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Look, her first high-end retail

shopping experience.

Her nanny tried

to take her to Baby Gap...

but she'd just cry and cry.

She was a professional shopper

at age three.

Oh, wow!

Remember when she was on

the cover of "Seventeen"?

She had so much potential

back then.

Look at her. She could have been

a Playmate by now.

Hello! She's a lawyer.

- That's way better.

- Why?

There she is!

You always said she has

the perfect shaped head...

for a tiara!

Look at that slime dog!

It was so nice of you to make

this for Elle's wedding shower.

I can't scrapbook worth a damn.

I took a class on it

at community college.

- She got a "B."

- Plus!

The day she passed her LSAT!

I swallowed

some of that Silly String.

It wouldn't be the first time.

Look at that.

Her first day at Harvard.

Unbelievable. Awesome.

The Bend and Snap!

I love that.

I did it last night naked.

- You did not.

- Yes. I busted a window.

Oh, my God, there's

Bruiser's first highlights.

Is this the key to

her first office at the firm?

Remember that Caribbean decor?

It was genius.

Look, there she is

with Congresswoman Rudd...

when they started the Harvard

alumni women's event.

- Yeah.

- That's two kick-ass women.

I like them. I really like them.

The first day they met!

Emmett loves her already.

You can see it in his eyes.

Emmett and Elle.

They're truly Romeo and Juliet

without the dying.

Paulette?

Oh, my God!

Girls, I think it's her.

- Quick! Lights out!

- OK!

Paulette?

I thought we were supposed

to be at the movies by 9:00.

Surprise!

We got her!

Oh, my God! Margot, Serena,

I cannot believe...

you guys flew

all the way here!

- No biggie.

- On the contrary.

It's a huge biggie.

Thank you.

You guys are the best.

Speaking of biggies,

can we see your ring again?

Not your Delta Nu ring, Elle.

You mean, this one?

Clarity between F.L. And V.V.S.

Nice girdle diameter.

Cut impeccable.

It's a keeper.

Thanks!

Oh, my gosh, it's from Emmett!

That's me and Emmett

on Fenway baseball field.

It's his favorite place

in the whole world.

I love snow globes.

I can hear the ocean.

Listen, honey,

you're a full-time bride now...

so you'll need

a whole new wardrobe.

I'm not quitting my job,

you guys.

Do you guys remember

that feeling we used to get...

during a really intense

Spinning class?

That we feel so truly amazing

about ourselves?

That's how I feel

being a lawyer. I love it.

I have this huge

annual review coming up...

so keep 'em crossed, girls.

Crossed!

Congratulations, you did it.

With three wrong answers,

you've managed to undermine...

the entire foundation upon which

our legal system's built.

And by the way...

it only took me

two wrong answers.

Sweetie, you customized my ring?

Again?

Emmett, you are never

going to believe my news!

- What?

- Fenway Park!

You, me, two rings, and

one recently ordained umpire...

right on the entry field!

Infield.

What are you talking about?

It turns out the starting

pitcher for the Red Sox...

has an unfortunate

unibrow problem.

He goes to Nadia, my waxer...

so the team pulled some strings

with the site manager...

and we're getting married

at Fenway!

Are you serious?

Are you sure

this is what you want to do?

I can married anywhere

and it wouldn't matter.

That's a lie.

I'm getting married

under the Green Monster!

Yes!

And in just

three months and four days!

Emmett, we have so much

to talk about.

I want everybody

who matters to us to be there.

Oh, my God! I almost forgot!

You want me to what?

You want me to what?

A biological

birth parent search.

For your dog.

For my Chihuahua-American

Bruiser Woods.

I found him abandoned years ago.

Miss, I'm the highest-paid,

most sought after...

private investigator

in the greater Boston area.

That's precisely why

we came to you, Detective.

It is absolutely vital that

we find Bruiser's mother pronto.

His father might be

more difficult. You know dogs.

May I ask why?

Of course.

"Martha Stewart Weddings"...

recommends a 4 to 6-week

window for RSVPs...

and I can't send the invitation

without an address.

And the sooner I get started on

the calligraphy the better.

You want to send an invitation

to your wedding...

to your dog's mother.

And you're serious?

Detective,

if I have to make room...

for my second cousin's

vegan diet coach...

you better believe

I'll make room for the mother...

of the one loving creature

who's always been there for me.

In fact, I can't believe

I haven't done this sooner!

I'm thinking the same thing.

- Elle!

- Hi, Mr. Blaine.

- The client is thrilled.

- Good!

How you seamlessly

negotiated that deal?

- It was simply magnifique.

- Thank you.

Big staff meeting today, kiddo.

All right.

I got my fingers crossed.

Milton, two shots, extra foam.

- Wow. Thanks, E.W.

- No problem!

- Go get 'em today.

- Thanks.

Soy for you, honey. No dairy.

That's right. Thank you.

Your call list is endless.

- It is?

- We better get right on it.

Kevin, you shouldn't have!

I'm not sure they're giving me

the promotion today.

It's just a widespread

yet credible rumor.

It's from me and the girls.

Oh, right!

Now do me.

I feel like the luckiest girl

in the world.

- Me, too!

- You do?

I had no idea

I could be this happy...

without accruing

credit card debt.

Already?

Well, Miss Woods,

even the weird ones get cracked.

- You ready?

- Yes!

Bruiser Woods...

meet your mom.

Bruiser... your cheekbones.

And it's all in there.

Good luck finding whatever

it is you're looking for.

Oh, my God!

She's a Bostonian!

Bruiser, we're here!

As your adoptive mother,

I'm sure you're nervous...

about meeting

your birth mother...

but hear her out, OK?

I'm sure she had her reasons.

Bruiser,

your mother lives at...

the top secret

Versace think-tank!

I told you they had one!

No, ma'am.

Unless you have a pass,

you cannot go up there.

Lucky I always keep it on me.

Hold on. It's right here.

There you go.

What is it?

It's my double platinum

V.V.I.P. Versace...

Preferred Customer

identification card.

Available only to those that've

shopped on five continents.

If that fails to satisfy you,

you can also contact...

Billy Dailey,

head of customer relations.

You got the wrong VERSACE, lady.

Really? Donatella's not here?

Bruiser, where are you going?

Bruiser!

Ma'am!

Bruiser?

Get back here!

Where are you going?

Bruiser, I didn't know

you were so athletic.

What is it?

Oh, my God!

You, come here!

Come on!

Open this door immediately!

What are you doing here?

You have my dog's mom,

and I need her right now!

Absolutely not.

I'm not authorized to release...

any subjects

from their containment units.

I'm not even allowed

to have a key.

Swallow the thing one time,

and all of a sudden...

you're the weird key swallower

who can't be trusted.

I don't think

you're understanding me.

I'm willing to pay for her.

These animals

aren't for sale, ma'am.

They're the legal property

of this facility.

What kind of facility is this?

Mr. Livermore, I'm so sorry!

Elle, this VERSACE

is a cosmetic testing facility.

- Oh, no!

- Bruiser's mom's a test subject.

I want her out of there

immediately.

Animal test subjects

can only be surrendered...

on a voluntary basis,

and they're not volunteering.

After I get through with them,

they'll be begging.

And I'm not just taking

Bruiser's mom.

I'll bust all those dogs

out of that doggie dungeon.

"Research Science

and Critter Exploitation"?

This VERSACE's owned by the

C'est Magnifique Corporation!

That's fantastic!

Our law firm

represents C'est Magnifique.

We can tell them to fix this.

I can't wait to take this

to the partners.

But how are you

going to convince them?

Presenting...

Abandoned at birth, I was

on my own at an early age...

fighting for survival on

the streets of Beverly Hills...

making his way down

the boulevard of broken dreams,

turning tricks

at Hollywood and Vine...

yet even when

I found a loving mother...

I couldn't shake this

nagging emptiness in my heart.

It was like a void.

When I looked in the mirror...

who was it

that was looking back at me?

This is Bruiser's question.

And in a way,

aren't we all Bruisers?

I think yes. Thank you.

Ms. Woods,

this is a law firm...

not an animal rights

advocacy group.

We're lawyers.

We have to fight for justice.

And this is definitely unjust.

In this case, the cost of beauty

is way too high.

I can't believe I said that,

but it's true.

What we fight for...

is our clients

and their best interests.

But isn't doing the right thing

in everybody's best interest?

I think you're confusing

the right thing and the law.

You didn't think

they were the same, did you?

Why don't

we get back to business...

and discuss

your very bright future?

Pardon me,

I don't mean to interrupt...

but I just--

What you're saying is...

if C'est Magnifique

follows the letter of the law...

even if it ends up

hurting living beings...

we're just doing our job?

I'm sorry, Mr. Blaine...

I don't think I can work

with people who believe that.

You know what? You're right.

Thank you, Mr. Blaine.

You shouldn't have to work

with people who believe that.

Absolutely.

I knew you would understand.

You're fired, Elle.

What?

We only have room

for serious lawyers here.

Take the rest of the day

to clear out your things.

But the secretarial pool

already gave me a balloon.

Keep the balloon, if you wish.

Please, Emmett, just go away.

Why don't you come on out,

sweetie?

I know Bruiser

doesn't blame you.

But I'm all he has to speak

for him in this world...

and I have

completely failed him.

You know what I thought

the first time I saw you?

"God, that woman

wears a lot of pink"?

No. I thought...

"That woman is really special."

"She believes she can make

a difference and she will."

So... come on out

and let's talk about it.

No.

We could go over

some wedding details.

How about that? It revolves.

And it illuminates.

It's even

got the Red Sox colors.

That's fantastic, honey!

Speaking of red socks...

you're not getting

cold feet, are you?

About what?

How's it going to look?

A Harvard law professor...

married to a lawyer who

got fired from her first job.

Fired for something

she believes in.

It's going to look like...

"There goes the luckiest guy

in the whole world."

Thanks.

Holy crap!

It's gorgeous!

The material

keeps falling apart.

No!

Amy, is something wrong?

You can't do a scallop trim

on the outer hoop skirt.

The material's too delicate.

It'll just fall apart.

But in two out of three

home tests it held.

I am so sorry, Elle.

No biggie.

I guess I don't need...

a scallop trim

on the outer hoop skirt.

I'll be fine.

What is it that you said

back when I couldn't...

fit into my white spandex

pantsuit for my wedding?

If the fabric

doesn't work with you...

don't work with it.

It's one of

my favorite mantras.

That is so true, and I know

the most perfect organza!

Or something

really classy like...

like white leather!

I'll call the guy

that did my car seats.

Wait... that's it.

Don't fight the fabric.

Change it.

OK, but white leather?

If the law is what's keeping

Bruiser's mother locked up...

I shouldn't be fighting it,

I should be changing it.

Everybody, I'm going to make...

animal testing

for cosmetics illegal!

I know that making a dog wear

mascara and blush is wrong...

This isn't just about

Bruiser's mom anymore...

this is about the fact

that every day...

that I put on my Gold Goddess

luminescent blush...

some poor little innocent animal

might be suffering for it.

You don't realize

how horrible something is...

until it happens to you

personally.

Like breastfeeding.

And if I want to give

a voice to Bruiser...

I have to go to the place

that gave a voice to the people!

Oh, my God! The headquarters

of "Cosmopolitan" magazine!

Better! Ladies...

I'm going to Washington!

D.C., here I come!

If anybody can handle this,

it's you, honey.

I got a call from the Delta Nu

Your apartment's all set.

- Great!

- Elle!

Oh, my God! You look like

the Fourth of July!

Makes me want a hot dog

real bad.

Yeah, OK.

You got to get going, honey.

OK.

- Elle, look at this.

- What's that?

According to

"Animal Fair" magazine...

your new boss is the best

groomed woman in Washington.

Her beagle's name

is Dolly Madison...

which is my grandma's

stripper name.

Isn't that a good sign?

Oh, my gosh. A job with

a brilliant congresswoman...

who's also

a fellow Harvard alum.

You'll do great, Elle.

It's destiny.

But isn't planning

the wedding of the century...

and changing the law

kind of hard?

Paulette, I taught Bruiser

how to shop online.

I think I can handle Congress.

See ya.

Home sweet home. You ready?

OK.

Welcome to

the Wellington, ma'am.

It's a thrill to be here!

Time to legislate!

No.

Too Nancy.

Too Hillary.

Too Monica.

Too perfect for words!

Hi!

Good morning,

fellow public servants.

It's my first day.

Nice briefcase.

Huh? Thank you.

Hi!

Last item on

our agenda--Elle Woods.

Personal Rudd hire,

taking up a bill...

on animal testing

in the cosmetic industry.

I'm sorry,

Rudd's backing that?

Matter of conscience,

whatever.

Who knows? Maybe it'll boost

our female demographic.

The point is

we're animal lovers now.

If this is so important to Rudd,

shouldn't I be handling it?

No, Timothy,

not when we have a woman...

who according to Rudd,

is one of the shrewdest...

legal and political minds

of our time.

Hello, patriots!

I don't think

I've been this excited...

since Gucci became

a publicly traded company.

Oh, my God,

it's Capitol Barbie.

She's so shiny.

So where should I start?

Excuse me, sweetie?

Intern orientation

is down the hall in Room 216.

That's before 217 and after 215.

Oh, my God!

That is so sweet of you!

You think I'm an intern?

That anti-wrinkle

all-salmon diet really works.

Who are you?

- I'm sorry--

- Elle Woods, welcome!

I haven't seen you

since the alumni meeting!

- I know! How are you?

- Good!

This is Elle Woods, everyone.

Basically me

when I first came to D. C...

so make her feel at home.

You ready to hit

the ground running?

Are these not

my comfortable heels?

- Cute shoes.

- Thank you. They are comfy.

Here's Bruiser. Welcome.

Oh, you little sugar!

Back her up, people.

This is the most collaborative

bunch on the Hill...

So gather them together...

talk strategy as soon as

you get settled in.

- And, Elle?

- Yes?

- Welcome to Washington.

- Thank you!

Okey-dokey.

I missed the part about

where my office is.

The desk. Right here.

All righty. Then I'm going

to need a glue gun...

some pinking shears, and

five yards of grosgrain ribbon.

Yeah, that'll do it.

Well, look at you.

You can run your wedding

coordinator business...

during all that

legislative downtime.

Don't be silly, Grace.

This is to plan

my own wedding to Emmett.

See, this is us.

He had this made for me.

That's him,

and that's me smiling.

Maybe he'll make one

of you and me.

You'll be talking

and I'll be throwing up.

Speaking of nuptials,

wait till I tell...

the congresswoman

that I was invited...

to John McCain's

nephew's wedding.

He's really quite a sweet kid.

Tell me something, Timothy...

is it difficult for you

to breathe with...

your mouth flat

against your employer's butt?

I don't know, Grace.

Is it difficult to see...

with your head in

the Minority Whip's lap?

It was the distinguished

gentlemen from Iowa.

His wife had recently left him

and we just talked.

Right. Because if

you did "visit" his district...

you should've gotten

some legislation out of it.

How would you even know...

when you're busy chasing

interns on a skateboard?

Excuse me? Who wants

to talk animal testing?

Write a bill, Britney.

I don't have a car!

Snap Cup time

Gather ye round

Friends and foes together

United and bound

Pass it to your neighbor

Instead of blowing up

And we'll find

harmony and love

In the Snap Cup!

Don't tell me you don't know

what a Snap Cup is?

OK, I'll explain it.

You are going to write down

an anonymous praise note...

on a little warm fuzzy.

Warm fuzzy?

Yes. Compliments

about your co-workers.

Just something nice.

Then you deposit them

in the sacred vessel.

The Snap Cup is essential to

any bipartisan environment.

Consider 1998 Spring Carnival.

The Delta Nus partnered

with the Kappa Kappa Gammas...

on Project Kissing Booth.

Big problems.

Go ahead, write.

So, a whole heated

debate transpired...

over the whole

tongue-no tongue policy.

I think you know what side

the Kappas were on.

Anyway, it really helped us

move past the conflict...

and I think

it can help us today.

Let's just try this, OK?

Thank you, Reena. Thank you.

Thanks for that.

Thank you, Timothy.

So now, the Snap Cup

mistress--me--recites.

Good, I got mine.

"Grace always has the confidence

to speak her mind.

"Plus, she looks terrific

in charcoal."

And, voil, snaps for Grace!

You see? Our first Snap Cup!

This is so exciting!

I wonder what'll happen next?

All right, this is...

"What do Elle Woods and

the Snap Cup have in common?"

A riddle. That's so cool.

I love riddles.

"They're both..."

"stupid."

Enough already.

Maybe we can do something

actually worthwhile...

like attend the hearing

of the committee...

you need to crack.

I'll take you myself.

Thank you, Grace.

That's very generous of you.

See, I think

the Snap Cup really works.

Wow.

Good morning.

This is just like on C-SPAN

except I'm not bored.

You're in the wrong room,

sweetheart.

Intern orientation

is in room...

Thank you.

Hi, I'm Elle Woods.

I'm not an intern.

Rob Cole. Me, neither.

I'm the new legislative aide

to Congresswoman Rudd.

I'm an old congressman

from Delaware.

I've been to Delaware!

No sales tax. Good one, sir.

Committee is called to order.

Welcome to

the special meeting of the...

Excuse me. Sorry.

Committee

of Energy and Commerce.

Before we turn

to our official agenda...

are there

any introductory remarks?

Madam chairwoman...

Grace Rossiter,

chief of staff...

Representative Rudd,

Massachusetts.

As our newest

legislative assistant...

will be spearheading a campaign

under your committee...

I'm sure she'd love the floor.

Thus I yield to my colleague,

the lady in hot pink.

You have the floor,

lady in hot pink.

Me?

Would you care to more

specifically identify yourself?

Oh, sure!

My name is Elle Woods,

Boston by way of Bel Air.

And as my surname

would suggest...

I am a passionate advocate

for everything in nature...

and a contented citizen...

until my shorthaired

Chihuahua, Bruiser...

brought me face-to-face with

the animal testing issue.

You're out of order,

Miss Woods.

This is

a fuel efficiency hearing.

I don't see anything in

the agenda about animal testing.

Will you yield the floor?

Absolutely. I'm almost done.

So, in conclusion,

I just want to say...

that I am so excited

about the day...

that I get to march up

those grand Capitol steps...

and drop

that very bill in the...

What's it called?

It's like a shiny,

mahogany box thing?

The hopper.

Exactly! The hopper!

How could I forget?

It's like a bunny.

Perfect for animal testing.

And I want

to let everybody know...

that I'm having

a post-hopper tapas party.

I'm making sangria.

It's really yummy.

My, my, how very interesting

that all sounds.

It'll be fun.

However, the next time

you consider...

attending a hearing

over which I preside... don't!

Committee is called to order.

OK.

Welcome to the special meeting

of the Committee...

of Energy and Commerce.

For the record...

would the secretary

please make note that...

Welcome to the Wellington,

ma'am.

Seventeen-B?

You have a package.

Inside that box are the most

perfect wedding shoes ever.

Both visually stunning

and cleated.

And I won't be able

to wear them...

since I obviously

won't make the date...

for Emmett's fantasy

baseball wedding...

given that I don't have

a chance of getting...

those important congresspeople

to co-sponsor my bill...

which I need to get a hearing

to stop animal testing...

in order to reunite Bruiser

with his mother...

in order to have them

at my wedding...

in which

I was going to wear...

the most perfect

wedding shoes ever...

right inside that box.

They never covered this

in the handbook.

They're something, all right.

You think?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Elle Woods,

legislative aide...

to Congresswoman Rudd,

Massachusetts.

Sid Post. Doorman.

That door.

All day I've felt like white,

open-toed shoes after Labor Day.

I hate that feeling.

Whatever that means.

I better get going.

If I'm going to pass a law...

I have to work up

some plan of attack...

with the Committee

of En and Ron or whatever.

Bye, Sid.

- Comm.

- What'd you say?

It's called the Committee

of Energy and Commerce.

Oh, yeah. Right. Thanks.

This is really

important to me, Grace.

They wouldn't cover

my nana's anti-itch cream...

which means she only has

one free hand for bingo.

- Lf I could get a hearing--

- Where's your bill, Reena?

The staff lawyers couldn't

draft it for six weeks...

but if you could talk to

the congressman's aide...

I could get on the agenda.

We pushed

prescription drugs last term.

I have a lot of issues

that come first.

Reena, if Grace finds herself

otherwise prioritized...

maybe you could talk

to this aide yourself.

Or better yet,

directly to the congressman.

Don't you have something

to alphabetize?

In fact,

now that I think about it...

with Reena's clear passion

for the project...

who better to

write this bill than Reena?

Me?

It's like I always say--

Why let someone else do for you

what you can do for yourself?

Except in the case

of eyebrow maintenance.

We always say follow protocol.

It's worked

for the past 200 years...

OK, Miss Snap Cup?

Stick it out with the lawyers.

They'll get to you eventually.

This is the new

congressmember roster.

Just a dollar.

Don't you believe

in helping a guy out?

What I do believe in, sir...

is an honest day's work

for an honest day's pay.

Not rewards for idleness.

- 50 cents?

- Leave me!

- Just a quarter.

- Go bother someone else!

People here

have no common courtesy.

Want to get a hearing

for your bill?

Get Congresswoman Hauser.

She needs a political makeover.

Sidney?

Who needs a what?

Hauser.

Tough redhead on En and Comm.

If she can put her name

on something warm and fuzzy...

something like puppies,

that could do the trick.

Really? What if I showed

Hauser the photos...

of what they're doing

to these animals?

That'd work...

with someone with a heart.

Hauser responds to facts,

figures, and demographics.

You gotta do your homework.

How did you learn all this?

I have been stationed

on the forefront...

of all major political

and social scandals...

for the past 30 years.

You worked in the White House?

No, at the Wellington.

After Hauser,

you'll need Stanford Marks...

Alabama Republican.

A real hard-ass.

Sidney, you are,

without a doubt...

the most useful person

I've met in Washington.

Hauser's margin

in the last election?

Four points. 52-48.

Hauser's chief?

Hall, Ted.

- Marks' aide?

- Murphy. Conservative, tougher.

- I think you're ready.

- Thank you, Sid.

For shizzle... my ezzle.

I borrowed this.

Excuse me!

Given the historical

tendencies...

of the congresswoman's

voting pool...

animal testing is the very issue

your platform needs.

Which brings me to my

demographic breakdown target.

Which brings us to the end

of our time, but good stuff.

I'll bat it around

with my colleagues.

I'm not done

with my presentation.

- Is Friday good?

- Absolutely.

The second one in November,

and the line starts down there.

But wait!

I won't be here in November.

I'm getting married.

If you insist Congressman Marks

is unavailable...

perhaps you could look at...

my alternative testing

economics incentive chart.

But it's pop-up.

I will read this homeowners

legislation this weekend.

Five more minutes and

I'm due in committee. Reena.

Well--

Reena's prescription drugs

for the elderly amendment--

rejected during mark-up session.

Sorry, Nana.

- Where are we with the animals?

- Still not on the calendar.

So we're nowhere.

Grace, help Elle with this.

Let's get going.

I'll see you all later.

Grace...

I think I can get a meeting

with Hauser's aide.

Please.

You could have 100 meetings...

and it still wouldn't matter.

This is Washington politics...

not warm fuzzies

and kissing booths.

It takes savvy

and street smarts.

I've seen thousands of

polite, idealistic girls...

just like you traipse

up and down this Hill...

and go home empty-handed

with blisters on their feet.

Thank you, Grace.

You actually reminded me

of something really important.

I came here

to give my dog a voice...

and I'd forgotten about my own.

So you can do it

the Washington way.

But I'm going to do it

the Elle Woods way.

Time to get serious.

Time to get serious.

Subject--Congresswoman

Libby Hauser.

Came of age in Post-War boom...

typified by 1951

Charles Jourdan stiletto heel.

Moving up to the Texan's head,

which is red...

suspect chemical assistance.

Must pursue.

Hit me, Post.

a 10-mile radius...

broken down

by color expertise...

and philosophical approach

to hair maintenance and style.

I didn't know you could have

a philosophy of hair.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe that's where I went wrong.

Go for Woods.

It's just as you suspected.

She's at a moderate

conservative salon...

founded on

the principles of Vidal.

In fact, it was one

of our case studies...

last year at Hair University.

That was right

before they flunked me.

Paulette, they weren't ready

for your vision.

I know you'll make

your mark hair-wise.

Sorry.

- You got a pen?

- Yes.

It's at Constitution and 12th.

The Salon Bontempo.

Don't you just love a salon day?

Yes, so peaceful and quiet.

Makes it so much easier

to talk that way.

They have rules about that here.

I know. That's why

I called to make sure...

they used PETA-approved

hair care products.

When you think about what

they do to those animals--

Which is why

I don't think about it.

Does the trick.

Excellent bobby pin handling.

Thank you, Frederic.

Looks great.

Isn't it

so comforting to see...

they use eco-friendly

foil technology here?

Every planet needs a friend,

that's what I always say.

If I wanted to talk about

the emotional life of a rock...

you'd know it by now.

Until this day,

I'd held the highest opinion...

of redheads as a fellow

hair minority group.

I heard quite enough

of your politics...

at the committee meeting,

thank you very much.

When was the last time you wore

the yellow tea rose?

I'm sorry?

What did you just--

When was the last time

you wore your yellow tea rose?

On the night of my initiation.

Wasn't the passing of the secret

scented eternal flame...

of the goddess Delta Nu

not the most moving experience?

Especially the part

where we sipped...

from the secret

pink chalice of sisterhood!

Yes!

Delta who?

Delta Nu!

Delta-Delta boo-gah-loo

Nu Nu Delta

Theta, Beta

Lambda, Mu

Ooh-aah, Delta Nu!

Libby Hauser, Texas.

Planning a wedding?

That "I do" updo

looks like heaven on you.

Thank you.

Who is he?

Zeta Lambda Nu, I hope.

Actually, I'm marrying

outside the Greek system...

but he's totally letter-worthy.

But how is D.C. Elle-worthy?

I'm here to speak for those

who can't speak for themselves.

How interesting.

It's more than interesting.

It's practical.

Strictly a numbers game

as far as you're concerned.

your district with dog licenses.

unemployed scientists...

with the skills to develop

alternatives to animal testing.

And finally, 6285--the ID number

of my dog's captive mother.

I'm not sure

I followed all that...

but you got my attention.

If there's one thing

I know how to do...

it's rinse and repeat.

Shall we?

Excuse me,

do you happen to have a--

- Get lost!

- Excuse me, sir!

- Do you have a--

- No, I'm busy.

Sir, could I use a section

of your newspaper?

We're late for

your doggie spa appointment.

- Here you go.

- Thank you, young lady.

No problem. What kind

of world would this be...

if we didn't help each other out

every once in a while?

Have a good day.

What do you want, Bruiser?

Bruiser, honey, come on.

We have to go. We're late.

We have to get to

the doggie spa, remember?

Will it be Swedish

or shiatsu massage today?

Come on.

Come on. We gotta get you

to the puppy pretty parlor.

Redhead, down.

Up next is Stanford Marks...

Southern conservative,

NRA spokesman.

How about tulips?

No, no, the calla lily

is this year's tulip.

- For weddings?

- It's all about the calla.

What would I do without you?

I couldn't do anything

without you, Sid.

You're going to get

this bill through, Elle.

An honest voice

is louder than a crowd's.

Just trust your voice.

Bruiser? Oh, my God.

I'll be right back.

Pilates for Poodles?

That's Tuesday at 2:30.

Pilates for Poodles?

That's Tuesday at 2:30.

- The page said it was urgent!

- They said it was urgent.

- Please tell me he's OK.

- What's wrong with Leslie?

We have it under control now...

but your Rottweiler

has been humping...

your little dog,

and vice versa.

Your Chihuahua's quite

the little leaper, young lady.

Takes a running start.

Hell, what can I say?

My Rottweiler's a stallion.

In our household, we fully

support a healthy curiosity.

Testosterone is natural.

Wait. Did you say stallion?

Wait a minute. Your dog...

the one wearing that ridiculous

pink skirt in the park?

Why would she have testosterone?

That wasn't a skirt,

it was a skort.

- Men wear skorts.

- Uh-huh.

What the heck is a skort?

And what does a man wearing one

got to do with it?

All right! Leslie is a Les.

The Rottweiler is a guy...

and Bruiser is a male dog

who enjoys wearing pastel.

The canines are both male.

Your dogs are gay.

All the signs were there.

I just didn't see them.

Most dogs

like to chew your shoes...

and Bruiser liked to wear mine.

I just thought

he liked the height.

You just want

what's best for them.

Doesn't matter

if they're the smartest...

or the strongest

or the best diggers.

As long as they're happy.

Why me? Why my dog?

I told Doris not

to buy it in Dupont Circle.

That damn homosexual

puppy boutique.

Stanford Marks, by the way.

You can call me Stan.

Elle Woods.

Very nice to meet you.

You're the girl with

the perfumed poo baggies.

I'm the woman with

the scented waste receptacles.

Wait!

Congressman Stanford Marks?

As in the Southern

conservative...

NRA spokesman Alabama

Republican Stanford Marks?

One and the same.

It's a pleasure

to make your acquaintance.

No, Congressman,

the pleasure is all mine.

- Well...

- Believe me.

Here's to getting things

done the Washington way.

Your chief of staff

has just gotten herself...

a meeting with--wait for it--

Chairman Stan Marks...

in just four short weeks.

- Congratulations, Grace.

- Yes!

Oh, yes.

OK, who wants to bet...

over-under

on Ms. Woods departure?

Right now it's at six days.

- Reena?

- No, thanks.

- Reena?

- No, thanks.

Come on. Anybody?

Who wants to take

over six days?

I'll take it, Grace.

I've been so busy.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Reena, could you be a pal

and just tell me...

what I'm doing

a week from tomorrow?

By the way, that outfit

looks fantastic on you.

It really brings out

the color in your eyes.

Thanks.

It's on my "I brake for

sample sales" bookmark.

wedding cake frosting.

rehearse hearing speech.

Commerce committee hearing.

exfoliating treatment--

Go back to that one at 11:00.

Commerce committee hearing.

That's what it says.

I'm going to be appearing

before ranking member...

Libby Hauser,

Chairman Stanford Marks...

and the entire Committee

of En and Comm.

A hop, skip, and a jump

away from a floor vote.

Nice try, but you

have to get a bill...

before you have a hearing.

Like this one?

It's like I was saying

to the congresswoman...

the other day over

caramel macchiatos.

"Is bill writing

super fun or what?"

I think so.

Where is that Elle Woods?

Oh, my God.

- Libby just told me the news.

- She did?

Never underestimate a woman...

with a French manicure

and a Harvard law degree.

Thank you, Victoria.

That's very sweet of you...

but I couldn't have done it

without your inspiration.

I'm honored.

This girl is special.

Actually, I didn't do it alone.

The entire team helped me.

It was really a group effort.

Good work, guys.

Really good work.

- You.

- Thanks.

Thank you, Reena.

You're a sweetheart.

And I guess I will see you

at the hopper.

Ask not what your best friend

can do for man...

but what you can do

for man's best friend.

The Committee

on Energy and Commerce...

will now come to order.

HR 2562,

aka Bruiser's Bill--

Representative

Victoria Rudd, sponsor...

proposing a ban

on animal testing...

in the cosmetics industry.

I'd like to welcome

you all today as we begin...

consideration of

this very important issue.

This week, you will hear

testimony from both sides...

and I ask that you keep

your ears and your minds open.

This is my first

congressional hearing.

Can you believe it?

And so I come to you today

as a citizen...

and a scientist with

the National Institute of Health

for 25 years,

during which time...

it's become increasingly clear

that these supposed alternatives

to animal testing

aren't alternatives at all.

I took this office to represent

my two-legged constituents.

Recently, I saw an item in

a pet store with the label...

"This product

is tested on humans."

That's a problem

worth discussing.

All the bleeding hearts...

will try to distract us

from the facts...

with their saccharine talk

of wagging tails...

cold noses, and other

sentimental mumbo jumbo.

Consider this--where we see

softness of heart...

we often see softness of mind.

And so to move on such a bill

at this juncture in time...

would wreak havoc

on already unstable...

local economies

across the country.

Now, that's a problem

worth discussing.

You know

I'd do anything for you...

but I got to tell you,

that is one tough room.

- Better be prepared tomorrow.

- All right.

Excuse me, ladies.

Good evening.

I know you've had

a bad day in court before.

It's the same thing.

They make their case,

we make ours.

Yes, but that was bad.

They're mostly posturing for

their constituents back home.

I think we have the votes

in committee...

even without your testimony.

But they have scientists

and economists and facts.

So do we.

Elle, listen to me.

Go home.

Have an early evening.

Sorry.

Victoria Rudd. Yes.

Hang on one minute, will you?

Go home. Try to relax.

And don't think like them.

Think like you.

OK. Thanks.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Bob, how are you?

I'm leaving the Capitol

right now.

- Thanks. Nice work.

- Oh.

Sid?

I'm sorry about that.

This happens all the time.

My break is almost up...

but I wanted to get you this

before tomorrow.

Great. Let's walk.

Sidney, this is brilliant.

How did you know all this?

Hundreds of dogs walked and

thousands of plastic baggies.

This is perfect.

This is exactly what I need.

Well, of course

I appreciate your support.

Why wouldn't it continue?

I'm already on record

on that issue.

All right.

I'll do what I can.

Don't push me, Bob.

I'll do what I can.

All right. Good night.

- I need to call in my favor.

- I'm listening.

I've changed my position

on Bruiser's Bill.

A man who controls

a political machine...

Boy, he's good.

He is really good.

I'm really glad

we're watching this.

This is good for you.

He promised to break me in two.

I'm starting

to worry about...

getting all

this wedding planning done.

Elle, I want you to follow

my lead in Washington.

And always make sure

Bruiser wears a sweater.

- Is that Sean Connery?

- No, it's not.

Powerful enough

to control congressmen...

Seriously, honey, don't worry

about the wedding research.

Just give 'em hell tomorrow.

The chair now recognizes

legislative aide Elle Woods.

Thank you, Mr. Chairman.

There she is!

Guys, she really did it.

Miss Woods?

Well, I'll be damned.

Representative Kroft...

that lip gloss looks absolutely

sensational on you.

I'm sorry, what?

It's Raspberry Macaroon

number 156.

Company shall remain nameless,

is that correct?

Well, yes. But how did you--

What if I told you,

Representative Kroft...

that you owe that

special bounce in your step...

that only comes from finding

the perfect lipstick...

to the pain and suffering

of innocent animals?

What if I was to tell you...

Congresswoman

Madeline Melanie Kroft...

that you owe

your Raspberry Macaroon...

to him?

My best friend.

Bruiser.

How many times

has he acted on my behalf?

Countless.

But today, I get the opportunity

to speak for him.

Who do you speak for?

Congressman Fuchs...

the next time you reach for your

overnight moisturizing gloves--

By the way, it's nothing

to be ashamed about.

More men should use them.

Consider asking yourself what

you're willing to sacrifice...

in the name of

beauty and soft cuticles.

Are you willing to sacrifice

animal welfare?

Or how about

the welfare of one animal?

Like Jelly,

your childhood pal...

that striking

retriever-black lab mix.

You know about Jelly?

When all the other children

refused to play Lone Ranger...

who was it that was

always your Tonto?

Jelly Belly.

Mr. Chairman...

when you look in those

snap-worthy almond eyes...

of your Rottweiler Leslie...

does it not make your heart

glow with warmth?

With due respect, Ms. Woods,

I wouldn't go that far.

But when he learned

to differentiate...

between seven different

kinds of pipes...

and fetch each one on command,

did you not swear...

to protect him

with every shotgun...

in your charming little

ammunitions case?

It wouldn't come to that.

This is a dog

we're talking about.

But if you could speak

for Leslie...

what would you say?

What would Leslie want you

to say for him, Mr. Chairman?

Stan.

To hell with it.

My Rottweiler Les is

of the homosexual orientation.

I've said it. I'm out.

My name is Stan Marks,

I'm a conservative Republican...

NRA spokesman,

and my dog is gay.

And guess what?

I couldn't be prouder

of the little flamer!

I don't care

how good my hair looks...

slicked back with

some high-dollar pomade.

Just one long stare into

that sweet sissy dog's eyes...

and I know no cosmetic

could ever be worth it!

Bruiser's Bill.

Bruiser's Bill!

We did it! Bill passing!

Bruiser's Bill!

Important legislation

for our time.

Bruiser, good work, little guy.

I would like

to conclude this hearing...

by thanking you all

for your testimony--

Mr. Chairman, sir...

The chair recognizes...

the gentlewoman

from Massachusetts.

Mr. Chairman,

committee members...

I would like to thank you for

your consideration of this bill.

However,

after further reflection...

on the budgetary realities

of this fiscal year...

I feel I must withdraw

my support for Bruiser's Bill.

- What?

- I concur!

Everybody, calm down.

I'm sorry, Bruiser.

I'm sorry, too, Elle.

I know you think

I've let you down.

Believe me, I thought

about your reaction...

maybe more than I should have.

You were outmaneuvered...

by Grace.

Grace?

For the last two sessions

she's been pushing...

this homeowners incentives bill.

This morning she struck a deal.

I withdraw my support

for Bruiser's Bill.

Homeowners incentives

comes to a vote.

That was the price

and I paid it.

That's all just deals

and trades and secrets.

That's not what people want.

Elle... I'm sorry.

Government of the people...

by the people, for the people.

So what's your story?

Were you even honest?

I guess you were.

If you didn't play games...

then you were probably

the only one.

I just don't know how

you did it.

I don't even mean

wearing that silly hat...

because that was really brave.

But...

Just trusting your country.

Trusting this system...

Trusting yourself.

I did.

Go on.

It's full of warm fuzzies.

With extra fuzz.

"Elle Woods has amazing

lateral delts."

That was my target

muscle group of the month.

Snaps for Elle's lateral delts.

"Elle Woods inspires us."

We even put little hearts

over the "Is".

- I see that.

- It was my idea.

Thank you, Timothy.

Thank you, everybody.

This is really nice.

But I just don't think

I'm cut out for this.

Elle, we have a plan.

Two words for you--

Discharge petition.

With a couple hundred

signatures...

we can spring Bruiser's Bill

from committee...

straight to the House floor

for a vote.

I don't know.

That sounds really complicated.

You've come

farther than any of us...

while maintaining

your bounce and sparkle.

We never sparkle.

None of us thought one person

could make a difference...

until you came along.

If I remember correctly,

isn't that 218 signatures?

It's not that hard.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess I know women

with more shoes than that.

Wait, that's me.

Elle...

it's time to finish

what you started.

OK, people,

a lot on the agenda today.

Reenie, I'm still waiting on

those one-minute floor speeches.

Timothy, I need recon on that

campaign finance reform hearing.

Grace, status meeting

in my office right away.

I said now.

Where's my staff?

They quit, without notice.

Why?

Marks and Hauser

just filed a petition...

to discharge Bruiser's Bill.

I'm pretty sure

that's where your staff is...

led by their commander

Sorority Sue.

Petition to discharge HR 2652,

aka Bruiser's Bill...

carried with no objections.

The petition is filed

and available for signature.

Actually, we are strictly...

"bring your own"

on the discharge petition.

But it's pink... and scented.

Gives it something extra,

don't you think?

We've both signed it,

as you can see.

I believe we're being dismissed.

Thank you.

There will be others

to come and sign.

- Don't you like pink?

- Come on!

Up on your feet, people.

Discharge petition time.

Upsy-daisy.

We have our work

cut out for us. Let's go.

OK, we have two signatures.

I'll break up the country

into color codes.

Timothy, you're teal.

Reena, you're magenta.

And Elle is marigold.

And I've got

the Wellington covered.

Sid Post, 37.

Congress adjourns in 3 weeks.

We can't do this alone.

That's why I'm calling in

reinforcements.

I hope we're talking...

the brightest political

minds in the country.

We're here!

Oh, my God!

Oh, gosh, we can't wait

to see the Mall.

And the Statue of Liberty.

Everybody, these are

my Delta Nu sisters.

This is Margot and Serena.

Josh made the cruise boat

pull over in Puerto Vallarta.

I left L.A.

Right after landing...

a lateral split in

the third quarter dance break.

It was awesome.

I went "Yah!" and "Haah!"

- That's so great.

- Yeah, thanks.

So, is it time?

Oh, no, it's not time yet.

Hello? You're here?

We'll meet you in the lobby.

Let's go.

Everybody, this is

the final member of our team...

Paulette Parcelle.

Who's ready to discharge?

And proposition a bill

and... whatever.

Let's hit the Hill.

If I could have

a moment of your time--

You could consider something--

Quadrant 4, corridor 6,

have lost one.

Sorry. How are you?

If I could have a minute

of your time?

Reena, how are you?

Has anybody told you

about Bruiser's Bill?

Is it trivial,

Congressman Hannenfeld?

Animals don't have

the same reactions...

to drugs that humans do.

It's like the time...

my trainer's sister's

cousin's girlfriend...

gave her overweight Yorkie

some phen-fen...

because she was

a little bit fat...

and it gained three pounds.

Desired result?

I don't think so.

You know?

Oh, my dear, gifted woman...

you tell that Bruiser Woods...

he can count on

the Sunshine State.

Thank you, Ohio.

Thank you, Atlanta!

Who's next?

You're next!

We're gonna do it.

Serena...

why do they keep

sending us to Room 216?

"Intern Orientation."

Margot, you're a genius.

If this doesn't get

more signatures...

I don't know what will.

Intern class of 2003 on deck!

Remember, flexibility counts.

Ready? OK!

Dogs of the world unite!

Sign the petition, win a date!

Go Bruiser's Bill, go!

Well, I'm signing.

Yes, Bob,

I know what you're reading.

Are you kidding?

Your support has been

invaluable to me.

If it weren't for you,

I'd be painting my own posters.

I don't care

if she has two weeks left.

She could have two years left.

She won't pull this off.

I will not be outmaneuvered

by this silly little blonde.

Don't worry, Bob.

I'll get her...

and her little dog, too.

Even with

the entire Wellington...

and 68 life-changing haircuts

under Paulette's belt...

we're still not even close.

We got a problem here.

The bad news is...

Reena.

Wow. You look amazing.

It's just layers

and highlights...

and a cellulose

finishing rinse.

I did it.

Cool.

What is the bad news?

We lost Hannenfeld.

We were planning on him...

to bring Felsen, Parks,

and Janowitz on board.

What are you talking about?

I talked to Hannenfeld myself.

I confirmed with his aide

this morning over breakfast.

I don't know. Somebody must've

got to him at lunch.

It's Grace.

- Please make sure.

- I will. Two weeks?

I'm looking for Grace Rossiter.

I just want to know

if she's coming back soon.

Elle. Hi.

Oh, hi.

I was going to call you.

I was looking for Grace.

The discharge petition.

We lost Hannenfeld...

and I was wondering

if Grace knew anything about it.

None of that

is important anymore.

Could I speak with you

for a moment?

Sure.

You did it, Elle. You won.

You can collect Bruiser's mom

anytime you like.

What?

If you promise not to be

disappointed in me again...

I'll tell you.

I pulled a few strings.

C'est Magnifique is releasing

all of their test animals.

All of them?

All of them.

And what's more...

they have been so impressed...

with how you've handled

yourself down here...

they want you on board as

head of their legal department.

It's a very generous offer.

I don't know.

You did it.

You did what

you came here to do.

Yeah, but what about

the discharge petition?

This isn't

about just one animal...

it's all of the animals.

I agree, but you've got

a great team in place.

They can carry on without you.

C'est Magnifique wants you

up there by Monday.

You can go home.

Congratulations, Elle.

Wow. Thank you.

Thanks for doing that.

Well, sure.

We have to stick together,

us Washington blondes.

Do you know who

Representative Hannenfeld...

had lunch with today

in the members dining room?

I skipped lunch today.

Had a facial.

OK. Thanks.

I'll call you about that.

Yeah.

Emmett, I know you're probably

in Case Law class right now...

but call me back

when you get this.

I think I'm coming home.

But it's a good thing.

Maybe. Call me back.

Will you leave us alone now?

Excuse me?

I know you've been

working against us...

and I know

somehow it's personal.

- You don't like me.

- Clearly.

If I leave Washington,

will you call off the fight...

and let Bruiser's Bill

have a fair shot?

Your bill is trivial to me.

I have my own agenda.

Like the homeowners bill you

pushed through at our expense?

That's all I'm asking, Grace--

Homeowners incentives?

I wouldn't touch that bill.

It's a tax break

for the wealthy.

Haven't you been pushing it

for the last two sessions?

Victoria has a live interview

with Connie Chung in an hour.

I don't have time for this.

That's the interview

she's preparing for?

She's in makeup right now.

She's in makeup?

Mike test, 1-2-3.

Is Miss Chung available?

I'd like to go over

some ground rules

before we go on live,

for goodness sakes.

Yes, OK. Thanks.

Doesn't she have

a beautiful complexion?

She's like a PSA for SPF.

Thank you, Elle.

I thought you were gone.

Home? No, no, no.

I'm not ready yet--

Epidermally speaking,

that is.

I'm actually feeling

a little bit muddy.

I need a light exfoliation...

followed by

super rich hydration...

and I thought, Victoria will

have a good recommendation.

Sweetie, this really

isn't the best time.

I know you're very busy...

so I already called

your facialist.

The thing is she said

you didn't come in today.

Oh, no, no.

I went someplace else.

Someplace new. Is that all?

No, that's not all.

Every woman knows

that a good facial...

can be a painful experience

if done properly...

resulting in red blotchy areas

all over your skin...

swelling, tenderness

in your T-zone area.

Even more so if your facialist

is Eastern European...

as so many of the best are.

Payback for the fall

of Communism, I like to say.

What on earth

are you talking about?

Isn't it

the first rule of facials...

that there's a 24-hour window

between a facial...

and any major occasion

such as a date or a dance...

or maybe an interview

with Mrs. Maury Povich?

I don't think that's a rule...

the most well-groomed woman

in Washington would forget.

This is ridiculous.

Could we clear this room?

You lied to me

about your lunch hour.

Why? Because you were having

lunch with Hannenfeld?

You've been lobbying

against us all this time.

For God's sakes, enough.

Thank you. Out, out, out.

Thank you.

I'll be with you in a moment.

Yes. I lied to you.

I killed Bruiser's Bill.

But you're an animal lover.

What about Dolly Madison,

your beagle?

Not mine. I borrowed it.

And it reeked.

Looked good on the sofa.

We've been through

all of this before.

I traded your bill

for the homeowners bill...

that Grace had committed me to.

That's a lie.

Grace never wanted that.

You blocked this bill

and I want to know why.

- Why?

- Yes, why?

Why does anything happen

in Washington? Survival.

You have no idea what it takes

to get here and stay here.

The money it takes.

It just so happens that

my chief financial contributor

purchased half share

in a major cosmetics company...

and they want to continue

testing on animals...

so much so

that they're willing...

to bankroll my opponent

in next year's elections...

if I did not kill your bill.

I trusted you.

I looked up to you.

I can't do anyone any good

if I'm no longer here.

But you're not doing

anybody any good.

Nobody in your district,

not even yourself.

And I'm sorry,

but I can't let that happen.

You can't prove

why I changed my vote...

or how I blocked your bill.

It's your word against mine...

and I've spent 20 years

building up my credibility...

in this town and back home.

I'm not going to the press.

I don't believe in blackmail.

But I do believe

in the people...

and I'm going to take

Bruiser's Bill to them.

The people believe

what we tell them to believe.

It'll never work, Elle.

You can't get

the people to care.

Watch me.

Ladies...

it's time.

You mean...

Are you sure?

As sure as I am that nobody

looks good in paisley.

Are you with me?

I think so. Serena?

Yeah. Yes.

We're with you, Elle.

Go for it.

Oh, my God!

Delta Nu president,

Chapter 2-6...

I.D. Number 097435.

Third from the top.

fifth from the top...

calling to activate

phone tree number 255.

Call to activate

phone tree 255!

This is not a fire drill.

I repeat, this is not a drill!

Sisters mobilized.

E.T.A. 0800 hours.

- Hi, Heather, it's Buffy.

- Hi, Kiki, it's Tiffani.

- Hi, Amber, it's Becky.

- Hi, Audrey, it's Melanie.

- Hi, Jos, it's Breena.

- Hi, Courtney, it's Veronica.

- Hi, Christy, it's Nat.

- Hi, Binky, it's Nicki.

- Hi, Jill, it's Jojo.

- Hi, Allison, it's Cookie.

You will never believe

what happened.

Elle just called

and she needs our help...

Suzy, we're taking it

to Defcon One.

There's a crisis right now.

Where the president is.

Exactly.

There's an emergency

in Washington.

Road trip?

OK, see you in Washington.

Save Bruiser's mom!

Save Bruiser's mom!

Help me out, tell a friend.

Save Bruiser's mom!

I like your necklace.

Gay Dogs of America

support Bruiser's Bill!

We're gonna tee it

around 12:00--

Miss, save me a good one.

Full-color big picture

of Bruiser.

Emmett!

What are you doing here?

Wedding research.

What?

Elle, your work is here now

and it's important.

So I'm bringing

the wedding to you.

First step,

get groom to Washington.

But what about Fenway Park?

Look, I don't care

where I marry you...

just as long as I do.

I do. I do. Feels good.

So what's Step Two?

That's Step Two.

Save Bruiser's mom!

Save Bruiser's mom!

Save Bruiser's mom!

Save Bruiser's mom!

Colorado. Photo ops after.

Grace, are you all right?

Save Bruiser's mom!

Save Bruiser's mom!

Save Bruiser's mom!

Rutherford. Check.

Porter. Check.

Hutchins. Check.

Uh-oh. That's it.

It's not enough.

Tomorrow's a wash.

It's National Education Day.

Got a meeting of both Houses,

ceremonial speeches--

there's no time for politicking.

Sorry, Elle, we tried.

We have to keep trying.

Hello?

You want those

last fifteen signatures?

Grace?

It'll take

something extraordinary.

You'll have to pull something...

no regular citizen

would ever dream of.

Fine, but how am I

going to do that?

You're going to address

the entire Congress...

and I know just the person

to make it happen.

Who? Is that even possible?

Look, Elle,

you may be above blackmail...

but I'm not.

Grace, why are you helping me?

Because once upon a time

I loved politics...

and I want to do some good.

What has that got to do with me?

Look, those silly girls

that I told you about...

with the blisters on their feet?

I was one of them.

We have celebrated today

elementary education...

secondary

and higher education...

and now...

Don't even think about it.

And now...

This is

a little unconventional.

With the Speaker's...

and the president

of the Senate's permission...

please indulge me

as I share the floor...

with my constituent...

who in the spirit

of education...

would like to educate us all

on a vital issue...

facing us today.

Ladies and gentlemen

of both Houses...

I give you Ms. Elle Woods.

It's all yours.

Thank you, Congresswoman.

Hello, everyone,

my name is Elle Woods...

and I'm here

to speak to you today...

about a piece of legislation

called Bruiser's Bill.

But you know...

today is supposed to be

about education.

So instead, I want to tell you

about the education...

you all have given me

over the past three months.

What about Bruiser's Bill?

We still need 15 signatures.

She's blowing it.

I came to Washington

to help my dog Bruiser...

and somewhere

along the way...

I learned

a really unexpected lesson.

I know what you're thinking--

Who is this girl?

And what could this simple,

small-town girl from Bel Air...

have to say to all of us?

I'll tell you.

It's about something

that's bigger than me...

or any single act

of legislation.

This is about a matter

that should be at...

the highest importance

to every American--

My hair.

There's this salon

in Beverly Hills.

It's really fancy and beautiful.

It's impossible

to get an appointment.

Unless you're Julia Roberts

or from "Friends"...

you can just forget it.

But one day, they called me.

They had an opening.

So I was going to finally

get the chance...

to sit in one of

those sacred beauty chairs.

I was so excited.

Then the colorist...

gave me Brassy Brigitte

instead of Harlow Honey.

The shampoo girl washed my hair

with spiral perm solution...

instead of color-intensive

moisturizing shampoo.

Finally, the stylist...

gave me a bob... with bangs.

Suffice to say,

it was just wrong.

All wrong. For me, you know?

First I was angry.

And then I realized my anger

was completely misdirected.

This wasn't the salon's fault.

I had sat there and

witnessed this injustice...

and had let it happen.

I didn't get involved

in the process.

I forgot to use my voice.

I forgot to believe in myself.

But now I know better.

I know that one honest voice

can be louder than a crowd.

I know that

if we lose our voice...

or if we let those

who speak on our behalf...

compromise our voice...

then, this country...

this country is in

for a really bad haircut.

So speak up, America.

Speak up!

Speak up for the home

of the brave.

Speak up for the land

of the free gift with purchase.

Speak up, America. Speak up!

And remember...

you are beautiful.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Everyone, it's time I spoke up.

I think Timothy's smoking!

I'm married.

Thank you.

You didn't! Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you.

What is this? Oh, my God!

That's so perfect!

This week,

Congresswoman Libby Hauser...

finished decorating

her house...

sent her son off to college...

and negotiated a settlement...

between the San Antonio

labor unions...

and the Department

of Sanitation.

Snaps for Congresswoman Hauser!

Now that we're married,

where do you want to live?

Beverly Hills? Boston?

Washington?

- I know just the place.

- Yeah?

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