Transcript[]
(Scene opens on Candace riding her bike.)
(Song: Such a Beautiful Day)
Candace: ♪ The sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky ♪
♪ The stars are aligning and I swear that I ♪
♪ Can do anything ♪
♪ On such a beautiful day. ♪
Unnamed Pop Trio: ♪ It really is, it's such a beautiful day! ♪
Candace: ♪ And like a baby bird comin' out of my cage, ♪
♪ My life's an open book, I'm gonna write a new page, ♪
♪ And I know that I'm mixing my metaphors, but you can probably get the main gist of what I'm tryin' to say. ♪
Unnamed Pop Trio: ♪ She mixed her metaphors, but we know what she's sayin'! ♪
Candace: ♪ I don't remember ever feelin' so optimistic. ♪
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I'll admit it just a little uncharacteristic, ♪
♪ 'Cause I know that I have known to be antagonistic, ♪
♪ But I don't even think I'm gonna go ballistic... ♪
♪ As long as my brothers don't... ♪
♪ Build some big enormous thing ♪
♪ That makes me go, "No way!" ♪
♪ But disappears before my mother gets home ♪
♪ Like when they built a giant rollercoaster—♪
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! I'm not gonna go there.
Stacy: (offscreen) Hey, Candace!
Candace: Oh, hey, Stacy!
(Stacy is seen outside her house holding a bag of groceries. Behind her, Ginger is helping her unpack groceries from the car and Dr. Hirano is unlocking the house.)
Stacy: Are you going to the game later?
Candace: Yeah, probably. Jeremy's working concessions.
Stacy: Cool! It's a beautiful day for it!
Unnamed Pop Trio: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It really is, it's such a beautiful day! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Candace: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I'm gonna keep my outlook bright and cheery, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Gonna think some happy thoughts and gonna keep 'em near me. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Though my brothers' crazy antics could make anyone weary, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I won't get sucked into their chaos theory. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] As long as they don't... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Build a giant rollercoaster, robot versions of themselves, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Or strand me in a video game! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You know what I mean if you had seen [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] The cattle drive, the time machine [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] The giant Paper Pelican plane! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] They built motorized chariots, an escalator to the moon, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] The tallest building, treehouse robots, other nonsense coming soon, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] A shrinking sub, a waterfall, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] A robot dog, a Trojan horse, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] A growth elixir, Perrytronic [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Pyramid-related sports!!! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(gasps) [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But today, I'm not worried 'bout any of that noise, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Today, it doesn't even matter what those silly old boys [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Are doin'. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's such a beautiful day! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Unnamed Pop Trio: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's really such a beautiful day! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Candace: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's such a beautiful day! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Unnamed Pop Trio: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's really such a beautif— [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Candace: Wait a minute!
(Candace's song is interrupted when she looks up and sees the head of a giant robot above the roof of the Flynn-Fletcher house. Also, kids flying up in the air, the kids are yelling and squealing with glee, revelry.)
Candace: Phineas and Ferb!
(Candace runs in through the house to the backyard to find Phineas, Ferb, Buford, Baljeet, Isabella, and the Fireside Girls being juggled by a gigantic robot.)
Phineas: Yeah!
Buford Buford loves this!
(A look of steely determination comes over Candace.)
Candace: Okay. This ends today.
(Smash cut to the title card. And then, we're suddenly out in space.)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Candace Against the Universe! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(A large reddish planet fills the top of the frame. Kubrick-y music lends its cinematic grandeur. There is a low hum. At first, barely perceptible, but it steadily grows louder. As it does, the planet begins to vibrate. It swings side to side violently. We pull back to reveal the planet is not a planet at all, but the giant uvula of Candace, and the sound coalesces into a human voice. Candace is standing in the backyard, holding her phone and emitting a familiar yell.)
Candace: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!
Linda: (on phone) Okay, Candace, I almost hesitate to ask, but what is it this time?
Candace: It's... It's... It's hard to explain. Where are you?
Linda: (on phone) I'm almost home.
(Candace hangs up.)
Candace: Yes! (laughs)
(Zoom in on:)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Perry the Platypus and Dr. Doofenshmirtz are mid-battle. Doof is in a mechanized platypus suit.)
Doofenshmirtz: Finally! We are evenly matched!
(He swats Perry with his mechanical platypus tail, knocking him into some cleaning supplies.)
Doofenshmirtz: It's too late, Perry the Platypus. My power vacuum-inator will soon turn the mayor's mansion into lint! And then vacuum it up, thereby creating an actual "power vacuum" for me to fill. See? See how I used "vacuum" as both a transitive verb and an abstract concept? That's grammatical versatilit—
(Doofenshmirtz gets hit in the face with his own vacuum cleaner, which Perry has thrown knocking him into the power vacuum-inator and spinning it around. The inator hits a purple beam, diagonally down from the balcony.)
(Cut back to the backyard. Candace is watching the kids get juggled by the robot. She hears Mom's car pull up in the driveway, turns her head for just a second, during which the purple ray comes in from offscreen, hits the robot, turning it into a giant robot-shaped lint blob. Candace turns back to see the transformed lint blob just as the kids all land on it giggling.)
Candace: (still laughing, then gasps) But... But... But... It's... It's... Well, I don't know what it is. But it's still here! This is it! You guys are finally busted!
(Excited, she runs back to the gate, opens it, calls through to Mom, who is just getting out of the car.)
Candace: Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!
Linda: What? What is it?
Candace: It's still here!
Linda: What is still here?
Candace: It's... It's even harder to explain. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
(Cut back to D.E.I. Doof is lying at the base of the inator. Doof turns to Perry.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh. Oh. I see what you did there. You used "vacuum" as a noun and a weapon. Touché.
(A big vacuum hose attachment rises out of the top of the inator and begins to suck air.)
(Cut back to the backyard. Candace talks as Mom gathers groceries from the car.)
Candace: It's still there! It's still there! Look! Look, look! There it is! Mom! Mom! Mom!
|
Linda: Candace, |
Candace: Mom! |
(During this scene, we see the enormous robot-shaped lint blob gradually sucked away, getting smaller and smaller, until it is gone, just as Mom turns around to see the empty backyard with the kids sitting innocently on the grass.)
Linda: (unsurprised) Oh, look. There's nothing here.
(Candace's jaw drops. She looks like she has been punched in the gut.)
Linda: Hi, kids!
Phineas: Hi, Mom!
(As Mom goes inside, we go to Candace just staring at the kids in the spot where the robot was, crushed.)
Isabella: That was fun! See ya, Phineas!
Phineas: See ya!
Baljeet: Was that lint? It smelled like lint.
Buford: It tasted like lint.
Baljeet: Why were you tasting it?
Buford: You were smellin' it!
Baljeet: Not on purpose!
(The kids exit. Candace is still shell-shocked and muttering to herself.)
Candace: It's not fair.
(At which point, the brothers notice her.)
Phineas: Um, did you say something, Candace?
Candace: I said, "It's not fair!" Every day always works out for you! You guys are having a great summer!
(Candace's whole body is trembling, a volcano about to erupt. And then it does.)
Phineas: Well, we're all having a pretty great—
Candace: Not me, okay?! Every day, I get beaten down by the universe! I just feel so defeated. I feel so alone. (sobs)
(Candace slinks away. Phineas and Ferb's jaws are on the floor from the emotional bomb that has just been dropped.)
Phineas: Wow. We've been having so much fun this summer, I just assumed Candace had been, too. We should do something to cheer her up. We should make her a gift. Let's see. Last time we carved her face into Mt. Rushmore.
(We quickly cut away to a scene from "Candace Loses Her Head" where the boys have carved Candace's likeness into Mt. Rushmore, and the lava begins oozing out and destroying it.)
Phineas: Hmmmm... let's do something more permanent this time.
(Cut to Agent P emerging from behind the fence and dropping down accompanied by his signature cue:)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Perry! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(As he hides behind the tree his watch beeps. Monogram appears on the watch.)
Major Monogram: Excellent work thwarting Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Agent P. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?
Carl: Does that mean I get the rest of the day off, t—
Major Monogram: Don't be ridiculous, Carl.
Carl: Oh.
(As Agent P's watch beeps off, he takes off his fedora and reverts back to mindless pet mode and goes to sleep.)
(Cut to outside the house. Candace is sitting on the stoop, still feeling depressed. Vanessa passes by her on her scooter.)
Vanessa: Candace?
Candace: Oh, hey, Vanessa.
Vanessa: I thought that was you. Is this your house?
Candace: Yep. My house of pain.
Vanessa: What's wrong?
Candace: Just the usual. My brothers get away with some big ridiculous thing, and yet somehow, I'm the crazy one! It's like the whole universe is against me!
(Song: The Universe is Against Me)
(Suddenly, Candace and Vanessa are in a surreal cosmic void and Vanessa is playing guitar.)
Candace: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] The universe is against me! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And no one here defends me [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And everyone pretends we [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Haven't seen it all before [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] (Vanessa: Candace?)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And it— [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Cut back to Vanessa and Candace where we left them, except Vanessa still has a guitar.)
Vanessa: Candace?!
Candace: Yeah?
Vanessa: I'm not sure this is the whole— Wait, why do I have a guitar? (Throws the guitar offscreen, where it accompanied by the "KABONG!" noise and the traditional inexplicable cat screech.) I'm not sure this is the whole universe's fault.
Candace: You're right! It's mostly Phineas and Ferb's fault! That's why I have to bust them!
Vanessa: That's not what I— Look, so I'm just thinking out loud here, but have you ever considered not trying to bust your brothers? I mean, let's say you did finally expose them. Then what? Would you suddenly be happy? Would all of your problems just magically disappear?
Candace: Um, yes!
Vanessa: Maybe, maybe not. Just... Is it possible that your obsession with busting them is really just a distraction from your real problem, which is how you feel about yourself?
Candace: You mean like a tiny, meaningless speck in the universe, completely overshadowed by Phineas and Ferb?
Vanessa: That's good. Keep going.
Candace: It's just, everybody thinks my brothers are so special. Well, what about me? When do I get to feel special?
Vanessa: Yes?
Candace: And... what if I'm not? (turns around) I can't believe this.
Vanessa: I know. It's kind of a breakthrough, right? But now the healing can begi—
Candace: I can't believe this!
Vanessa: Oh.
(A giant capsule is seen in the front yard.)
Candace: See? This is the kind of insane stuff I'm talking about! Okay, guys, I give up! (starts pounding on the capsule) What does this one do?
Vanessa: And breakthrough over.
Candace: Phineas and Ferb, I know you're in there!
Vanessa: Um, if you don't know what it does, maybe you shouldn't hit it.
Candace: Relax. It's probably some kind of amusement park ride or makes giant waffles or something. Is that what you're doing today?! Makin' big waffles?!
Vanessa: Uh, Candace?
(A hose pops out of the capsule and begins sucking Candace and Vanessa.)
Candace: (screams)
(Candace and Vanessa land inside the capsule, with Vanessa landing on top of Candace.)
Vanessa: What in the world...?
(The capsule starts rumbling and rocket engines pop out. Phineas and Ferb walk out the door, Phineas holding a gift-wrapped box.)
Phineas: Candace? We made you a—
(The rocket takes off and Candace yells out the window.)
Candace: PHINEAS! FERB!! THERE ARE NO WAFFLES IN HERE!!!!
Phineas: Candace! Where are you going?! (to Ferb) Where is she going?
(Ferb just takes a photo with his phone.)
(Cut back to Perry under the tree, whose eyes pop when he hears Candace's yell.)
Candace: (offscreen) PHINEAS AND FERB!!!!!
(Perry's watch beeps and he goes to the secret entrance to his lair in the tree.)
(Cut to Agent P's lair. Perry drops into his chair, followed by several acorns.)
Major Monogram: Agent P, we've just received automated emergency alert 136-alpha. We have no idea what that is, but Carl is looking it up in the owner's manual. (holds up manual) Apparently, it is a "clogged intake valve"? Carl, this is for the washing machine!
(Carl appears on the screen holding a box of different manuals.)
Carl: Oh, wait, hold on. (He starts going through different manuals in the box.) No, this is the stereo. Microwave instructions...
(Agent P rolls his eyes.)
Carl: Oh, here it is!
Major Monogram: (taking the manual) Now, let's see here. (reading) "A member of your host family has been abducted by aliens." Wow.
(A file photo of Candace on the beach with her foot being pinched by a crab appears on Monogram's left.)
Major Monogram: Candace, apparently, has been abducted by aliens. This is priority one, Agent P, (Perry salutes) but remember, you cannot reveal to her that you are a secret agent. So... hmmm, guess it's gonna be tricky to rescue her. Heh. Well, good luck with that.
(Perry gets sucked back through the tube via his spring-loaded chair.)
(Cut to Phineas and Ferb's bedroom. Phineas and Ferb are at Ferb's computer looking up the spaceship that took Candace away.)
Phineas: You're right, Ferb. It doesn't look like she did this on purpose. What's that little rectangle down there?
(Ferb pans left from the window where Candace is screaming from and sees a plate in an alien language.)
Phineas: Bingo! Alien license plate. She's been abducted by aliens! Let's run those tags on the Galactic Web.
(Ferb types and clicks his cursor showing a planet that looks like a hamburger patty as well as the cluster it is in.)
Ferb: It's from the planet Feebla-Oot in the Vroblok Cluster.
Phineas: That must be where they're taking her. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! We're going to an alien planet to rescue our sister! I guess first, we have to figure out how to get to the, uh, Vrobl—the—the Vro—
Ferb: The Vroblok Cluster.
Phineas: The Vroblok Cluster. Man, try sayin' that five times fast.
Ferb: Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok.
Phineas: Huh. I guess it's not that hard. Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok.
Ferb: Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok.
Phineas: Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok...
Ferb: Vroblok, Vroblok...
Phineas and Ferb: Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok.
(Cut to outer space, where the spaceship is still speeding. Cut to inside to reveal Candace looking out the window and Vanessa playing with a ball.)
Candace: Okay, this is not one of Phineas and Ferb's inventions.
Vanessa: How can you tell?
Candace: 'Cause of that.
(Vanessa walks over to the window Candace is looking out of to see a giant mothership.)
Vanessa: Whoa.
(Zoom in to outer space. Several similar spaceships make their way towards the mothership.)
Vanessa: Looks like we're not the only ones being brought here.
Candace: What— What do you think they want from us?
Vanessa: Best-case scenario, we're food.
Candace: That's your best-case scenario? Man, you are dark.
(The spaceship finally reaches the mothership, and an alert starts beeping.)
(Cut to Baljeet's house. Phineas and Ferb are at the door and Phineas rings the doorbell. Baljeet answers holding a DVD box set of some sort.)
Baljeet: Oh, hey, guys! You came at a great time! I was just about to start watching my box set of Space Adventure.
(Song: Space Adventure)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Space Adventure is calling you [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] So put on your space face and [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Make your way to the stars [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And beyond the blue quazars [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And nebulas too on a [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Baljeet: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Space Adventure [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's an adventure in space! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Phineas: Actually, Candace got abducted by aliens and taken to another planet, and we need your help to rescue her.
Baljeet: Well, why did you not lead with that? I suppose you will want me to build another portal. Where is the planet? (Phineas hands him the printout of the planet.) That is, like, eight systems away. We will need a much more powerful quantum field generator.
Phineas: But could we do it?
Baljeet: Yes, but even if we got the whole gang together, it would still take at least a montage.
(Flip wipe to the backyard, with the portal already built.)
Buford: And we're done.
Baljeet: Well, I guess I stand corrected. It only took a flip wipe.
Isabella: So, this portal will take us to the same planet they're taking Candace to?
Phineas: Yep. When we step through this portal, we're gonna be on an alien planet, and we have no idea what to expect.
(Baljeet comes in with an easel.)
Baljeet: Actually, I took the liberty of printing out some computer simulations of possible scenarios. Based on the infinite possibilities, (Baljeet flips through the pictures describing each one) we could be attacked by carnivorous plants, giant alien spiders, flying shark creatures. Oh, here is one where we would have to sacrifice Buford to giant alien robots.
Buford: WHAT?!?
Isabella: Are there any that are not terrifying?
Baljeet: Oh, of course. Here is a bunch of playful puppies...
Isabella: Awww.
Baljeet: ...that shoot nerve gas from their tongues.
Isabella: Ew!
Phineas: Look, what Baljeet is saying is, this could get really dangerous. Ferb and I appreciate your help building the portal, but we can't ask you to go. Candace is our sister. She was pretty upset the last time we saw her, and I kinda feel like somehow it's our fault. So we're the ones who have to make this right. This isn't on you.
(Baljeet, Isabella, and Buford smile.)
Buford: If you think you're going to an alien planet without us, you're even crazier than Candace.
Isabella: (holding her arm out) Yeah! Bring on the nerve gas puppies!
(The gang puts their arms in and break it up.)
Phineas and the gang: For Candace!
(The gang begins to walk up to the portal.)
Phineas: Thanks, you guys. Ready? Here we go.
(The gang hold each other's hands and step through the portal.)
(Cut to another portal that the gang step out of, and they are approached by...)
Norm: Hello, and welcome, aliens!
The gang: (scream)
Baljeet: Giant robot! Quick! Give them Buford!
Buford: Hey!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, that's just Norm. He's... he's usually harmless. A—Are you guys aliens?
Buford: We're not the aliens. You're the alien.
Isabella: Guys, we're still in Danville!
Buford: All right, I guess neither of us are aliens. But what's with your neck?
Doofenshmirtz: Wait, what... what's wrong with my neck?
Phineas: We're still in Danville?
Baljeet: That is not possible. My calculations could not have been that off.
Phineas: And why do you have a portal?
Doofenshmirtz: Well, I was trying to get to the planet Feebla-Oot in the Vro—the Vr—the——the Vro—
Ferb: The Vroblok Cluster.
Doofenshmirtz: Man, say that 12 times fast.
Phineas and Ferb: Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, that was, uh, disturbing.
Phineas: We have to get to Feebla-Oot to save our sister.
Doofenshmirtz: And my daughter was apparently abducted by an alien pod from there. (Doof takes out his phone.) Here, look. Sh— She posted on social media. Look, see?
Phineas: That's Vanessa. We know her.
(Close-up on Doof's phones revealing a photo of a screaming Candace next to a calm Vanessa on the ship with the caption "That feeling you get when you're abducted by an alien space pod... Totally freaking out!!!")
Isabella: And she's with Candace!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I hope my little girl is okay.
Baljeet: (looking at his phone, shouts) There is an ion barrier around the planet! Our transporters were both deflected, which made them connect to each other.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, so getting there by portal is astrologically impossible.
Baljeet: You mean "astronomically".
(Doof is suddenly holding a newspaper.)
Doofenshmirtz: No, I mean astrologically. Here, look at my horoscope.
(Doof hands Baljeet the newspaper, and he reads from it.)
Baljeet: "Virgo: You will be unable to reach a planet via portal due to it being astronomically impossible."
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, so I guess we're both right.
Baljeet: (sighs)
Phineas: If we're going to rescue Candace and Vanessa, we need to build a spaceship. Unless anyone has one lying around.
Doofenshmirtz: I... I don't have a spaceship per se, but I... but I do have...
(Flip wipe to Doof, Phineas and the gang standing near an inator that looks suspiciously like a spaceship.)
Doofenshmirtz: ...my galactic travel-inator! You get inside it, it flies you up to, and I guess more to the point, through space.
Isabella: You mean, like, a spaceship.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, I suppose it's like a spaceship, in that it operates like and performs the exact same functions as a spaceship, but it's an inator. There's a difference.
Baljeet: Is the difference purely semantic?
Doofenshmirtz: It's branding! Leave me alone.
(Cut back to the backyard. Agent P approaches the portal accompanied by his theme music.)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Doo bee doo bee doo bah [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Doo bee doo bee doo bah [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Doo bee doo bee doo bah [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Doo bee doo bee doo bah [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Doo bee doo bee doo— [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Perry steps through the portal, and then looks startled as he sees Phineas and the gang working with Doof.)
Phineas: Tick-tock, people. We have a sister and a daughter to rescue.
(As Doof steps onto the inator, a handheld inator drops and Isabella looks at it and picks it up.)
Isabella: What is this?
Doofenshmirtz: My Chicken-Replace-inator.
Isabella: Is that something we're gonna need?
Doofenshmirtz: Let's just say that I'd rather have a device that makes things switch places with the nearest chicken and not need it, than need one and not have it.
Buford: (carrying a canoe) I'm with him on that.
Isabella: Says the guy bringing a canoe into space.
Buford: Hey, you don't know everything about space!
(Buford bumps into the doorway and turns the canoe the other way and walks through, bumping it again and again.)
Buford: Who built this door?
(Zoom out on Agent P. His watch beeps and Perry shows Monogram the situation.)
Major Monogram: Wow. Okay. That does complicate things quite a bit. Remember, you can't reveal yourself as an agent to your host family, but you also can't reveal yourself as their pet to Dr. Doofenshmirtz. I guess, in retrospect, you are the single worst agent we could've sent on this mission! Heh. All right. See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya.
Buford: Is there a barf bag on this thing, Doc? I'm askin' for a friend.
(The gang step inside the ship, and Perry just barely makes it inside before the door closes. The roof opens and the ship rises for launch.)
Phineas: All right, Operation: Save Candace and Vanessa is about to begin.
(Doof and Isabella set the controls for launch. The rocket fires, Isabella pushes a button and the ship blasts off, unfortunately, once again, destroying D.E.I. in the process.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh! No, no, no! Okay, that was on me, but so fun to be traveling into outer space with a bunch of kids who teleported into my house with no adult supervision.
(Dissolve to the mothership. The alert beeps and the pod bay door opens, with Candace and Vanessa stepping out. They walk around with Candace checking the other pods.)
Candace: Empty. Empty. Empty. Are we the only ones they abducted?
(Some shadows approach, and Candace and Vanessa hide in a corridor from them. A bunch of shadowy unearthly figures march past them.)
Candace: Ooh, look, a map. I wish we could read these weird markings.
Computer: English detected. Would you like me to change the map settings to English?
Candace: Ooh, yes! English!
(The map changes to English.)
Candace: Oh, great! We have something sort of like this at home. Computer, how do we escape from this ship?
Computer: Adding "thin chips" to your shopping list.
Candace: No, no, no, no. I said, "escape the ship."
Computer: Playing "Cape Lip" by Lil' Gorbinox.
(An electronic dance music song starts playing.)
Candace: (groans) On second thought, this is exactly like the one we have at home. "Engine room, sick bay." Ooh, smoothie bar!
Vanessa: Focus!
Candace: Sorry. "Restroom, science lab." Oh. Escape pods!
(Candace pushes on the escape pod room on the map, and a trap door with a ladder opens behind them. Cut to outside the mothership as it approaches the ion barrier. Cut back to Candace and Vanessa climbing down the ladder.)
Candace: You know, I'm still blaming Phineas and Ferb for this.
Vanessa: How so exactly?
Candace: Well, if I hadn't been rage-singing about how they ruined my life, I might have seen that that pod came from outer space and therefore was not one of their inventions.
Vanessa: (sarcastically) Yeah, that makes complete sense.
Candace: Wow, this is a long ladder. I wish there was a faster way down there.
Computer: Approaching ion barrier. Brace for turbulence. Avoid ladders.
(The mothership passes through the barrier shaking and Candace and Vanessa fall and tumble down the ladder screaming. They land in the escape pod room.)
Candace: (groans)
Vanessa: Well, that was faster.
Candace: Oh. Oh!
Vanessa: What?
Candace: This is a smoothie maker!
Vanessa: Candace, focus!
(During this, Candace keeps looking at Vanessa while surreptitiously attempting to make her smoothie.)
Candace: I know, I know, I know. I don't have time for this.
Vanessa: Candace!
Candace: Yeah, no. I know. I really shouldn't.
Vanessa: Candace!
Candace: We shouldn't. Okay, no. I know. You're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right. You're right.
Vanessa: Candace! Focus!
Candace: Okay, I found the escape pods.
Computer: Opening escape pods.
(The escape pod doors open.)
Alien guard: We're searching the ship right now!
(Vanessa looks to see where the voice came from and notices a guard searching for them.)
Vanessa: We've gotta go now!
Candace: Get in!
(Vanessa gets into the escape pod.)
Vanessa: Wait, there's only room for—
Candace: You take this one. I'll be right behind you. See you back on Earth! Computer, launch the escape pod!
Computer: Launching all escape pods.
Candace: No, no, no, no! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop, stop, stop!
Computer: Playing "Chop Chop Chop" by The Lumberzacks.
(Song: Chop Away at My Heart)
(As the song plays, Candace's face produces an unamused scowl.)
Radio: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Chop, chop, chop [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Chop away at my heart [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Cut to some guards sliding down the ladder. They arrive in the room and point their guns at Candace, who is sitting on the smoothie maker drinking her smoothie.)
Candace: Yep. The whole universe.
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] The whole universe is against me! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Cut back to Doof's ship.)
Baljeet: According to my calculations, we are on course to reach the planet in 47 minutes at our current velocity.
Phineas: Can't we get any more speed out of this thing?
Isabella: I think we could coax a little more out of these engines if we bypass the compressor system and fed power directly into the impulse drive.
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, I don't come down to where you work and tell you how to sell cupcakes.
(An alarm starts blaring, and the ship starts undergoing turbulence.)
Phineas: What was that?
Baljeet: Oh, no! We are entering an uncharted asteroid field!
Buford: (playing with a yo-yo) Ya couldn't have navigated around that?
Baljeet: Oh! I just said it was uncharted!
(Isabella and Doof buckle up.)
Phineas: Big one coming up, starboard side!
Doofenshmirtz: Starboard?
Isabella: On the right! On the right!
Doofenshmirtz: My right or your right?
Isabella: We're facing the same direction!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, right. Our right.
(During this, Perry notices a button to activate a space suit, and pushes it, and puts the suit on.)
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, look, if you've got special words for "up" and "down", let me know now.
(Agent P buckles a rope to a handle and goes out the door navigating his way through the asteroids.)
(Song: Unsung Hero)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Hooooo... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Hooooo... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Nobody sees him, he's not looking for glory, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] He's not looking for applause. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] He's not trying to be part of someone else's story. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] He's just fighting for a noble cause. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] This is the song of the unsung hero, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But I guess, technically, he's now got a song. ('Cause I'm singin' it.) [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You might not even know he's here—[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Cut to inside the ship.)
Doofenshmirtz: Wow! It's like the Fourth of July out there!
(Cut back to Perry.)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Here, oh [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But he's out there on his own, just wingin' it. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Hooooo... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Hooooo... (Did I mention he's a platypus?) [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Hooooo... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Hooooo... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Cut back to inside the ship.)
Isabella: Somehow, we're missing all the asteroids!
Buford: Hey, everybody, look! Cat's Cradle! It's the first time I've ever been able to do this!
Phineas: Buford!
Buford: Ah, sorry. I was in the zone.
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, we're out of the asteroid field.
(Cut back to outside.)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Hooo... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Perry makes his way back into the ship.)
Isabella: Oh!
Baljeet: Oh! We did it!
Perry: (sighs)
Phineas: Well, that was so much easier than I thought it was gonna be. I hope Candace and Vanessa made it through just as well.
(Cut to Vanessa on the escape pod.)
Vanesssa: Uh-oh. That does not look like Earth.
(Cut to a planet inhabited by mushroom-like trees. The escape pod begins speeding into the atmosphere.)
Vanessa: (screams, grunts, screaming)
(The pod starts crashing into the trees, finally crashing onto the ground. The door of the pod opens and Vanessa steps out of it, her hair in disarray.)
Vanessa: (groans) Okay, ow. (sighs) So, I guess Candace should be coming right behind me.
(The other escape pods begin to fall from the sky.)
Vanessa: (screams)
(Vanessa starts running away from the falling pods.)
Vanessa: Oof. Candace?
(She looks into one escape pod to find it empty. Pan left to reveal all of the empty escape pods. A large shadow looms over Vanessa.)
Vanessa: (gasps)
(The large shadow comes from the mothership.)
Vanessa: What good are escape pods if they take you to the planet you're trying to escape from?
(Cut to the mothership. A plank emerges with two guards leading Candace out.)
Candace: Where are you taking me? (gasps) Is it that scary alien fortress-y thing? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it is.
(Candace and the guards stop at a pair of giant doors. Suddenly, Broadway-style music begins playing.)
(Song: Meet Our Leader)
Alien Dacers: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You're probably so excited, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Though you're trying to hide it, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Here's a horn, you can give a toot! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We are the welcome service [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And we know you're nervous. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You're about to meet the leader of Feebla-Oot! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You'll be blown away [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] So put your phone away. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You're gonna say, "Wow! Holy cow!" [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You're about to meet her, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Our glorious leader! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You're about to meet her right... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] After we open these doors! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But, first, another chorus [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause we've still got some verses to sing! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's kind of entrancing. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Have you noticed the dancing? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But really, Peter's solo is everything! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You're a lowly peasant [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] When you bask in the presence, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But we'll give you this one solemn vow: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You're about to meet her, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Our glorious leader! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You're about to meet her right... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Male Alien: After this message from our sponsor...
Female Alien: Paloga Brite!
Male Alien: We use it to clean these lovely...
Alien Dancers: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Doors you're scoping, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Which we promise to open [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause that's just what you're hopin' we'll do. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] As we'll keep singin' this song. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We know it's takin' so long... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Male Alien: Eh, we'll open 'em now.
(The alien dancer who just spoke pushes a button, and the doors open automatically very slowly. Candace looks at both of her captors. When the doors stop opening, the alien pushes the remote twice, and the dancers motion for Candace to step through.)
Alien Leader: Just come on in!
(Candace's captors lead her in through the doors.)
Alien Leader: Yoo-hoo! Yeah, down here! I'm sitting in this enormous chair! Come here. Let me get a look at you. You are spectacular. Where are my manners? I'm Super Super Big Doctor.
Candace: Is that— Is that a title or— or your—
Super Super Big Doctor: It's a common enough name in our language. I mean, it's not Eegblat or Boat Jelly, but it's a name you hear.
Candace: Oh. (chuckles) N-Nice to meet you. My name's Candace.
(The aliens gasp.)
Candace: What? W-What did I say?
Super Super Big Doctor: Oh, heh heh, sorry. It—It's just, in our language, "Candace..." (clears throat) is the noise someone makes when they explode from the waist up.
Candace: I'm sorry. Does that happen often enough that you—
Super Super Big Doctor: What matters is we found you. And you are the Chosen One. (Snaps fingers)
(Song: You are the Chosen One)
Alien Dancers: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You are the Chosen One! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You are the Chosen One! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Yes, you are the Chosen One! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Beat.)
Candace: So, you're saying I'm... special?
Super Super Big Doctor: Are you special?! We have spent years searching the galaxy for Remarkalonium, a rare element we desperately need, and our instruments tell us that element simply emanates from you!
(Candace is scanned by a machine confirming this remark.)
Super Super Big Doctor: You, Candy-Cane... (can I call ya "Candy-Cane"?) Just by existing, you are saving our planet!
Candace: Okay, this is amazing! Okay, and just to be super extra clear, this "saving the world" thing doesn't involve offering me as a human sacrifice?
Super Super Big Doctor: Well, somebody's paranoid.
Candace: Sorry, it's... it's just... (sighs) I've always felt the universe was against me. Oh, I have these annoying little brothers who always get away with everything.
Super Super Big Doctor: Shut up! I grew up with annoying little brothers, too! Always messin' around, holdin' their zurgnats in the Vlamborshall during glabenstchturn.
Candace: My brothers once made a rollercoaster.
Super Super Big Doctor: "Rollercoaster"? (scoffs) Okay, now you're just making up words! The point is I was right there where you are, girlfriend. Brothers always getting away with everything. But I'm supposed to be in charge!
Candace: Yes, exactly! And not just conditionally!
Super Super Big Doctor: That's why I came to this planet! And now I really am in charge!
Candace: Wow. Maybe the universe isn't against me.
Super Super Big Doctor: Welcome to Feebla-Oot. All hail the Chosen One!
All: All hail the Chosen One! All hail the Chosen One!
(Candace smiles sheepishly at this chanting.)
(Cut to Doof's ship approaching the ion barrier.)
Baljeet: Okay, we are approaching the ion barrier. Activate your ion shield.
Doofenshmirtz: We don't have an ion shield. We're not fancy-shmancy.
Baljeet: But... (groans) we have to pass through an ion barrier to get to the planet.
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, so?
Baljeet: So, if we go through the ion barrier without a shield, it could fry all of the electronics on the ship rendering our navigation useless and stranding us in space!
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, that was something I did not know.
Phineas: Well, there's gotta be a way through, right?
Baljeet: Well, no, not without a— Wait a minute. Space Adventure!
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Space Adventure— [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Baljeet: In episode 206B of Space Adventure, they were able to go through an ion barrier without a shield by spinning the U.S.S Minotaur and scattering the ions as they went.
Isabella: I'm not sure that would work in real life.
Baljeet: Well, I am sure that the writers of Space Adventure would have a better grasp of astrophysics than you. Or even me, because I do not see how the science would work either, but... hold on!
Isabella: Wait!
(Baljeet takes control of the ship and it begins spinning in all directions. It somehow passes through the ion barrier.)
Isabella: Yes! We made it through!
Phineas: We're clear! Baljeet, you can stop it spinning now!
Baljeet: Unfortunately, I cannot! We have lost all helm control!
Buford: What?!
Baljeet: I do not understand. It worked perfectly in Space Adventure.
Phineas: Well, there is some good news! That planet we're plummeting towards is Feebla-Oot! So we're crashing right on target!
Doofenshmirtz: Ooh, and the atmosphere slowed our spin. But it set us on fire!
Baljeet: And we still have no controls!
(The ship crashes into a mushroom tree, catapulting it to another tree, and then another, until it finally slumps to the ground on one tree. The doors open and Phineas and Ferb check their surroundings. The gang make their way off the ship, to the strains of eerie theremin music.)
Isabella: It's beautiful! And so peaceful...
(A creature growls behind them. They turn around and notice a big green pachyderm-like beast with a huge dental problem and big tusks on its cheeks.)
Creature: (through subtitles) SKY PEOPLE HAVE BIG CRASH.
Phineas and the gang: (scream)
Creature: (through subtitles) EVERYONE OKAY?
(A rustling is heard, and the tree catapults the creature into the atmosphere.)
Isabella: So, should we be worried that that's gonna fall back down and land on us?
(Baljeet checks through his viewfinder.)
Baljeet: Nope. He is in orbit.
Creature: (through subtitles) HELP ME!
Baljeet: He must have achieved escape velocity. Good for him.
(Doof emerges from the ship with a bucket on his head.)
Doofenshmirtz: I can't see! I can't see! My eyes are not functioning prop—
Isabella: You've got a bucket on your head.
Doofenshmirtz: Wait, it's okay. Wait a second. I— I fixed it. I had a bucket on my head.
("Whomp.")
Phineas: Let's check out the damage.
(Pan left to a bush to reveal...)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Perry! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Perry: (to his singers) Shh.
(quietly) [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Perry. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Cut to the ship, which is pretty much in poor condition. Buford walks by with his canoe.)
Isabella: We're not getting anywhere with this spaceship.
Doofenshmirtz: It's an inator— (groans) What does it matter? It's just a pile of junk now anyway.
Baljeet: I am not sure how we will ever get back home.
Phineas: We'll figure out something. We always do. But the important thing is we have to find Candace and Vanessa.
Isabella: Maybe we should start by looking... there.
(Zoom in on the fortress. An ominous tone emits mysteriously.)
Phineas: Wait a minute.
(Ominous tone.)
Phineas: Does anybody else hear a strange, ominous tone when they look at that alien fortress-y thing?
(Phineas' POV; ominous tone. Pan left and the tone stops.)
Phineas: But only when I look directly at it. I can hear it when I look...
(Ominous tone.)
Phineas: Yeah, I have to—
Baljeet: Yes!
Isabella: Oh, yeah, me, too!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, yeah, it's like a low tone.
Baljeet: I wish we could study the science...
Buford: I don't hear anything. What are you guys talking about? You're freaking me out!
Phineas: (rolling his eyes, over Buford) I can hear it when I look... just directly at it.
(Dizzy perspective; ominous tone every time the camera centers on the fortress.)
Isabella: I've never seen anything like that before.
Phineas: Every time my eyes get near it.
(Beat.)
Phineas: Alien planets are weird. Okay, let's go.
(The gang start to walk, and Buford takes his canoe. Perry stays as far from them as possible.)
Buford: We're walkin' towards the thing that makes you all hear an ominous noise? We're doin' that?
Phineas: I hate to think what Candace is going through in there. This must be the worst day of her life.
(Ominous tone.)
(Cut to Candace getting treatment at an alien spa.)
(Song: Spa Day (instrumental))
Candace: This is the best day of my life.
Super Super Big Doctor: Stapler-Fist there is my toughest guard, but, boy, if he doesn't give the finest foot massage on Feebla-Oot.
Candace: (sighs) The pressure is perfect, Mr. Fist.
Stapler Fist: OMG, the Chosen One spoke to me! I can't believe it! I'm so excited, I could actually explode. Seriously, I could just—
Candace: Well, I am so glad that you— (gasps)
The Noise Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
Shoe Monkey: Oh, geez, he just candaced all over me.
Candace: Eww...
Super Super Big Doctor: Oh, don't worry. He'll grow back.
Shoe Monkey: All right. Come on, Stapler-Fist's legs. This way.
Candace: Wow. It really does sound like my name.
Super Super Big Doctor: It happens whenever they get excited. Especially when they get free stuff. Birthdays here are a bloodbath.
Candace: Note to self: no free stuff.
Super Super Big Doctor: Now just relax. We're gonna have a beautiful day!
(Song: Girls Day Out)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] (Yeah, this girls day out...) [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] (Yeah, this girls day out...) [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You and I [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Should take the afternoon to unwind. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] So get ready [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We can lay out or get a mani-pedi. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Go for a drive or stop for a bite, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It all depends upon your appetite.
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We could do knitting, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Or copper fitting, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Weather permitting... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I never seem to have any free time. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I just need to get a little me time. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I mean, "and you time, too." [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's a girls day out, time to get away [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] From the hustle and bustle of the day-to-day. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We all need a little time to play. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Super Super Big Doctor: Cucumber spray?
Candace: No doubt!
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We can just do brunch or catch a matinee [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Or something a little bit less cliché. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I've got this, honey, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Put your money away, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause I am all about this girls day out. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] (Yeah, this girls day out...) [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] (Yeah, this girls day out...) [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Cut back to the trees as we pan by various weird-looking insects, until we finally meet back up with the gang. Isabella steps on a mound and surveys her surroundings.)
Isabella: This way, team. The fortress is three klicks away.
Doofenshmirtz: Wait a minute! What's a "klick"? And who put you in charge, young lady? I'm the grown-up.
Isabella: Well, some people think I'm a natural leader.
(Isabella unravels her Fireside Girl sash revealing her many accomplishment patches.)
Isabella: Huh?
Doofenshmirtz: You got, uh— You got all these for being a leader?
Isabella: Yep.
(Beat.)
Doofenshmirtz: Well, but, have you got one of these? (Doof reaches into his lab jacket and takes out a card.)
Isabella: That's a library card, and, yes, I do.
Doofenshmirtz: (puts the card back) Well, it doesn't matter, because I'm the adult. So, step aside. Doof is in charge!
(Song: Adulting)
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] So you say you got a patch for leading people through a jungle? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But I've got a prescription for this anti-fungal. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
So I win!
Isabella: How is that winning?
Doofenshmirtz: I'm just saying I'm prepared.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Undecided whether I should feel [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Disturbed or scared. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I'm older and bolder, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Got this ache in my shoulder [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I keep my medical records [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] In this manilla folder. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Isabella: Meaning?
Doofenshmirtz: Just that I lived more.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But I've got a better feelin' for the great outdoors. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Ya think ya know just what to do, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But I've got a ton more experience than you [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] In adulting! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Isabella: Is that what it's called?
Doofenshmirtz: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I know you don't know what I mean, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But you're not gonna know it till ya turn eighteen. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's called "adulting"! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Isabella: That's not a verb.
Doofenshmirtz: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] When you're no longer a private, you're a sarge! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You're all grown up and you're livin' large! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Ya get to be the one in charge! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Get it off of me! Get it off of me!
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's called adulting! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Isabella: It's still not a verb.
Doofenshmirtz: Come on, back me up, Ferb.
Ferb: It's not a verb.
Doofenshmirtz: Whatever.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Can you read a compass? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Or start a fire? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Build a shelter? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Or change a tire? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Dig a hole? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Pitch a tent? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Navigate? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Circumvent? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Chop a tree? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Build a snare? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Catch a fish? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Fight a bear? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: No.
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Now I think our only care, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And I think this question is really fair, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Is can you get us from here… [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah?
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] …to there? [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz: Absolutely!
Isabella: You can? How?
Doofenshmirtz: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] By adulting! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Yes, adulting! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Baljeet: He makes a salient point.
Isabella: Baljeet!
Doofenshmirtz: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I'm adulting! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Baljeet: What? He sounds authoritative.
Doofenshmirtz: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause I'm adulting! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
I'm an adult! (dusts himself off) And therefore, I, the adult, say... this way, people, single file— (screams as he falls off a cliff and tumbles a la Homer Simpson) Ooh, ooh, whoa, whoa! (Screams)
(Splash!)
Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen) I'm okay! I'm okay! The water at the bottom broke my fall. It's awfully hot, though. It's— (stammers, screams)
(A geyser sprays Doof back up to the cliff.)
Doofenshmirtz: (screams, grunts) Okay, I can confidently say that we should go that way. (Groans)
(Dissolve to a bruised and bandaged Doof limping in the lead.)
Doofenshmirtz: So we all agree that we've passed this spot somewhere between once and not more than, like, 11 times, right?
The gang (including Ferb): Yes.
(Agent P stealthily trails behind them. Suddenly, a screeching is heard. The gang turn around and see a dragon-like creature flying overhead.)
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, well, that's something you don't see every day.
(Doof zaps the creature with his Chicken-Replace-Inator, and the creature is instantly replaced with the nearest chicken.)
Doofenshmirtz: See? Adulting.
Phineas: What just happened?
Doofenshmirtz: Well, thanks to my handy Chicken-Replace-inator, which some people said I shouldn't bring, it switched places with the nearest chicken. Wherever that is.
(Cut to Earth. Cut to a sign reading "Dragon Land Theme Park: 'A Medieval Load of Fun.'" We find out soon enough that this is yet another half-brained business thought up by our favorite henpecked farmer.)
Farmer's Wife: I can't believe you built a dragon theme park without anything that even looks like a dragon! And why haven't you gotten rid of that silly chicken coop?
(The chicken in the coop is soon replaced by the Feebla-Ootian creature.)
Farmer: My support group says you're keeping me down.
(Cut back to the gang on Feebla-Oot.)
Doofenshmirtz: Now, where was I? Ah, that's right. Leading. This way, people. (Screams)
(Doof once again falls off another cliff.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, my spleen! Ow! (He crashes into a wall.) Ow!
(The gang look up to find that Doof crashed into the fortress.)
Doofenshmirtz: (groans, pants) Oh, look, we're here! See, I told you I knew the way.
(Cut to a talk show set.)
Alien Announcer: And now it's time for Wakey Wakey Feebla-Oot, with your hosts, Throat-Lobster and Booooooooooooooot!
Throat-Lobster: Thanks, everyone. So, our benevolent leader has dropped by with someone the whole planet is talking about. Please welcome, Super Super Big Doctor and... the Chosen One!
(Applause.)
Candace: The Chosen One is in the house!
Super Super Big Doctor: Isn't she just the best?
Audience: (droning) Yes. She is the best.
Throat-Lobster: So, Chosen One, how does it feel to be the most special being in the whole universe?
(Applause, cheers.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Shh!
(The audience stops applauding immediately.)
Candace: You know, it feels great. Thanks to Super Super Big Doctor, for the first time ever, I feel like... like someone, like— like I matter.
Super Super Big Doctor: Aw.
Audience: Aw.
Throat-Lobster: Aren't they both just incredible, folks?
(Audience cheers.)
Super Super Big Doctor and Candace: Oh, you're too kind. Jinx!
(The two of them do a best friend handshake and laugh.)
Candace: It's just a thing we do.
Throat-Lobster: Now, I believe our leader has a special treat for our special guest. Mm-hmm.
Super Super Big Doctor: When I scoured the universe for Remarkalonium, what I didn't know is that I'd also find... a sister.
Audience: Aw.
Super Super Big Doctor: Candace, would you do me the honor... of singing a power ballad with me?
Candace: Would I?!
(As the crowd goes wild, Candace and Super Super Big Doctor are given microphones. A band appears on stage and starts playing 1980s rock music, but before either of them can sing a note...)
Phineas: Candace! Candace, we're here! We were so worried about you.
Candace: What? What are you doing here? I'm about to duet!
Super Super Big Doctor: Who is this?
Candace: Oh, sorry. Super Super Big Doctor, these are my brothers, etc. (Referring to Doof.) I have no idea who that is.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I'm Heinz. I'm looking for my daughter, Vanessa. Wears black. Does this a lot, (imitating Vanessa) "Dad."
Candace: Oh, no, I sent her off in an escape pod. She should be back on Earth by now.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, well, that's a relief. She's out of danger.
(Cutaway to Vanessa proving otherwise.)
Vanessa: Uh... nice alien dragon creature.
(Cut back to where we were.)
Phineas: We came to rescue you.
Candace: Rescue me? From what? A planet where people worship me? A place where I'm finally special? I'm the Chosen One for crying out loud!
(Super Super Big Doctor points her mike at the audience.)
Audience: (droning) Chosen One. Chosen One.
Phineas: Oh, well, that's neat, but, uh, chosen for what exactly?
Candace: To save the planet, okay? Ugh. Why don't you want me to be happy?
Phineas: We do, Candace. Actually, we made you a gift.
Candace: A gift? A gift isn't going to solve anything. You know what? I don't want it.
Phineas: But—
Candace: I have everything I ever wanted right here. She gets me. She sees me. I finally feel like the universe isn't against me. And I can't help but think, but, you know, maybe... that's because you guys aren't around.
(Phineas and Ferb both look down to the floor, heartbroken.)
Super Super Big Doctor: I think perhaps you should give her a little space. Don't worry, Candy-cane. I'm gonna take care of these guys.
Candace: Would you? You're the best.
Super Super Big Doctor: Braxington-ton, could you find a spot for our guests to relax?
Braxington-ton: If you'll follow me, I'll take you to your accommodations.
(Candace looks on as her brothers and their friends leave.)
Phineas: Candace!
Super Super Big Doctor: Give it up for the Chosen One!
(A spotlight hits Candace as the audience cheers some more, but Candace smiles, but then looks concerned.)
(Cut back to Phineas and the gang following Braxington-ton.)
Phineas: I can't believe Candace! I mean, I know sometimes, she seems kinda—
Isabella: (bluntly) Obsessive?
Baljeet: Volatile?
Buford: Enchanting? I mean, uh, terrifying?
Phineas: I was gonna say "unhappy". But I had no idea how unhappy she's been.
Braxington-ton: Here we are.
(The doors open and the gang gasps as they see a luxurious hotel suite.)
Doofenshmirtz: Well, you gotta admit this is a step up from that horrifying jungle. I guess it pays to know the Chosen—
(Braxington-ton pushes a button on a remote revealing a trap door under the rug, which the gang all fall through, and end up in a truck.)
Buford: Hey, where's my canoe?
(The canoe falls through hitting Doof.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ow!
Buford: Oh, there it is.
(The doors of the truck close and the gang are taken away.)
Baljeet: Uh, guys, did anyone else happen to notice that they dropped us down a trapdoor into a shaft then launched us into this truck which is driving us who knows where?!?!
(Phineas suddenly notices they are not alone.)
Phineas: Um, hi there. Do you fellas know where this bus goes?
Borthos: We're going to prison.
The gang: What?!!
Isabella: That Super Super Big Doofus sent us up the river!
Doofenshmirtz: Well, Little Miss Look-At-All-My-Patches, if you hadn't insisted on leading, we probably wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!
Isabella: (pointing to a patch) Do you see this patch? Pray you never find out what it's for.
Phineas: Okay, Isabella. While I love ominous patch-related threats more than anyone—
Ferb: (coughs)
Phineas: Right. Apart from Ferb. Big fan. The bottom line is, we're in trouble. And I have a feeling Candace is, too.
(Cut to outside. Agent P sees the truck driving, follows it, and hitches a ride.)
(Cut to the fortress. Cut to the dining room. Stapler-Fist, now with a tinier upper half, serves Super Super Big Doctor her dinner. During this, Super Super Big Doctor's frog-like pet keeps catching things with its tongue.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Thank you, Stapler-Fist. You're growing back nicely.
Stapler-Fist: (high-pitched voice) Be honest, does this butt make my torso look small? (chuckles)
(Candace enters.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Oh, there she is! The Chosen One is in the dining room!
Candace: Oh, uh, thanks.
Super Super Big Doctor: (chuckles) Listen, I was proud of you today. You really stood up for yourself.
Candace: (sighs) You don't think I was, I don't know, a little too hard on my brothers?
Super Super Big Doctor: Heck no, girl. You don't need them messing up things for you.
Candace: (sighs) I guess you're right.
Super Super Big Doctor: Trust me. Same story with my brothers. Everyone thought they were so special. So I had to—
(Her pet catches one of her henchmen.)
Shoe Monkey: Pardon me, Your Bigness.
(He leaves.)
Super Super Big Doctor: So I had to find my own place in the universe. Just like you're doing right now. I gotta go deal with some boring leader-y stuff. (Gets up to leave) Eat, drink. And don't forget to breathe... a lot. If you need anything, just ask.
Candace: Oh, I do have a, a... (notices a funnel above her) funnel-related question.
(Candace notices an alien creature staring blankly. She gets out of her chair and walks over to the alien.)
Candace: Hey, do you know where that pipe goes?
Meeks Servant: (moans)
Candace: Uh, never mind. I'll figure out myself.
Meeks Servant: (Stammering) Run!
(Cut back to the truck. The gang are trying to figure out a way out. Isabella tries to open a wall with her Swiss Army knife.)
Isabella: (sighs) It's no use.
Buford: As soon as we get to prison, I'm gonna start a gang. Who's in?
Baljeet: Oh, oh. Me!
Buford: Anyone? Anyone at all?
Baljeet: Me. Me! Me.
Phineas: Maybe our new friends here could be of some help to us.
(Phineas approaches the whimpering aliens.)
Phineas: Hi, again. There's no reason to be scared of us.
Borthos: Oh, we don't need a reason. We're afraid of a lot of things. Things like loud noises, our shadows, the dark, public speaking, anything with wheels, large magnets, small magnets, water, cloudy skies, clear skies, things from the sea, tall shelves...
(Cut to outside with Agent P on the truck.)
(Cut back to inside. The gang is clearly not having it with this long list.)
Borthos: And we're also afraid of monsters, clowns, people who look like clowns, spiders, people who look like spiders, spiders who look like clowns, cracks on the sidewalk...
(Ferb opens a floorboard revealing the truck's wiring.)
Phineas: Oh, great idea, Ferb! Maybe if we remove some of these components, it will stop the vehicle.
Borthos: ...making conversation at parties...
(Cut back to Perry scaling the truck. He looks at the driver. Suddenly, his watch beeps. Perry attempts to muffle this conversation as to not get caught. Throughout, Agent P ignores Monogram's advice.)
Major Monogram: Oh, Agent P, I completely forgot to tell you. Whatever you do, do not engage in any kind of physical conflict with the aliens. It could put you in violation of numerous intergalactic treaties.
(Cut to inside the truck, it begins swerving as the aliens retreat inside their shells.)
Isabella: It's working!
(Cut back to outside. Perry is still ignoring Monogram's advice and fighting the aliens.)
Major Monogram: Any advanced encounter will almost certainly be peaceful and welcoming. But don't make any aggressive movements or facial expressions that might displease them. Also, be careful not to damage any alien property. Heh, that stuff is expensive. And those alien insurance agencies really stick it to ya. Strive to respect and preserve their planet's vegetation and natural beauty. And above all, avoid aggression at all costs. You have such a lovely way with words, so use diplomacy.
Driver: All right. Well, thank goodness we're okay.
(The sea creature suddenly emerging from the water begs to differ.)
Driver: Oh. Yeah, maybe not now. Yeah. Definitely not now.
Major Monogram: Anyway, Agent P, I'm sure you've already taken this into consideration. Good luck.
(Perry takes the wheel and stops the truck.)
(Cut back to inside.)
Isabella: We stopped. Whatever we did, it worked!
(The doors of the truck open and the gang approaches the doors.)
Phineas: Hmm. That's weird. No guards, no nothing.
Aliens: Excuse me. Coming through. Excuse me.
Borthos: The patrols will be here at any minute. Follow us!
(The gang follow the cowardly alien out of the truck.)
(Dissolve to sometime later. The gang are still following the aliens.)
Borthos: Finally, we have come to a place of safety. Behold. The hidden city of Cowardalia.
(He pulls a lever revealing a dark cave.)
Buford: (sarcastically) An old dark cave. You must be very proud.
Borthos: Oh, this is just the cave entrance to the city of— (grunts) Borthos, every time you bring somebody here, you do this too soon. (sighs) Follow me.
(Cross-dissolve to further in the cave. They approach a boat-like substance.)
Borthos: Everyone, climb aboard.
(They do, and the boat goes over into the water.)
Borthos: Behold, the city of Cowardalia.
(The group pass through two monuments of two Cowards cowering in fear.)
Buford: So ya live in these big statues?
Borthos: Uh, no, no, no. That's just monuments we built up. The city is beyond those and— Oh, Borthos, come on!
(The gang finally reach the city. Borthos inhales to speak, but his thunder is stolen.)
Ernox: The hidden city of Cowardalia.
Borthos: Really, Ernox? Really? (sighs) Make yourself at home.
(Garnoz, an older Coward, emerges from underground.)
Garnoz: Borthos, you escaped from the scary ones. Did you hide under a tarp? Did you cower under some boxes? Did you stand very still and pretend to be modern art?
Borthos: No, Garnoz, we did not hide or cower or stand still. Although, Brizak over there is an excellent example of cubism.
(Whip pan to Brizak, who, indeed, could be mistaken for one of Picasso's masterpieces.)
Borthos: These aliens helped us escape.
Garnoz: Thank you for saving my people. You may hide and cower with us here in Cowardalia as long as you wish.
Phineas: Thanks for the offer, but we're worried about our sister. We've gotta get back to her somehow.
Doofenshmirtz: And I have to get back to my daughter on Earth.
Garnoz: We would love to help you, but we really can't.
Borthos: We're cowards.
Garnoz: Let me explain. We used to be a free and happy cowardly people.
(Flashback. Yep. It's backstory time.)
Garnoz: (voiceover) Then one day, she arrived.
(A mothership not unlike that of the one that captured Candace looms over the planet. Sure enough, Super Super Big Doctor and her crew emerge from it.)
Garnoz: (voiceover) And she brought with her her evil plant of doom. She sprayed us with mind-controlling spores and put herself in charge. She forced us to build her castle, lavish her with treasures, and make low-quality TV shows.
Super Super Big Doctor: (laughs)
(She pushes a buzzer, and the literally captive audience laughs feebly.)
Garnoz: (voiceover) Then one day, the spores began to disappear. Our minds became clear. So we did the only thing that we could do…
(The Cowards appear to hold their pickaxes threateningly, but…)
Garnoz: (voiceover) We ran away like frightened toddlers. Sadly, some of our people are still under her control. And now, we hear that she has found someone unique. Someone with the innate power to make her sinister shrubbery grow once more.
(End flashback as Phineas and Ferb realize.)
The gang (including Ferb): (gasp) The Chosen One!
(Cut to Candace looking at the shriveled plant.)
Candace: What the heck is this thing?
(The plant comes to life and startles Candace. She turns around to see Super Super Big Doctor behind her.)
Candace: (sighs) You startled me.
Super Super Big Doctor: I see you've met Mama.
Candace: This plant is your mother?
Super Super Big Doctor: No, silly. I named her after my mother, whose name just happened to be Mama. Weird coincidence. She was also green and very controlling.
(Cut back to Cowardalia. Phineas steps onto a mound and addresses the populace.)
Phineas: Listen, everyone, we came all the way across the universe to save our sister. And we're not going home without her. If you care about your people as much as we care about Candace, then please help us.
Garnoz: You do not understand. All we do is cower. We are called the cowards. In our language, it means "coward".
Phineas: Just because you are cowards doesn't mean you have to be cowards. And if you can be brave just this once, from here on, "coward" could mean "mighty warrior." What do you say?
(The cowards just stand and stare.)
(Cut back to Candace, Super Super Big Doctor, and Mama.)
Candace: But what's it for?
Super Super Big Doctor: It's for you. This is why we're collecting your Remarkalonium. Check this out. Bring in the device!
(A large device emerges from the floor to ominous music. The device unfolds to reveal what appears to be a treadmill.)
Candace: Wait. Is this a treadmill?
Super Super Big Doctor: Remarkalonium is Mama's lifeblood. She'll shrivel up and die without it. Hop up here.
(Two mechanical arms pop out of the treadmill and take Candace onto it.)
Candace: Whoa!
Super Super Big Doctor: But thanks to you, now she can grown again and produce her wonderful mind-controlling spores.
Candace: Oh, so I'm actually doing something environmentally friend— Wait. Mind-controlling spores?!
Super Super Big Doctor: (scoffs) Yeah, how do you think I got to be in charge in the first place? But now the spores have been wearing off. And more of the populace is slipping form my control every day. See? There's one now. Uh, guys. We're losing another one. Guys!
(The coward runs away dropping his tray.)
Super Super Big Doctor: And… there he goes. Right out the door. Really? One of you guys couldn't have run after him? Ugh! I'm sure he hasn't gotten far.
Guard: (offscreen) Hey, you! You're not allowed in that shuttle craft! You're not allowed to—
(Shuttle craft whirs, departs offscreen, but then crashes.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Ha! Ha! Our shuttles are notoriously hard to fly. Bad design really.
Guard: (offscreen) Hey! You, getting out of that stolen shuttle, freeze!
Super Super Big Doctor: Got him now! There we—
Guard: (offscreen) I said, "freeze!" Hey! Stop! Stop! Get away from that hover bike!
(Hover bike whirs, departs offscreen.)
Guard: (offscreen) Get away!
Super Super Big Doctor: (to her henchmen) Any chance those are hard to fly?
Shoe Monkey: A child could fly it, Your Highness.
Super Super Big Doctor: (groans, to Candace) Anyway… So that's why you're so important to— WHAT THE?!?!
(The hover bike crashes through the window.)
Super Super Big Doctor: (to her henchman) I thought you said a child could fly it! Now, just how—
(The coward escapes.)
Super Super Big Doctor: And there he goes again. (grunts) See why I need you? I gotta keep 'em under control. I need new episodes of Clown and Mailman.
Candace: What you're doing is— is awful! How would your brothers feel if they could see you now?
Super Super Big Doctor: Why don't you ask 'em?
(The screen shows Super Super Big Doctor's younger brothers locked up in a cage playing with a makeshift ball.)
(Cut to her brothers' cage. A screen appears with her on it.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Hey! You made a ball? I told you no playing in the dungeon!
(A laser blaster destroys the ball.)
(Cut back to Candace and Super Super Big Doctor.)
Super Super Big Doctor: (sighs) Now let's grow some spores.
(She turns on the treadmill and Candace starts walking.)
Candace: Wait. Wait. How could you imprison your own brothers?
Super Super Big Doctor: Oh, it was super easy. I lured them in with these cheesy snacks—
Candace: No, I mean, how could you?! I'd never do something like that to my brothers!
Super Super Big Doctor: You already did.
Candace: No, I didn't.
Super Super Big Doctor: I said, "I'll take care of 'em," and you were like, "Would you? You're the best." So I thought you were down with the whole dungeon thing.
Candace: Wait, you threw my brothers in the dungeon?! That's not what I wanted. I love my brothers! I never wanted to hurt them!
Super Super Big Doctor: Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Candy, Candy, Candy. This is eye-opening. Have I misread things or what?
Candace: Yeah, I'd say you have. So can we—
(Super Super Big Doctor pushes a button on a remote chaining Candace to the treadmill and speeding it up.)
Candace: Hey! Let me— Let me go!
Super Super Big Doctor: I guess it was too good to be true. I thought I finally found someone simpatico. And you even exhaled Remarkalonium.
Candace: Remarkalonium? What is that anyway? Is it even real?
Super Super Big Doctor: Of course. In your language, I think it's called "carbon dioxide." Or CO2.
Candace: Wait, your rare element is carbon dioxide? Everybody exhales carbon dioxide.
Super Super Big Doctor: Uh, we don't. We inhale oxygen and exhale oxygen.
Candace: Well, on Earth, everybody exhales carbon dioxide, genius!
Super Super Big Doctor: Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold up. What?!
Candace: Yeah! All seven billion of us! You didn't even realize I'm not— I'm not… special.
Super Super Big Doctor: Oh. (chuckles) Oh, this is— If all you earthlings exhale carbon dioxide, I can feed Mama forever. And I can have hundreds of castles and smoothies and hit TV shows! Braxington-ton, Shoe Monkey, fire up the ship! We have an even bigger planet to conquer.
Candace: Wait! No!
Super Super Big Doctor: We'll load up the portable CO2 generator.
Braxington-ton: The what now?
Super Super Big Doctor: Her, dummy! Gotta keep Mama alive until we get to Earth.
(The two chain the treadmill to the floor.)
Super Super Big Doctor: (to Candace) Been a heck of a day for you, huh? Threw your brothers in jail then threw your whole planet under the bus. Heh. Nice going, sister. (maniacal laughter)
Candace: Noooo!
Toilet Flower: All right. This way, "Chosen One."
(He attempts to control the treadmill's levitation but it keeps crashing.)
Toilet Flower: Okay. This way, Chosen— (shouts) Here we go. (mutters)
Henchman: Have you done this before?
Toilet Flower: Yes, I've done this before! (muttering)
Henchman: Doesn't look like it.
Toilet Flower: I've done this before. Now that oughta do it. (shouts)
Candace: (screams)
Toilet Flower: (under his breath) Controls are stupid. I'm not stupid.
(Cut to outside the fortress. Super Super Big Doctor is leading her henchmen to the balcony as triumphant music is heard in the distance.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Now, make sure Mama is comfortable. Wait. What am I hearing right now?
Hermellivue: I, uh, I think— I think it's music, ma'am.
(Song: This Is Our Battle Song)
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] This is our battle song [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] As we're marching into war [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] This is our battle song [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We're gonna give you guys what for. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You might think you can defeat us [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Their defenses have some heft [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But the thing that they won't tell you [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] As you’re fighting on the left [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Is the left just a skirmish [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] A diversionary fight [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We'll hide the bulk of our forces on the right [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Super Super Big Doctor: The fools! They're telling us their plan! In song! Get our forces over to the right!
Henchman: Yeah, okay, boss. Uh, their right or our right?
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] No our right [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] They're hidden over in that forest [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] That's your left [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Perhaps we shouldn't put that in the chorus [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We should watch just what we say [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Super Super Big Doctor: Get over to the right already!
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Don't wanna give our plan away [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But with subtle subterfuge [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We will surely win the day [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Super Super Big Doctor: As soon as they scale the wall, let 'em have it!
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Surely win the day [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] It's our battle song! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
(Pause as nothing happens. Super Super Big Doctor walks over to the balcony to find no one there.)
Super Super Big Doctor: What?
Buford: Psych! We're over here! We came in on the left while you were going over to the right!
Super Super Big Doctor: You lied to us! Through song! An art form that's supposed to connect people trough sincerity of emotion. That is cold. Who are you people?
Cowards: We are the cowards!
Super Super Big Doctor: Well, I'm a big enough woman to admit when—RUUUUUUUUUN!!!!
(The henchmen follow her as the cowards go after her.)
Phineas: Let's go find Candace!
(Ferb points to the mothership.)
Phineas: Wait, there she is! Candace! Candace!
(Cut to Super Super Big Doctor and her henchmen running onto the ship still being pursued by the cowards.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Activate anti-coward countermeasures!
(A cardboard spider emerges from the flower stopping the cowards in their tracks.)
Spider: Roar. I'm a big, scary spider. Roar.
(The mothership starts to take off. Just as the gang pursue it, Doof's phone gets a notification.)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait! It's Vanessa! She's— She's not back on Earth. She's still on this planet!
(Close-up on Doof's phone showing Vanessa's latest selfie with the caption "STILL STUCK HERE! #BuildingMakesWeirdTone")
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, okay. I'll save Vanessa. You guys go. Go now while you still can!
Isabella: But how will you get back to Earth?
Doofenshmirtz: By adulting. I learned from the best.
(Isabella smiles.)
Doofenshmirtz: Go. Go now! Go!
(The gang take off, and Isabella gives Doof a patch.)
Doofenshmirtz: What's this?
Isabella: It's a getting-back-to-Earth patch. Earn it!
(Cut to the cowards. Borthos is attempting to confront the spider.)
Garnoz: Borthos, no! You'll be killed!
Spider: Roar. Roar. Roar. Roar. Ro—
(The cardboard spider gets run over by Phineas and the gang running over to the mothership.)
Borthos: Oh, they're so brave!
(The gang make it onto the gangplank and the ship leaves Feebla-Oot, passing by the elephant creature from earlier in the film.)
Creature: (through subtitles) Sure, just leave me here.
(Cut back to Feebla-Oot. Doof is searching for Vanessa.)
Doofenshmirtz: All right, maybe I can figure out where Vanessa is from this photo…
(Doof notices the fortress in the background of the photo and sees the fortress in front of him.)
Doofenshmirtz: There we go. So she must be that way. All right.
(Doof falls off yet another cliff, but Perry saves him just in the nick of time.)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus! I can't believe you're here! Wait, have you been following me? All the way from Earth? Keeping me safe like a fuzzy little teal guardian ang—
(The branch they were clinging onto breaks and both Doof and Perry fall to their deaths, but then a dragon creature grabs both of them.)
Vanessa: Dad? Perry?
(Pan up to reveal Vanessa taming the dragon creature.)
Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa!
Vanessa: I thought it was you guys. How did you get here?
Doofenshmirtz: I—Well, I have no idea how Perry the Platypus got here, but I used my Galactic-Travel-inator.
Vanessa: You mean your spaceship?
(beat)
Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I mean my spaceship. Hey, where'd you get the alien dragon creature?
Vanessa: You like her? I named her Vlorkel.
Doofenshmirtz: Why?
Vlorkel: Vlorkel!
Doofenshmirtz: Ah.
Vanessa: Can I keep her?
Doofenshmirtz: Well, we're gonna need a bigger litter box.
Vlorkel: (roars)
(Cross-dissolve back to the mothership. Cut to inside with Phineas and the gang.)
Phineas: We need to find where they're keeping Candace.
Buford: Hey, look. They're taking us back to Earth.
Phineas: More likely, they wanna conquer Earth.
(Cut to Super Super Big Doctor, Mama, her henchmen, and a weary Candace.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Soon, Mama, you'll be soaking up the sweet carbon dioxide of Earth. All right, Hermellivue. Punch it!
(Cut back to Phineas and the gang.)
Computer: Attention. Brace yourselves. We are accelerating to warp two.
Baljeet: Oh, my. That is twice the speed of light.
Isabella: Twice the speed of light? What will that be like?
Baljeet: I read a theory that when you exceed the speed of light, reality, the very nature of your existence, begins breaking down…
(The scene begins losing it color, leaving it in clean-up form.)
Baljeet: …to its primal essence, all the way back…
(The clean-up animation goes back to rough pencil test form.)
Baljeet: …to its source!
Isabella: This is so weird!
(The scene then reverts to animatic form.)
Dan Povenmire: Buford says something funny here.
(The scene then reverts to storyboard.)
Phineas: Whoa! Temp dialogue.
Baljeet: How much more can reality break down?
Dan Povenmire: And then we suddenly cut…
(The drawing turns into a live-action scene of Dan and Swampy showing the storyboard.)
Dan Povenmire: …to us!
Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: So you'd actually see Dan and I pitching this part.
Dan Povenmire: Right, exactly like we are now, saying exactly what we're saying right now.
Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: And then we push…
Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: …back into the storyboard!
(The full animation returns and the gang looks confused.)
Ferb: We should never speak of this again.
Rest of the gang: Agreed.
(Cut back to Feebla-Oot, with Vanessa, Doof, Perry, and Vlorkel.)
Vanessa: Oh, Dad, I can't believe you came all the way here to save me.
Doofenshmirtz: And then you saved me. Look at you, adulting.
Vanessa: You know that's not a verb, right?
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, so I've been told. But I don't know how we're gonna get home from here.
(A chicken is heard squawking.)
Doofenshmirtz: That's it! We'll use the Chicken-Replace-inator to switch places with a chicken on Earth! Worked like a charm earlier. Come on! Get on!
Vanessa and Doofenshmirtz: (grunt)
Doofenshmirtz: Here we go, selfie mode. Everybody smile!
(Doof zaps everyone with the Chicken-Replace-inator and a chicken appears in their place. Unfortunately, pan right to reveal it was the same chicken they saw.)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait a second.
(He zaps themselves again once again switching with the same chicken.)
Doofenshmirtz: Nope, one sec.
(Zaps again.)
Vanessa: Dad.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I get it. The nearest chicken used to be on Earth. Now there's one on this planet. So, it's nearer. So as long as this chicken is here, we won't be able to— Wait a minute. (gets out his Axe-inator) Accidents can happen.
(Cut to over Doof's shoulder to reveal the obligatory self-destruct button on the back.)
Vanessa: Dad, we're not going to kill this chicken.
(chicken clucks)
Doofenshmirtz: So what are we gonna do?
(Cut back to the mothership, now approaching Earth. Cut to Phineas and the gang.)
Buford: We're almost to Earth.
Phineas: We've gotta find a way to stop this ship. Now!
Baljeet: Ooh! Ooh! I know! Space Adventure.
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Space a— [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Baljeet: Episode 347A, Captain Dirk Mortenson and the lovely Lieutenant Zarna, a half-human, half-Andusian who was secretly in love—
The rest of the gang (including Ferb): Baljeet!
Baljeet: Sorry! We can use the shield generator to overload the main reactor and disable the ship, stranding them in orbit. Then we can rescue Candace and escape in the shuttle!
(Baljeet walks over to the shield generator and unlocks it.)
Phineas: Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Baljeet: In Space Adventure, it is always the leftmost button.
Phineas: Baljeet, wait!
(Baljeet pushes the button, but it ends up opening the airlock, causing the gang to fall out of the ship with several supplies, including Buford's canoe.)
Buford: We are never listening to another Space Adventure idea!
(Baljeet takes his box set out of his overalls.)
Baljeet: Space Adventure, you have let me down for the last time!
(He tries bending the case, but it is no use. So instead, he opens the case and breaks each and every DVD in the set.)
Isabella: I don't have a patch for surviving a fall because of the FALSE SCIENCE OF A CANCELED TV SHOW!!!!
Buford: Hey! I got an idea! Everybody into the canoe!
(Wipe to everyone in Buford's canoe.)
Phineas: What do we do now?
Buford: I dunno. I didn't think that far ahead.
Phineas: Hey! We can use this debris just like they did in Space Adventure episode 436B!
Buford: All right! Let's do it!
Isabella: Oh, yeah!
(Phineas floats out of the canoe and begins gathering debris.)
Baljeet: Wait, Space Adventure? Why is it a good idea when Phineas says it?
Buford: It just is.
Phineas: Everybody grab something.
Isabella: Here, take this.
Phineas: And this, and… okay.
Buford: Uh… I don't wanna be that guy, but the ground is getting closer!
(Pull out to reveal the debris created something shaped like a tugboat.)
Buford: You made another boat? What have I been lugging this one around for?
Phineas: Ferb!
(Ferb pushes a button, and the boat transforms into airplane wings.)
Buford: Pull up! Pull up! Pull up!
(The canoe-plane pulls up and the gang cheers.)
Buford: (to Isabella) And you said we wouldn't need it.
Phineas: Look, gang! There's our house! Put 'er down there, Ferb. We got some building to do.
(Pan to D.E.I., still on fire.)
(Cut back to Feebla-Oot. Doof, Perry, Vanessa, and Vlorkel are now exhausted. Doof keeps switching the chicken with a stick.)
Doofenshmirtz: So, what do you think's happening back on Earth?
Perry: (shrugs)
(Cut to Danville Stadium. It is a lovely day for a ballgame. An organ plays "charge".)
Ball player: I got it! (grunts)
(The outfielder catches the ball under some billboards with some continuity nods, and the crowd goes wild.)
Shirt Cannon Guy: Who wants a free T-shirt?
Roger: (over the P.A.) Okay, sports fans, before your beloved Narwhals come up to bat, we have a real treat for you. We will finally unveil the recently-completed statue of the founder of the Tri-State Area, John P. Trystate!
(The statue is unveiled and the crowd cheers again.)
Roger: Isn't it spectacular, folks? This material is so delicate it is almost impossible to sculpt with. In fact, the first sculptor actually—
(The mothership descends upon the stadium.)
Roger: Wait! No, no, no, no! No, stop! No, no, no, no, no! No, please! Please! No! No, no. (groans)
(The crowd sighs in relief as the ship just hovers over the statue.)
Trucker Ted: Wow, thank goodness.
Roger: Phew, that was a close one, folks.
(The ship begins it descent and starts crushing the statue to glass shards.)
Roger: Oh, no. No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No! You're wrecking it! No, you're wrecking it! Please! No! Not Beaver Pete. Not Beaver Pete!
(The ship stops just before the beaver can be destroyed as well.)
Roger: (gasps)
(The ship continues destroying the statue, including Beaver Pete.)
Roger: (in tears) Beaver Pete!
(The entire crowd is now in tears.)
Crowd Member 1: Hey! is that an alien spaceship?
Crowd Member 2: Oh, I guess it is.
Crowd Member 3: It is an alien spaceship.
(The gangplank emerges from the ship, and Super Super Big Doctor and her flunkies, with Mama, emerge.)
Super Super Big Doctor: People of Earth, breathe on me! Or more to the point, breathe on my plant of doom!
Phineas: Not so fast!
(Pan left to reveal Phineas's and the gang at the scoreboard, using the stadium's P.A. system.)
Phineas: No, really. Don't breathe so fast. It makes her plant grow. And trust me, that's a bad thing.
Super Super Big Doctor: What in the—How did you beat me here?
Phineas: We snuck aboard your ship!
Baljeet: (taking the microphone) Yeah, lady! Then we fell out of it by accident! But we saved ourselves so we could come here and stop you! Using a little trick we learned from Space Adventure episode 436B! Eat canceled TV show!
(Feedback as Baljeet gives the mike back.)
Buford: I bet that sounded better in your head.
Baljeet: It did not.
Phineas: And that gave us enough time to make these.
(The gang get out remote controls. Several mecha vehicles shaped like the gang crash through the fence.)
Super Super Big Doctor: (sarcastically) Oh, no. What are we gonna— Thermal cannon.
(Shoe Monkey gets out his thermal cannon and blasts each and every mecha to smithereens, except Baljeet's.)
Baljeet: Oh, look! Mine is still func—
(A piece of debris destroys Baljeet's mecha.)
Baljeet: Never mind.
Isabella: Uh, guys?
(Shoe Monkey's thermal cannon blasts the gang off of their platform, and destroys the scoreboard.)
Vendor: Run!
"My watermelon!" lady: My watermelon!
(The gang run away from the chaos.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Where's the sign?
Hermellivue: We got it.
(Hermellivue and Braxington-ton bring out a sign that says, "Must be at least this tall to produce mind controlling spores.")
Super Super Big Doctor: Soak up that CO2, Mama. Grow, baby, grow!
(The crowd continues running away. Stacy runs in the direction of Jeremy's Slushy Dog food truck. Cut to inside the food truck, with Jeremy making spears. Stacy barrel rolls inside.)
Stacy: Wow, Jeremy, you're already getting ready to fend off the alien invasion?
Jeremy: There's an alien invasion?
(Cut back to the stadium, with Phineas and the gang running the bases, and into the dugout to hide.)
Phineas: Ferb and I gotta get on that ship and get to Candace.
Isabella: Go for it! We'll run interference.
Buford: Yeah, I'm great at interfering.
(Buford, Baljeet, and Isabella ride on a Narwhal golf cart with Buford's canoe roped to it, and Baljeet carrying a rake.)
Buford: Eat canoe, alien freak-boys!
(The canoe hits one of the henchmen and the infamous Wilhelm scream is heard from him.)
Buford: We're using it again!
Isabella: Yeah, yeah, I'll make you a patch.
(Isabella throws some bats at a flunky. The canoe carnage continues as Phineas and Ferb approach the ship.)
(Cut to Candace now worse for the wear, still walking.)
Toilet Flower: (on phone) Hey, Sand Toaster, you're never gonna guess where I am.
Sand Toaster: (on phone) No idea.
Toilet Flower: Her Highness put me in charge of a certain special prisoner, the Chosen One.
Sand Toaster: (over phone) Oh, wow.
Toilet Flower: Heh heh. That's right.
Sand Toaster: (over phone) That's pretty cool. What's she doing now?
Toilet Flower: She's on a treadmill making a lot of CO2.
Sand Toaster: (over phone) Oh, okay.
Toilet Flower: Let me tell you, this is the big time. Old Toilet Flower here is going places.
Sand Toaster: (over phone) It's kinda loud here. We're under attack.
Toilet Flower: You're under attack? Oh, wow. From who? (walks over to monitors) Oh, yeah, I see you there. Oh, wow, you are under attack. Oh, yeah, real nice, real brave. Way to stand up to them. You're a real credit to your profession. Armed guard. Nice job.
(Candace notices her brothers trying to get onto the ship.)
Candace: Have they— they escaped? But how did they make it all the way back here to Earth?
Toilet Flower: Let me see what else is going on. I think I'll check this monitor to my left.
Candace: Um, um, hey, excuse me, Mr. Toilet Shower.
Toilet Flower: Toilet Flower.
Candace: Oh, sorry. Hey, these shoes pinch. Yeah, I'd be able to create much more carbon dioxide if you just loosened them a— a teensy bit.
Toilet Flower: (to Sand Toaster) Uh, I gotta let you go. (hangs up) All right. I'll adjust your buckle. I want you makin' a lot of CO2. This is gonna get me a big promotion—
(Candace stomps on Toilet Flower, shredding him.)
Toilet Flower: Ow! This is the worst pain I've ever felt! Oh, I can't believe you did this to me!
(Candace takes the remote from him and frees herself. Toilet Flower goes into the treads.)
Toilet Flower: It's so much worse underneath! (shouts)
(Toilet Flower emerges from out of the treadmill, and Candace finally hops off, panting.)
Phineas: Candace!
Candace: Phineas and Ferb?
Phineas: We found you!
(Candace smiles warmly as Phineas reaches out for a hug. But the smile soon turns to tears as Candace runs away from them.)
Phineas: Candace, where are you going? (to Ferb) Where is she going?
(Phineas and Ferb walk over to Candace, who is a sobbing mess.)
Phineas: Candace, are you okay?
Candace: (through tears) I'm just so ashamed. I can't believe you guys came to save me after all those awful things I said. After… After everything I've done all summer. I've been ruining everyone's fun.
Phineas: What are you talking about?
Candace: I'm not the Chosen One. I'm not special. I'm not— I'm not even a good sister. You guys— You guys are better off without me.
(Ferb holds up the present from earlier.)
Phineas: Candace, you need to open our gift.
Candace: The gift?! Oh, you were even trying to give me a gift, and I wouldn't take it! I'm so horrible.
Phineas: Please, Candace. Open it.
(Candace tearfully takes the gift and unwraps it. It is a coffee mug with Phineas, Candace and Ferb's images on it and a big star that says "World's #1 Sister" on it.)
Candace: You got me a coffee mug? And I don't even drink coffee! I can't do anything right!
Phineas: Push the button, Candace.
(Candace pushes the "#1" button, and a projector emerges from the mug. Above her, Candace notices projections of all the heartwarming moments she shared with her brothers the whole summer.)
Candace: Wow. What is this?
Phineas: It's all the things that make you the coolest person we've ever met. You kick butt, you rock out, and you can always make us laugh, the kind of laughter where stuff squirts out of your nose. Summer would be no fun without you. We just wish we could see yourself the way we see you. You may not be the Chosen One.
Ferb: But we'd choose you as a sister every time.
(Candace is still crying, but now, she's crying tears of joy.)
Candace: Oh, guys! (goes up to hug her brothers) I could not have chosen better little brothers! And you know what? I know what we're gonna do today! Save the world!
Phineas: Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!
(Candace and her brothers walk up to the monitors.)
Candace: Okay, we've got to figure out a way to stop Super Super Big Doc— Wait. Is today Free T-Shirt Day?
(Cut to the stadium. Buford's canoe is still doing tons of damage to the flunkies.)
Buford: That canoe's not gonna last much longer!
Isabella: Watch out!
(Shoe Monkey appears in front of them with his thermal cannon. He blasts the canoe and the golf cart tips over. Buford, Baljeet, and Isabella are now facing the business end of the thermal cannon.)
Candace: Hey, Shoe Monkey! How 'bout a free T-shirt?
(Whip pan to Candace on the gangplank holding up the T-shirt cannon, which she fires at Shoe Monkey.)
Shoe Monkey: Free stuff? Just like my birthday! (squeals)
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
Baljeet, Isabella, and Buford: Yeah! Ew!
Super Super Big Doctor: She escaped? Get them already!
Candace: You know, I used to think the universe was against me, but now I realize… (cocks cannon) It's me against the universe!
Phineas: Us.
Candace: It's us against the universe! Duck!
(Fires cannon.)
Hermellivue: Free T-shirt?
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
Candace: (battle cries) Free shirt! Free shirt!
Henchmen: Wow! Yay!
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
(Phineas and Ferb retrieve Buford and the rest.)
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE! CANDACE! CANDACE!
Candace: That's my name!
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE! CANDACE! CANDACE!
Candace: THAT'S MY NAME!!!!
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
Ferb: Why does that sound like her name?
Phineas: I dunno.
Henchman: I love it!
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
Candace: (shouting, now going full-on Rambo)
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE! CANDACE! CANDACE! CANDACE!
Stapler-Fist: Now where's—(groans, before he grows back to his original size and voice) Nice! Now, where's—
(Candace shoots five T-shirts at Stapler-Fist.)
Stapler-Fist: OMG—
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
Candace: And you get a shirt! And you get a shirt! And you get a shirt!
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
Candace: And you get a shirt! And you get a shirt!
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
Candace: And you get a shirt! (shouts)
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!
Phineas: Candace, what about her?
(Candace tries to shoot at Super Super Big Doctor, only to see she's out of ammo.)
Candace: Oh, no! I'm all out of T-shirts.
(Mama is now way past the height of the sign.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Yes! Mama is finally big enough!
(Mama begins producing mind-controlling spores, which sprout out of her.)
Phineas: Gas masks, quick!
(The gang all pull gas masks out of hammerspace and put them on. Unfortunately, the spores hit all the crowd in the stadium and begin falling under her control. It even hits the people outside of the stadium.)
(Pan over to Jeremy's truck. Stacy is observing Jeremy's spears.)
Stacy: What the?
(Jeremy gets out two gas masks.)
Jeremy: Here, Stacy. Put this on.
(Stacy puts on the mask. Zoom out to reveal a knight costume, complete with battle armor.)
Stacy: Why do you have…? Jeremy, is this cosplay? Wait, are you live action role-playing? Are you LARPing?
Jeremy: Stacy, we really have to get outta here!
Stacy: You're going out LARPing, aren't you? This is LARPing stuff.
Jeremy: Stacy, we should probably get going.
Stacy: Have you been dressing up as knights and elves and enacting epic battles with foam rubber swords?
Jeremy: (sighs) Please don't tell Candace.
Stacy: Well, let's get outta here, Lancelot!
Jeremy: (groans)
(Cut back to inside the stadium.)
Super Super Big Doctor: (chuckles) It's working! Okay now, sit down.
(The crowd sits in their seats.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Stand up.
(The crowd stands back up.)
Super Super Big Doctor: GET THOSE KIDS!!!
Crowd: (droning) Get those kids. Get those kids. Get those kids. Get those kids.
Phineas: Run!
Crowd: Get those kids.
(Phineas and the gang run away from the crowd.)
Baljeet: No! My personal space! My personal space! (yelps)
(Candace climbs on top of one of the destroyed mechas.)
Candace: Phineas? Ferb?
Super Super Big Doctor: Yoo-hoo! Over here.
(The crowd separates to reveal that Phineas and Ferb are being held hostage by Super Super Big Doctor.)
Super Super Big Doctor: You and I need to have a little talk. I'm so disappointed in you, Candy Corn. We coulda been something. Two girls against the universe, side by side, and you threw it away. Oh, sister, you could have been special.
Candace: I'm not your sister. And I am special! My brothers showed me that!
Phineas and Ferb: Aw.
Super Super Big Doctor: Pfft, brothers.
Candace: And you know what? Maybe you should reconsider your relationship with your brothers, too.
Super Super Big Doctor: (scoffs) Why would I do that?
Candace: Think about it. Is it possible, just possible that this obsession you have with controlling, controlling the planet, controlling your brothers, is really just a distraction from your real problem, which is how you feel about yourself?
Super Super Big Doctor: You mean like a tiny, meaningless speck in the universe?
Candace: That's good. Keep going.
Super Super Big Doctor: It's just that everyone always thought my brothers were so special. No one paid attention to me at all. So I made myself special (getting an epiphany) by controlling everybody else. Wait a minute. This hasn't been about my brothers at all. It's just bean about my own self-worth. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow— What a breakthrough! Wow! I don't need to do any of this.
(Unbeknownst to her, Mama is sneaking up behind her.)
Candace: Uh…
Super Super Big Doctor: Controlling all these— (to crowd) Listen. Listen to me.
Crowd: Yes?
Super Super Big Doctor: You do not have to listen to me.
Crowd: I'm confused.
Super Super Big Doctor: I am not going to control you anymore. I was seeking validation through the mindless obedience of others. But no more! Because I am enough! I am spec—(shouts)
Mama: (growls)
(Mama eats Super Super Big Doctor alive and chews her up, and swallows her.)
Mama: (roars and spews out more spores)
(Phineas and the gang scream and run away from Mama.)
Candace: Whoa!
Isabella: Well, that victory was short-lived.
Buford: Run! Run, run! It's gaining on us!
(All of a sudden, Vlorkel appears and claws Mama. It flies over to Candace.)
Buford: Yeah!
Phineas: Vanessa!
Vanessa: Quick, get on!
Candace: You tamed a space dragon?
Vanessa: Her name's Vlorkel.
Phineas and Ferb: Vlorkel, Vlorkel, Vlorkel, Vlorkel, Vlorkel.
Vanessa: Well, that's disturbing.
Doofenshmirtz: I know, right?
Vanessa: Hold on!
(Vlorkel flies out of the stadium with Mama in hot pursuit.)
Candace: Wait, how did you get back to Earth?
Vanessa: The good old Chicken-Replace-inator. Whoa!
(Cut to reveal Perry under Vlorkel trying to hide from the others.)
Candace: Chicken-Replace-inator?
Isabella: You shoot something, it switches places with the nearest chicken.
Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa remembered it had a setting for the furthest chicken. So we switched places with the furthest chicken, which was here on Earth.
(Mama begins tearing down telephone poles.)
Candace: I think we lost him!
Mama: (roars)
Vanessa: Thinking again!
(Vanessa takes the reins and Vlorkel flies away from Mama.)
Candace: Whoa, Mama!
Vlorkel: (screeches)
(Vlorkel becomes trapped in the WJOP radio antennae. She flies up to the top.)
Vanessa: Hold on!
(Pan down to Perry, he lets go and catches onto one of the girders. Mama pushes the radio antenna, tripping Vlorkel.)
Vanessa: Whoa!
(The radio antenna continues toppling. Agent P waits for a clear shot and take out both of his grappling hooks, and fires away, roping the antenna and landing it to safety. Jeremy's food truck gets into the line of fire of the WJOP call letters.)
Stacy: O!
(Stacy is referring to the big letter "O" coming their way. The antenna falls down, and crushes the food truck, but Jeremy and Stacy are safe.)
Vlorkel: (screeches)
Jeremy: Whoa! Hey, Candace!
Candace: Stacy! Jeremy!
(Doof falls over, with his Chicken-Replace-inator.)
Doofenshmirtz: (grunts) Okay. Ow.
Candace: Here you go. Wait. Is this the Chicken-Replace-inator?
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah. That's how we got back. We switched places with a chicken on Earth.
Candace: Hold on. Does that mean there's still a chicken on that planet?
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, I guess.
Baljeet: Grim arboreal death if we do not stop that thing!
Candace: Cover me.
Doofenshmirtz: With what?
Candace: Something's about to switch places with a chicken!
(Candace climbs on top of the "J" to get a clear shot.)
Mama: (roars)
(Candace fires at Mama, and she is replaced by a chicken.)
Phineas: Yeah! Great shot, Candace!
Buford: Yeah! I love being—
(Pan left to reveal Young McDonald's Petting Zoo, where Mama suddenly emerges from, chasing away all the animals in it.)
Candace: Why is there a petting zoo downtown?!
Baljeet: Yay! My petition worked!
Mama: (roars)
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, you gotta set it for the furthest chicken!
Candace: What?
All: Furthest chicken, Candace! Furthest chicken!
(Candace notices the control is set to "Nearest chicken." She sets the dial to "Beverly Hills", then "Beverly Hills Adjacent", then to "Furthest Chicken".)
Mama: (roars)
(Candace shoots the inator again at Mama as she is replaced by another chicken. The spores disappear, confirming she is gone. Everyone cheers. Candace takes off her gas mask.)
Candace: Hey, look, it worked! The spores are gone!
(Cut to Feebla-Oot. Mama returns to the planet.)
Mama: (roars)
(The cowards look at Mama whimpering. Mama tries to release spores, but suddenly, she shrivels and shrinks, spitting out Super Super Big Doctor.)
Super Super Big Doctor: Aw, Mama. At least you're not completely destroy—
(The elephant creature from earlier lands on top of Mama, completely destroying her.)
Creature: (through subtitles) pheeeeeee-eew.
Super Super Big Doctor: Ugh. Never mind.
(The cowards rope Super Super Big Doctor.)
Borthos: You are under arrest. (chuckles)
(Cut back to Danville. Everyone is still celebrating their victory.)
Candace: Yes! Yes yes yes! Someone switched places with a chicken!
(Mom's distinct three-horn honk is suddenly heard. Candace looks as she sees her station wagon pulling up.)
Stacy: Candace, look. It's your mom! This is your chance! There's no way to hide all of this! If your mom sees it, she'll know you've been telling the truth about everything! All the busting dominoes will finally fall. Phineas and Ferb will be in so much trouble!
(Candace thinks, and then…)
Candace: Mom! Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!
Linda: Candace, what are you doing downtown?
Candace: It's Phineas and Ferb.
Linda: What did they do now?
(Candace's wicked witch theme plays sinisterly, but then…)
Candace: (inhales) They really want pizza for dinner but from Giametti's. On the other side of town. So go that way. Don't come this way. You gotta turn around.
Linda: (backs up) Okay.
Phineas: Where's Mom going?
Candace: She's getting us pizza.
Phineas: Sweet.
Linda: Wait. What are you kids up to?
Candace: Ah, just the usual. Us against the universe.
Linda: Okay. See you at home.
(Mom drives away.)
Candace: You know, this morning I thought you guys were the bane of my existence. It's amazing how an afternoon of blasting aliens, foiling villains, and sipping smoothies can really change your perspective.
(Song: Us Against the Universe)
Candace: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I used to feel alone, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Just me against the raging tide, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] But I guess I should've known [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] That you were always on my side. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Now I don't have to be an island, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause you've been there all the while, and [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Now I realize my fears weren't justified. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Phineas: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause we're strong! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Candace: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And even though we sometimes disagree... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Phineas: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And we belong! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Candace:[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Belong together, we're a family! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Doofenshmirtz and Vanessa: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And the best thing about family is [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You know they're always there! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Yeah! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Candace: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We stand tall! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And we ain't gonna take no flak! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Candace: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We won't fall... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Phineas and Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause we've got each other's backs! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And if you're gonna try to knock us down, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] I think you'd best beware! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause as long as we're together, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We can stand and face whatever [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Kind of trouble this world tries to put us in. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] If you're out there on your own, [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] You just might take it on the chin [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause if it's us against the universe, we win! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Phineas: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] So far it's been a rockin' summer [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And now, we've saved the world again. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Still it would be a bummer [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] If you weren't here with us and all our friends. [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Time to celebrate our victory! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And I'll admit my favorite memory [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Is when you blew up all those aliens! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE! CANDACE! CANDACECANDACECANDACECANDACECANDACE...
Buford: That was awesome!
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause we're strong! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Candace: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And even though we sometimes disagree... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And we belong! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Candace and Phineas: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Belong together, we're a family! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And friends are also family! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We're not just talkin' blood relation! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
[[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We stand tall! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Buford: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] And we ain't gonna take no flak! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
All: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] We won't fall... [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Baljeet: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] 'Cause we have always got each other's backs! [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
Isabella: [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]] Let's take this time to thank the folks who work on [[#ref_{{{1}}}|^]]
♪ All this animation! (Yeah!) ♪
All: ♪ 'Cause as long as we're together, ♪
♪ We can stand and face whatever ♪
♪ Kind of trouble this world tries to put us in. ♪
♪ If you're out there on your own, ♪
♪ You just might take it on the chin ♪
♪ But if it's us against the universe, ♪
♪ Together, we have been through worse, ♪
♪ If it's against the universe, ♪
♪ We win! ♪
Perry: (chatters)
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry.
(Perry's watch beeps.)
Major Monogram: (on watch) Excellent work, Agent P. (Perry covers his watch.) Looks like it should be a light afternoon.
(During this, everyone looks at Perry in stunned surprise.)
End credits[]
(Song: Silhouettes)
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Silhouettes (Silhouettes) ♪
♪ We're gonna tell the whole story again ♪
♪ But we'll use silhouettes (Silhouettes) ♪
♪ We'll reiterate it here at the end ♪
♪ So that nobody forgets ♪
♪ The movie that they just saw ♪
♪ Maybe make them want to go back and rewatch it all ♪
♪ It's a little bit self-indulgent ♪
♪ But nevertheless ♪
♪ Nothing really tops this visual synopsis ♪
♪ Silhouettes (Silhouettes) ♪
♪ Our credits are so graphic ♪
♪ They're gonna stop traffic ♪
♪ They're silhouettes (Silhouettes) ♪
♪ The same scenes you saw before ♪
♪ But with a rocking underscore ♪
♪ And if you just keep watching the screen ♪
♪ We got an obligatory end-credits scene ♪
♪ Here it is! ♪
(Cut to the Flynn-Fletcher house. Dad walks by reading a newspaper, when he looks outside and sees the portal is still in the backyard. He walks up to it, stares at it, walks up to it, and puts his hand through it. He walks through the portal and ends up at the still burning D.E.I.)
Lawrence: (screams) Oh! Ow! Let me go! (stammers)
(He walks back through the portal on fire.)
Lawrence: Help me! Get it off me!
(He throws the burning newspaper at the portal, which somehow turns into lint and disappears. Mom's car door is heard closing and the alarm chirps.)
Linda: Hey, honey. I got pizzas. What happened to you?
Lawrence: I have no idea.
♪ We're talking silhouettes! ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
(roll credits proper)
(Song: The Universe is Against Me)
Candace: ♪ I can't take it anymore, ♪
♪ I don't know why I even get out of bed! ♪
♪ And why when I've seen it all before? ♪
♪ It's like a dagger hanging over my head. ♪
♪ Every day is just the same, ♪
♪ I always have to hang my head in shame. ♪
♪ It doesn't matter time or place, ♪
♪ There's always egg on my face. ♪
♪ The universe is against me, ♪
♪ And no one here defends me. ♪
♪ Everyone pretends we ♪
♪ Haven't seen it all before. ♪
♪ And it sends me ♪
♪ Into this manic frenzy. ♪
♪ And, yes, it still offends me! ♪
♪ The whole universe is against me! ♪
♪ The whole universe is against me! ♪
(Song: We're Back)
Phineas: Hey, everyone!
♪ We're back… ♪
All: We're back!
Phineas: ♪ In our own backyard! ♪
♪ We're gonna make the most of every day. ♪
♪ We've got plans. ♪
♪ They may be avant-garde, ♪
♪ But ya know we're gonna do them anyway. ♪
♪ It feels so good to be where we belong! ♪
♪ I guess that's the main bullet point of this little song ♪
♪ We're tuned up and right on track. ♪
♪ Baby, we're back! ♪
All: ♪ Baby, we're back! ♪
Candace: ♪ I'm back! ♪
All: ♪ She's back! ♪
Candace: ♪ And I'll tell you why: ♪
♪ There's still some things to be discussed. ♪
♪ Like how every day I try and try ♪
♪ And yet here we are and I still got some brothers to bust! ♪
♪ I work so hard. I plan and follow through, ♪
♪ But my mom still never sees anything that they do! ♪
♪ This time, I'm gonna launch a counterattack. ♪
♪ Baby, I'm back! ♪
All: ♪ Baby, we're back! ♪
Phineas: ♪ Yes, all our friends are here! ♪
♪ And Perry still tends to disappear. ♪
♪ But we're havin' fun and livin' large. ♪
Candace: ♪ And this time, I'm gonna be in charge. (Be in charge… be in charge…) ♪
Well, you know. Conditionally.
Phineas: ♪ Baby, we're back! ♪