(FAMILY GRUMBLING) Where are my golf balls? Anyone seen my sun block? What’s the point of going to Florida if you use sun block? I don’t care, I’m getting toasted. Great. Now you can be a skag with a darker shade of skin. He’s jealous because he can’t tan. His freckles just connect. Hey, hey, easy on the fluids! The rubber sheets are packed. She wants “Ding.” HOST: Behind “Ding” is 200 points! All right! That gives you 4700 points. HOST ON RECORDER: 200 points! All right! Honey, are you packed yet? Yes. Yes. Everything I put out? Yes. Yes. Oh, did you see what Grandma sent you? Let me guess. Donald Duck slippers? Close. Inflatable clown to play with in the pool. How exciting. Why Florida? There’s no Christmas trees in Florida. What is it with Christmas trees? How can you have Christmas without a Christmas tree? We’ll find a nice fake silver one. Or decorate a palm tree. ANNOUNCER: Guests of Ding, Dang, Dong stay at the world-renowned Plaza Hotel: New York’s most exciting hotel experience. For reservations, call toll-free, 1- 800-759… – Where’s the camcorder battery? – I put it in the charger. How’s this? Oh, much better. Kevin, put your tie on. We’ll be late for the Christmas pageant. It’s in the bathroom. I can’t go in. Uncle Frank’s taking a shower. He says if I walk in there and see him naked, I’d never feel like a real man. Whatever that means. I’m sure he was kidding. Just run in and get your tie… …get out, and don’t look at anything. FRANK SINGS WITH RADIO: Well This cat they’re talking about I wonder who, could it be ‘Cause I know I’m the heaviest cat The heaviest cat you ever did see When they see me Walkin ‘ down the street None of the fellas want to speak Hey, hey, hey On their faces they wear a silly smirk ‘Cause they know I’m the king Of the cool jerks Get out of here, you pervert, or I’ll slap you silly! Oh, you’re cooking, Frankie.
CHOIR: Christmas tree My Christmas tree Lit up like a star When I see My Christmas tree Can loved ones be far Christmas tree I’m certain Wherever I roam
Kate: Kevin’s solo’s coming up. Tell Leslie.
Peter: Kevin’s solo’s coming up. Tell Frank.
Leslie: Okay. Frank. Frank!
(During Kevin's solo, Buzz pulls a prank on Kevin.)
Kevin: Christmastime means laughter Toboggans in the snow Caroling together With faces aglow Stockings on the mantel A wreath on the door And my merriest Christmas Needs just one thing more
GIRL: Christmas tree My Christmas tree
(Realizing that Buzz pranked him, Kevin punches him and everyone falls in a heap.)
Kevin! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury… …I’d like to apologize for whatever displeasure… …I might have caused you. – What? My prank was immature and ill-timed. Immature or not, it was pretty darn hilarious. I also apologize to my brother. Kevin. I’m sorry. KATE: Oh, Muzz… …that was very nice. (CLAPPING) Kevin, do you have something to say? Meat that, you trout-sniffer. I’m not sorry. I did it because Muzz humiliated me. He gets away with everything, so I got him. Since you stupidly believe his lies… …I don’t care if your Florida trip is wrecked. Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate? KATE: Kevin! You walk out, you sleep on the 3rd floor. Yeah, with me. So, what else is new? Don’t wreck my trip. Your dad’s paying good money for it. Wouldn’t want to spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate. What a troubled young man. They’re all a bunch of jerks. Hi. Last time we tried to take a trip, we had a problem just like this. Yeah, with me getting crapped on. I don’t care for your choice of words. That’s not what happened. Muzz apologized to you. Yeah, then he called me a trout-sniffer. He didn’t mean it. He was just sucking up to you. Okay, why don’t you just sit up here and think things over? When you’re ready to apologize to everyone, you can come down. I’m not apologizing to Muzz. I’d rather kiss a toilet seat! Then stay up here all night. I don’t want to go down anyway! I can’t trust anybody in this family. You know what? If I had my own money, I’d go on my own vacation. Alone, without any of you. And I’d have the most fun of my whole life. You got your wish last year. Maybe you will this year. I hope so.
We did it again! (SCREAMING)
Kate: Our McCallisters here, other McCallisters there.
Frank I shouldn’t complain, but you give the worst god darn wake-up calls.
Frank! Do you have the tickets?
I’ve got them. Here’s your family’s. I got mine.
How many do you have?
We have seven.
Kate: Seven… …eight… …nine, ten.
How come none of us are sitting together?
Kate: This time, you were lucky to get on the same plane. 11, 12, 13. Where’s Kevin?
Kevin: (Appearing at the front seat) 14. Good thing I have my own ticket, just in case you try to ditch me.
Come on. – Dad! I need batteries. I’ll give them to you on the plane. – Here’s two more. – Why not now? Not now! What’s the gate number? H-17. MAN: Metter hurry, it’s the last gate. Buzz : Dad, what gate is it? H-17, Buzz. Come on, Kevin. Kevin, you gonna take my bag? Take my bag. Come on. Come on. ANNOUNCER: American Airlines flight 226 to New York… … is now in the final boarding process. Come on. Come on! Dad, wait up! Dad, wait up! Wait up! Wait! KATE: Come on, come on!
KEVIN: Dad, wait!
KATE: Here we are! Here!
LESLIE: We made it.
Everybody here? We made it? All right. Please board, the plane’s leaving. – I’ll make sure everyone gets on. – We’ll get everyone on. WOMAN: Merry Christmas. Have a nice flight.
Kevin: Hey, wait up! Hey, guys, wait for me!
Cutting it kind of close. – Yes. WOMAN: Merry Christmas. MAN IN COAT: Merry Christmas. Wait! Wait! – I’m sorry. – That’s okay. Are you on this flight? Yeah. My family’s on the plane. I don’t want to be left here. – Do you have a boarding pass? – Somewhere… They’re ready to go. He dropped his pass. This happened to me last year and almost wrecked my Christmas. You sure your family’s onboard? My dad ran in right before I bumped into this lady. Moard him. Make sure he locates his family before you leave him. Okay. Come on. Do you see your family?
There’s my dad over there.
Find an empty seat. Merry Christmas. You too.
Ladies and gentlemen! In order to push back from the gate… … all passengers must have their seat belts fastened.
So have you ever been to Florida?
(SPEAKS IN FRENCH)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ON RECORDER)
Welcome aboard American Airlines flight 176 non-stop to New York. PETER: I didn ‘t think we’d make it. Something wrong? Honey? I have that feeling. We forgot something? No, I don’t think we did, but I just have that feeling. Just bad memories. We did everything, brought everything. We have everybody. There’s nothing to worry about. KATE: Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. You’re right. We’re fine. PETER: Nothing to worry about.
Kevin: Mom? Dad? Uncle Frank? Buzz?
We’re the last ones off the plane.
Kevin: Where are those guys?
PETER: Is this Megan’s?
KATE: It’s Brooke’s. Give this to Brooke, this to Kevin. – Give this… Give this to Kevin. – Give this to Kevin. Give this to Kevin. – Kevin. – Kevin. – Give this to Kevin. – Give this to Kevin. – Give this to Kevin. – Kevin. – Give this to Kevin. – Here you go, Kevin. – Kevin’s not here. – Kevin’s not here. – Kevin’s not here. – Kevin’s not here. – Kevin’s not here. – Kevin’s not here. – Kevin’s not here. – Kevin’s not here. Kevin’s not here. Kevin’s not here.
(GASPS) Excuse me, this is an emergency! Yes, sir? What city is that? That’s New York. Yikes, I did it again! Something wrong, sir? I’ll be fine. Oh, no. My family’s in Florida and I’m in New York. My family’s in Florida? I’m in… …New York? Wow. What’s the child’s name? – Kevin. – K-E-V-l-N. When did you see him last? Curbside check-in? No, I saw him at the door. He was with us in the terminal. Most people get separated at security. Did everyone get through security? I don’t know. Peter… We were in a hurry. We ran all the way to the gate. When did you notice he was missing? When we picked up our baggage here. – Has the boy ever run away from home? – No. Has he ever been in a situation on his own? As a matter of fact, this has happened before. KATE: It’s becoming a McCallister family travel tradition. Funnily enough, we never lose our luggage. (KNOCKING) He was left at home, by accident, last year. That’s what my wife meant calling it a McCallister family travel tradition. We’ll call Chicago and… …notify them of the situation. The odds are that’s where he is. Thanks. Very unlikely he’d be anywhere else. (HORN HONKS) DRIVER: Watch out, kid! WORKER: Yo, where’s your manifest? Here we are, Marv, New York City. The land of opportunity. Smell that? Yeah. Know what that is? – Fish. – It’s freedom. No, it’s fish. – It’s freedom and it’s money. – Okay, okay. It’s freedom. Come on, let’s go before someone sees us. And it’s fish. Yes, one quick score. We get ourselves some phony passports… …and we hightail it to some foreign country. Arizona? That’s very smart, Marv. You bust out of jail to rob 14 cents from a Santy Claus? Every bit helps. Mesides, now we got our new nickname. We’re the Sticky Mandits! Real cute. Very cute. “The Plaza Hotel. New York’s most exciting hotel experience.” Sick! What’s the matter? Thought I saw something. (SPEAKS IN FRENCH) Serves you right! Come on, let’s go. I think she likes me. Ahh. Excuse me, where’s the lobby? – Down the hall and to the left. – Thanks. Wow. ANNOUNCER ON RECORDER: Guests of the new Celebrity Ding-Dang-Dong… … stay at the world-renowned Plaza Hotel: New York’s most exciting hotel experience. For reservations, call toll-free… … 1-800-759-3000. I’ll do just that. KEVIN: Howdy-do. This is Peter McCallister. The father. I’d like a hotel room. With an extra-large bed, a TV… …and one of those little refrigerators with a key. Credit card? You got it. Plaza Reservations, may I help you? KEVIN ON RECORDER IN SLOW SPEED: Howdy-do. This is Peter McCallister. The father. WOMAN: Yes, sir. – I’d like a hotel room. WOMAN: Yes. – With an extra-large bed, a TV… … and one of those little refrigerators with a key. You’ll need a major credit card. Credit card? You got it. WOMAN: Thank you. Enjoy your stay. CONCIERGE: Yes, two at eight, Henri. Mr. Yamamoto. Hold on a second. I’ll call you back. Hi. Can I help you? Reservation for McCallister. A reservation for yourself? My feet are hardly touching the ground. I can barely see over the counter. How can I make a reservation for a room? Think about it: A kid going into a hotel making a reservation? I don’t think so. I’m confused. I’m traveling with my dad. He’s on business. He’s at a meeting. I hate meetings. I’m not allowed to go in, only to sit in the lobby. That’s boring. So my dad dropped me off. Gave me his credit card and said to have check-in… …let me in the room so I won’t get into mischief. Ma’am, sometimes I do get into mischief. We all do. Merry Christmas. No sign of him. We’ll need to be in touch. You have hotel rooms? – Yeah. – Do you have a recent photo of him? I have one in my wallet. I don’t have my wallet. My wallet’s in my bag. Kevin was looking in my bag at the airport. He has my wallet. – Did you have credit cards? – Credit cards, money… We’ll notify the credit card companies. If your son has the cards, we can get a location on him when he uses them. I don’t think he knows how to use a credit card. Wow! It worked! – Cedric. – Yes? – Don’t count your tips in public. – I’m sorry. And find out everything you can about that young fellow. Front, please! Enjoy your stay with us. Don’t forget to remind your dad, when he arrives… …he must come down and sign a couple of things. – Thank you, you’ve been helpful. CEDRIC: May I take your bag? Up here to your left. Herbert Hoover once stayed on this floor. The vacuum guy? No, the president. This is one of our finest suites, sir. This is great! Wow! A huge bed just for me! Luxurious and spacious. How convenient. Hey. Did you want the key in the bag? Or did you want to hang on to it? I’ll hang on to it. Everything all right? – Is the temperature okay? – It’s okay. – Do you know how the TV works? – I’m 10 years old. TV’s my life. Well… I’m sorry. And there’s plenty more where that came from. Thank you. Would you mind if I worked on my cannonballs? No. Thanks!
This is a vacation.
Hold it right there! It’s me, Johnny. I knew it was you. I could smell you getting off the elevator. – Two scoops, sir? – Two? Make it three, I’m not driving. DAME: Gardenias, Johnny, your favorite. – Thank you. You was here last night too, wasn ‘t you? I was singing at the Blue Monkey last night. She was not. She was smooching your brother. You was here and you was smooching with my brother. DAME: That’s a dirty lie. – See? Don ‘t give me that. You been smooching everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo… … Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff… I could go on forever, baby. DAME: You have me all wrong! JOHNNY: All right… … I believe you. But my Tommy gun don ‘t! Johnny! You’re the only duck in my pond! Get down on your knees and tell me you love me. DAME: Baby! I’m over the moon for you! You gotta do better than that! If my love was an ocean, Lindy’d have to take two planes to get across it. Maybe I’m off my hinges, but I believe you. That’s why I’m letting you go. I’m gonna give you till the count of three, to get your lousy… … lying… … lowdown, four-flushing carcass out my door! She’s rat bait. One! Two! (LAUGHING) Three! Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. And a Happy New Year. Housekeeping. FRANK OVER RECORDER: We know a guy who can do the cool jerk We know a guy who can do the cool jerk This cat they’re talkin ‘ about I wonder who could it be ‘Cause I know I’m the heaviest cat The heaviest cat you ever did see When they see me Walkin ‘ down the street None of the fellas want to speak Hey, hey, hey On their faces they wear a silly smirk ‘Cause they know I’m the king of the cool jerks Get out of here, you pervert, or I’ll slap you silly! Uh… Oh, you’re cooking, Frankie. Oh, my foot! Didn’t look this bad on our honeymoon. Uncle Rob lives here. If they’re back from Paris, I’ll drop in on them. They usually give pretty good presents. Good night, Mom. Good night, Kevin. Your drawers, sir. Don’t flash these babies around here! There could be girls on this floor! I was very careful, sir. You can’t be too careful with underwear. I understand. I’m sorry. You wanted a tip. That won’t be necessary, sir. I still have some tip left over. No tip? Okay. No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait! The doorman will be happy to find you a taxi… Mr. McCallister. Excuse me. Sure. And how are we this morning? – Fine. Is my transportation here? – Out in front, sir. A limousine and a pizza. Compliments of the Plaza Hotel. I do hope your father understands that last night… …I was simply checking to see that everything was in order. Oh, he was pretty mad. He was? He said he didn’t come here to have his naked rear spied on. Of course not. Will he be down soon? He already left. I would’ve liked to have offered my personal apology. If a guy saw you in the shower, would you want to see him? I suppose not. I don’t think you’ll see him again. I understand. Bye. Have a lovely day. McCallister… – Good morning, Mr. McCallister. – Morning. Mr. McCallister, here’s your very own… …cheese pizza. – Hello? – Hello. Know any good toy stores? Yes, sir. Ahh.
Get outta here! Go on, get outta here! Get outta here! Beat it! Beat it! Get outta here! Hey, Marv! Get over here! I gotta talk to you! Whoa, whoa! – Would you like a scarf? – Forget about that, we gotta talk. We don’t have the equipment to pull off anything big: Banjs, jewelry stores… We don’t want goods. We need cash and we need it now. How about… …hotels? Tourists carry lots of cash. I got a better idea. Stores ain’t depositing cash on Christmas Eve. The stores that will have cash are the ones dealing in moderate priced goods. Right. Right. Ergo, what store’s gonna make the most cash on Christmas Eve… …that nobody’s gonna rob? Candy stores. Nine-year-olds rob candy stores. This is what I had in mind: That’s brilliant, Harry! Brilliant! Nobody’s dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas Eve. Oh, yes, there is. DRIVER: Here we are, sir: Duncan’s Toy Chest. Merry Christmas, Kevin. (TRAIN WHISTLE MLOWS) (TO Y CLICKING) This is the greatest accident of my life. Marv. Marv! Hey, nice house. But there’s no bathroom in it. So, what’s the plan? Everyone leaves for a holiday off. We come out of our houses. Yeah, then what? We empty the registers and walk out. Great plan, Harry! MR. DUNCAN: Well, now, thank you and Merry Christmas. Say hello to the family. Let me see. You shopping alone? In New York? Sir, I’m afraid of my own shadow. – I was just checking. – That’s very responsible of you. Oh, well, thank you. My pleasure. That’ll be $23.75. My, my, my. Where did you get all that money? – I have a lot of grandmothers. – Oh. Well, that explains it. This is a nice store. One of the finer toy dealerships I’ve visited. Well, thank you. Mr. Duncan must be a nice guy… …letting kids come in here and play with his toys. Most toy stores prohibit that. – Is that so? – Yes. Well, he loves kids. As a matter of fact, all the money the store takes in today… …Mr. Duncan is donating to the Children’s Hospital. And the day after Christmas… …we empty out all the money in the cash register… …and Mr. Duncan takes it right down to the hospital. That’s generous of him. Well, children bring him a lot of joy… …as they do to everyone who appreciates them. I’m not supposed to spend this, but I have $20 in a jar in our garage… …where my brother can’t find it. So I can pay my mother back. So give this to Mr. Duncan. The hospital needs it more than I do. Mesides, I’ll probably spend it on stuff that will rot my teeth and mind. Ah, that’s… That’s very sweet of you. You see that tree there? Well, to show our appreciation for your generosity… …I’ll let you select an object from that tree… …to take home with you. – For free? – May I make a suggestion? – Okay. Take the turtledoves. I can have two? Well, “two turtledoves.” And I tell you what you do. You keep one… …and give the other one to a very special person. You see, turtledoves… …are a symbol of friendship and love. Now, as long as each of you have your turtledove… …you’ll be friends forever. Wow, I never knew that. I thought they were just part of a song. They are. And for that very special reason. Wow. Thanks. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you too. Me sure to bundle up if you go outside. It’s nippy. Oh. I’ll do that. Well, where to? You promised you’d take me to the Central Park Zoo. Hey, look who it is. Come on, let’s get him. HARRY: Hiya, pal. (GASPS) (SCREAMING) Come on. MAN 1: Hey! MAN 2: Hey, watch it, man! (GLASS BREAKS) Buy now and avoid the Christmas rush. Two for $5. Two for $5. Four for 10. There he is! All right. – Thanks. – Merry Christmas, dude. BOTH: Whoa! Oh… Yes! WOMAN: Thank you for your suggestion. CONCIERGE: My duty. My pleasure.
Kevin: Help! There’s two guys after me!
What’s the matter? Store wouldn’t take your……stolen credit card? Let’s see what the police have to say about this.
HARRY: Get up! Get up! Come on! Let’s go get him. Get back here, you little thief! Stop that child! Grab him! Whoa! (GROANING) You little sh…
Kevin: I’ve committed credit card fraud.
CONCIERGE: Get me security! We’ve got to stop that delinquent! Come along, Cedric!
(Kevin hurries to his hotel room and gathered a few things.)
Kevin: I’ve had enough of this vacation. I’m going home.
Hold it right there! This is the Concierge, sir! I knew it was you. I could smell you getting off the elevator. JOHNNY: You was here last night too, wasn't you? Yes, sir. I was. You was here and you was smooching with my brother. Mu… You’re mistaken, sir. Don ‘t give me that. You’ve been smooching with everybody. Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg… Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff… (GASPS) No! It’s a lie! JOHNNY: I could go on forever, baby. I’m terribly sorry, sir. I’m afraid you’re mistaken. We’re looking for a young man. All right, I believe you… ...but my Tommy gun don ‘t. (GASPS) Get down on your knees and tell me you love me. On your knees. I love you! (LAUGHS) You gotta do better than that! ALL: I love you! JOHNNY: Maybe I’m off my hinges… … but I believe you. That’s why I’m gonna let you go. I’m gonna give you till the count of three to get your lousy… … lying, low-down… … four-flushing carcass out my door! – One!
Open the door!
Two! - (GUN FIRING RAPIDLY ON TV) - (JOHNNY LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Three. JOHNNY: Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. JOHNNY: And a happy new year. Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency! There’s an insane guest with a gun! No! Come to Papa! Round trip to Miami. What’s the matter, kid, get on the wrong plane, squirt? You won’t be needing this. American don’t fly to the promised land, little buddy. We spent 9 months in jail thinking we had the worst luck in the universe. We were wrong. We busted out and we’re doing fine. Even better… …because we’re not robbing houses, we’re robbing toy stores. At midnight tonight, we’ll hit Duncan’s Toy Chest. Five floors of cash. Then after that, we grab some phony passports and go to Rio. – You want to shut up? – He’s not gonna talk to anybody. Except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker. Let’s go to the subway tunnel. I’ll feel better once I get him on ice. HARRY: I’ve got a gun. Say anything and you’ll be spitting gum out through your forehead. Well, hello. He did it! Did what? Thanks! HARRY: Go get him. MARV: He went in the park. HARRY: What are you doing flirting?! (KIDS SHOUTING) Over there! MO Y: Don’t! GIRL: Give it! MARV: Hey, Harry. – I got him. – Let me see! That ain’t him! Put him down. That ain’t him. We should’ve shot him. I hate pulling a job, knowing that creep’s loose. – What can he do? Kids are helpless. – Not this kid. But this time he doesn’t have a house full of dangerous goodies. He’s in the park. He’s alone. Kids are scared of the park. Yeah. Grown men come in the park and don’t leave alive. Good luck, little fella.
KEVIN: I want to go home. Mom, where are you?
(THUNDER RUMBLING) (SPEAKING IN SPANISH) (PHONE RINGS) Turn that down! – Hello? - COP: Kate McCallister. – This is she. – We found him. – Oh, my God! – What? – They know where Kevin is. – Where? – He’s in New York City. – New York! New York? What? – He’s scared, he’s not a troublemaker. – What? What? Just a second. He used your credit card to check into the Plaza Hotel. – Do they have him? – Is he there? – No, they’re still looking. – Get to New York. – We’re on the next flight out. Thanks. We’re going to New York, move it! Yes! He ran away when they asked about the card. He must be scared! – Would he go to my brother’s? – Aren’t they in Paris? – Maybe they have a housesitter. – Aren’t they renovating? (KNOCKING) Hello?! Uncle Rob! Aunt Georgette! Anybody home?! Hello! Anybody home? It’s me, your favorite nephew, Kevin! Uncle Rob! Aunt Georgette! (MUMMLES) Watch it, kid! (MAN CACKLES) You looking for someone to read you a bedtime story? (WOMEN LAUGHING) Taxi! It’s scary out there. Ain’t much better in here. (GASPS) I don’t ever want to take a vacation like this again. (WINGS FLAPPING) KEVIN: Where did you come from? I don’t have enough for everybody. How hungry are you guys? You guys ate all my food. (SCREAMS) I’m sorry I screamed in your face. You were trying to help me, right? I’m Kevin McCallister. Your birds are real nice. I’ve seen you before. You had pigeons all over you. At first, you look scary, but when I think about it, it’s not so bad. They must like you to be all over you. If I’m bothering you, I can leave. Am I bothering you? No. Good. I’m not a pain in the butt? No. Will the pigeons come back on their own or do you call them? LAD Y: Give me your hand. (GRAIN SPILLING) They can hear it. This is great! It’s pretty cold out. I’d sure like a cup of hot chocolate. How about you? My treat. KEVIN: I’d hate to spend Christmas Eve in such a park. Can we go someplace warm? LAD Y: Yes. I know a place. (ORCHESTRA PLAYS) (ORCHESTRA PLAYS “O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL”) Nice music. This place is great. LAD Y: I’ve heard the world’s great music from here. Ella Fitzgerald. Count Masie. Frank Sinatra. Luciano Pavarotti. Do you bring your friends here? I haven’t got many friends. Sorry. I’m like the birds I care for. People pass me in the street. They see me but they try to ignore me. They prefer I wasn’t in their city. Yeah. It’s like that with my family. I’m like the pigeon of the house… …just because I’m the youngest. Everyone fights for position. Everyone wants to be seen… …and heard. I guess so. I’m seen and heard pretty much. Mut I get sent to my room a lot too. I wasn’t always like this. What were you like before? I had a job. I had a home. – I had a family. – Any kids? No. I wanted them. Mut the man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again… …I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people. No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do. I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person… …and then, when things are down, they forget about you. Maybe they’re just too busy. Maybe they don’t forget about you, but they forget to remember you. People don’t mean to forget. My grandfather says… …if my head wasn’t screwed on, I’d leave it on the school bus. I’m just afraid if I do trust someone, I’ll get my heart broken. I understand. I had a nice pair of Rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them… …so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times. A person’s heart and feelings are very different than skates. They’re kind of the same thing. If you won’t use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it’ll be like my Rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won’t be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose. Little truth in there somewhere. I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn’t gone. If it was gone, you wouldn’t be so nice. Thank you. Do you know it’s been… …a couple of years since I’ve talked to anybody? That’s okay. You’re good at it. You’re not boring. You don’t mumble or spit. You should do it more often. Just wear an outfit with no pigeon poop on it. (LAUGHS) I have been working very hard at keeping people away. I always think I’ll have a lot of fun if I’m alone… …but when I’m alone, it’s not fun. I don’t care how much people bug me… …I’d rather be with someone than alone. So what are you doing alone on Christmas Eve? Did you get into trouble? Yeah. You did something wrong? A lot of things. Did you know that a good deed erases a bad deed? It’s late. I don’t know if I’ll have enough time… …to do enough good deeds to erase all my bad ones. It’s Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. – They do? – Of course they do. Think of an important thing you can do for others… …and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart. Okay. It’s getting pretty late. I’d better get going. If I don’t see you, I hope everything turns out okay. Thank you. Tell the birds I said goodbye. I will. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won’t forget to remember you. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. MR. DUNCAN: All the money in the registers… … Mr. Duncan is gonna donate to the Children ‘s Hospital. MARV: At midnight tonight, we’re hitting Duncan ‘s Toy Chest. You can mess with a lot of things, but you can’t mess with kids on Christmas. CONCIERGE: We’d like to offer you a complimentary suite. It’s a penthouse with a view of the park. I think you’ll find it satisfactory. It was recently vacated by a countess. What kind of hotel lets a child check in alone? The boy had a very convincing story. What kind of idiots work here? The finest in New York. When you learned the credit card… I made the discovery. Why did you let him leave? We confronted him and he ran! You scared him! It’s Christmas Eve, and because of you, our child is lost in a huge city. Take our family and luggage up to the room. Yes, sir! Run along, Cedric. I’ll go to the police station to make sure they’re looking for Kevin. I want you to stay here. – I’m going to look for him. – What? With all due respect, your son is lost in one of the world’s biggest cities. Could you stay out of this? As you wish. Thank you. It’s not a good idea to run around New York City alone. If Kevin can, so can I. – Kate… – I’ll be fine. The way I feel, no mugger or murderer would mess with me. There are hundreds of armed parasites out there! Do bundle up. It’s awfully cold outside. (CLOCK CHIMES) Marv. Marv. Come on, let’s go. Marv. Crowbars up! Merry Christmas, Harry! Happy Hanukkah, Marv! MARV: This is more money than I can even count! It makes you wonder why we spent so much time robbing homes. The amazing thing is, we’re fugitives from the law… …we’re up to our elbows in cash and nobody even knows about it. (KNOCKS)
He took our picture!
How was my hair? This is it. No turning back. Another Christmas in the trenches. No!
(ALARM MELL RINGS) Wow. That’s it! Get the money! Get it! (MUMMLES) I’ll kill him! – Marv! – I’m coming, Harry! (HARRY YELLS) Harry? (GROANS) Harry! That was incredible. (MUMMLES) – I twisted my ankle. – Where is he?
Hey, guys! Smile!
Come on! Come on! – Help me. – I got you. I got you. Taxi! Times Square!
Where’d he go?
KEVIN: I’m up here! Come get me!
Let’s kill! Hold on, pea-brain. We got busted because we underestimated that bundle of misery. This ain’t like that. This ain’t his house. The kid’s running scared. He ain’t got a plan. May I do the thinking, please? Thank you. Sonny! Yes? Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster won’t mean that much to me. – Understand? – Mm-hm. Mut since we’re in a hurry, I’ll make a deal with you. You throw down your camera and we won’t hurt you. You’ll never hear from us again. Okay? Promise? I cross my heart and hope to die. Okay! Okay, kid… …give it to me.
How many fingers am I holding up, Marv?
Okay, kid. You want to throw bricks? Go ahead, throw another one.
MARV: Don’t do that! (YELPS)
If you can’t do any better than that, you’re going to lose.
Harry… …no. (YELPS)
You got any more? Get up, Marv. He don’t have any more bricks, he's out of 'em. (MUMMLES) What? (MUMMLES) What? (MUMMLES) What? (YELPS) That did it! Nobody throws bricks at me and gets away with it. Come on! You go this way. I’ll go around back. Harry? Harry? Harry? Huh? (SCREAMS) (MUMMLES) (YELPS) (MUMMLES) (LAUGHS) (YELLS) (MUMMLES) (GROWLS) Harry! I reached the top! (YELLS) (CRACKS NECK) Ahh. (MUMMLES) (RATTLES DOORKNOM) You better do better than this. (GROANS) (WRENCH CONKS HARRY) (CRACKS MACK) Wow! What a hole! Whoa! (SCREAMS) Uh-oh. (MUMMLES) Ah! (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) (CHUCKLES) (SCREAMS) (GLASS MREAKS) (SIZZLES) (WHIMPERS) Harry. I’m coming up! Uh-oh. I’m gonna murder that kid! (SNEEZES) Yes! Whoa. Whoa, whoa! (YELPS) MARV: Hey!
Don’t you know a kid always wins against two idiots?
Harry! In the living room! (MUMMLES) He went up the ladder! (YELLS) Oh. I’m coming, Harry. I’m coming. Harry! You didn’t lose any teeth! Come on, he went to the second floor.
Hey! Why don't you guys try the stairs.
Right. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Remember what happened last year? No. Watch this. Let’s get him! (STOMPS) Ow! He busted me right in my mouth, Marv! That’s one. Don’t worry, Harry. I’ll get him. (STOMPS) Ow! Right in the schnoz. That’s two. Come on, let’s get him. MARV: Oops. (BOTH YELLING) That’s… …three. No. (PIPE CRASHES) MARV: (WEAKLY) That’s four. – Come on, Harry. – Marv, are you sure this is safe? I’ve worked all the kinks out. Solid as a rock. (CRASHING) Like a rock, huh? Give up? KEVIN: Have you had enough pain? – Never!
You better say every prayer you ever heard! I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas. Where’d he go? I’m up here and I’m really scared. What’s that sound? (CLATTERING) (YELLING) That was the sound of a tool chest… …falling down the stairs. Oh. (CRACKING NOSES) Yes! Over there! Even if I get the chair, I’m killing that kid! Surrender, kid! He vanished. I’m here, you horse’s butt! Whoa.
Nice night for a neck injury!
Suck brick, kid! Come on, Marv. I don’t know. I said, come on! HARRY: Come on, you big sissy. (WHIMPERS) Harry? You wearing aftershave? That’s not aftershave, that's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it. Why would anyone soak a rope in kerosene?
Go up! (SCREAMS) (SCREAMING) Get off me! (SCREAMING) Get the bag!
Two guys who robbed Duncan’s Toy Chest are in the park. Central Park West, 95th Street. Look for fireworks. Hurry, they got a gun. KEVIN: I'm down here. Better come and get me before I call the cops. (HONKS) Whoa! My, how the tables have turned. HARRY: How do you like the ice? (LAUGHING) Let’s go for a little stroll in the park. HARRY: Give me the bag. Give me it! Great for the album. You may’ve won the battle, dude, but you lost the war. You ought not of messed with us. We’re dangerous. (WINGS FLAPPING) – Harry? – Shut up! Harry. HARRY: Shut up! I want to enjoy this. MARV: Something’s wrong. – Let’s get out of here! – Shut up! HARRY: I never made it to the 6th grade… …and it doesn’t look like you’re gonna either.
Let him go! Kevin, run!
Shoot her! Shoot her! – Shoot her! – I’m trying! (SCREAMING) (LAUGHS) Goodbye! Thanks. (SIRENS) COP 1: Jesus, looks like the 4th of July! We got the bridge. Take the tunnel. COP 2: Let’s go, let’s go! (MARV WHIMPERS) (HARRY MUMMLES) Oh, my God! (GUNSHOT) COP 2: All right, let’s go. COP 1: Come on, on your feet. You guys should’ve started earlier. The prisoners already exchanged gifts. We missed the presents? He made us hide in the store and steal the kiddies’ charity money. Shut up, Marv. HARRY: You’ve got the right to remain silent. He’s a little cranky. We just broke out of prison. Shut up, Marv! Jeez! Get them out of here! If this makes the papers… …we’re no longer the Wet Mandits, we’re the Sticky Mandits. MARV: That’s sticky. S… …T… HARRY: I. MARV: I. COP: It’s all over. We apprehended the thieves and got your money. MR. DUNCAN: I want to get that money over to the Children’s Hospital. COP: I’ll handle it. MR. DUNCAN: Thank you. Excuse me. I found this note. Looks like a kid broke your window. KEVIN: Dear Mr. Duncan: I broke your window to catch the bad guys. Do you have insurance? If not, I’ll send you some money, if I ever get home. Merry Christmas. Kevin McCallister. P. S. Thanks for the turtledoves. Turtledoves. Oh. Excuse me. I’m looking for my son. This boy here. Please help me. This boy right here. Have you seen him? (KNOCKS) I’m looking for my son. He’s been missing for two days. – Have you filed a report? – Of course we have. Then trust us. We’ll handle it. Oh. I’m his mother. I know, but you’re looking for a needle in a haystack. Do you have kids? Yes, ma’am. What if one was missing? I’d probably do the same thing you’re doing. Thank you. Put yourself in his shoes. What would you do? Me? I’d probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere. Mut not Kevin. No. Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. I know Kevin’s fine. I’m sure he is. Mut he’s still alone in a big city. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves to be at home with his own family around his Christmas tree. Oh, dear God… …I know where he is. I need to get to Rockefeller Center. – Hop in. – Thank you. I know I don’t deserve a Christmas even if I did do a good deed. I don’t want any presents. Instead, I want to take back every mean thing I ever said to my family… …even if they don’t do the same. I don’t care. I love all of them. Including Muzz. If I can’t see all of them, could I just see my mother? I’ll never want another thing, ever. I just want my mother. I know it won’t be tonight… …but promise me I can see her again. Sometime. Anytime. Even if it’s just once and only for a few minutes. I need to tell her I’m sorry. Kevin? Mom? That worked fast! Oh, Kevin. Mom, I’m sorry. I’m sorry too. Merry Christmas, Mom. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Thank you. Let’s go. KEVIN: How’d you know I was here? KATE: I know you and Christmas trees, and this is the biggest. KEVIN: Where’s everyone else? KATE: At the hotel. They didn’t like palm trees either. (SNORING) Holy smokes, it’s morning! FULLER: It’s Christmas morning, man. Don’t get your hopes up. Huh? I don’t think Santa visits hotels. Are you nuts? He’s omnipresent. He goes everywhere. Wake up, it’s Christmas! Mom! Dad! It’s Christmas! MUZZ: Wow. ROD: Where’d it come from? KEVIN: Mom! Dad! You gotta see this! – My gosh! – Peter! MUZZ: Are we in the right room? Don’t open any of mine. – Who’s Mr. Duncan? – Duncan? I don’t know. Everybody calm down. Calm down! All right. Now… …if Kevin hadn’t screwed up in the first place, again… …we wouldn’t be in this most perfect… …and huge hotel room with all this free stuff. So… …I think it only fair that Kevin get to open the first gift. Then I’ll go and the rest of you and so on. Merry Christmas, Kev. Merry Christmas, Muzz. Merry Christmas, Kevin. All right! Merry Christmas! Enough gooey sh… Show of emotion. Everyone, let’s dig in! LESLIE: Everybody, save the paper. We can use it next year. And the bows. Merry Christmas. Kevin! Merry Christmas! I got something for you. What’s this? It’s a turtledove. I have one. You have one. As long as we each have a turtledove, we’ll be friends forever. Oh, Kevin. Thank you. I won’t forget you. Trust me. The room service bill, sir. Merry Christmas. Uh, oh. Nice family. Really. Merry Christmas indeed.
PETER: Kevin! You spent $967 on room service?! (GASPS)
- [Harry and Marv, who have escaped from prison, have arrived in New York in a fish truck]
- Harry: Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of Opportunity. [takes a deep breath] Smell that?
- Marv: [takes a deep breath] Yeah.
- Harry: Know what that is?
- Marv: Fish.
- Harry: It's freedom.
- Marv: No, it's fish.
- Harry: It's freedom, and it's money.
- Marv: Okay, okay, it's freedom.
- Harry:: Come on, let's get out of here before someone sees us. [leaves the truck]
- Marv: And it's fish. [follows Harry]
- [the family passes Kevin's bag around from Peter all the way to Fuller]
- Peter: Give this to Kevin.
- Kate: Give this to Kevin.
- Leslie: Give this to Kevin.
- Tracy: Give this to Kevin.
- Linnie: Kevin.
- Buzz: Give this to Kevin.
- Rod: Give this to Kevin.
- Sondra: Give this to Kevin.
- Megan: Give this to Kevin.
- Jeff: Give this to Kevin.
- Brooke: Give this to Kevin.
- Fuller: Here you go, Kevin. [notices two elderly people he's about to hand the bag over, so he passes the bag around to the others] Kevin's not here.
- Brooke: Kevin's not here.
- Jeff: Kevin's not here.
- Megan: Kevin's not here.
- Sondra: Kevin's not here.
- Rod: Kevin's not here.
- Linnie: Kevin's not here.
- Tracy: Kevin's not here.
- Leslie: Kevin's not here.
- Kate: [gives bag to Peter] Kevin's not here.
- Peter: What?!
- [Kate only reacts by laughing, until...]
- Kate: KEVIN?!! [faints]
- Cedric: You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed on this floor.
- Kevin: The vacuum guy?
- Cedric: No, the, uh, president.
- [Kevin scrambles back to his room after being unmasked for credit card fraud, with Hector and the hotel staff in hot pursuit. He plays back Angels with Even Filthier Souls on the VHS]
- Johnny: Hold it right there! [Hector and the crew stop as Kevin forwards to the right sections and mutes the woman in the dialogue]
- Mr. Hector: This is the Concierge, sir.
- Johnny: I knew it was you. I could smell ya getting off the elevator! You was here last night too, wasn't ya?
- Mr. Hector: Yes, sir. I was.
- Johnny: You was here... and you was smoochin' with my brother. [The other hotel staff start giving Hector odd looks.]
- Mr. Hector: But... I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.
- Johnny: Don't gimme that. You been smoochin' with everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff...
- [Cliff the security guard gasps; the other hotel staff, including Hector, look at him in shock.]
- Cliff: No. It's a lie!
- Johnny: I could go on forever, baby!
- Mr. Hector: I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're looking for a young man.
- Johnny: All right. I believe you. [reveals his Thompson submachine gun] But my Tommy gun don't!
- [Mr. Hector gives a confused look]
- Johnny: Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.
- Mr. Hector: On your knees.
- [the entire staff gets down on their knees]
- Mr. Hector: I love you!
- [Kevin snickers quietly and unmutes the T.V.]
- Johnny: Ya gotta do better than that!
- Mr. Hector, Cedric, Mrs. Stone, and Cliff: I love you!
- Johnny: Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let ya go. I'm gonna give ya 'til the count of 3 to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, four-flushin' carcass out my door! 1... 2...!
- [Johnny fires his gun wildly, cackling, as the hotel staff dive for cover]
- Johnny: 3! [while Kevin mouths him from the emergency exit] Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! [shoots again] And a Happy New Year. [shoots once more]
- Mr. Hector: [as the staff crawls out; to the onlooking patrons] Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency! There's an insane guest with a gun!
- Harry: [after catching Kevin] Come to Papa!
- Marv: Round trip to Miami? What's the matter, kid? Get on the wrong plane, squirt?
- Harry: Looks like you won't be needin' this, kid. [takes the ticket and rips it]
- Marv: American don't fly to the promised land, little buddy.
- [Kate is informed by airport security that Kevin is on the run in New York]
- Kate: [to everyone] We're going to New York, move it!
- Buzz: Yes!
- [the other McCallisters shout approval; everybody scrambles to pack]
- Kate: He ran away from the hotel when they questioned him about the card. He must be so scared, Peter.
- Peter: I wonder if he'd know enough to go to my brother's place.
- Kate: Aren't they in Paris?
- Peter: Maybe they have a house sitter.
- Kate: I thought you said they were renovating.
- [Harry and Marv chase Kevin back to his uncle's apartment under renovation]
- Kevin: I'm up here! Come and get me!
- Marv: Let's kill!
- Harry: Hold on, pea-brain. We got busted last time, because we underestimated that little bundle of misery.
- Marv: This ain't like the last time. This ain't his house. The kid's running scared. He ain't got a plan.
- Harry: May I do the thinking please? Thank you. Sonny!
- Kevin: Yes?
- Harry: Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain't gonna mean all that much to me. Understand?
- Kevin: Mm-hmm.
- Harry: But since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal with you: you throw down your camera and we won't hurt you. You'll never hear from us again. Okay?
- Kevin: You promise?
- Harry: I cross my heart and hope to die.
- Kevin: Okay. [picks up a brick from a pile behind him]
- Harry: [he and Marv snicker] Okay, kid. Give it to me!
- [Kevin throws the brick at Marv, hitting him on the forehead]
- Kevin: Direct hit!
- [Duncan inspects the Wet Bandits' damage to his store]
- Cop: Well, Mr. Duncan, it's all over with. We apprehended the thieves, and recovered your money.
- Duncan: Good. I wanna get that money over to the Children's Hospital as soon as possible.
- Cop: Yo, I'll handle it personally.
- Duncan: Ah! Thank you very much!
- [an inspector walks up to him with a note]
- Inspector: Excuse me, Mr. Duncan?
- Duncan: Yes?
- Inspector: [hands Duncan the note] I found this note. Looks like a kid broke your window.
- [Duncan reads the note]
- Kevin's voice: Dear Mr. Duncan, I broke your window to catch the bad guys. I'm sorry. Do you have insurance? If you don't, I'll send you some money, if I ever get back to Chicago. Merry Christmas, Kevin McCallister. P.S.: Thanks for the turtle doves.
- Duncan: [smiles broadly] Turtle doves. Oh...
- Kate: Do you have kids?
- Cop: Yes, ma'am.
- Kate: And what would you do if one of them was missing?
- Cop: I'd probably be doing the same thing you're doing. Listen, put yourself in your kid's shoes. Where would you go?
- Kate: Me? I'd probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere. Oh, but not Kevin. No. Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. And I know Kevin's fine. I'm sure he is. But he's still all by himself in a big city, and he doesn't deserve that. He deserves to be at home, with his family, around his Christmas tree. [pauses] Oh, my God. I know where he is! I need to get to Rockefeller Center.
- Cop: Hop in.
– Thank you. I know I don’t deserve a Christmas even if I did do a good deed. I don’t want any presents. Instead, I want to take back every mean thing I ever said to my family… …even if they don’t do the same. I don’t care. I love all of them. Including Muzz. If I can’t see all of them, could I just see my mother? I’ll never want another thing, ever. I just want my mother. I know it won’t be tonight… …but promise me I can see her again. Sometime. Anytime. Even if it’s just once and only for a few minutes. I need to tell her I’m sorry. Kevin? Mom? That worked fast! Oh, Kevin. Mom, I’m sorry. I’m sorry too. Merry Christmas, Mom. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Thank you. Let’s go. KEVIN: How’d you know I was here? KATE: I know you and Christmas trees, and this is the biggest. KEVIN: Where’s everyone else? KATE: At the hotel. They didn’t like palm trees either. (SNORING) Holy smokes, it’s morning! FULLER: It’s Christmas morning, man. Don’t get your hopes up. Huh? I don’t think Santa visits hotels. Are you nuts? He’s omnipresent. He goes everywhere. Wake up, it’s Christmas! Mom! Dad! It’s Christmas! MUZZ: Wow. ROD: Where’d it come from? KEVIN: Mom! Dad! You gotta see this! – My gosh! – Peter! MUZZ: Are we in the right room? Don’t open any of mine. – Who’s Mr. Duncan? – Duncan? I don’t know. Everybody calm down. Calm down! All right. Now… …if Kevin hadn’t screwed up in the first place, again… …we wouldn’t be in this most perfect… …and huge hotel room with all this free stuff. So… …I think it only fair that Kevin get to open the first gift. Then I’ll go and the rest of you and so on. Merry Christmas, Kev. Merry Christmas, Muzz. Merry Christmas, Kevin. All right! Merry Christmas! Enough gooey sh… Show of emotion. Everyone, let’s dig in! LESLIE: Everybody, save the paper. We can use it next year. And the bows. Merry Christmas. Kevin! Merry Christmas! I got something for you. What’s this? It’s a turtledove. I have one. You have one. As long as we each have a turtledove, we’ll be friends forever. Oh, Kevin. Thank you. I won’t forget you. Trust me. The room service bill, sir. Merry Christmas. Uh, oh. Nice family. Really. Merry Christmas indeed. PETER: Kevin! You spent $967 on room service?!