Transcript[]
(Universal Pictures and Dreamworks animation logo plays.)
(The only snack pack in a vending machine moves forward and gets stuck on the glass.}
RJ: Oh, no! Come on!
(Reaching inside and stretching, RJ, a furry raccoon, bangs the glass and comes out. Glaring at the machine, he rolls his big blue eyes, fumbles in his golf bag and pulls out a green T-rex snapper. Sticking the snapper inside the machine, he chomps its jaws at the bag and headbutts. The snapper breaks. Tossing it aside, RJ pulls out a boomerang and throws it around. It hits the machine on the way back, but still the bag doesnt budge.)
RJ: All right. What...?
(Enraged, he sticks his head inside the slot and kicks the machine. RJ then smacks the machine with a golf club and the light fizzes out. The glass reflects a big mountainous cave behind RJ, which he acknowledges.)
RJ: Vincent. No, no, bad idea. Bad idea!
(Clutching his grumbling stomach, he sighs, clutches his golf bag over his shoulder, and steps towards the base of the mountain
Just take what you need. Just take what you need.
(Bundling the entire stash on a red wagon
What's...?
Vincent: RJ?
RJ: Uh, no?
Vincent: The moon's not full. You woke me up a week early?
(His eyes pop as he sees the can in his paw and the stash.)
Vincent: Oh, no. Don't tell me you're dumb enough to actually try and steal my stuff. RJ, I'm gonna have to kill you.
RJ: Please, I'm just a desperate guy trying to feed his family!
Vincent: You don't have a family.
RJ: I meant a family of one. OK, wait, wait, wait, wait! Look, it's still in the cave. So, technically, not stolen.
(RJ backs into the wagon and sends it rolling down the mountain)
Oh, no! No! Slow! Stop! That was close.
(A truck obliterates the stash)
Vincent, wait! I can get it all back! That's right! If you eat me, you'd have to do it. But I can get it. All of it!
My red wagon?
Redder!
The blue cooler?
Blue cooler. On my list! Gotta be blue?
Yes! And I want my Spuddies. I love those things.
'Cause with a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough.
So true. Painfully true. And I'll tell you what. I'm gonna get you the giant picnic pack, family-fun size.
They have that? - I'm pretty sure.
All right, RJ. I'm going back to sleep. When that moon is full, I'm waking up. And all my stuff had better be right back where it was.
But that's just one week! That's impossible for one gu-aaaaii! A week's perfect. I'll get some helpers.
Full moon, all my stuff. And don't even think about running away. Because if you do, I will hunt you down and kill you.
OK! OK, buddy! You just rest easy, all right, 'cause I'm on it. Hey, in a week from now, we're gonna be laughing about this thing.
How great I am
Gotta tell myself “yeah, I’m the man”
Looks grim right now
But pretty soon, we’ll be laughing about it
Ooooh, and it’s all right
Yeah, it is, I swear you’ll see (It’s not really)
Yeah, it’s all right
Cause I’ve always got my
Family of me
It’s not a first (might be the last)
Yeah I know I must’ve been through worse, but
Oooh, and it’s all right
Got a paddle and a creek.
Yeah, it’s all right
Because I’ve always
Got my family
Of me.
[One bright morning, a piece of snow landed on a turtle's shell.]
Verne: Oh! Oooh! Boy, that's cold! That's cold! The one place I didn't have a shell.
[Shaking the snow off his shell he looked around the forest, blossoming in the spring.]
Verne: Wow. Spring. That means there's only 274 days left till winter. Everybody, wake up! Hibernation's over.
[Popping out of the leaves was a red squirrel.]
Hammy: Oh, morning!
Verne: Morning, Hammy.
Hammy: I gotta go wee-wee!
Verne: Not in the lake we drink from! Let's go, all right, the rest of you. It's spring! That means we gotta get to work.
Hammy: Finished. [winces] No, wait!
Verne: Come on, everybody. Wake up. Don't make me come in there.
Stella: [offscreen] Ya'll better listen. I've been holding something in all winter, and I'm about to let it out.
[All the animals scurry out of the pile]
Verne: Thank you, Stella.
Stella: Oh, I can clear a room, Verne. Come on, that much I can do.
Good morning.
Good morning, everyone!
How'd you guys sleep?
Lou: Just a super-duper morning.
Penny: Oh, jeepers.
Lou: Whoa, not lookin' so good around the eyes there, hon.
Penny: Bucky and Quillo were up every three or four weeks. And Spike kept poking me.
Lou: Yeah. Well, he's kinda pokey.
Penny: Yup, he's the sharpest of the bunch there.
Lou: You know what? How 'bout I take the day shift?
Penny: Oh, Lou, that'd be just super.
Lou: All right, kids, you heard your mother, and now you listen to me. Shape up there.
(The kids tackle him. In the log, Verne notices the remaining food is grapes.)
Verne: Oh, boy. This is what I was afraid of.
Hammy: Where's the food? Is there any left? I'm hungry, so is there any left?
Heather: We ate all the food, Hammy. During the winter? So we gotta go get some more now.
Hammy: Oh, right! I buried some nuts in the woods. I know where they are. I'll be right back. Bye!
[Hammy runs off. while Verne appears outside with the grapes. A piece of snow ladned on Ozzie.]
Heather: (weak laughs) Dad, it was just snow.
Ozzie: But it could have been a predator.
Heather: Isn't playing dead a little... weak?
Ozzie: Heather, how many times must I say it? Playing possum is what we do. We die so that we live!
Lou: Kids, I'm the boss of you, OK? So just calm down.
Penny: That's what we need to find you this year, don't you know? A good fella.
Stella: A good fella? A good fella?
Penny: Oh, Jeepers, here we go.
Stella: Why does everyone think I need a man? I look like a nest and smell like a swamp. So when you find a fella who's decent, good with kids, and has no sense of smell, call me.
[As Hammy searched around for his nuts, he gasped and what appears to be a massive shadow.]
Verne: Hello?
I don't care who started it.
[Verne waved the branch, getting everyone's attention.]
Penny: Oh, look, food.
Verne: Well, I think you know what this means.
[Hammy appears]
Hammy: Verne.
Verne: Just a minute, Hammy. [passing one grab to each of them] This means we were nine berries away from starvation. Sorry. That was a little intense. I meant really serious hunger pains.
Hammy: Verne!
Verne: Not finished, Hammy. Morning, Lou, Penny.
Thanks.
Verne: Hey, kids. So, what I want to tell you is...
Hammy: Verne!
Verne: I'm not done, Hammy. If you have to go again, just go. OK. So all I'm saying is we cut it a little close. So this year, we need to make sure that we fill the log...
Ozzie: All the way to the top.
Verne: Exactly. All the way to the top. Because what are we?
All: Foragers!
Verne: And what do we forage?
All: Food!
Verne: Right.
Lou: Super, Verne, really super.
Verne: OK, Hammy. What is it?
Hammy: What is what?
Verne: What is it you want to tell me?
Hammy: What was it, what was it, what was it, what was it? Wait. Right on the tip of my tongue. Oh, yeah! There's a weird thing I've never seen before. It's really scary. Follow me.
Verne: OK. Meeting called on account of weird scary thing. Let's go.
Foragers...
Verne: Hammy, what weird thing? Oh. That weird thing.
[They look over to the left and right of the massive hedge. Hammy speeds way to the side of the hedge.]
Hammy: . It never ends!
[He speeds the other way, brushing past RJ twice]
Hammy: It never ends that way too.
Penny: Jeepers, Lou.
Lou: Whoa. Yeah, jeepers is the word there, hon.
Ozzie: I've never seen anything like this.
Stella: Man, that's big.
Heather: What is this thing?
Ozzie: Heather, no!
Quillo: I'm scared.
Spike: Me too, Mama.
Penny: It's OK, it's just a... What is this thing, Lou?
Lou: I... Well, it's a... It's... Verne?
Verne: Well, it's... it's obviously....some kind of bush?
Penny: I'd be less afraid of it if I just knew what it was called.
Hammy: Let's call it Steve!
Verne: Steve?
Hammy: It's a pretty name.
Heather: Steve sounds nice.
Penny: I'm a lot less scared of Steve.
Ozzie: Oh, great and powerful Steve! What do you want?
Verne: I don't think it can speak.
Woman's voice: I heard that, young man!
[It made the animals yelp and Ozzie passes out.]
Woman's voice: You get over here right now!
Hammy: OK.
[Stella pulls Ozzie back while Verne stops Hammy.]
Verne: Hammy, get back here.
Hammy: But Steve is angry!
Verne: It probably came from the other side of Steve. I mean the bush. I mean... Jeez! Look, there's only one way we're gonna find out what this thing is, and what this is all about. I'm gonna go check it out.
[Verne takes a few slow steps until he tripped and fell into the hedge, frightening the animals.]
Ozzie: Steve ate Verne!
Stella: All right, Steve, you brought this on yourself.
Verne: Stella, don't! I'm not eaten, I just tripped. I'm gonna go over there. Just don't anybody move.
[Verne made his way through the hedge and found himself in a backyard of a house.]
Woman: Kids, come on, hurry up!
Woman 2: Gary, come on. Breakfast! You'll be late!
Verne: What is this place?
[looking around, he sees a dragonfly flying by]
Verne: Oh, hey there, little... ...fella.
[The dragonfly gets killed by a lamp. Verne backed away and bumps into a sprinkler]
Verne: Hi.
[Water bursts on him making him land on a collum. He runs away from the glass ball and gets caught on it.]
Verne: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[He jumps into untinsels and almost dodged the knives. One landed on the hose, causing water to spurt everywhere. He gets caught and land on a toy car.]
Phone toy: Operator. Can I help you?
Gladys: No, I can talk. I'm just driving.
[He ducks behind a car and landed on the ground. Then he gets spun around and landed back into the forest,]
Verne's back.
Verne!
Jeepers!
You OK?
Help him up.
What was over there?
Verne: Freaky pink primates! They must have come while we were hibernating. It was awful. They had wheels on their feet and these sticks, and they were whacking me with these sticks like it was some sort of sick game.
Ozzie: You should have died! You should have laid down and died.
Heather: Dad.
Verne: That's not the worst part. Half the forest is gone. The oak trees and the berry bushes, they're just... they're just gone.
Penny: Jeepers.
Stella: What'll we do for food?
Quillo: How are we gonna live?
Verne: I don't know. But here's what I do know. We will be fine as long as no one goes over Steve again.
RJ: It's called a hedge, and it is not to be feared, my amphibious friend. It is the gateway to the good life.
[Everyone looked up to see a raccoon on a tree.]
Verne: I'm a reptile, actually. But, you know, it's a common mistake. And you are?
RJ: [leaps down] Oh, where are my manners? I'm RJ. Don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. [rumage through his back while the other animals examine the object. He finally pulls up a map] You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise. Except for that little-bitty speck. You are here. No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather food, store it for the winter?
Hammy: Uh huh! We fill the log!
Verne: Hammy.
RJ: [walks over to the log] Really? This log? This cave-like log?
Ozzie: All the way to the top.
Verne: Ozzie.
RJ: Let me ask ya, how long's it take? You know, to fill the log?
Heather: Two hundred and seventy-four days.
RJ: Oooh! Ever done it in a week?
Verne: That's impossible.
RJ: Not if we work together. you see, you've got the food-gathering skills, I've got the know-how, and they have the food!
Heather: How much food?
RJ: Loads of food. Heaps of food. Food out the wazoo!
Verne: Well, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I don't think we're interested in eating it.
Lou: I don't know, the guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
Penny: Yeah, I'm OK with wazoo food here.
Verne: No, you're not. The tail is tingling.
RJ: [confused] Hold on, hold on. The what is what?
Verne: When something doesn't feel right, my tail tingles, and let me tell you something, everything you've said so far is driving my tail crazy.
RJ: Listen. Verne, right? This isn't something you need to be afraid of.
Verna: Well, I am. And for good reason. This is not a birthmark.
RJ: [cleans up Verne's shell with a toothbrush] Aw, that's because you went over there without a guide, Verne.
Verne: Whatever. Thanks for stopping by. We're not interested.
RJ: Not interested in the most delicious food you've ever tasted?
Verne: No!
RJ: Come on.
Verne: Not! Interested!
RJ: OK. I get it. I understand. This is something that you're just not open to.
[He opens a bag of chips. The orange cloud dust covers everyone up and they were blown back against the log and rocks.]
Penny: Jeepers.
Hammy: What is THAAAT!?
RJ: That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT, and good old MSG, a.k.a., the chip. Nacho cheese flavor.
[He gives some chips to the woodland animals.]
Stella: Over here! Toss me one of those!
Hammy: More please! More.
Stella: Yeah, Verne, those were good!
RJ: It's all good! And we're going over there, tonight! Yeah!
[Later that night]
RJ: Welcome to suburbia.
[All the animals are amazed by the scenery]
Wow!
Look at that!
Quillo: Hey, Mom, look at us! Look at us!
Lou: Oh, my! Hon, look at this.
[The porcipine kids admire a glass ball, Heather looks at a sprinkler and Penny admires a cactus.]
Penny: Jeepers.
RJ: How's that tail, Verne?
Verne: Listen, if anybody in this family gets hurt, I'm holding you personally responsible.
RJ: They're having a good time. I'll take responsibility for that.
This is neat.
Look at that.
Hey, Spike, look at that.
Lou: Hey, Verno, I took a few clippings out of my quills to do a little comparison. Look at this, the grass seems to be greener over here.
Ozzie: Verne, are you certain you came to the same place?
Stella: Yeah, 'cause the raccoon says...
Verne: OK, enough about him. I get it. So he can do a couple of tricks. I mean, it's not like he can walk on water.
(RJ runs on pool floats)
RJ: Hey, everybody! This way to the food!
[They follow RJ down the road.]
Spike: That thing's huge!
Hammy: What is that?
RJ: That is an SUV. Humans ride around in it because they are slowly losing their ability to walk.
Penny: Jeepers, it's so big!
Lou: How many humans fit in there?
RJ: Usually? One.
[A door opens up, making everyone hide. It was the same woman from before.]
Gladys: Hi, this is Gladys Sharp. Your president? Of the homeowner's association? Right.
Penny: Jeepers.
Hammy: What is that?
RJ: Easy, easy, don't worry. That's just a human being. And they are just as scared of us as we are of them. Now, if a human does happen to see you, just lay down, roll over and give your privates a good licking. They love it.
Gladys: The homeowner's charter, which you signed, says the grass is supposed to be two inches, and according to my measuring stick, yours is 2.5.
Verne: Could we just get the food and go? Really, do they have it or not?
RJ: Didn't you see it? It was in the box. They've always got food with them. We eat to live, these guys live to eat! Let me show you what I'm talking about.
[A montage begins of various humans doing various food related things]
RJ: The human mouth is called a "pie hole." The human being is called a "couch potato.” ↵[A phone] That is a device to summon food. [A doorbell] That is one of the many voices of food. [The door] That is the portal for the passing of the food. [A moped] That is one of the many food transportation vehicles. [food trucks] Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive the food, they wear the food! That gets the food hot. That keeps the food cold. That... I'm not sure what that is. What do you know? Food! That is the altar where they worship food. That's what they eat when they eat too much. That gets rid of guilt so they can eat more food. Food! Food! Food! Food! FOOOOOD!!!
So, you think they have enough? Well, they don't. For humans, enough is NEVER enough!
And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming, silver cans, just for us.
[He dumps the trash down,]
Penny: Sweet jeepers.
RJ: Dig in! Good, isn't it?
[Everyone started to rumage through the trash.]
Heather: Wow.
Penny: Share there, everyone, share.
RJ: Uh, that's a diaper. And that does come out of a wazoo. So, what do you think? Was I right or was I right? And these things are just the scraps! Wait'll you see what comes in the boxes, packages and cans! I'm telling you, stick with me, and in one week we will gather enough food to... To feed a bear!
[Everyone stared at him.]
RJ: Just a figure of speech.
[They heard a sound of a door opening. Through the pet door is a cat.]
Tiger: Halt! Intruders! Intruders! Get out, all of you.
Gladys: [comes out the door] What is it, baby?
[When she notice the animals, she freaks out.]
RJ: What are you doing?
Lou: Well, you said to lick our...
RJ: No! Nix that! RUN!
[They run for their lives as Gladys swings her broom.]
Penny: Run!
Gladys: Get outta here! Shoo!
Verne: To the hedge!
Gladys: Get out of here! I just mopped this patio! Filthy vermin!
[They made it out of the backyard and back to the forest.]
Penny: Verne's right, that was horrible.
Lou: You kids okay? Hon, you alright there?
Heather: We'll find other food, right?
Verne: See what I mean? That's what I was talking about! These humans don't want us around!
RJ: So we scared her, and she overreacted. No biggie.
Verne: No biggie? OH! That is what we call a biggie.
RJ: Come on, think about the food. It was worth it for that food, huh? That stuff is to die for! Let me rephrase that.
Verne: No, "to die for." You nailed that part. Look, maybe our little forest life looks primitive to a guy with a bag.
RJ: What?
Verne: But I think I speak for the whole family when I say we want NOTHING to do with ANYTHING OVER THAT HEDGE!
RJ: Oh, come on!
Stella: I'm done.
RJ: You haven't even tried doughnuts yet! You wanna store fat? That is the way to store some fat. You'll be sweatin' through the winter! -
Heather: We'll eat the bark, right?
RJ: OK, all right, you guys sleep on it! Good idea. I'm gonna check back with you. Shoot! Almost had 'em.
[Later, RJ had settled himself up on a tree.]
Verne: Good night, Heather.
Heather: Good night.
Verne: Good night, Ozzie.
Ozzie: Good night.
Verne: Good night, Lou.
Lou: Good night there Verne.
Verne: Night, Penny.
Penny: Good night.
Verne: Good night, Hammy.
Hammy: Good night Verne.
Verne: Night, Bucky.
Bucky: Good night.
Verne: Good night, Spike.
Spike: Good night, Uncle Verne.
Verne: Good night, Quillo.
Quillo: Night, Uncle Verne.
Verne: When we wake up, only 273 days left till winter.
Stella: That's enough, Verne.
Verne: Good night, 273.
Spuddies... Cooler... Wagon... Redder wagon. Time's up, RJ. But I have six more days! No! OK. Four paws, fur. Still alive, still alive.
Shelby: So, what are you saying? You want me to take 'em to his house?
Mackinzie: No.
Shelby: Then what are you saying?
Mackinzie: Jimmy was pushing me on the bus.
Shelby: He likes you.
Mackinzie: No way, he's a creep. Next time he shoves you, beat him up.
[RJ looks at his list and smiles, realizing that the wagon is the first thing on the list.]
RJ: Yes!
[On the ground, all the animals are forging food.]
Lou: OK, kids, dive in. There it is. Bark for breakfast!
Spike: I want a doughnut!
Quillo: I want pizza.
Penny: No, you don't.
[Stella sighs, picking a few leaves. Hammy carved a triangle bark with his teeth and tried to taste it.]
Verne: Okay. This is great. [eats bark] Granted, it takes some time to chew. But that... That was very satisfying. And, by the way, lots of fiber in there too. Lots.
R.J.: I gotta admit, that does look tasty.
Verne: [spits out his bark] What are you doing here?
R.J.: I'm here to help you with your...foraging thing. [Verne still looks at him] Look, Verne, you said a word yesterday about your little gang here. It starts with an F, do you remember what it was?
Verne: [confused] Family?
R.J.: Right, right, that. You know, that got me right here. You see, Verne, I used to have all of that. My own place, surrounded by loved ones, universal remote. But then all that went away with...the weed hacker incident. [starts breaking down] Oh, God.
Hammy: Oh, come here! [runs to hug R.J., who pats him on the head]
Lou: Yeah, that feels good, doesn't it?
Verne: Oh, brother.
Penny: We could always use the extra hand there, you know.
Hammy: The weed hacker, Verne. The weed hacker.
R.J.: [gently pushes Hammy away] Okay. Not your problem. I'll just go. [turns to leave sadly] This is me...going. Really nice getting to know you. Hey, I'm sure I'll see you around the forest. Take care.
[As Quilo is being comforted by Penny, Bucky hits Spike who was waving]
Penny: Don't hit.
[Ozzie poses dramatically while Heather rolls her eyes]
Hammy: [breaks down] Oh...
Verne: [gives in] All right, all right. Hey, uh, RJ? [RJ stops] You can...You can stay.
RJ: WOO-HOO! [joyfully hugs Verne] Come here, ya big lug! I knew beneath this hard, crispy outside there was a soft, nougat-y center in there. [gives Verne a knucklehead down his shell] Do you mind if I call you Uncle Verne?
Verne: [sternly] With every bone in my body.
RJ: Great. Hey, can I work with Hammy? [walks with Hammy]
Hammy: Wanna help me find my nuts?
R.J.: Very tempting, Hammy. Very tempting, but first, I wanna show you...this! [shows Hammy a cookie] You like this cookie?
Hammy: Oh, ho, ho!
R.J.: Well, this cookie's junk! [throws the cookie out]
Hammy: [mournfully] But I like a cookie.
R.J.: Easy, easy, don't worry. I know where to find cookies so great, they'll hand delivered by personal owners.
Shelby: And the Doyles' is the yellow house. They only ordered one box.
[RJ and Hammy on a tree, spying on the girl scouts.]
RJ: And there they are. America's most coveted cookies. Love Handles, Skinny Mints, Neener Neeners and Smackeroons. And guess what? They're all yours! Whoa, Hamilton. Hold on there, fella. I love your energy, but you can't take 'em.
Hammy: But you said they're mine.
RJ: They will be, if we successfully marry your manic energy to my brilliant plan! -You with me, kid?
Hammy: l... I... I...
RJ: The l's have it! Let's ride.
Shelby: I thought Mrs. Johansson was allergic to chocolate.
Mackinzie: Really?
Shelby: Yeah, if she eats it, her face explodes or something.
Mackinzie: That is, like, so unfair. Wait, wait. How many boxes of...?
[As RJ and Hammy hid themselves under the car, Hammy is talking to his reflection.]
Hammy: [to the reflection] Hey! You stay away from those cookies. They're mine! [points to the reflection] Hey, this guy's not coming, is he? Cause I don't want him to.
RJ: Oh, we have so much work to do. Come on, step into my office. Now, listen up. What we're going for here is a vicious, man-eating, rabid squirrel. Can you handle that?
Hammy: Excuse me?
RJ: Yes... Hammy.
Hammy: OK. Rabbits aren't vicious. They're all cute and cuddly, so...
RJ: Rabid, not rabbit.
Hammy: Oh... What?
RJ: OK. [starts to fuzz Hammy, spits and make his hair all wet.] So first we're gonna muss the hair. That's looking good. All right, now we're gonna... We're gonna mat the fur a little bit. A little puff on the tail... Stop it! Puffier. Liking that a lot. Show me that wild look in your eye, boy. Come on!
Hammy: I can burp my ABCs! [burping] A, B, C.
RJ: Hammy! I just really need you to focus right now, OK?
Hammy: OK.
RJ: Thank you. Let's see. [he rumage through and pulls out a whip can] There we... Hang on a minute. Not that, not that. No, no. Nice!
[Meanwhile, Verne came out of the hedge, searching for Hammy.]
Verne: Hammy?
[RJ had finsihed putting some cream around Hammy's mouth.]
RJ: Done! Now, come on. I'll be right behind you. Go on, get out there. Shoo, shoo!
Hammy: I am a crazy rabid squirrel! I want my cookies! [barking] I'm rabid! I'm foaming at the mouth. I'm foaming, very scary rabid squirrel.
[The girls stare at him in disgust and check over the book about rabies.]
Girls: RABIES!!
Hammy: Hey, it's working!
RJ: Behind you!
Hammy: I know. You're right behind me-
[The girl swats him with the book.]
Mackinzie: Got it!
[Hammy tries to get away and he ends up cornered by the book.]
Shelby: Stand back!
Hammy: No, no, no, no! Oh, no!
Shelby: Take that! [sprays Hammy with a rabid sprayer]
Hammy: [screaming]
RJ: Walk it off! Just walk that one off!
Verne: What is going on? Is that Hammy?
RJ: Everything's under control. Just go back to the hedge.
Verne: You call that under control? He's under attack!
RJ: He's working!
Verne: I'm coming, Hammy!
[He goes after to save Hammy]
RJ: Verne! No! What are you doing!? Watch out!
[Caught in a streetsweeper’s brushes, Verne is shot out shell less onto one of the girls’ faces.]
Mackinzie Hold still! : I got it! Stay still.
Shelby: Help me! Get off of me!
[One of the girls knocked Verne out of her friend's face and are both disgusted that the turtle is naked.]
Mackkinzie: Yuck!
Shelby: Gross!
Mackinzie: Ew! Nasty!
Shelby: Oh, my God, this is so gross!
RJ: Verne! That was great! You, my friend, are a natural. Or, should I say, au naturel.
[Verne gets embrassed that he is naked and covered himself with a cookie.]
RJ: Hammy, you were awesome, my man! You had me scared. I was about to come out and beat you with a book myself. You're all right, aren't ya? Of course you are. You are Hammy! Those bruises are gonna heal. You know what? Chicks dig scars.
[Getting is shell back one, he notice the girls and their mother. He hides behind a mail post.]
Girls: There! He was right over there!
Shelby: That's where the squirrel attacked us! He has, like, rabies or something.
Mackinzie: There was this gross, naked, amphibian thing.
Verne: [offended] Reptile.
Janis: It's OK, girls. Go inside, have a cookie, turn on the TV and calm down.
Shelby: Thanks, Mom.
Gladys: [comes into the scene] I'm sorry, Janis, did l just hear them say "rabid squirrel"?
Janis: I think they might just be overreacting.
Gladys: But what if they're not? What if we have a potential pandemic on our hands? Vermin running loose, spreading disease and lowering our property values?
Janis: Yeah. I have a casserole in the oven. Gotta run.
Gladys: Fine. You worry about your casserole, and I'll worry about the end of suburban peace and tranquility!
[Verne made his way back to see RJ giving out cookies to the woodland animals.]
RJ: That's right. Don't push. Plenty for everybody. Got a box right over here for ya, Penny.
Penny: Jeepers, that is good. Kids, eat up! Anything that tastes this good has to be good for you.
RJ: You feel that buzz in the back of your skull?
Penny: Yeah.
RJ: That's called a sugar rush. It's what keeps humans going,. It's why they don't hibernate. You top that off with a little of this, and what usually takes you all summer is only gonna take us a week.
[Hammy is about to drink the energy drink but RJ stop him.]
RJ: Hold on, Hamsquad. The last thing you need is caffeine. That's right. Come on, dig in. Because this, my friends, is just the beginning.
Verne: What?
[All night, the animals started stealing food to fill up the log. RJ gives the porcipine kids down the grass to steal backpacks and a few game consoles. Later on, they steal Gladys food and pizza boxes, much to her anger. RJ and Heather listen to music on a walkman, The porcipine parents used their quills and steal hot dogs.]
Hammy: Read it and weep.
[Stella scares the kids by popping out of a birthday cake. Once Gladys left her house, she saw the destruction in the neighborhood.]
Gladys: Hello? I need every business listing you have under "exterminator."
[RJ is on a tree, checking the list that the ice cooler is next. He gets a plan and tells the animals to get ready. Verne is still being left out until he heard a car screech and a thud.]
Verne: Ozzie!
[He heads over and saw some people looking down at Ozzie, who is playing dead.]
Timmy: Whoa, Mom! You hit a possum.
Debbie: Oh, my goodness.
Do you think it's dead?
Verne: Oh, no.
Wow!
Touch it.
Can I poke him?
Debbie: No! These poor little creatures.
Mackinzie: What's going on?
Come check it out. It's a dead possum.
[The animals made their way to the cooler while the humans gathered around.]
Gladys: Debbie? I don't remember seeing a permit app for a gathering. Groups of more than one who wish to get... AAAH!
Debbie: Timmy, get the shovel from the car.
[Ozzie gasps. RJ motions for Ozzie to do something.]
Ozzie: Lights fading, limbs growing cold. - I see a tunnel.
Verne: [dismayed] Oh, no.
Ozzie: Mother, is that you beckoning me into the light? Must move toward the light.
Timmy: What do you think he's doing?
Maybe we knocked his brains loose or something.
Verne: I'm telling you, you went too far this time. Let's get out of here and leave this... This...
[The animals pushed the ice cooler on Verne.]
RJ: Nice catch, Verne.
Ozzie: Yes! Yes!
Verne: You're dangerous. You're insane!
Ozzie: Sweet music, I'm going home! Goodbye, cruel world! Rosebud.
[He passes out.]
Now can I poke him?
Debbie: No!
Gladys: You see? This is exactly why I called the exterminator. To kill them before they get hurt like this.
Verne: Everybody, get out of here right now!
RJ: Right! Kids, grab those handles. Get the stuff.
Verne: What?
Hammy: Here we go. I threw out my back.
[They carry the cooler but they hit a mailbox, causing the food to be spilled out. Verne looked and saw what appears to be a truck.]
RJ: Let's go.
Stella: Get down.
[They gather up the food and hide. Vern hides behind the car and watches the truck arrive.]
Verne: Oh, no.
Dwayne: I believe someone phoned about an animal problem? The solution is standing before you. Dwayne LaFontant is here.
Gladys: Where have you been? I'm throwing a "Welcome to the Neighborhood" party, tomorrow and so far Debbie's car has killed more animals than you have.
Dwayne: Stand down, sister. I personally guarantee that there will not be a living thing at this party. The Verminator is on the job.
[The animals continue gathering the food into the cooler.]
Verne: Leave it. Leave it!
Dwayne: Now, what do we have here? Didelphis marsupialis virginianus. [takes out his glove and puts them on] Approximately ten pounds. Male.
[Ozzie opens his eyes in fright.]
Debbie: I think he's dead.
Dwayne: Oh, really? Do you, in fact, have an associates degree from Vermtech? I think he wants you to think he's dead.
[The animals drag the cooler into the hedge.]
RJ: Go! Go! Move, move! That's it! Run! Go!
Dwayne: ..voluntary shock state. Look at him closely. You can see him breathing.
Gladys: I certainly hope he's not in any pain.
[Ozzie leaps up and runs to the hedge.]
Dwayne: What the...?
Gladys: AAHH! Kill it! Kill it!
Ozzie: Thank you all for coming! You were a great audience!
Oh, man!
Dwayne: All right, what am I up against here? Possum, porcupine, skunk, squirrel, raccoon, amphibian.
Verne: Reptile.
Dwayne: No. Reptile.
Lou: That's what I call a super-duper performance there.
Hammy: I wanna do it again!
RJ: Beyond super. They were riveted, man. You were awesome!
Heather: Dad. I just gotta say, that was... that was pretty good.
Bucky: Props for the Ozman!
All: Ozman!
Ozzie: But let's not forget our brilliant leadership: RJ.
Animals: RJ!
Heather: Hey, RJ, come this way. We wanna show you something.
RJ: Yeah, sure.
Quillo: Sweet.
RJ: What a team!
Stella: That raccoon knows what he's doing.
Lou: You're my hero there, fella.
Heather: Over here, this way.
Spike: RJ, come on!
Quillo: Yeah, we wanna show you something. Come on, hurry!
Stella: Check it out. Your new home!
[The animals had decorated everything to make it like a home.]
Hammy: And look, we got a place for you right here!
RJ: That's for me?
Lou: Yeah, is this anything like what you had, RJ?
RJ: This isn't anything like what I had, Lou.
Hammy: Here, I'm not supposed to drink this.
RJ: Thanks. Is that my bag?
Heather: Yeah, we brought it in here so you wouldn't have to sleep up in that old tree.
RJ: Really? Wow.
Bucky: Hey, RJ, check this out! We totally hooked up the TV.
Spike: I hot-wired the HD converter.
Quillo: We get a thousand channels!
Heather: Here, can you take the remote before my dad does?
RJ: Wow. A universal remote? This is nice, guys. Really nice.
TV Announcer: And now, we return to "A Scoundrel Among Us".
Woman: You should be ashamed of yourself! We let you into our family, and you deceived us!
[R.J. changes the channel]
Man: I gave you my heart, and then you ripped it into a milion pieces!
[R.J. changes the channel again]
Dr. Dennis: Get real, Kevin. Because when you feel like a dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag, right? So just say it out loud: "I am a dirtbag."
Lou: Dirtbag? I don't think that guy's a real doctor. What do you think there, RJ? RJ?
RJ: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, RJ. What are you doing, man? You are getting in way too deep. Just get the food. Feed the bear. Get the food. Feed the bear. WAAH! Where's the food? Where's the food? Where's the food?!
[RJ comes out of the hedge and sees Verne pulling the wagon of food away from the forest.]
RJ: Verne. What are you doing?
Verne: I'm getting things back to the way they were.
RJ: No, don't. How about I just leave? [pucks up the Spuddies and placed it back on the pile]
Verne: Good. You leave, and I return this stuff to the rightful owners.
RJ: What?! Why?
Verne: Because we've angered the humans. And we don't wanna end up like that rabbit. Hence, I'm giving this back so they won't kill us.
RJ: Verne, you don't understand! We need this stuff!
Verne: No, we don't!
RJ: You can't take it!
Verne: Yes, I can!
RJ: Let go!
Verne: You let go!
RJ: I have to have it.
Verne: No!
[Verne pulled the wagon and RJ fell. Once he got up, he notice what appears to be a chain that is attached to a doghouse. He gasps.]
RJ: [quiety] Verne. Move slow, keep your voice low and follow me.
Verne: What?
RJ: Shhh!
Verne: No. No. I'm not falling for any more of your smooth talk! I don't know what you're up to, but my entire shell is tingling. And you know what? I'm listening to it this time, and I'm putting my foot down.
RJ: No, no.
[Verne steps on a toy, causing the dog to come out of his doghouse.]
Dog: Play?
Verne: Huh? Oh. Uh...
Dog: Play!
[The dog lunged at Verne and started shaking him around. RJ tries to get away but the doll's string that he was carrying had got caught in the stick.]
Doll: Let's play!
Dog: Play!
Verne: Jeez...
[The dog chases RJ around and Verne gets caught in the chain.]
Dog: Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! Play!
RJ: Down, boy. Sit. Roll over!
Dog: Play!
[The chain went around the wagon, attaching the chain to the handle and being dragged.]
RJ: Play dead!
Dog: Play!
[Vern landed on the food pile.]
RJ: Attaboy, Verne. Save the food. I'll lose the dog.
Dog: Play. Play, play, play, play. Play, play, play, play.
Verne: Oh, no! No, no, no, no.
RJ: You're dropping all the food, man! Here, catch.
Dog: Play!
RJ: Are you hungry? Look, food.
[The dog went around the man cooking hot dogs, the gas tank got attached to the wagon.]
Man: Oh, my back!
RJ: Look, people! Play with them!
[a couple got out fo the way.]
Man: Look out!
Woman: Stop! What's he doing?
Dog: Play, play, play, play.
Verne: I'm all right, I'm fine. It's okay. It's...
[The tank gets released, making the wagon go faster.]
RJ: Verne, unhook the chain!
[The chain on the dog got released.]
Dog: Play!
RJ: No. [catches chips] Yes.
[The wagon went straight up the slide and into the air]
Verne: Oh, boy.
RJ: WHOA! [the wagon had stopped flying and then started to fall.] Verne, I told you to unhook the chain!
[The wagon begins falling. Vern leaps onto an umbrella and so did RJ with the can of chips. He drop it.]
Gladys: Garbage cans are not to be on the curb before eight...
Verne: You're the devil.
[They fall into back to the forest where the other animals wonder where Verne and RJ are before they backed away. RJ and Verne land on the ground but the food is all gone.]
RJ: No! No!
Lou: Verne, you all right there? Gimme a hand, Oz.
Ozzie: Sure, sure.
Penny: What the heck happened?
RJ: It's gone. The food! GONE!
Stella: [confused] What?
Heather: Gone?
Stella: How's it gone?
RJ: Ask him!
Penny: Verne?
Verne: I returned it to its rightful owner.
Both: What?
[Shocked Ozzie and Lou drop him.]
Heather: [annoyed] We, like, worked our tails off, you know? Like, a lot. And the food we gathered was totally... You know. And you're... You're all, whatever.
Ozzie: Yeah, Verne, what were you thinking? The log was full!
Verne: Full of junk.
Lou: So, what are you saying there? That the food we gather our way isn't as good as the food we gather your way?
Verne: Your way? You mean his way. Can't you see RJ is just using you?
Penny: [offended] Verne! Shame on you. RJ wouldn't do that.
Verne: You have got to trust me on this. Don't you understand there's something wrong with this guy? My tail tingles every time I get near him.
Stella: Oh, so we're supposed to go hungry because your butt's vibrating? I'm starting to think that tingle is just you being jealous.
Verne: Jealous? Of him?
Lou: Yeah. He's embracing the future there, and you're just holding us back.
Verne: I hold you back, all right. From extinction. [to RJ] You see what you've done here? If they listened to half the stuff you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week. You are only interested in taking advantage of them because they're too stupid and naive to know any better.
Hammy: I'm not stupid.
[Verne notice the hurt looks on the woodland animals]
Verne: OK, I didn't mean... I meant ignorant. To the ways over... over there. Come on, you guys. You know I didn't mean it like that. Don't... don't do this. Stella? Ozzie? Hammy? You know I didn't... Hammy...
Hammy: I'm not stupid.
Verne: Please.
[Verne feels quite ashamed of himself. He picks up a few photos of the woodland creatures and looked at the empty log. Later that night, RJ sleeps with the other animals.]
Spike: Good night, Uncle RJ.
RJ: Good night, kiddo.
Moon's full, RJ. See ya in the morning.
[RJ sighs and looked at the children before he pulled out his list. He hears something coming from the backyard.]
Dwayne: This'll cut you down to size!
[He looks over to see Dwayne putting traps around the backyard.]
Dwayne: I got ya!
Gladys: Is it done?
Dwayne: Affirmative.
Gladys: And did you put this one in? This Depelter Turbo?
Dwayne: That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state, [with his hand over his heart] except Texas.
Gladys: I don't care if this violates the Geneva Conventions, I want it.
Dwayne: I thought you might, so I took the liberty of installing it for you. [as he tosses a stuffed bear in it] Adios, animal infestation.
R.J.: [horrified at the sight before him] AHHHHH!!!
[We see it in a cage, with outside burned off]
Gladys: Oh my. [chuckles, impressed]
[R.J. sits on the root, looks up at the full moon, pulls out the list, and sadly crumpled it up]
R.J.: [to himself] What have I done?
Verne: I shouldn't have taken all that food.
R.J.: What?
Verne: I shouldn't have taken all that food. I was just trying to return things to the way they were. That's all. I was just being cautious, 'cause that's what I am. I'm naturally tentative. There's even places in my shell I haven't been. You, on the other hand. You're, like, cool and crazy and fearless. [sits down next to R.J.] I think they're right. I think I'm just jealous.
R.J.: [sighs] Verne, believe me. You should not be jealous of me. You...You got a good thing here. You're just trying to do what's best for your family.
Verne: And I think you're what's best for them now.
R.J.: What about your tail?
Verne: Eh...My head says "listen to my tail," and my tail says "just listen to my head," and I just...end up with an upset stomach. That's why you need to be in charge now.
R.J.: You don't really know what's going on here.
Verne: And you do! So...what's the problem?
R.J.: [hands Verne his crumpled-up list] This, Verne, is the problem. You see this? [hears the sound of a vehicle backing up]
Verne: I'm listening.
R.J.: Just...
Verne: Uh-huh?
R.J.: Just hang on a second.
Verne: Alright.
[R.J. climbs up a tree to see Gladys having food delivered to her house.]
Delivery Man: Hey, uh, you the lady throwing the party?
Gladys: Yes. Just to the right. There are protected booties to put on over your shoes.
R.J.: [sees a container of Spuddies in one of the boxes] Yes! Yes!
Verne: [appears behind R.J. with the list] Um, uh, what is this?
R.J.: What? Oh. That...
Verne: Mmm-hmm?
R.J.: ...is a...list...
Verne: Of?
R.J.: ...of all the stuff that you've lost, Verne.
Verne: Really?
R.J.: Well, it's a big, long list. You can see that.
Verne: Well, you're an organized little guy, aren't ya? Nice job.
R.J.: But, you know what? I know place that's so chockful of food, [takes the list from Verne] we can get it all back in one night.
Verne: Great. Let's go. Where is it?
R.J.: Inside that house.
Verne: [leans over to get a view] What? [falls off the branch]
R.J.: Verne! [tries to catch Verne, but only grabs his shell; examines it] What is the point of this thing?
Verne: [from below; offscreen] Just send it down.
[Scene switches to R.J. talking to the other animals about Verne]
R.J.: What Verne's trying to say is...I mean, it's hard to really sum it all in just one word...
Verne: [quietly stops R.J., to the animals] I'm sorry.
Hammy: Aww, come here!
[The animals all huddle up for a big group hug]
That's right.
RJ: OK! Listen, stay in the huddle. Here's the plan. Now, the traps are set here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. Here, here, here, here. Big one here, here, - and maybe a few over here.
Penny: Gee, is that all?
RJ: No. There's a bunch of red lights all over here. OK, Verne? Looking a little green.
Verne: I blacked out for a second there, but I get the idea. There's lights, traps... I might need to change my shell.
RJ: OK, this is us.
Hammy: Can I be the car?
Bucky: I wanna be the car!
Quillo: I'm the car. You be the shoe. [Spike lip syncs]
Bucky: The shoe is lame.
Lou: Why don't you be that snazzy-looking iron there?
RJ: Hey, it's not important! Besides, I'm the car. I'm always the car. The plan works in three simple steps. Step one, kill the lights. Step two, get inside. Step three, get out with mountain of food.
Ozzie: But this place is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in?
RJ: The collar is the key. Literally, the collar. It's like a key that opens the door and if...
Stella: And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you?
RJ: Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.
Verne: Her?
Stella: Me?
RJ: You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using...
Stella: My stink.
RJ: ...your feminine charms.
Hammy: Was that out loud?
Stella: Look, raccoon, maybe that mask you're wearing is obstructing your view, but if you haven't noticed, I'm a skunk.
RJ: On the outside, maybe. But I'm looking inside, Stella, and I see a fox. And all we gotta do is get her out.
[Later, the animals started to stylize Stella.]
RJ: Scissors.
Stella: Scissors?
Lou: Here we go.
Stella: Hey! Watch the...
Penny: Charcoal.
Stella: Charcoal?
RJ: Air freshener.
Ozzie: Tomato juice.
Verne: Cork.
Stella: Cork? Don't you dare.
Get 'em!
Score! Yeah!
RJ: One more thing.
Stella: Ow!
RJ: Whoa. Stop. That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, our work here is done.
Lou: Oh, my.
Penny: Big jeepers.
Heather: She's all like, wow.
Stella: What?
[Stella looked and saw that she was all black and she can see since her long bangs were cut off.]
Stella: Oh. Meow.
Whoa!
Amazing!
Heather: Gosh, she looks...
Wow.
RJ: All right, gang, this is it. We're going in.
Dwayne: Not again. Dang it! Those things are so lifelike. Curse you, plastic moldsman.
RJ: OK, Hammy. Hammy! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Hammy, I told you that cookie's junk!
Hammy: But I like a cookie.
Verne: What's going on? Is everything OK?
RJ: Here we go! Come on, Hammy, come on. Follow the pretty light. There it is, that's it. That's it, that's it. There it is. Go get it. That's it, that's it. Go get it, you little nut! Bingo! OK, step two.
Verne: I thought we'd be dead by step two, so this is going great!
R.J.: Alright, gorgeous, you're on. [pushes Stella out of the bushes]
Stella: [to herself] Man, this better be one stupid cat.
R.J.: Audio, go!
[The animals activate a Fisher Price barnyard animal toy, but makes a cow noise instead of a cat noise.]
Verne: She's supposed to be a cat. Put it on cat. Maybe the cat likes the cow. Let's hope the cat likes the cow.
Tiger: [busts out of his pet door] Who goes there?!
R.J.: [to Stella] You're a cat! You're a cat!
Stella: [to Tiger] You're a cat! [R.J. facepalms] I mean, I'm a cat. Uh, meow!
Tiger: Yeah. Right. Shoo. Scurry off! Go on! Get away from here! My owner does not give scraps to common strays.
Stella: Common strays? Alright, you asked for it! [gets ready to spray Tiger]
R.J.: [whispers] Get the collar!
Stella: Gee, that's a nice collar you got on. Mind if I have a look?
Tiger: No, no, no! Come no closer! I must not be so near a creature of the outdoor woods! [sneezes into his arm and wipes it onto his face] Away with your filth!
Stella: My filth? [the animals gasp] My filth?!
Penny: Oh, jeepers, here we go!
Stella: Okay, that's it! I am so sick and tired of everybody taking one look at me and running away because they think I'm filthy! Well, I've got news for you, I didn't get all primped and preened to have some overfed pompous puffball tell me he's too good for me! I got makeup on my butt, dude, and you don't even want to know about the cork!
Tiger: Stop! No one has ever spoken to me like that! [the animals gasp; Stella startled] It is bold. I like it.
[R.J. and Verne smile at each other, and Stella is shown surprised]
Stella: Well, believe me, there's more where that came from... -...puffball.
RJ: All right, team, let's boogie.
Tiger: You are strong. Your essence is overpowering.
Stella: What...? What do you mean by that?
Tiger: It is your eyes.
Stella: My eyes.
Tiger: They are luminous.
Stella: Luminous? Dang.
Verne: You know, I think this is the part where I blacked out. Did the little shoes and cars actually get into the house?
Stella: So you got a name?
Tiger: Yes. It is a Persian name, for I am Persian. I was born Prince Tigeriess Mahmood Shabaz.
[Everyone gets inside the house.]
Stella: That's a mouthful. Can I just call you Tiger?
This place is huge.
Spike: Wicked cool.
RJ: Animals are in the house.
All: Wow!
Lou: Oh, my goodness.
Heather: This is so cool.
RJ: Yes! OK, stations, everybody.
Ozzie: Let's boogie!
We got it.
RJ: Here we go.
Hammy: No grip, no grip, no grip.
RJ: Hammy! Less claw, more pad.
Hammy: Oh, OK. That hurt.
Spike: Uh-oh.
Gladys: [murmuring in her sleep] Just a minute, I'll be right there.
Tiger: What was that?
Stella: It... That's just the sound of my heart. Can't you hear it?
[She makes a dramatic sound while Spike kept on being blown away,]
Quillo: This way, this way! [he and Bucky switches the channel to Gladys sleeping. Spike falls over from the loud logo]
R.J.: Okay, okay, we're good! Go back to work!
Penny: There you go. [Ozzie throws a can to Penny, who throws it to Spike, who throws it to Heather]
Heather: [to Verne] Here, catch!
[Verne catches the can then throws it to Lou. Lou rolls the can down a transparent paper roll and then Hammy grabs can by can and puts it into the wagon. Penny jumps off of a cupboard with marshmallows stuck on her quills and grabs a cookie box.]
Lou: [tries to hold a plate with strawberry gelatin] Oh, boy. [drops the plate, gasps]
[Heather catches the plate of gelatin. Hammy was still catching food sliding or rolling down the transparent sheet]
R.J.: Yes! We're gonna make it.
Tiger: My father... he had an exceptionally flat face. It was so beautiful, he could barely breathe!
Stella: Fascinating!
[The mountain of food in the wagon has grown in the morning.]
Tiger: ...Inside, I have a multi-leveled climby thing with a shag carpet. Come, I'll show you!
Stella: NO, no! I-I-I haven't told you about my life.
R.J.: Good, good! Going great, going great!
[a coffee machine beeps]
Verne: What is that?
R.J.: That is what gets the humans out of bed in the morning. [he and Verne turn to the TV where Gladys is gone]
R.J. and Verne: AAAAAH!
Quillo: Where'd she go?
[Gladys comes down the stairs]
Verne: Get down and stay down!
[Bucky, Quillo, and Spike hide under a magazine, and the rest of the animals run behind the counter. Gladys yawns]
Verne: Move, move!
[Gladys pours the coffee into a cup. The animals, including R.J., scootch up to look closer. Gladys opens up the cabinet and pulls out a box... with a can of Spuddies behind]
Verne: Come on, we've gotta go before she comes back.
R.J.: No, not without those Spuddies!
Verne: What?
R.J.: Lou, Penny? Back to the TV! Heather, keep an eye on that human!
Heather: I'm on it, RJ.
Ozzie: No, Heather, wait! [runs after Heather]
Verne: [begins to feel his tail tingle again] The tingle, the tingle. RJ, the wagon's full! Let's get out of here!
R.J.: Hang on, Vincent! This will only take a second!
Verne: [confused] Vincent'?
R.J.: WHERE?!?
Verne: Who's Vincent?
R.J.: Oh. Verne, Vincent, simple slip of the bear. TONGUE! Uh, erm... Just bear with me is what I... meant to say. There's no bear!
[R.J. climbs on the bottle rack to get to the Spuddies. Meanwhile, Heather is trying to distract Gladys by copying Ozzie]
Gladys: Hmm? Oh!
Heather: Lights fading, limbs growing co...
[Gladys kicks down the stairs while Ozzie watches in horror]
Ozzie: Heather?
[As Gladys walks down the stairs, she realizes that she made herself sick by killing Heather. She runs back upstairs into her room. Ozzie runs towards what seems to be Heather's lifeless body.]
Ozzie: Oh, Heather...
Gladys: [Meanwhile, she's talking to the Verminator on the phone] There's a dead white rat on my staircase!
[Heather's eyes suddenly opened. It turned out she was playing dead]
Ozzie: I thought you were dead.
Heather: I learned from the best, Dad.
Ozzie: That's my girl.
R.J.: [struggles to retrieve Gladys' Spuddies from the cabinet] Come...to Papa.
Ozzie: [returns to the animals with Heather] We better hurry. We don't have much time.
Verne: [tries to stop R.J. by grabbing his tail] What's going on up there, RJ?
R.J.: Nothing!
Verne: Well then, let's get out of here, because we have what we need!
R.J.: No, we don't!
Verne: What are you talking about? [pulls on RJ's tail] We have more than enough!
R.J.: [snaps] Hey, listen! I've got about this long to hand over that wagon load of food to a homicidal bear! [the other animals gasp at R.J.'s confession] And if these Spuddies aren't on the menu, then I will be! Now let go of my tail!
Verne: [horrified] What...?
R.J.: [growling, angrily kicks Verne's arm off] Let GO!
[As RJ grabs the Spuddies, Verne and RJ began to falls down makes the objects crashed letting Stella and Gladys hear them.]
Stella: Huh? Uh, I'm sorry, I've gotta go! [leaves]
Tiger: Stella?! Stella, where are you going?! STELLAAAAA!!!!!!!!
[Gladys runs into the kitchen and screams with the animals are inside and runs away as Stella returns to the kitchen as he follows her]
Tiger: Stella!
Stella: Look, it's not you! It won't work, okay? Because I'm a... [Gladys sees her] Uh...
Gladys: [screams; lifts her leg] SKUNK!
Stella: Yeah, that. [Gladys runs screaming] Sorry you have to see this. Fire in the hole!
[She send out her gas, causing a green cloud to explode in the house.]
Gladys: Oh, my...
Stella: This smell doesn't bother you?
Tiger: No. This face was bred for beauty. I cannot smell a thing.
Stella: You can't smell?
[Verne looked at RJ who lives through the cat flap]
Verne: To the door! Go, go, go, go, go, go! Run!
[They tried to get to the door but Glady's is blocking their way.]
Stella: This way!
Dwayne: Let's party. Bunnies!
Tiger: Flee, my love!
Verne: Run, that way. Outside!
Lou: Move, kids! Come on!
[They run toward the door but they slapped against the glass.]
Dwayne: Buenos dias, reptile.
Dwayne: You've just been verminated. Whoa. You stink.
Gladys: [angrily] That's because you let them into my... house! [sobbing] Those...
Dwayne: Hey, Nancy, stop your honkin'. These little guys will be disposed of quickly and humanely.
Gladys: No! Not humanely. As inhumanely as possible.
Dwayne: It was a pleasure doing business with you, ma'am.
[The caged animals watched RJ leave with the wagon of food, feeling betrayed.]
Quillo: What's he gonna do to us, Mama?
Penny: I don't know, baby.
Heather: I don't wanna die, Dad. Not for real.
Ozzie: There, there, there, sweetheart. We'll be okay.
Lou: You were right about him, Verne. We should've listened. Sorry there.
Verne: No. I knew we couldn't trust him, and I got us into this. I should've known better.
[Rj had climbed his way to the top of the hill.]
Vincent: Wow!
[RJ looks up to see Vincent leaning against a tree and holding a pair of binoculars.]
RJ: Vincent?
Vincent: So I was on my way down here to kill you. But I stopped to watch the show, and I gotta say... ...that, right there, is a thing of beauty.
[RJ looked over to see Dwayne load the caged animals into his truck.]
Vincent: That is the most vicious, deceitful, self-serving thing I've ever seen. Classic RJ. You take the food, and they take the fall. You keep this up, you're gonna end up just like me. Having everything you ever wanted.
RJ: But I already had that.
Vincent: What, them? Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough. That's life. Trust me, you don't need them.
[Feeling quite selfish, RJ understood what family means and learned that he can't end up like Vincent, stealing food for himself.]
RJ: Actually, I do. And right now, they really need me. So I really need this!
[He grabs the wagon and rides it down the hill.]
Vincent: RJ!
[The wavon crashes into the street and landed on the windshield.]
Dwayne: What the...?
Hammy: There goes my back again.
Ozzie: Are you OK?
Stella: You sorry sack of rat dung.
RJ: Whoa, Stella, this is a rescue. I'm rescuing you.
Stella: I'm gonna gas you so hard your grandchildren'll stink.
Verne: [seeing Vincent] Bear!
RJ: What's that?
Verne: Bear!
RJ: Hair?
Verne: Bear!
RJ: Dare?
Verne: Bear!
RJ: Oh, bear!
Verne: We're out of control!
We can drive.
It's just like Auto-Homicide 3!
Verne: What?
RJ: Verne, let me in! Wrong button! Wrong button!
GPS: Please select destination.
Hammy: Take us home! Take us to the log!
GPS: Previous destination selected. Make a legal U-turn.
We got it!
RJ: Hammy! Let me in!
Hammy: Not listening to RJ.
Verne: Kids, lose that bear!
What weapons do we have?
We've got a hammer.
Cool.
You little...
Thank you. Yes, yes! Hey!
RJ: Let me in, let me in!
Ozzie: No! Ring-tailed charlatan!
RJ: Ozzie!
Verne: He's trying to help us. Just let him in.
Stella: After what he did to us?
Verne: But he came back.
Lou: And he brought a bear.
Bucky: No fighting while we're driving.
Spike: We will turn this van around, mister.
Lou: He started it.
Verne: I'm telling you, he's trying to help us.
Ozzie: But, Verne, you're the one who always says trust your tail.
Verne: But it's not tingling.
Stella: Why didn't you say so?
RJ: Thank you, thank you.
Vincent: You're dead, RJ!
Duck!
Vincent: And your friends are next.
Penny: Look out!
Gps: Make an immediate left turn.
Bonus points!
Yeah!
RJ!
Look out.
High score.
Verne: No, no, no, no!
Gps: You have arrived.
Everybody all right?
Come on!
- We've gotta go, we've gotta go!
Dwayne: The old jazz dance injury.
Come on, come on. Quillo!
Go, go, go.
Did we make it?
That was close!
All right!
RJ: Are we here? Penny? The kids here? Hammy?
Hammy: Scary clown.
Look out!
Hammy: A weed hacker, Verne. A weed hacker!
Hey!
Up, up, go up.
Show your little rat faces.
Gladys: Filthy creatures. Stay in the woods where you belong.
Watch out!
Dwayne: You guys wanna party, do ya? All right, then, let's party.
Mom!
Kids!
Penny, Lou, look out! Down!
RJ: That's it! Verne, get everybody out of here. I'll distract him.
Verne: Are you crazy? He'll kill you.
RJ: Well, I'm the one he wants. Take care of your family, Verne.
Verne: I intend to. The whole family. There's got to be something we can do.
RJ: There's no time.
Both: Hammy!
RJ: Hey, Vincent. You were right. With a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough.
Vincent: RJ!
Ozzie: Now, Hammy. Go, go, go!
Hammy: OK... I got the cookie.
Gladys: That's the...
Dwayne: The Depelter Turbo. Prepare for a lot of stinging. Oh, no! No, no! No, no! No!
Gladys: My hair!
Dwayne: That stung like I knew it would!
Yeah! - All right!
Stella: Good job, everybody. That's teamwork.
RJ: Come here, Hammy, come here. You are a genius, my boy.
Hammy: Oh, thank you.
RJ: And, Verne, don't you ever fix this shell!
Verne: Yeah. Glad it's working for ya. Take it off, give it back.
Here we go, off to the Rockies for you, Smoky.
Officer: Now, you do realize that was a Depelter Turbo?
Gladys: Officer, please. It was that Verminator. He sold it to me. This has nothing to do with me.
Officer: Hey, hey, it was in your yard. Your name's on the contract, so tell it to the judge.
Gladys: No! It's not my fault! Let go of me!
Officer: Ma'am...
Gladys: I can't be arrested! I'm the president of the homeowner's association!
Officer: Take her down!
Dwayne: She's getting away!
We got a twitcher! Watch it! Ma'am!
Dwayne: Get her!
- Stop that!
Can I get help over here? Somebody get a hold of her legs!
Dog: Play?
Dwayne: Oh, no! No, no! No, no!
High five, Hammy!
Hammy: Yes! - It worked! We did it!
Oh, yes!
Tiger: Stella! Stella!
Stella: Over here, Tiger.
Tiger: Oh, Stella. So this is the outdoor woods? I like it.
Stella: Come on, big boy. You're coming with me.
Verne: You know, RJ, just for the record, you told us that all that food you were trying to get was to pay back an angry bear? We would've given it to you.
RJ: Really?
Verne: Yeah, that's what families do. They look out for each other.
RJ: I've never had anything like that.
Verne: I know. But believe me, this... This is the gateway to the good life.
RJ: Really wish you would've told me that sooner.
Verne: Well, that's bad communication. Also something families do. So, what do you say? You wanna be a part of it?
Hammy: Come here, come here. I promised I wouldn't do this. OK.
Ozzie: Welcome to the family!
Hey!
Heather: Group hug!
OK, OK.
Verne: What a first week of spring, huh? Wait a minute! That means there's only 267 days left till winter. What are we gonna do for food?
RJ: Yes, Hammy.
Hammy: I filled the log.
Penny: Jeepers!
What...?
Hammy: Look, look! I found my nuts!
RJ: That, my friends, is the object of all human attention and devotion. - And they call it a TV.
Spike: Wicked cool!
RJ: You see, humans feel an inner need to connect with the world around them.
Lou: That is super-duper.
RJ: They also feel a need to sit on their fat butts. Watching TV fulfills both needs at the same time.
Stella: Wow. Interesting.
Penny :Come on, kids. Family time there, in front of the TV. Got your snack food?
Hammy: Buy a vowel. Buy a vowel! Buy a "Y". Please buy a "Y".
Ozzie: I can't find the remote.
Lou: Hey, Spikey, race ya!
Ozzie: Has anybody seen the remote?
Heather: Dad, chill.
Spike: I could do a little TV. Today's the day we find out if the baby is gifted or if Saxon is really an alien.
Hammy: Just like Khan in Star Trek II! The Genesis Project was in the hands of the Enterprise, but Khan had his plan to steal the invention!
Verne: Well, that was specific.
Hammy: I saw it on TNT, a retrospective.
Heather: Gummi Worm, anybody?
RJ: Let me have one.
Stella: Bucky, pass this to Lou.
Lou: Taste this.
Quillo: Don't you take that.
Verne: This is the perfect food.
RJ: Fat-free cookies? You might as well be eating dirt.
Hammy: I've had dirt. I don't like dirt. It tastes like dirt.
Heather: The show is starting.
Hang on a minute.
I can't wait. I can't wait. Yes! Here we go. - Kind of anticlimactic. - Shoot!