)
Boca!
They walk over to the garbage cans. The cans begins to rattle. Kevin and Jerry SCREAM as a CAT pops up from one of the cans. The cat MEOWS.
Kevin LAUGHS at him and imitates Jerry's scared face.
KEVIN
Looka too!
Jerry slaps him. Kevin slaps him back. They start to slap fight until--
A SPOTLIGHT comes down from above, lighting up the terrified minions. Before they can scream...
WOOSH! Jerry is sucked up into the air as if being abducted by aliens. Kevin grabs onto a flower, and then the cat to try and anchor himself down, but they both fly up into the air.
The light goes out. A few seconds later the light comes back on and drops the cat back down. It turns off again and the Minions are gone.
Chapter 8[]
EXT: MALL - NIGHT
The mall is dark and the parking lot is empty, except for two minions and Lucy's car.
INT: MALL - SAME
A lone SECURITY GUARD walks through the dark mall, listening to music on his headphones. He passes by Eduardo's Salsa & Salsa. Shines his light inside. All clear. He moves on.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 39.
Once the guard is gone, a floor tile is moved aside and Gru
peeks out. After making sure the coast is clear, Gru calls
down.
GRU
(whispers)
We're stealth ninjas. We make no
sound.
LUCY
Right. Gotcha.
INT: EDUARDO'S SALSA & SALSA - LATER
Lucy kicks the door open.
She enters. Gru reacts.
GRU
Alright, El Macho, you're going
down.
But before Gru takes a step, Lucy stops him.
LUCY
Wait! Wait!
GRU
What?
She produces a SPRAY CAN and sprays the air in front of her. Gru frowns.
GRU (CONT'D)
What are you doing?
LUCY
I'm checking for laser beam alarm
triggers.
GRU
It's a restaurant!
LUCY
You never know what kind of booby
traps this guy could have set.
Huh? C'mon!
GRU
There are no booby traps!
Gru takes a step and kicks a TRIPWIRE attached to a tiny bell. TING-A-LING! Lucy points to the bell.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 40.
LUCY
Ha! Booby!
Lucy GASPS as a door begins to creak open. She hides behind Gru.
A tiny CHICKEN hops out. It CLUCKS. Lucy is confused.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Oh. There's a chicken. Are you
lost little guy? You must be lost!
GRU
Ha! Some guard dog.
Suddenly, the chicken leaps into the air and lands on Gru, pecking his bald head.
GRU (CONT'D)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiigh!
Gru runs in circles, trying to get the chicken off.
GRU (CONT'D)
Get it off of me! Get it off of
me! Get it off of me!
Gru SCREAMS as the chicken goes up his shirt and bursts out of his sweater through the chest, "Alien"-style. He grabs it.
GRU (CONT'D)
I got you!
It pecks him on the head, escapes, and continues to attack him.
Lucy thinks fast and grabs a tablecloth from a table. She lunges and covers the chicken with the table cloth.
LUCY
I got it! Ha!
She tightens the tablecloth around Gru's neck, trapping the chicken and Gru's head inside. A muffled scream comes from under the table cloth and Lucy realizes what she's done. Gru runs around trying to get the tablecloth off his head.
Lucy does a karate flip/body slam on Gru and the chicken. She removes the table cloth. Gru's head has been replaced by the chicken!
LUCY (CONT'D)
Ha!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 41.
She goes to karate chop the chicken, but it flies off and she
hits Gru in the face instead.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Oh!
The chicken regroups, CLUCKS, and attacks.
Lucy acts fast and presses a button on her watch, squirting FOAM onto the chicken.
FSSSSSSHT! The foam instantly hardens into a glass ball around the chicken. Only its head sticks out. It wobbles back and forth like a Weeble. Lucy turns to Gru.
GRU
(dazed)
Ugh...
LUCY
What is wrong with that chicken?
(beat)
Hey, that pollo? Is loco.
Gru is unimpressed.
LUCY (CONT'D)
(noticing Gru's wounds)
No? Okay, let's go.
INT: KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Gru and Lucy step into the kitchen. Lucy pulls out a HIGH- TECH SCANNING DEVICE and aims it around the kitchen.
GRU
You getting anything?
LUCY
No. Not yet. But hey, maybe you
can find something with these x-ray
goggles.
Lucy produces a pair of HIGH TECH goggles. Gru shakes his head.
GRU
(skeptically)
Bah...
Gru puts them on and looks around the kitchen. We now see the room from his X-RAY POV.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 42.
LUCY (O.S.)
How're they working? Tell me, tell
me!
Gru turns to Lucy and sees her as a SKELETON.
GRU
Ahh! Ooof!
LUCY
What's wrong? Something wrong?
GRU
Oh, that's an image I'll never get
out of my brain. Blagh!
Gru makes a face, disturbed. Then quickly turns away and spots something behind a painting on the wall...a safe. Sees something inside it--a METAL CANISTER. Smiles.
GRU (CONT'D)
I knew it!
He goes to the wall and removes the painting, revealing the SAFE.
GRU (CONT'D)
The serum is in here!
LUCY
Ooh, then let's get it!
He produces a SAFE-CRACKING DEVICE and places it over the combination wheel. Lights blink and it goes to work.
GRU
(gleefully giggling)
Oh, this is going to be good!
Ahh...
CLICK. The safe opens, revealing--a JAR OF SALSA ("EDUARDO'S SECRET RECIPE").
GRU (CONT'D)
A-ha!
(registering it's not the
serum)
What? It's... salsa?
LUCY
(disappointed)
Awww man.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 43.
INT: RESTAURANT - SAME
Eduardo enters the restaurant. Senses something isn't right. Frowns angrily.
EDUARDO
Oh... somebody's going to die
tonight.
He cautiously walks through the restaurant. Sees the chicken in the ball of cement. Gasps.
EDUARDO (CONT'D)
Pollito!
Eduardo runs over to Pollito and picks him up.
EDUARDO (CONT'D)
What'd they do to you? Pollito?
Can you hear me?
POLLITO
Bawk!
EDUARDO
Who would do this to such a sweet
little chicken? What? Who's
there?
His eyes darken.
INT: KITCHEN - SAME
Gru and Lucy, who are ravenously eating the delicious salsa with chips, turn to the door. Uh-oh.
INT: RESTAURANT - SAME
Eduardo, carrying the chicken, makes his way to the kitchen. Grabs a LARGE KNIFE off of a table.
EDUARDO
You coming out?! Or am I gonna go
in?!
INT: KITCHEN - SAME
Gru and Lucy react to hearing Eduardo's voice. Gru pulls a LASER CUTTER out of his jacket. Aims it at the ceiling.
TWEEEE! The LASER fires, cutting a hole in the ceiling.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 44.
INT: RESTAURANT - SAME
Eduardo approaches the kitchen, brandishing the knife. Ready to confront any intruders. He shoves open the door and sees chips and the salsa container sitting in the open wall safe.
INT: KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Eduardo enters the room, just in time to see a pair of legs disappear into the ceiling.
EDUARDO
Stop!
Lucy quickly pops down and hits him in the eyes with her foam- shooting watch.
EDUARDO (CONT'D)
My eyes!
He rubs his eyes, dropping the chicken and cracking its encasement.
INT: MALL - SAME
Lucy and Gru quickly run through the mall.
LUCY
Gru, call one of your munchkins!
Gru produces a communicator and calls into it.
GRU
We've been spotted! Come get us!
INT: LUCY'S CAR - SAME
One minion sits on the hood of the car. The other leans against a tire, toothpick in his mouth.
DAVE
Huh?
(to the other minion)
Hey! Loo-koo-meow-plah!
STUART
Ah! Koom-kwat!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 45.
INT: MALL - SAME
SMASH! The car crashes through the glass doors and speeds through the mall. They crash into a bunch of cleaning supplies being pushed by a janitor.
Gru and Lucy watch them from the balcony above.
LUCY
Hm. Subtle.
They both run over to meet the car at the escalators.
The car heads for the escalators. As they reach the bottom, Gru and Lucy realize the minions are about to go up the other one!
GRU
Over here, over here! Over...
here.
Too late. The minions shake as they go up the bumpy stairs. Once they reach the top they take a left and start driving in circles around the balcony. Gru pulls out a grappling hook and aims for the balcony railing.
GRU (CONT'D)
(grabbing Lucy)
Hold tight!
They shoot up and land right back where they started - at Salsa & Salsa! The minions zoom by in the car and Gru SIGHS in exasperation.
Just then, Eduardo emerges from the restaurant with fire in his eyes and a knife in his hand. Eduardo produces many more KNIVES and heads straight for them.
EDUARDO
I have you now!
BAM! Eduardo is struck unconscious by Lucy's car. Just in time.
Lucy opens the car door. One of the minions holds a toothpick in his hand and leans on the steering wheel, seductively.
DAVE
Rawr, rawr!
The other minion revs the engine suggestively.
Eduardo starts to wake up. The car zooms past him.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 46.
EXT: MALL DOME - SAME
CRASH! Lucy's car plummets towards the ground. Gru SCREAMS hysterically, but Lucy just hits a button and the car TRANSFORMS into a jet.
They fly off into the night sky.
EXT: GRU'S NEIGHBORHOOD - MORNING
It's a beautiful morning. An ICE CREAM TRUCK makes its way down the street (playing the song the minions were singing earlier). It stops and a couple of CHILDREN run to meet it.
Jerry opens Gru's front door, having heard the commotion. Two other minions approach as well. Jerry spots the ice cream truck and points to it, excited.
JERRY
Oh! Oh! Gelato!
And then suddenly a MOB OF MINIONS appears running for the ice cream truck alongside the group of children. The minions shove the children aside and clamor around the truck holding out their money.
MINIONS
Gelato! Gelato! Gelato!
Jerry pushes himself to the top of the unruly pack and tries to maintain order.
JERRY
Stopa! Stopa!!
A hush comes over the minions.
JERRY (CONT'D)
(knocking on the truck)
Hey-ho! Gelato!
Suddenly the ice cream cone on top of the truck transforms into a LARGE TUBE and extends itself above the minions. Jerry offers the tube a wad of cash and attempts to order gelato, but the it begins SUCKING the minions into it. ZUP! ZUP! ZUP!
One by one the minions (dozens of them, including the minion with his head still trapped in the jelly jar) are sucked into the truck until there is only one left. He tries to make a break for it, but the truck lowers a popsicle in front of him.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 47.
He licks it, his tongue sticks, and he is yanked back into
the ice cream cone. The it closes and the truck drives away.
The children look on puzzled.
Chapter 9[]
EXT: PARADISE MALL - DAY
The hole that Lucy's car crashed through last night has been patched with plywood boards.
INT: PARADISE MALL - DAY
PULL BACK TO REVEAL that Gru is inside a GARBAGE CAN DISGUISE. Next to him is Lucy, also in a GARBAGE CAN DISGUISE, using binoculars.
LUCY (O.S.)
All right, there he is. Suspect
#8: Floyd Eaglesan.
BINOCULARS POV
Floyd Eaglesan attempts to entice a customer to visit his business, Eagle Hair Club.
GRU
Oh. Okay.
LUCY
See if you can get closer.
Go...go.
Gru quickly stands up, revealing his legs, and takes several steps toward Eagle Hair Club. Floyd looks over his shoulder, and Gru stops. Floyd enters Eagle Hair Club and Gru inches closer.
GRU
Alright, what do--
BINOCULARS POV
Suddenly a MAN approaches the trash can with a steaming cup of coffee. The binoculars readout says "WARNING! EXTREMELY HOT."
GRU (CONT'D)
(to himself)
Oh no. That's not good.
The man goes to throw the coffee in the trash and we see Gru's legs pop out from beneath the can.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 48.
The man looks confused and tries again. Gru dodges and takes
off running. The man chases after him.
Gru accidentally knocks into a bent-over woman's rear end. Insulted, she turns around, sees the man with the coffee, and slaps him across the face. Unfortunately, Gru doesn't see the escalator ahead and goes tumbling down the moving stairs.
CRASH! BANG! CLANG! Finally, Gru pops out of the trash can and lands at the bottom of the escalator with a THUD! Flat on his face, he hears a familiar voice call out.
AGNES (O.S.)
Hey Gru!
Gru looks up and sees Margo, Edith and Agnes.
GRU
Oh! Girls! What are you doing
here?
MARGO
Well, we thought we'd come visit
you at work.
(looks at Gru and the
trash can)
So, you're saving the world in a
garbage can?
GRU
(sarcastically)
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...funny.
Lucy arrives on the scene, joining them.
LUCY
Hey, there you are. Oh, who's
this?
GRU
Lucy, these are my girls, Margo,
Edith and Agnes. Girls, Lucy.
Lucy, girls.
MARGO
Hello.
EDITH
Hi.
Agnes gazes lovingly at Lucy. A magical glow appears around Lucy, who smiles back.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 49.
AGNES
Are you single?
LUCY
Oh! Goodness...
Gru, immediately uncomfortable, claps his hands together.
GRU
Oh! Hey! I have an idea! Since
Lucy and I have lots of work to do,
why don't you girls go and explore
the mall!
Gru quickly shuffles the girls away from Lucy, trying to get out of the uncomfortable situation. Gru pulls out his wallet.
GRU (CONT'D)
Here is some money. Go buy some
useless mall junk! Some headbands,
and--
AGNES
Are you gonna marry Lucy?
GRU
Are you out of your gourd? No!
She just works with me.
AGNES
Plus you love her.
(sings)
You love her, you love her, you
really really love her, and you're
gonna get married, and I will be
the flower girl, and--
GRU
Okay, stop! That is a song of
lies. I don't even like her!
(points to mall)
Now go have fun!
Gru SIGHS. The girls run off, but quickly return to hug Gru.
AGNES
Almost forgot! Hugs!
MARGO
Good luck saving the world. Bye!
AGNES
Bye, Gru!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 50.
Lucy watches the group hug. Smiles. Gru heads back over to
Lucy, embarrassed by Agnes.
GRU
Ha, ha, ha! Kids...right?
They're...funny.
LUCY
Those girls totally adore you. I
bet you're a fun dad.
GRU
Huh.
(beat)
I am pretty fun.
INT: SHOPPING MALL - DAY
The girls are at the MALL FOUNTAIN. Agnes has her eyes closed and a very intense look on her face, as if she's really concentrating on something. There is something in her tightly clenched fist. She tosses a PENNY. Then opens her eyes, waiting for her wish to come true.
Then Edith emerges from the water wearing a DIVING MASK AND SNORKEL, hands full of COINS.
AGNES
Is that stealing?
EDITH
Not if my wish was that I would get
a lot of free coins.
Margo is busy texting. Then something offscreen catches her eye.
It's a boy. This is ANTONIO. Suave, cool, and a bit dangerous. We watch in SLOW MOTION as he strolls behind the fountain, and then disappears in its spraying water.
Margo looks for Antonio. Backs into the fountain and nearly falls into it.
MARGO
Whoa!
Antonio catches her.
ANTONIO
Cool glasses.
Margo CHUCKLES nervously. He helps her back up.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 51.
ANTONIO (CONT'D)
I'm Antonio.
MARGO
I'm...Margo.
ANTONIO
I was just going to get a cookie.
Care to join me?
MARGO
Uh, sure. I'm...Margo.
They begin walking away together, then Margo is reminded of her sisters when Edith loudly clears her throat.
MARGO (CONT'D)
Um...I'll catch up with you guys
later. Bye!
She turns and runs after Antonio.
EDITH
Can I be the first to say...Ewwww!
Agnes grabs Edith and shakes her.
AGNES
We gotta go tell Gru!
EXT: EAGLE HAIR CLUB - DAY
Gru approaches Eagle Hair Club.
GRU
All right, I'm going in.
LUCY (IN HEADPHONES)
If it picks up any traces of the
serum the sensor in your belt
buckle--
Gru activates the high-tech scanning device on his belt buckle.
INT: BAKE MY DAY - SAME
Lucy is in the cupcake shop monitoring the scanning device results. She can hear him and see from his POV.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 52.
LUCY
--will make a sound like this-- MEE-
MO-MEE-MO-MEE-MO!!!
GRU
(annoyed)
Okay! I get it! I get it!
INT: EAGLE HAIR CLUB - SAME
Gru fumbles with the automatic door, then enters Eagle Hair Club.
FLOYD (O.S.)
(chuckles)
Welcome to Eagle Hair Club.
At the reception desk, a large chair shaped like an eagle spins around. Sitting in the chair is Floyd, looking sinister and petting a FURRY OBJECT that looks like a cat.
FLOYD (CONT'D)
It's about time you showed up...Mr.
Gru.
His pet BALD EAGLE perched next to him SQUAWKS.
GRU
You...know my name?
FLOYD
(chuckles)
When someone moves into the mall
who is follically challenged, I
make it my business to know all
about them. You are bald. And
that is bad.
He strokes the furry object. Kisses it. Then places it on a MANNEQUIN HEAD. It's a TOUPEE.
FLOYD (CONT'D)
There you go, my sweet.
INT: BAKE MY DAY - SAME
Lucy monitors the chem-tracking device from inside the shop.
LUCY
I'm getting nothing so far. I
think you need to move around.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 53.
INT: EAGLE HAIR CLUB - SAME
Gru listens in on the headphones.
He steps over to a wall on which hangs a PAINTING of Floyd flying with eagles.
GRU
Wow, this looks interesting. What
is it?
Gru thrusts his hips at the painting. Floyd watches him, suspicious.
FLOYD
I take it you're an art lover?
LUCY (IN HEADPHONES)
No serum.
GRU
Yeah, not so much.
He walks over to a podium with a TROPHY. He thrusts his hips at that, too.
GRU (CONT'D)
Oh, how about this impressive
trinket?
FLOYD
I'd hardly call it a trinket, Mr.
Gru.
LUCY
(in headphones)
Nothing.
FLOYD
The International--
GRU
Yeah, I don't care.
Floyd GRUMBLES in frustration.
Gru moves to a shelf filled with WIG SAMPLES. He straddles it.
LUCY
(in headphones)
MEE-MO-MEE-MO-MEE-MO!!! Hold on.
I'm picking up something! Behind
that wall!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 54.
GRU
Ah! And what do we have here?
Floyd grabs a sample.
FLOYD
These are my trial wigs.
(holds out wig to Gru)
You should take one.
Gru sticks his head into the shelf to investigate.
GRU
No thanks. So what's on the other
side of the wall?
FLOYD
Here you are! Look at me! Focus!
LUCY
(in headphones)
Gru?
FLOYD
I promise that this wig will
transform you from ugly to
irresistible.
Gru stares at the wig. Clearly getting caught up in what Floyd's saying.
Gru is about to respond when suddenly Edith and Agnes burst in, out of breath.
AGNES
MARGO HAS A BOYFRIEND!
EDITH
AND THEY'RE GOING ON A DATE!
Gru stares at them.
GRU
Date??? Boyfriend???
(yells at Floyd)
What???
Floyd shrugs.
INT: SHOPPING MALL - DAY
Gru, Edith and Agnes race across the mall. Then Agnes points over to the salsa restaurant as Margo and Antonio walk in.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 55.
AGNES
There she goes!
Chapter 10[]
INT: EDUARDO'S SALSA & SALSA - DAY
Gru enters to see Margo and Antonio sitting together in the back of the restaurant together. Margo laughs at something Antonio said.
MARGO
Oh, you're so funny...
EDITH
Gross! Look, they're in love!
These words hit Gru like a smack in the face.
GRU
Oh, no, no, no! Do not say that
they are...no no no, no!
He storms in. Edith and Agnes follow.
ANTONIO (O.S.)
...and my dream is to one day play
video games for a living.
MARGO
Wow. You're so complicated.
Gru storms over to Margo. Attempts a smile.
GRU
Margo. What is going on here?
MARGO
Oh! Gru, se llama Antonio. Me
llamo Margo.
GRU
Me llama-lama-ding-dong, who cares.
Let's go.
SALSA MUSIC begins to play and a curtain opens across the room. WOOSH! Someone leaps out, spinning like a tornado, then lands in the middle of the restaurant with a flourish. It's Eduardo.
MARGO
Whoa!
Everyone in the restaurant cheers. Gru frowns. Not this guy!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 56.
The music continues and Eduardo dances across the floor and
out into the mall where he grabs a passing SHOPPER and pulls
her into the restaurant.
The confused woman holds on for the ride as Eduardo twirls and dances her all around the floor. He dips her and she melts, as do all of the women watching. Eduardo gazes into the woman's eyes and produces a business card.
EDUARDO
Kids eat free on Tuesdays.
The woman grabs the business card from his hand with her teeth.
Then Eduardo flings her across the floor and she twirls back out into the mall where she knocks over her confused husband. Then the song comes to an end and Eduardo strikes a final pose.
Everyone in the studio cheers.
GIRLS
Yeah! Wahoo! Cool! Awesome!
Everyone except Gru. Eduardo walks over to him and gives him a big warm hug.
EDUARDO
So good to see you again, mi
compadre!
Gru tries to get out of the hug as quickly as he can.
ANTONIO
Oh, I see you have already met my
father.
GRU
What the-- Father?!
EDUARDO
Si! Look at this crazy small world
we live in, eh? Come, sit, let me
get you something.
Gru looks down and sees Eduardo's chicken glaring at him. It SQUAWKS. It's unsettling.
GRU
Oh... look at you.
Eduardo scoops the chicken up.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 57.
GRU (CONT'D)
(nervous)
Haha. He likes me!
Gru tries to pet the chicken but Pollito lunges at him.
EDUARDO
Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Pollito is
usually very friendly.
(cradling Pollito)
He had a rough night.
The chicken stares relentlessly. Gru CHUCKLES nervously.
GRU
Well, we really should be going.
Girls, come on.
Gru tries to gather the girls, but Eduardo stops him, pushing Antonio and Margo closer together.
EDUARDO
That is a pity. Young love is
beautiful, no?
GRU
No!
(chuckling nervously)
You know, they're not in love.
They hardly know each other!
Eduardo suddenly lights up, having an idea.
EDUARDO
You are right, cabeza de huevo!
They must get to know each other
better. Antonio, why don't you
invite your girlfriend and her
family to our Cinco de Mayo party?
GRU
No, no, I am--
GIRLS
¡Sí!
The girls are all thrilled at this, as is Antonio. As if on cue, MUSIC begins playing and they all begin dancing together.
Antonio takes Margo's hand and twirls her across the floor. Gru stares at Antonio with a look that could kill. A waiter comes by to give Gru a party drink, and he promptly crushes the glass with his bare hands. His eye twitches.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 58.
INT: AVL HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
Gru and Lucy sit across from Silas at headquarters.
SILAS
I'm sorry, El Macho? Hadn't we
eliminated him as a suspect? After
the whole salsa incident?
GRU
Yes, but there has been a new
development, and I'm telling you,
this is the guy. You need to
arrest him immediately. And his
deviously charming son. I'm pretty
sure that the son is involved, too.
The son also. You've got to get
the son.
Gru approaches Silas.
GRU (CONT'D)
(whispers)
I think that the son is the
mastermind. There's a look.
There's a devilish look in his eyes
and I don't like it!
SILAS
Yes, but I don't really see any
evidence for--
GRU
Evidence schmevidence! I go with
my gut, and my gut tells me that
this guy is El Macho! Lock him up!
Lock up the son. Don't forget
about the son. The kid gives me
the creeps!
Silas takes a deep breath and rubs his temples.
SILAS
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...
Lucy jumps in, trying to save the situation.
LUCY
Uh, but, on the less...
(whistles)
..."crazy" side of things, uh, Gru
discovered traces of the serum at
Eagle Hair Club.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 59.
SILAS
Hm... Interesting...
LUCY
Yeah, and you know who made that
happen? Huh?
(points to Gru)
This guy. Nailed it. Amazing,
right?
GRU
No. I mean, sure, but it's not
him. It is...
(whispers)
...El Macho.
SILAS
Mr. Gru. Please--
GRU
No. It is him! And I will prove
it!
And Gru storms out.
LUCY
(calls after him)
Gru, c'mon!
Once he's gone, Silas gives Lucy a look.
LUCY (CONT'D)
(laughs nervously)
He really thinks it's El Macho.
Can you tell?
Silas is not amused.
EXT: BEACH - DAY
The minion with the popsicle stuck to his tongue wakes up on a beach, disoriented. He slowly sits up--
--and sees hundreds of minions partying!
This is where all the abducted minions were taken!
There are minions sitting at a Tiki bar, being tended by a bartender minion...
...The French maid minion and a ukelele-playing minion are dancing in the sand. They wave at him...
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 60.
Chapter 11[]
Meanwhile, Jerry approaches the popsicle minion with two bananas. He gives him one, does a Hawaiian dance with the other, then runs off for the water. Popsicle minion tears off his overalls and follows suit.
POPSICLE MINION
Koonga!
The Popsicle Minion, now nude, runs across the sand and jumps into a clear, blue ocean. We pull back to reveal that unbeknownst to any of the minions, this is all happening inside a large terrarium, and they are being watched by a mysterious figure in silhouette.
INT: FAMILY ROOM - DAY
Gru sits with his laptop. He's on the eVillain site. He clicks through various images of El Macho. Edith chases Kyle, who has the wig in his mouth. A minion sets a stack of magazines on the coffee table.
Then "YOU ARE NO LONGER CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET" appears on Gru's screen. He grimaces and calls out.
GRU
Kevin, the wi-fi's out! Kevin?
He looks to the minion at the coffee table.
GRU (CONT'D)
Hey, Lance! Where the heck is
Kevin?
The minion just shrugs and walks away.
GRU (CONT'D)
Alright, we need to revisit the
number of vacation days you guys
get. I can't find anybody anymore!
DING-DONG! Someone's at the door. Gru turns to it.
JILLIAN (O.S.)
Gru! It's Jillian!
Gru pretends to shoot himself.
JILLIAN (O.S.) (CONT'D)
I've got good news!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 61.
EXT: GRU'S HOUSE - SAME
Jillian and her artificially beautiful friend SHANNON stand outside on Gru's porch. Shannon texts on her phone, looking bored.
JILLIAN
I have my friend Shannon here with
me! I was thinking you two could
get some grub, you know, tear it
up! See what happens!
INT: GRU'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
JILLIAN (O.S.)
Uhh, open up!
He sees Agnes walking by, singing softly and playing with her unicorn. He whisper-shouts to her.
GRU
Agnes! Agnes! Tell Jillian I'm
not here!
Agnes turns to the door.
AGNES
Gru's not here!
JILLIAN
Are you sure?
AGNES
Yes! He just told me!
Gru, panicking, shakes his head and wags his fingers.
AGNES (CONT'D)
I mean no, he didn't just tell me!
JILLIAN
(laughs)
Agnes--where is Gru?
Gru makes the "zip your lips" gesture.
AGNES
He's putting on lipstick!
Gru waves his arms.
AGNES (CONT'D)
He's swatting at flies!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 62.
Gru waves his hand around his throat, making a "cut it off"
gesture.
AGNES (CONT'D)
He's chopping his head off!
Gru clenches his fists and grunts in frustration.
AGNES (CONT'D)
He's...pooping..?
Outside, Jillian and Shannon look confused.
JILLIAN (O.S.)
I know you're in there, Gru!
There's no way you're getting out
of this!
Kyle comes up to Gru, offering a wig in his mouth. Gru gets an idea
EXT: RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Establishing.
INT: RESTAURANT - SAME
Shannon sits at a table talking to Gru, who's offscreen. A waiter drops off a plate of spaghetti.
SHANNON
I have to tell you, I was so
nervous about tonight. I mean
there's just so many phonies out
there!
CUT TO Gru sitting across from her. Wearing a ridiculous WIG from Floyd. And looking extremely uncomfortable.
GRU
Yes, I hear you.
(awkwardly laughs)
SHANNON
Oh, so do you work out?
GRU
Well...
SHANNON
I mean, obviously, you don't, but
would you consider it? Huh?
(MORE)
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 63.
SHANNON (CONT'D)
Physical fitness is very important
to Shannon. As you can tell,
right? Huh?
Shannon drops to the floor and starts doing push-ups.
GRU
Ah. I can tell.
SHANNON
(mid-push-up)
Solid.
She switches to one-armed push-ups.
GRU
We are in a restaurant, you know.
Gru looks even more uncomfortable.
Just then Lucy (unseen by Gru) enters the restaurant. She approaches the HOSTESS.
LUCY
Hi. Takeout for Lucy?
HOSTESS
Sure, just a sec.
The Hostess leaves. Lucy looks around and then spots Gru. Sees him with the wig and Shannon who is now doing crunches on the floor. Lucy narrows her eyes, then has an idea. She presses a button on her watch, which transforms into a HIGH TECH EAVESDROPPING DEVICE, and puts it in her ear. Now she's able to hear Gru and Shannon talking. She watches them, intrigued. Shannon has returned to her seat.
SHANNON
Your accent is so exotic.
GRU
Ah. Well, thank you very much. I
was--
SHANNON
I know someone who can fix that for
you. And you'll be talking normal
in no time.
Gru is starting to sweat.
GRU
Hahaha. Hoooo. Is it hot in here?
Oof. How's the food?
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 64.
He wipes his brow and accidentally shifts the wig on his
head. Shannon stares at Gru's hair.
SHANNON
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are
you wearing a wig?
GRU
(really sweating it)
What? Ah!
(readjusts the wig)
I don't think so.
SHANNON
I knew it. You're a phony. I hate
phonies.
GRU
Oh. What? No. These locks are
all mine...
SHANNON
No they're not! You know what I'm
gonna do? I'm gonna rip that thing
off your head and show everyone
what a bald-headed phony you are.
LUCY
I don't think so, Miss Lady.
Lucy presses a button on her watch and a target sight pops out.
Gru watches in horror as Shannon reaches across the table for the wig.
Quickly Lucy presses another button on her watch which fires a MINI-DART GUN at Shannon.
PLIP. The mini-dart goes into Shannon's butt, knocking her out instantly. And saving Gru from certain humiliation. Gru stares at the now sleeping Shannon, confused.
GRU
Hello... Hello, are you...?
LUCY (O.S.)
Hey, Gru.
Gru quickly removes the wig.
GRU
Hello, Lucy, how you doin'...?
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 65.
LUCY
(noticing Shannon)
Wow, looks like your date's out for
the count. It's like she's been
shot with a mild moose
tranquilizer.
Shannon MOANS like a MOOSE, then passes out again.
LUCY (CONT'D)
(winks)
Yeah, I'm winking `cuz that's what
actually happened.
AN ITALIAN WAITER approaches.
ITALIAN WAITER
(re: Shannon)
`Scusi, whassa happenin' here? She
no like?
LUCY
Oh, she's just uh--
(makes drinking gesture)
The waiter nods and leaves.
ITALIAN WAITER
(laughs)
Oh, oh, sì, sì...
Lucy turns to Gru.
LUCY
Shall we take her home?
EXT: RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Gru and Lucy carry an unconscious Shannon out of the restaurant. Her head gets stuck in the swinging doors on the way out. They try to dislodge her and accidentally end up throwing her headfirst into a lamp post. They pick her up between them, Weekend at Bernie's-style. They wave to a passing COP. The cop tips his hat.
EXT: SUBURBAN STREET - LATER
Gru and Lucy get in her car. But it's cramped with Shannon in there too. She doesn't really fit.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 66.
EXT: SUBURBAN STREET - LATER
Lucy's car drives down the street. Gru and Lucy now have plenty of room in the car. We boom up to see that Shannon has been strapped to the roof like a deer.
EXT: SHANNON'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Gru and Lucy arrive at Shannon's house. Lucy comes to an abrupt stop and Shannon flies off the roof and slams into the car in front of them.
EXT: SHANNON'S HOUSE - LATER
Gru and Lucy sit on the front steps of Shannon's house.
LUCY
Well, I think you did it. You just
officially had the worst date ever.
GRU
Huh, tell me about it.
LUCY
Don't worry--it can only get better
from here, right? But if it
doesn't, you can always borrow my
dart gun. I've had to use it on
one or two dates myself.
GRU
Yeah, you know, as far as dates go,
I think I'm good with just the one.
Gru and Lucy exchange looks. He CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY. Time to go.
LUCY
Well, good night, partner.
She pats his shoulder and walks toward her car. Gru gets up to walk beside her.
LUCY (CONT'D)
This was fun.
GRU
Yes. Surprisingly, it was.
LUCY
Oh, and uh, just between you and
me? You look much better bald.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 67.
They smile at each other, and she gives him a peck on the
cheek and walks away.
LUCY (CONT'D)
See you tomorrow!
Gru smiles a big smile. Shannon slumps over on the porch behind him. Could he be...falling in love?
Chapter 12[]
INT: GRU'S BEDROOM - SAME
RIIIING! Gru's ALARM CLOCK goes off. He reaches out and turns it off. Ready to greet the day.
INT: SHOWER - DAY
Gru happily washes in the shower, acting out a puppet show with his rubber ducky.
GRU
Quack! Quack! Quack!
INT: BATHROOM - DAY
Gru brushes his teeth with two toothbrushes. He jokingly arranges them in his mouth like walrus tusks, then BARKS like a seal.
INT: KITCHEN - DAY
HEART-SHAPED PANCAKES are served to the girls sitting at the table. Edith makes a face at getting hers.
AGNES
Yeah!
MARGO
So I take it the date went well?
GRU
No! It was horrible!
He laughs gleefully. The girls exchange looks. What?
Then he skips out of the room, dancing with a minion in the kitchen. Agnes's face lights up. Yes!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 68.
EXT: STREET - DAY
Gru makes his way to work--on foot:
--he strolls down the sidewalk.
--he passes a MAILMAN and gives him a high five.
GRU
High-five!
Then a POLICEMAN, with whom he exchanges mimed gunfire.
Then a NUN, with whom he bumps rumps.
GRU (CONT'D)
Bump it.
Seeing something offscreen, Gru GASPS.
--he stops traffic so a happy family of DUCKS can cross the street.
--he plays ultimate frisbee with a bunch of COLLEGE KIDS, balancing the spinning disc on his pointy nose.
--he joins a group of OLD LADIES doing Tai Chi.
--he "air" drums with a couple of BUCKET DRUMMERS on the curb.
--he picks a flower, then walks by a MAN and a WOMAN sitting alone with their backs to each other at a cafe. He quickly turns their chairs around so they find each other and hands the man the flower for the woman. They smile and Gru goes his merry way.
INT: SHOPPING MALL - DAY
Gru continues happily dancing through the mall on his way to the cupcake shop. He shimmies with a FAT WOMAN on the escalator, then GAPS and stops suddenly upon seeing Eagle Hair Club closed. The MUSIC abruptly ends.
Gru sees Silas speaking with an AVL AGENT. Gru approaches him.
GRU
(confused)
Mr. Ramsbottom?
SILAS
Oh, hello.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 69.
GRU
What are you doing here?
SILAS
We got him.
GRU
Got who?
SILAS
Floyd Eaglesan! Our agents located
a secret room in his shop last
night, and uh, discovered this!
He snaps his fingers and an AVL agent hands him a METAL CANISTER in a ziploc bag. Silas holds it up.
SILAS (CONT'D)
It's empty, but we found traces of
the PX-41 serum in it. He's our
man. So somehow, in spite of your
incompetence, we solved this one.
TWO AVL AGENTS carry Floyd away in handcuffs.
FLOYD
I was framed! You won't get away
with this! Get your mitts off of
me! I am a legitimate businessman!
Gru turns back to Silas. He is stunned by this.
GRU
Ah. Alright. So...what now?
SILAS
Well, now you're free to go back to
your "business." Mmmm. Jams and
jellies. And it looks like Agent
Wilde will be transferring to our
Australian branch.
GRU
(in shock)
Australia...?
SILAS
Yes. But thank you--for
everything. And by everything of
course I mean...nothing.
(beat)
Toodle pip and cheerio, Mr. Gru.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 70.
Silas walks away to join the AVL agents. Gru stares blankly,
sadly. And then Lucy approaches him.
LUCY
Hey there.
GRU
Hey.
LUCY
So...we got him.
GRU
Yay. That's great.
(beat)
And now you're going to Australia?
LUCY
Well, it's not definite yet. Still
figuring it out. Already been
working on my accent.
(Australian accent)
Wallaby. Diggeri-doo. Hugh
Jackman.
(beat)
So...um. Pretty excited...
GRU
Great. Well...good luck.
LUCY
Thanks. You too.
(remembering)
Oh. Here. I wanted to give you
this.
She holds out her lipstick taser.
GRU
Your lipstick taser?
LUCY
Yeah, it's just a memento. Just,
you know, from the first time we
met.
GRU
Oh. Thank you, Lucy.
Gru accepts the lipstick taser.
SILAS (O.S.)
Agent Wilde!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 71.
Lucy ignores this and just waits, not wanting to leave. She
and Gru stand there awkwardly.
GRU
Well... it looks like they need
you, so...
LUCY
Yeah, I uh, I better go. Bye, Gru.
And she leaves Gru. He stands there. Completely miserable.
EXT: STREET - DAY
Gru walks back home, completely depressed.
Walks past the college kids playing frisbee. Catches the frisbee and tosses it down the sewer.
Walks past the group of bucket drummers. As he passes he KICKS one of the buckets.
Walks past the old ladies doing Tai Chi. As they balance on one leg he pushes 4 of them, but leaves 2 of them alone.
Chapter 13[]
EXT: GRU'S HOUSE - NIGHT
It's pouring rain. Gru sits alone outside his house. Miserable.
And then an UMBRELLA approaches him. It looks like it's traveling on its own. But when it gets closer it lifts up, revealing Agnes.
AGNES
I brought you an umbrella.
Gru takes the umbrella and Agnes joins him. They both huddle under it.
GRU
Ah, thank you.
AGNES
What're you doing out here?
GRU
Remember when you said that I liked
Lucy? Well, it turns out...you're
right.
Agnes's face lights up.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 72.
AGNES
Really?
GRU
Yes, but...well, she's moving away.
(sadly)
I'm never going to see her again.
Agnes's face falls. All her hopes and dreams shattered. But she tries to encourage Gru.
AGNES
Is there anything I can do to help?
GRU
Oh, I don't--I don't think so,
sweetheart.
AGNES
Well, is there anything you could
do?
Gru thinks.
INT: GRU'S OFFICE - DAY
Gru is on the PHONE.
GRU
"Hello, Lucy. This is Gru. I know
up to this point our relationship
has been strictly professional, and
you're leaving for Australia and
all, but..."
(struggles to get it out)
Okay, here is the question. "Would
you like to--to go out on a date?"
PULL BACK TO REVEAL Stuard the minion standing across from Gru, pretending to be on a cell phone on the other end of the line. And wearing a RED-HAIRED WIG. He shrugs.
STUART
Eh, no.
GRU
Okay, that's not helping.
He hangs up.
GRU (CONT'D)
All right. Here we go. For real
this time.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 73.
He stares at Lucy's card. Then turns to the phone. It's a
stand-off. He does stretches and calisthenics to psych
himself up. He SIGHS.
GRU (CONT'D)
I can do this.
He stares down the phone again. It sits there, taunting him. We cut back and forth between Gru and the phone, until finally--
GRU (CONT'D)
Agh! I hate you!
He produces a FLAMETHROWER and burns up the phone. Stuart dives out of the way.
GRU (CONT'D)
(satisfied)
Ah.
RIIIIIING !!! The FIRE ALARM goes off.
CHOP! Suddenly AXES chop through the wall. Several minions in FIREMEN'S GEAR enter. Another minion imitates a siren through a bullhorn.
SIREN MINION
Beedo! Beedo! Beedo! Beedo!
One continues chopping everything in sight with his axe, then chops his way right through the wall of the house and falls outside. Another minion brings in a MASSIVE HOSE, turns it on, and goes flying around the room as it whips around like a snake. Stuart tests out a fire extinguisher.
SIREN MINION (CONT'D)
Beedo! Beedo! Beedo! Beedo!
Gru takes away the bullhorn from the Siren minion. But he keeps on making the noise.
SIREN MINION (CONT'D)
Beedo! Beedo! Beedo!
Stuart fires the extinguisher at the Siren minion. He makes the noise again and Stuart sprays him with the fire extinguisher, sending him flying offscreen.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 74.
INT: MINION BEACH HABITAT - DAY
The minions enjoy another day at the beach. Kevin the Golf minion drifts out in the water on an inner tube. He fixes his coconut bra, then unpeels a banana and eats it.
INT: CONTROL ROOOM - SAME
A hand pulls a lever in a control room.
INT: MINION BEACH HABITAT - SAME
Suddenly a WHIRLPOOL appears in the water right next to him. He gets sucked into it.
Kevin is pulled down to the bottom of the habitat and into a TUBE.
INT: LAB - SAME
Kevin pops out of the tube and lands in a waiting metallic chair. His hat follows him down the tube and lands on his head.
CLICK! A metal strap fastens around his waist. He shrugs and continues to eat the banana.
FRENCH MAID MINION (O.S.)
Kevin?
Kevin looks over and sees the French Maid Minion strapped into a chair nearby. He has a banana too.
KEVIN
Tom?
They raise their bananas in the air.
KEVIN & FRENCH MAID MINION
Bello! Compai!
And then a GIANT DEVICE appears, looking like a huge, scary HYPODERMIC NEEDLE filled with purple liquid. The needle comes toward the French Maid Minion.
FRENCH MAID MINION
(to the needle)
Compai!
The needle is injected into him and administers the serum.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 75.
The French Maid Minion starts to shake. Contorts. Then
MORPHS into a PURPLE MINION.
PURPLE FRENCH MAID MINION
Blaaah!
Kevin points and LAUGHS at him. He doesn't see the needle come down behind him. It injects him with the serum as well.
KEVIN
Oh...
Chapter 14[]
EXT: EDUARDO'S HOUSE - DAY
Gru's vehicle makes its way up the winding road to Eduardo's house.
INT: GRU'S VEHICLE - SAME
Gru drives the vehicle, looking deeply depressed. The girls sit in the back, dressed up for the Cinco de Mayo party.
MARGO, EDITH & AGNES
Cinco de May-yay-yo! Cinco de May-
yay-yo! Cinco de May-yay-yo!
Gru's expression doesn't change. They pull up to the front gate.
EXT: EDUARDO'S HOUSE GATE - SAME
Gru's vehicle pulls up in front of the open gate in front of Eduardo's house. His car almost knocks a bunch of parked cars off the cliff.
The grounds are set up for the most elaborate and fun Cinco de Mayo party of all time. Sumptuous spreads of MEXICAN FOOD everywhere. LANTERNS hanging from trees. PEOPLE having a great time.
Gru and the girls enter the compound.
EDITH
Whoa! This place is awesome!
GRU
Okay. Let's party. Ah? But first
let's go over the rules. Because
what is fun without the rules?
On Agnes with her mouth and arms full of churros.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 76.
GRU (CONT'D)
Agnes, easy on the churros.
On Edith, swinging her ninja sword.
GRU (CONT'D)
Edith, try not to kill anyone.
EDITH
Hai!
GRU
Margo--
As Gru turns to Margo he sees that she is holding hands with Antonio, face-to-face, almost close enough to kiss.
ANTONIO
Hello, Mr. Gru.
Gru furrows his brow.
GRU
Aghhh! Okay...
He grabs Antonio and drags him far away from Margo.
MARGO
Gru!
GRU
There must be the standard six feet
of space between you and boys.
(re: Antonio)
Especially this boy.
Gru turns and sees that Antonio is back next to Margo.
ANTONIO
(laughs)
You are a funny man. There are no
rules, Se�or! It's Cinco De Mayo!
(to girls)
Come on! They're starting the
dance!
He grabs Margo's hand and takes off. Edith and Agnes follow. Agnes explodes with delight.
AGNES
(rolling her churros like crazy)
¡Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriba!
Gru watches them go. Frowns.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 77.
EXT: EDUARDO'S HOUSE - LATER
Gru, sneaking through the party, spots Antonio and Margo dancing.
Gru sneaks up on Antonio, using the flashing strobe lights to cover his approach. Suddenly Antonio is gone and Gru is the one dancing with Margo, who has her back to him and is oblivious to what's going on.
Antonio reappears and kicks Gru in the crotch from behind. He dances once again with Margo while Gru hunches over in pain.
Gru then gets the upper hand and starts choking Antonio and shaking him. Margo turns around and sees this.
Gru and Antonio see they are being watched by Margo and start casually dancing next to each other as if nothing is wrong.
As the song ends, Margo takes Antonio's hand and pulls him away from Gru off the dance floor.
Gru is defeated and all alone.
INT: EDUARDO'S HOUSE - LATER
Gru sits by himself in the corner, sulking and staring at Lucy's lipstick taser. A WAITER walks by and places a tortilla chip sombrero on his head with the rim filled with guacamole. He breaks off a piece, dips it, and eats it.
EDUARDO (O.S.)
So glad you could make it, mi
compadre.
Gru looks up and sees Eduardo standing there. Gru quickly hides the taser.
EDUARDO (CONT'D)
(sensing something's
wrong)
Hey, what's wrong?
GRU
Oh, nothing. Nothing is wrong.
I'm just chilling with the
guac...from my chip hat.
Gru takes another scoop of guacamole, smiles, and gives a thumbs up. A glob of guacamole falls from the sombrero. Eduardo puts his arm around him.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 78.
EDUARDO
Gru, please. I know that look all
too well. It is the look of a
broken heart.
GRU
How did you know?
EDUARDO
Believe me, my friend, I too have
spent many nights trying to drown
my sorrows in guacamole.
GRU
You?
EL MACHO
Yes. But we are survivors.
There's much more to us than meets
the eye. Enjoy the party.
Eduardo gives Gru a meaningful look. And then walks away. Gru watches him go. Deep in thought.
Gru notices Eduardo suspiciously sneak away from the party and head into the house.
Gru gets up from the table and follows Eduardo. As he walks through the party, several partygoers break tortilla pieces off his sombrero to eat.
INT: EDUARDO HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Eduardo enters a dimly-lit room. Gru sneaks behind and peers through a crack in the door.
INT: SECRET MAYAN ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Eduardo stands in the center of a secret room, which is lined with Mayan-style totem poles. He dances on the tile floor, which lights up and plays "La Cucaracha" with each strategic step.
The musical pattern is a code which opens a secret passageway through the largest totem's mouth. Eduardo enters and the mouth closes behind him.
Gru tentatively enters the room. He pauses at the tile floor. He tries to replicate Eduardo's "La Cucaracha" code, but a glob of guacamole from his sombrero falls to the floor and hits the wrong tile. This activates a booby-trapped totem pole, which halves Gru's sombrero with a spear.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 79.
GRU
What the--oh!
Gru observes the destroyed sombrero in his hands.
GRU (CONT'D)
Huh.
Gru attempts the code again, but missteps. An axe from the wall swings at him and misses.
GRU (CONT'D)
Oooh!
Gru missteps again and one of the totems lights up and spits fire at him, burning his face.
GRU (CONT'D)
(dazed)
Aaaahhh...
He missteps again and a club whacks him over the head.
GRU (CONT'D)
Oh!
One of the totems shoots darts at him, piercing his nose.
GRU (CONT'D)
(in pain)
Aaaahhh!
Gru falls to the floor.
GRU (CONT'D)
Oooohhh.
His head hits the correct tile, and the Mayan passageway opens. Gru walks to the door, pointing at the totems and gloating.
GRU (CONT'D)
Aha! Ha ha ha--
The passageway doors slam on his arm.
GRU (CONT'D)
(in pain)
Oh!
He pulls his crushed arm through the doors.
GRU (CONT'D)
Ouch!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 80.
EXT: SKY - DAY
A 747 jets through the sky.
INT: AIRPLANE - SAME
Lucy sits alone and stares out the window. Depressed. She SIGHS.
She grabs an in flight magazine and opens it up to an ad for wristwatches. It reads; "IN THE SKY, HE IS THE ONE MAN EVERYONE CAN TRUST" and shows a picture of Gru giving the thumbs up in a cockpit.
LUCY
Say what?
Lucy reacts, shakes her head, and now the picture is just a regular airline pilot in the cockpit.
Lucy turns the page. It's another ad, saying simply "Gru Now!" and showing a picture of a muscular Gru diving from a waterfall. She GASPS and slams the magazine shut, then slowly reopens it to find the picture is really just a random muscular guy diving. It says "GO NOW - TO HAWAII!"
FLIGHT ATTENDANT (O.S.)
Would you like some peanuts or
pretzels?
Lucy looks up from her magazine to see the flight attendant, who looks like Gru. She REACTS. Then looks across the aisle and sees a lady that looks and sounds like Gru, talking to another man who looks like Gru.
FEMALE GRU PASSENGER
Ha ha ha ha ha! That's a good
joke.
Then Lucy looks behind her and sees the young monkey looks like Gru. The baby turns around and also looks like Gru.
GRU BABY
I just did a boom boom.
The flight attendant tries to get Lucy's attention.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT
I really need you to make a choice,
hon.
Close on Lucy as she has a moment of epiphany.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 81.
LUCY
I choose Gru.
(to everyone)
I CHOOSE GRU!
Lucy runs to the exit door and flings it open. WOOSH! Air rushes throughout the cabin.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Thank you, Gru stewardess!
The flight attendant stands up, recovering from her twirl.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT
You're welcome!
The other passengers wave as the plane's oxygen masks fall from each overhead console. And with that, Lucy jumps from the plane, holding her purse.
EXT: SKY - DAY
As Lucy falls from the sky she presses a button on her purse and it transforms into a hanglider. She flies off with purpose.
Chapter 15[]
INT: TUNNEL - DAY
Elevator doors open revealing EL MACHO'S UNDERGROUND LAIR. Gru stands in the doorway, pulling the dart out of his nose. The lair is a massive villainous complex that looks a lot like hell. Gru takes the place in. It's awesome and terrifying. The magnet ship is there!
EL MACHO (O.S.)
You have not lost your touch, my
friend.
Gru turns around and sees Eduardo dressed in El Macho's old wrestling outfit, like we saw in the flashback.
GRU
Ha ha! I knew it! You are El
Macho!
EL MACHO
That's right!
GRU
Nobody believed me! Ho ho! But I
knew you weren't dead!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 82.
EL MACHO
(laughing)
Of course not. I merely faked my
death, ha, ha!
(beat)
But now it's time for me to make a
spectacular return to evil!
Doctor, I think it's time we showed
Gru what we're up to here.
Standing in the middle of the lair's walkway is the one, the only...Dr. Nefario.
GRU
Dr. Nefario?
DR. NEFARIO
Nice to see you, Gru.
GRU
Whaaat? This-- So, this is your
new job opportunity?
DR. NEFARIO
Absolutely. You're gonna like
this.
Dr. Nefario pulls a lever. A platform rises with the Purple Minion version of Kevin strapped to a chair on it.
EL MACHO
Sorry--I had to borrow some of your
minions, but it was for a worthy
cause.
GRU
Oh! Kevin? Agh!
EL MACHO
No, he's not Kevin anymore. Now he
is an indestructible, mindless
killing machine!
KEVIN
Blah!
EL MACHO
Just watch this!
He then presses a BUTTON.
--a machine gun lowers and the purple minion's RIDDLED with BULLETS, but unhurt.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 83.
--a FLAMETHROWER shoots fire at the purple minion, but he's
completely unharmed.
--an axe is swung at him, but he just eats it.
--an atom bomb falls on him, but he just swallows it and it explodes harmlessly in his belly.
--a POLICE CAR is dropped onto him, and he devours it whole.
Gru stares, stunned.
EL MACHO (CONT'D)
And here's the best part! I've got
an ARMY OF THEM!
The lights come on above El Macho, revealing hundreds of caged PURPLE MINIONS.
Gru can't believe his eyes. El Macho LAUGHS.
EL MACHO (CONT'D)
Soon I will unleash them on the
world--and if anyone, anyone,
tries to stop them...YEOW! Their
city gets eaten!
(beat)
We can do it together!
GRU
Together?
EL MACHO
Together! I have admired your work
for years, amigo. Stealing the
moon?! Are you kidding?! We would
be unstoppable! Men like you, men
like me, we should be ruling the
world!
(excitedly)
So, are you in?
Dr. Nefario pops a celebratory noisemaker in the background.
DR. NEFARIO
Woo-hoo!
El Macho eagerly awaits Gru's reply. Gru just stares at him. How does he get out of this?
GRU
Uh...yeah...probably...
El Macho is taken aback.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 84.
EL MACHO
Probably?
Gru realizes he's in danger and quickly tries to backpedal.
GRU
I mean, yes! Yes. Of course, yes,
I just have a lot going on right
now...I just need to get some
things off my plate before we start
taking over the world, that's all.
EL MACHO
`Scuse me?
GRU
No--no, forget it! One hundred
percent! I am in!
(pretending to hear
something)
I think--what is--do you hear that--
I do. That's Agnes calling me from
on the surf--
Gru steps into the elevator and the door shuts. Then opens. He's frantically trying to press the button that will return him to the surface.
GRU (CONT'D)
Totally in!
The doors close and Gru is gone. El Macho stares, deep in thought. Clearly suspicious.
EL MACHO
You know what? I am not so
convinced that he is in.
El Macho presses a button that releases the Purple Minion.
KEVIN
Blah!
EXT: EL MACHO'S HOUSE - SAME
Edith knocks a pi�ata down with a BAT, then beats the crap out of it.
GRU
Edith! Agnes! Come on!
SMACK! Edith accidentally hits Gru in the face with the bat.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 85.
GRU (CONT'D)
Ooof!
Edith takes off her blindfold.
EDITH
Sorry.
GRU
We need to go home now! Where's
Margo?
AGNES
But I didn't get a turn!
EXT: OTHER SIDE OF EL MACHO'S HOUSE - DAY
Margo sits at a table alone and depressed, wearing the chip hat. She looks like she's been crying.
GRU
Margo!
Gru approaches her with the other girls in tow.
GRU (CONT'D)
Come on, we're leav--hey, what's
wrong?
MARGO
I hate boys.
Gru turns and sees Antonio dancing with a PRETTY GIRL. Gru frowns.
GRU
Yes...they stink. Sorry, honey,
we've got to go.
He takes her hand and leads her offscreen before popping back into frame and firing the freeze ray at Antonio. We see he is now frozen in a block of ice.
EXT: EL MACHO'S DRIVEWAY - DAY
SCREEECH! Gru's car pulls out of the driveway and speeds down the mountain, just as Lucy's hang glider lands at Eduardo's.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 86.
EXT: EDUARDO'S HOUSE - DAY
Lucy looks around, but doesn't see Gru. She maneuvers her way through the crowd.
LUCY
Oops, sorry!
She makes it through, but still no sign of Gru.
Suddenly Pollito appears and exchanges looks with Lucy. He SCREECHES and flies towards her. She strikes a martial arts pose ready to defend herself. As she does, her purse falls to the ground.
The attack never comes and she looks down to see Pollito pecking at her purse.
EL MACHO (O.S.)
Pollito! What's the matter?
El Macho appears and picks up the chicken, petting it.
LUCY
Oh, hey! Eduardo!
EL MACHO
Lucía! I apologize. Pollito, he's
usually not like this. The same
thing happened the other day
with... with Gru and...
El Macho drops off, deep in thought. Connecting the dots. Lucy is oblivious.
LUCY
Oh, speaking of Gru...uh, have you
seen him? I really need to talk to
him.
EL MACHO
Yes, I think he's somewhere around
here. You two are close, no?
LUCY
Oh, I don't know. I mean close...
I wouldn't say we were close. Why,
did he say we were close? Did he
say that?
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 87.
EL MACHO
It's more what he didn't say. For
instance, he never mentioned...that
you were both working for the Anti-
Villain League!!!
Suddenly El Macho turns Pollito around revealing that he has her AVL credentials in his beak. El Macho grabs Lucy.
EL MACHO (CONT'D)
(threateningly)
You're coming with me.
He leads her away.
LUCY
Hey!
We see Dr. Nefario watching this, in shock. He's holding a drink and a Mexican flag cupcake.
DR. NEFARIO
Crikey.
Chapter 16[]
EXT: GRU'S HOUSE - DAY
The vehicle pulls into the driveway.
INT: GRU'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Gru walks the girls into the family room. Two minions sit in front of the big screen TV playing a video game.
EDITH
So Eduardo's actually El Macho?
Cool!
GRU
No, it is not cool. Plus, I pretty
much knew it was him all along, so
if anyone's cool, it's me.
The BIGSCREEN TV BEEPS. Gru and the others turn to look. It's Dr. Nefario. He's at El Macho's, whispering and looking anxiously around him from under a table.
DR. NEFARIO (ON SCREEN)
(whispering)
Gru!
GRU
Well, Dr. Nefario...
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 88.
DR. NEFARIO (ON SCREEN)
(hurriedly)
El Macho's on to you. He knows
you're working for the AVL. And
he's got your partner!
Gru is confused.
GRU
Lucy? Wha--that's impossible!
She's on her way to Australia...
EL MACHO (O.S.)
Nefario!
Dr. Nefario looks nervously offscreen. El Macho's coming.
DR. NEFARIO (ON SCREEN)
Sorry, gotta go!
Nefario disconnects the camera. The screen goes blank.
Agnes GASPS and turns to Gru.
AGNES
He's got Lucy?
GRU
(determined)
Not for long.
Gru begins to walk out of the room. He turns to the minions.
GRU (CONT'D)
Come on.
(beat)
We're getting her out of there.
Gru marches out of the room, fire in his eyes. A man on a mission. To save the woman he loves.
The minions are visibly disappointed to leave their video game. One of them clutches the controller in his hand and continues to play until the moment he exits the frame.
INT: GRU'S GARAGE - DAY
Gru gets on his motorcycle. It's the GRUCYCLE, a Gru-style motorcycle, like Arnold in Terminator 2.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 89.
EXT: GRU'S HOUSE - DAY
A playhouse in Gru's front yard drops away, revealing a hatch in the ground. Out drives Gru. Two minions sit behind him holding on.
He speeds down the road. Ready to kick some butt.
EXT: EL MACHO'S COMPOUND - DAY
The yard is now filled with ROCKET SHIPS.
From behind, we watch El Macho emerge from his home to survey the troops.
Some minions file into the rocket ships. El Macho watches them and LAUGHS maniacally.
EXT: GRU'S HOUSE - DAY
EVIL MINION POV: The evil minion Kevin runs down the street, nearing Gru's house. He is scared by his own reflection in a shiny parked car. He spots a tricycle and eats it.
Then Kyle spots him and GROWLS.
Kyle runs off and evil minion Kevin gives chase. He stops when he sees the front door.
INT: GRU'S HOUSE - DAY
Margo and Agnes sit on the floor playing a princess board game. Next to Agnes is her unicorn.
They hear a SCRATCHING SOUND outside the window. Agnes looks scared.
AGNES
What was that?
Margo stands up. Makes her way toward the window, which is covered with drapes. Then reaches a nervous hand and pulls back the drapes.
MARGO
I don't see anything.
Suddenly, evil minion Kevin appears at the window, looking really scary!
Margo SCREAMS.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 90.
SMASH! Evil minion Kevin crashes through the window and
lands in the family room surrounded by shattered glass and
tangled up in the curtain. He turns to the girls, who slowly
back away. He looks at Agnes and ROARS.
MARGO (CONT'D)
Run!
Margo grabs Agnes and they run out of the room, accidentally dropping the stuffed unicorn behind.
Agnes stops and runs back for it.
AGNES
My unicorn!
MARGO
Agnes, no!
Agnes stops and sees evil minion Kevin already has it in his mouth.
Agnes screams an insanely HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM. It SHATTERS all the glass in the room, three pictures, one clock, Marlena's head and the glass in evil minion Kevin's goggles. He spits out the unicorn. He is slowed him down for a bit, so Agnes safely grabs the unicorn, and Margo grabs Agnes's hand.
They run for the elevator to the lower level, with the purple minion hot on their tails. The elevator drops just in time. Evil minion Kevin slams into the glass door.
INT: GRU'S LAB - SAME
Margo and Agnes run into the lab to find half a dozen minions milling about.
MARGO
C'mon! Hurry!
AGNES
Whoa!
Edith plays ping-pong with the minions using nun-chucks like Bruce Lee. Margo shuts the big iron door.
Edith and the minions stare back at Margo.
EDITH
What's the matter?
CRASH! The purple minion has eaten its way through the ceiling!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 91.
AGNES
Whoa!
It drops down into the lab and lands on a dazed yellow minion. The girls SCREAM as it jumps up and dashes towards them.
Evil minion Kevin stomps toward the girls. They are backed into a corner. It's all over.
Then suddenly a HYPODERMIC NEEDLE enters frame and injects evil minion Kevin. He falls over, writhing on the floor. Then he sits up and--
Has turned back into a YELLOW MINION. It's Kevin!
KEVIN
Ooh-la-la! Pilatos?
AGNES
Kevin!
The other minions dog pile on him with friendly hugs.
MARGO
Dr. Nefario! You're back!
Reveal Dr. Nefario holding the needle.
DR. NEFARIO
In the flesh.
Nefario produces a VIAL filled with YELLOW LIQUID.
DR. NEFARIO (CONT'D)
Behold, the antidote!
He walks over to a vat of the jelly.
DR. NEFARIO (CONT'D)
Come on. Let's finally put this
horrible jelly to some good use.
He pours the antidote into the vat.
Chapter 17[]
EXT: EL MACHO'S HOUSE - LATER
Gru makes his way up the road leading to El Macho's house. He is wearing handcuffs, and being led at spear-point by Dave and Stuart, who have been painted purple to look like Evil minions. But they are goofing around and giggling. And they still have a few yellow spots.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 92.
GRU
Hey, guys. Come on! Stay focused
here!
The minions somber up.
MINIONS
Okay, okay.
Gru covers a smeared yellow spot with purple paint.
They approach the front gate, which is closed. Dave boosts himself onto a stray box and speaks gibberish into the intercom. He hears Evil Minion gibberish in response. He responds back in Evil Minion gibberish.
The intercom buzzes and the gate begins to open.
The gate opens and there are DOZENS of PURPLE MINIONS milling about. They eye Gru and his captors suspiciously.
Dave and Stuart poke Gru with a spear.
GRU
(attempting to act)
Curses. Foiled again. These guys
captured me.
The Evil Minions CHEER at seeing this.
Gru, Dave and Stuart have to walk all the way to the house surrounded on all sides by evil purple minions. The painted yellow minions are very nervous. The purple minions eye them as they pass. They GROWL and the yellow minions attempt to GROWL back.
It's extremely intense, but it looks like they're going to make it.
Then one of the evil minions makes a slobbery raspberry at one of the painted ones. They get into a raspberry fight until the painted minion is grossed out and tries to rub the slobber off him. It rubs off the purple paint.
One of the evil purple minions points and SCREAMS a scream of, "BAAAAAAH!". They're exposed! All of the purple minions run towards Gru, Dave and Stuart. Teeth bared. Ready to chomp.
GRU (CONT'D)
Run!
They take off running.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 93.
EXT: EL MACHO'S BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS
Gru and the yellow minions burst into El Macho's backyard. The Evil Minions give chase.
GRU
Up that tree! Hurry, hurry!
They climb a tree up to the roof of the house, only to be pursued by more minions up there. And the Evil Minions have devoured the tree so they can't go back that way either.
With no escape, Gru and the minions run up a tower until they reach the top--a dead end.
Here come the purple minions. They're trapped. Gru kicks them away and the yellow minions try to fight off the purple ones. But they are clearly doomed.
And then Gru's ship appears hovering above them! Modified as a jelly-dispensing weapon and with Dr. Nefario at the controls! The minions hang on the sides holding JELLY BLASTERS.
The ship opens fire on the evil minions, transforming them. POP! POP! POP! POP! One by one they transform back into yellow minions. One of the Minions wipes the horrible tasting jelly off his tongue.
Dr. Nefario sticks his head out the side of the ship.
DR. NEFARIO
Hello, Gru!
GRU
Hey, hey! Nice work, Dr. Nefario!
Gru leaps onto the ship.
DR. NEFARIO
I put an antidote in the jelly.
(beat)
I mean, I'm happy to create an evil
army to destroy the world, but
nobody messes with my family.
GRU
Thank you, Doctor! Now let's go
get the--
Gru looks over to see Margo, Edith and Agnes onboard the ship, holding jelly blasters.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 94.
AGNES
Hi!
Gru is flabbergasted. He turns to Nefario.
GRU
You brought the girls?
DR. NEFARIO
Yes!
(beat)
Oh. Was that wrong?
Gru's ship flies toward El Macho, blasting purple minions all along the way.
From behind a large jelly gun Edith unloads round after round.
EDITH
Wooooo! Yeeeaaahhh!
El Macho witnesses his evil minions being converted back to regular ones.
EL MACHO
Oh no! What's happening to my
minions?
(beat)
Gru?
Gru turns to Nefario and the girls.
GRU
You guys take care of the rest of
the minions.
(beat)
I'm going to find Lucy.
Gru leaps out of the ship down to the roof El Macho is on. He has two big jelly weapons in his hands.
Meanwhile the ship flies off with its jelly blasters firing, and comes to land on the ground below.
The minions and the girls start jumping from the ship. Agnes takes aim.
AGNES
Eat jelly, you purple freaks!
Waaaaah!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 95.
Agnes' gun is a little too big for her and the kick sends her
a bit out of control. But she still manages to hit a number
of Evil Minions. The tide is turning.
Meanwhile, Gru has gone ballistic on the evil minions. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! He takes the remaining few out.
El Macho kicks an evil minion at Gru, but he manages to hit it with jelly and transform it back to yellow.
Chapter 18[]
Gru holds his gun up to El Macho and gives him a threatening look.
GRU
It's over, El Macho. Now where is
Lucy?
EL MACHO
(chuckles)
Let me show you.
He turns to a computer and pushes a button.
A fountain stops spewing water and underneath it STEEL DOORS open from the ground. And out of them rises a ROCKET. Strapped to it is Lucy. Tied to a SHARK with TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS OF DYNAMITE strapped to her.
Gru is horrified. He GASPS.
LUCY
Oh, hey Gru! Turns out you were
right about the whole El Macho
thing, huh?
(unconvincingly)
Yay!
El Macho calls to Gru, brandishing a remote.
EL MACHO
One push of this button and I send
that rocket straight into the same
volcano where I faked my death.
Only this time--it's for real!
GRU
(horrified)
No!
Dave swoops in on a rope and grabs the remote, Tarzan- style...
DAVE
Tally ho!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 96.
But unfortunately he smacks a roof support and drops the
remote. It bonks a bunch of minions on the head and lands on
the ground.
El Macho stares down Gru. Fire in his eyes.
EL MACHO
We could've ruled the world
together, Gru. But now--you're
gonna die.
He pulls out a vial of PX-41 and drinks it. Gru GASPS. El Macho transforms into a giant, purple, furry creature. Right after that, his gut shows. He ROARS.
Gru pulls the trigger on his jelly gun, but he is out of ammunition. He then pulls out the FREEZE RAY and fires, encasing El Macho's fists in blocks of ice. El Macho GROWLS and slams his fists to the ground, shattering the ice and knocking Gru off the platform and onto a scaffolding. Gru SCREAMS.
The scaffolding tips over. El Macho grabs the scaffolding and holds it above his head, ready to crush Gru.
Suddenly Gru pulls out Lucy's lipstick taser and fires it at Purple El Macho! The jolt of electricity has him shaking and dancing and ultimately sizzling and smoking, until he finally collapses on the ground.
GRU
Lipstick taser!
Lucy smiles at this.
LUCY
Aw...he copied me.
Gru runs off to save her. The minions surround El Macho, cocking their jelly guns.
EL MACHO
(dazed)
I am not afraid of your jelly guns.
DR. NEFARIO
Oh, this ain't a jelly gun,
sunshine.
Dr. Nefario fires the Fart Gun directly into El Macho's face, causing him to pass out. The minions CHEER, firing their jelly guns into the air.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 97.
One of the minions stands on top of El Macho and poses for a
big game hunter-style photo. Dr. Nefario smiles for the
camera as well.
Gru runs toward the rocket.
LUCY
Don't worry about me, Gru! I'll be
fine. I have survived lots worse
than this.
(beat)
Okay, that's not entirely true.
I'm actually kind of freaking out
up here!
GRU
Don't worry--I will get you out of
this!
Gru attempts to untie Lucy. And then sees Pollito has walked over to the remote. Gru and Lucy GASP. The chicken looks at Gru and Lucy, then pecks the button.
GRU (CONT'D)
I really hate that chicken.
The rocket blasts off into the air. The Minions and Girls watch in horror as Gru and Lucy fly off on the rocket.
EXT: SKY - CONTINUOUS
Gru uses his knife to cut Lucy's ropes. They SCREAM as the shark gets loose and falls down to a SUSHI BAR below where all of the CUSTOMERS and SUSHI CHEF CHEER.
Meanwhile, on the rocket Gru rips a panel off the side, revealing a mess of WIRES inside.
LUCY
Is there a red one? It's usually
the red one.
Gru starts to pull out wires left and right. To no avail.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Gru, anytime now!
Gru GASPS, realizing they are approaching the VOLCANO. Time is running out. Death is imminent. He looks Lucy in the eyes.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 98.
GRU
Listen, Lucy--we may not get out of
this alive, so I need to ask you a
question.
LUCY
Uh, better make it quick!
GRU
If I'd asked you out on a date,
what would you have said?
LUCY
Are you kidding me?! Yes!
Gru smiles. Then realizes that the rocket is still careening toward the volcano. He grabs Lucy.
GRU
JUMP!!!
Gru and Lucy grab hands and leap off the rocket.
The rocket plunges into the volcano.
Gru and Lucy plummet through the air.
KA-BLAAAAM!!! The volcano explodes in a massive tempest of fire and smoke and lava.
The impact of the blast hits Gru and Lucy and sends them flying.
SPLASH! They hit the water.
BAM! BOOM! The volcano continues exploding.
SPLASH! Gru emerges, soaking and out of breath. Fire and lava flying all around him. He can't find Lucy.
GRU (CONT'D)
Oh! Lucy!
(looks around, panicking)
Lucy! Where are you?!
After a few moments, Lucy also emerges. Gru is incredibly relieved.
GRU (CONT'D)
Oh, Lucy!
LUCY
Gru!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 99.
Lucy smiles and hugs Gru. They both go underwater. Then
come back up. Sputtering. And in love.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Sorry...I guess you kind of need
your arms to tread water, huh?
The Minions appear in the rowboat.
TOM
("Stroke!")
Mack-oh! Mack-oh! Mack-oh!
But they pass right by them.
GRU
They'll be back...
Chapter 19[]
TITLE CARD: 147 DATES LATER...
Romantic music plays under the title card.
EXT: HILLSIDE - DAY
Four minions, dressed in matching suits, begin to sing a All- 4-One's "I Swear," pronounced "Underwear" in Minionese.
We are at Gru and Lucy's wedding reception. We PULL BACK to the WEDDING CAKE, and then to Gru and Lucy dancing. As they dance we see all of the wedding guests watching: Gru's Mom, Dr. Nefario, Silas, Jillian, Shannon, Natalie, etc.
Gru dips Lucy and they attempt their kiss, but their noses keep bumping. They finally manage to kiss and the crowd CHEERS.
We see the three girls watching in their beautiful bridesmaid dresses. Agnes can barely contain her glee. PAN OVER TO Edith, who makes a face.
EDITH
Can I be the first to say--ewwww!
The minions finish the song.
The girls sit at their table. Agnes clearly has something on her mind. She SIGHS.
AGNES
Okay.
She stands up on the table.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 100.
AGNES (CONT'D)
Excuse me!
Looks out at the crowd, but they can't hear her.
AGNES (CONT'D)
Um...hi! Excuse me!
She still doesn't have the crowd's attention, so Margo taps on her glass. Everyone looks to Agnes, who is visibly nervous.
AGNES (CONT'D)
Uh...hi, everybody! I'd like to
make some toast. Uh...
She looks out at the crowd. Is really nervous. Looks over at Gru. He smiles. Mouths "okay." This helps, and Agnes pulls herself together and recites the monkeys Day poem from earlier.
AGNES (CONT'D)
She um...she um, she spits on my boobs.
She pulls my hair.
We love you monkeys, everywhere!
Agnes turns to Lucy and looks her right in the eyes.
AGNES (CONT'D)
And my new mom Lucy is beyond
compare.
Lucy smiles, melting. The crowd goes "awwwww." Agnes and Lucy spin around in a hug. The crowd cheers and applauds. Gru, Margo and Edith join Agnes and Lucy in a group hug. The family is complete.
AGNES (CONT'D)
To the bride and Gru!
A minion begins to spin The Village People's "YMCA" at the DJ table. The minions, several of whom are dressed as The Village People, begin to perform the song. The minion dressed as the Chiquita banana lady also joins in.
Then the entire family boogies across the dance floor, including Dr. Nefario and Gru's Mom.
AGNES (CONT'D)
I'M SO HAAAAPPPPYYYYYYY!!!!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 101.
EXT: HILLSIDE - MOMENTS LATER
A minion poses Gru, Lucy, and the girls for a formal picture. Everyone looks good. They all smile.
CLICK!
Another picture adds Gru's Mom, Dr. Nefario, and two minions to the group.
CLICK!
Another picture adds even more minions to the group.
CLICK!
An evil minion pops up and photobombs the last picture!
EVIL MINION
Bah!
THE END